Harvard study on working moms

[browneyedgirl9]

Thats good to hear!

My mom has always worked, i went to daycare/ after school programs. I think seeing her work and pursue a career she loves has effected me in positive ways.

[jeaniebueller]

Read this the other day. Good to know.

[arch01]

My mom working didn't really affect me; she SAH until we were a bit older, then went to college and then went to work.

This article is driving me crazy because some of the sentences don't make sense. I'm having a hard time having many feelings on it because of that. I mean, really... what do these sentences even mean?

Striking a balance: Adult men who grew up with working mothers spent 7.5 hours more on childcare per week, the study found. They also spent longer doing households chores. And they are likelier to have wives who are employed as well.

Are they talking about when these adult men were kids that they were in childcare more? They spend more time with their kids now? 

If they're talking about their lives today, I'm curious to know what fields these men are in since we've beaten the horse to death about men in the workforce and feeling tied to their jobs...not having a good home/work balance.

[curbsideprophet]

I interpreted that as, as adults sons of working mothers spent more time taking care of their children.

Good article, thanks for sharing.

[arch01]

Jun 18, 2015 7:24:45 GMT -5 @this said:

Jun 18, 2015 7:20:05 GMT -5 arch01 said:

Striking a balance: Adult men who grew up with working mothers spent 7.5 hours more on childcare per week, the study found. They also spent longer doing households chores. And they are likelier to have wives who are employed as well.

Are they talking about when these adult men were kids that they were in childcare more? They spend more time with their kids now? 

The latter.

Jun 18, 2015 7:20:05 GMT -5 arch01 said:

If they're talking about their lives today, I'm curious to know what fields these men are in since we've beaten the horse to death about men in the workforce and feeling tied to their jobs...not having a good home/work balance.

But men with those jobs are probably more likely to have wives that SAH.

I find it mildly amusing that they're referring to it as childcare vs. spending time with their kids/caring for them. Childcare (at least to me) implies some sort of daycare or babysitting.

[badtzmaru22]

arch01 I think it's saying adult men who had working moms contribute more to child related tasks in their own homes now than men who grew up with SAHMs.

[teatimefor2]

I think this is great, but honestly I'm so tired of these articles. I SAH and that was a tough decision for me to make.

Yes, I do the majority of the chores/childcare, but DH works 12 hour days daily. I am active in the community, and about to become more so as I take on a voluntary positions regarding education and a local charity. I hope this will teach our sons that I do more than chores/childcare.

It feels very cut and dry.

My mom was SAH until I was 9/10 and ended up making more than my Dad. DH's mom SAH running a daycare and then finished her degree when they were older. Honestly what worked for our parents had no bearing on our decisions. Our situation from financial to our education to local support is very different.

Tomorrow there will be another article saying the opposite; I'm just tired of these articles.

[ssmjlm]

jeaniebueller I always enjoy a Britney gif.

I don't think this is groundbreaking. I feel that if you're exposed to a working mother, then it's something you respect and it teaches you the value that they provide working.

The same could be said for SAHMs.

[chickens987]

osulori

[rugbywife]

I don't see what is hard to interpret. Men who had mothers who worked tend to be more open to participating in child rearing and household responsibilities than their counterparts whose mothers didn't work.

Oui?

[badtzmaru22]

I like this. I don't care of the methodology is flawed or whatever, sometimes it's just nice to read something positive about being a working mom. I don't have any guilt about going to work. I know it's best for our family anyway, but I live in an area where it feels like everything is still set up for families with a SAHP, so I appreciate any chance I get for validation that my kids are going to be just fine.

[undecidedowl]

This actually doesn't excite me that much. Basically, it is saying that girls with a role model who worked do better at work. Also, men whose parents more equally distributed work grow up to do the same. So basically, we follow in our parents footsteps.

I feel like the implication is that one choice is better than another- women working is better than SAH, earning more (and being a supervisor) is always better than earning less, and equal split of household responsibilities is better than traditional.

#debbiedowner

ETA: To be fair, I did not follow in my mom footsteps, and my family pretty much falls into all of the (implied) better categories but I still don't really like the article

[MadamePresident]

My husband had a working mom and I wouldn't say he is particularly extra helpful when it comes to childcare and housework.

