Post by nogutsnoglory on Aug 15, 2012 19:05:11 GMT -5
Today would be mine and H's 3rd anniversary.
I was super busy today at work so I kept my mind off the date until the afternoon. Then I went and spent a shit ton of money on flowers and a nice bottle of champagne for myself. LOL.
It's been five months since he left and feels like two weeks sometimes. I can honestly say that I do not miss him (at least, not the person he had become a year or so ago). But a lot of the time I am just bummed out.... that I spent nearly a decade with a man that obviously wasn't as committed as I thought....that I'll never get to see my nephews grow up, graduate, get married etc.... that I "failed" at marriage. Most times I feel like a damn fool for not seeing this coming.
You ladies are so right when you say this is a roller coaster. I have moments where I feel SO good, celebrating my independence and all that jazz. And then I get hit with sadness like a ton of bricks, seemingly out of nowhere.
I know I haven't been around much but I lurk almost every day. I guess I just don't feel like I am in a good enough place yet to be of much support to anyone. But keeping up with you all gives me so much hope. My family and friends tell me all of the time how proud they are of me, how strong I've been....and while I don't feel strong, reading your stories and how far you have come helps so much for me to picture myself getting there one day.
Thanks for "listening". You are all so awesome and I really do hope to hang out more and get to know you all better
Post by turtle1120 on Aug 15, 2012 20:30:16 GMT -5
You're not alone on the roller coaster. Five months isn't all that long, so cut yourself some slack. Each good day is an accomplishment and you'll have more and more as time goes on.
I hear u about being bummed out. I'm sorry . August 20th would have been my one year wedding anniversary. It's hard to think that this time last year I was getting ready for my wedding....I'm glad u bought yourself flowers, that always cheers me up. Keep your head up....it's gotta get better from here
Mine was this past week - and honestly I really don't/didn't realize it - I would probably totally forget about it if I hadn't wasted one of the good family "number dates" on it.
There is loss in all situations, good or bad situations - there is always a sense of loss in some respect, for time, people, etc. It's normal.
Even when you get "there" you will still feel it from time to time, and that is ok.