BIL asked for money... UPDATED

[wanderlustmom]

I totally think you did the right thing! I would have said no, would have felt awful doing it but better after. This helps him and I agree that's why the family is mad, they are projecting.

[hubes]

I think you did the right thing. We have both borrowed (and paid back) and lent money, and it changes things. DH took over a loan for his brother and there is a bit of resentment there (especially since BIL is on the honeymoon we couldn't afford, one of the reasons being the loan)

[macmars45]

Aug 16, 2012 20:07:05 GMT -5 flygirl22 said:

DH told him no. I was totally going to cave, I am proud of him.

He is so beyond pissed at his family. After brother and sister both tried to make him feel guilty and selfish, he is kind of over it. His mother text him "remember to have grace" after he told him no, yea.... F' you..

:Y:

[Deleted]

Good for you and your DH for standing your ground. He'll get over it and maybe this will be an inspiration to start being more careful with his money.

As a side note, I find it curious that so many consider a truck payment a luxury. Is it because it is a truck? I think borrowing money to pay a vehicle loan is a legitimate request (if the person is truly in need and not having the same issue month after month!). Many of us drive because we need to in order to work or get anywhere we need to go, and it isn't all that easy just to dump a loan once you fall on hard times. If there was a legitimate reason why I couldn't pay my car payment, I'd rather borrow money from someone than default on my loan and possibly lose my car and ruin my credit. That's not really useful in straightening out finances, right?

Anyway I think in this particular situation the right decision was made, so good for you OP!

[Bumblebee]

Good for you and your DH for standing your ground.

[Deleted]

Aug 16, 2012 21:39:51 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

Good for you and your DH for standing your ground. He'll get over it and maybe this will be an inspiration to start being more careful with his money.

As a side note, I find it curious that so many consider a truck payment a luxury. Is it because it is a truck? I think borrowing money to pay a vehicle loan is a legitimate request (if the person is truly in need and not having the same issue month after month!). Many of us drive because we need to in order to work or get anywhere we need to go, and it isn't all that easy just to dump a loan once you fall on hard times. If there was a legitimate reason why I couldn't pay my car payment, I'd rather borrow money from someone than default on my loan and possibly lose my car and ruin my credit. That's not really useful in straightening out finances, right?Anyway I think in this particular situation the right decision was made, so good for you OP!

I think it's more that he can't afford his truck because he doesn't work 3-4 months of the year (every year) but doesn't save anything to cover his bills during the month. So a $750 truck payment does seem high if you can't save any money when you are working and don't find work to cover the 3-4 months you know you'll be laid off every year.

And there are ways to get a vehicle you need for work (even a truck) for less than $750 a month.


I know it's easier said than done, but your husband shouldn't feel guilty - he has done NOTHING wrong. That's not "can you lend me $20 for lunch" or even "$100 to buy groceries until my next pay check, I wouldn't ask but I don't even have a box of KD" it's a significant sum that he won't be able to pay back any time soon if he is not looking for a job.

And what if he's short again next month?

Being responsible with your finances and saving money does NOT obligate you to supplement the income for someone who is spending every penny they can get their hands on and then some.

[ECB]

Aug 17, 2012 9:42:11 GMT -5 @randomcdn said:

And there are ways to get a vehicle you need for work (even a truck) for less than $750 a month.

Exactly. The OP doesn't tell us the details of the truck or what the payment is, but I personally made the assumption that it is probably a newer, "nice" truck w/ a high payment. If he NEEDS a truck, there are ways to downsize even this expense.

[phunluvin82]

I think you made the right decision in this case. You shouldn't feel guilty but I know it's not always that simple. My mom helps out her family a lot...and at a certain point, helping with the occasional bill turned into completely opening the floodgates if you know what I mean.

She had to learn to pay bills directly (like some PP mentioned) if it is a legit 'need' (she has paid utility bills directly for several of them several times). If they say they need money for groceries, she gives them a gift card for their local grocery store...NOT cash. She had to also learn to just flat out say no sometimes.

It is really a tough situation...she also has that guilt...almost like 'survivor's guilt' in a way...she was basically the only one in the family that 'made it' in terms of a good living, not scraping by, not on govt assistance, etc.