[humpforfree]

I keep starting to respond and then stopping. I'm not sure how to word how I feel about this.. Crappy I guess
I SAH. The choice was a combination of the discrepancy between COL here and my salary/future (non existent) prospects, my commute and the fact that my mom DID work, as the breadwinner, in a job with little flexibility. I hated that she was table to go on field trips/be class mom/etc (and I know she did too).
I already feel guilt for staying home and "being lazy" by not working and not giving my kids the advantages that daycare/preschool clearly have over being with me and siblings in a non-structured environment.
My H's mom stayed home and dad had little to zero to do with the kids other than like coaching and scouts. I just... don't give him the option of not participating in child care when he is home. If anything, he does more child care when he is home because I am burnt out and trying to get other crap done that I can't with a toddler.
I just feel weird/crappy about this article and don't know how to put it into words clearly I guess.
Eta- H also did almost all of the housework while I was working since I was gone 12 hours a day, even though his dad also had zero to do with that while he was growing up.
Part of my guilt for not working also comes from having a working mom and parents whose expectations were that I WOULD work..

[Deleted]

I think I'm going to have to stop coming into threads like this because I am SO OVER talking about this. It's so artificial to think there are "sides" to this "debate." Most SAHMs don't do it forever and so they will by definition become working moms over time too. When will this issue become a non issue? Seriously. You do you. No one else cares.

Fwiw, I don't work because I don't want to and can afford not to. It has nothing to do with thinking the kids would be worse off in daycare. My husband has a demanding job and yet somehow we still manage to have a very egalitarian marriage with a pretty even split on household chores. Take this morning. We got up. While he was taking a shower, I was making the beds and tidying the house for the cleaners. While I was getting ready, he dressed the kids, fed them breakfast, emptied the dishwasher, and threw a load of laundry into the washing machine. After he left, I drove the kids to school and tidied the kitchen from breakfast. In general, I would say I do more cleaning but he does more cooking. He does all of the outside stuff. He spends time with the kids while I relax every night and then he does various house projects. It doesn't have to be one way or the other. 

[Velar Fricative]

Jun 18, 2015 7:38:15 GMT -5 @this said:

Also (because I know it will come up lol) I recognize that this board is pretty overwhelmingly working mom-friendly.

But that's so nice for me at least because my IRL is so incredibly overwhelmingly the opposite.

I have found this to be the case in my area as well, which actually really shocked me. I personally know very few SAHM of young children, and this is an expensive as hell place to live. And yet, as soon as I had a kid, you'd think I was openly weeping every day about going back to work because everyone was like, "I'm sorry you have to go back to work" or "I'm sorry you have to send your kid to daycare [grandparent-provided childcare is somewhat common]," or they all just assumed I'd go back to work for a week and end up quitting to become an SAH. And then there are the assholes who think the reason everything is so expensive is because moms decided to go back to work instead of SAH, and if they just all stayed home things would be cheap again.

Hell, I *still* get comments about it even though DD is 21 months old and even when I was expecting #2. I (and DH too) finally had to shut people up by telling them if a parent would be staying at home, it would be DH and not me since I make twice what he makes.

It's just so weird how it didn't appear that people had this kind of opinion about working moms until I actually became one.

[cincodemayo]

I come from a background with all working moms and all my friends will be/are working moms too right now.

My H's mom also worked and he is very (read: too) encouraging of me working right now. He is good at helping me manage schedules and is great at childcare when I take a weekend away. I have no idea if that's because his mom worked or not.

[carolinagirl831]

It's kind of funny the 2 posters who are well known sahm on the board are "so over these articles" lol come on give the working moms a break, finally a positive article about being a working mom!' They are few and far between. Majority of the time it's all about mom guilt of having others "raise " our children,
there is nothing negative about sahm being said here
teatimefor2
CheeringCharm

[Velar Fricative]

Also, this thread is turning out exactly the way I expected.

People, if an article was posted about how kids with SAHPs were superior in some way, I honestly wouldn't give a shit because we know our situation is best for us. This is analogous to the studies about best scenarios of childbirth, infant feeding, etc. I didn't do many of the "ideal" things but whatever, I own what I did/do. These kinds of studies (provided they aren't shitty studies) do have value even if they may not correlate with our own individual experiences. So no, we shouldn't stop talking about this or conducting studies on this topic. Keep in mind it wasn't until recently that a majority of mothers were working outside the home so we tend to forget this is a relatively new thing.

I'm not trying to come off as guilt-free but the anecdotal evidence to the contrary of anything posted just annoys me. You do you.

[badtzmaru22]

Oh thank goodness people are saying what I'm thinking in a much nicer way.

[Deleted]

Jun 18, 2015 8:01:02 GMT -5 @this said:

Jun 18, 2015 7:52:47 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

I think I'm going to have to stop coming into threads like this because I am SO OVER talking about this. It's so artificial to think there are "sides" to this "debate." Most SAHMs don't do it forever and so they will by definition become working moms over time too. When will this issue become a non issue? Seriously. You do you. No one else cares.

That's great that you can be "over it" and that it's not an issue for you and that your marriage is working for you. That's great that you don't have to feel the CONSTANT pressure that you're selfish and superficial for the choices you make and get told that other people are "raising your kids." 

But a lot of us do feel that and it's just nice to get a pat on the back and reassurance that our kids will be okay too. It's not a dig at anyone else.

I'm not criticizing you for posting it (I meant to include that but hit reply too early). It's just that we seriously discuss this e/o week on here. This specific study may be new but its findings are not and I know similar results have been discussed very recently. It's like the "what is middle class" question on MM and CEP. How many times can we pick the same thing apart over and over? What else is there left to say about it?

[Deleted]

Do people really shaming you for working? Aren't something like ~ 75% of moms or more working full or part time? It's the majority position (if you have to take a "side" which I think is silly).

[SJ]

Jun 18, 2015 8:14:12 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

Do people really shaming you for working?

Yes. Yes they do.

ETA: Thankfully I am also a cold, dead-hearted robot, so I truly and honestly DGAF what random people think about my childcare situation, but it is just....weird to know that so many people feel pity for my DD and think she is living some sort of inferior existence because of the choices we are making.

[Velar Fricative]

Jun 18, 2015 8:14:12 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

Do people really shaming you for working? Aren't something like ~ 75% of moms or more working full or part time? It's the majority position (if you have to take a "side" which I think is silly).

Yes. And the fact that you are surprised by this makes threads like this eye-opening instead of redundant or repetitive or whatever, doesn't it?

[karinothing]

 I think these studies I have value. I am 100% fine with whether someone wants to work or SAH. But I do think it is intersting and important to note that whether a mom works or stays at home apparently does have an impact on the future financial success of our daughters and on the amount of time our sons are going to spend doing childcare/household chores. Actually I pretty much find all of these findings fascinating.

And yes, while plenty of moms go back to work one day, plenty don't. As I see every single day at work.

And it is nice to hear these articles when I am told time and time again how I am not doing what is best for my kids. And not from articles, but from real people in my life.

[countthestars]

Jun 18, 2015 8:14:12 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

Do people really shaming you for working? Aren't something like ~ 75% of moms or more working full or part time? It's the majority position (if you have to take a "side" which I think is silly).

Yes. My in laws, the SAHMs in my mom's group, my parents have encouraged me to cut back. I feel guilty every morning that I have to do daycare drop off (and I work because I want to, not because I "need" to).

[mrshandy]

I work because I have to. I make a lot more money than H so me staying home was never on the radar. Sometimes I miss my kids, but I love my career more and I love being able to pay the bills.

I like this, because I feel like it's true for me. My mom never stayed at home and so the idea of me staying home was never something I considered when going for a career. I wanted a job that I could be proud of and would not bore me to tears. I got a grad degree and a lot of student loans and married someone who did not have huge career aspirations or a grad degree. That pretty much cemented the idea that I would be a working mom.

[Deleted]

Jun 18, 2015 8:14:12 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

Do people really shaming you for working? Aren't something like ~ 75% of moms or more working full or part time? It's the majority position (if you have to take a "side" which I think is silly).

Is this a serious question?? Yes, often. People I work with, family, strangers on the street, hell even the DCP one time. 

[SJ]

I mean, wouldn't a SAHM find it weird or slightly offensive if I was going around all the time saying "Oh I am so blessed to be able to work, find fulfillment, make tons of money, and advance my career! It is so sad that you aren't able to maintain both a career and a family!"

Yes, of course they would.

[SJ]

My real point of rage surrounded all of this is that these questions are not asked of men.

NO ONE asked my husband any of these questions:

Are you going back to work once the baby is born?
Won't you miss her all day long?
Don't you wish you could raise her yourself?
How will you ever balance keeping up at home and at work?
Is it frustrating that SJ doesn't make enough money for you to stay home?