Job situation, WWYD?

[megs193]

I am too embarrassed to talk about my job situation with anyone other than my husband or my mom but I really need some advice.

I started working 6.5 months ago after being off for 5 years. I took what I thought would be my dream job but what I actually do vs. what they said I would be doing is very different. I definitely don't love the work I'm doing and want more patient contact but nothing about it is awful.

The part that is awful is that my coworkers completely ignore me. I am in a small office of 8 people. They don't ask me if I want to order lunch, they don't invite me to eat lunch with them and the only talk to me if they need something. They typically get a cake and a card for everyone's birthday and ask me to contribute. My birthday was last week and they did nothing. I have never had this problem in the past so I don't think I am a particularly unlikable person.
I make about 1/6 the amount my husband makes so I don't need to work but I feel like if I walk away I may never get another job again due to not working for 5 years. I really have no idea what to do. I have tried so hard but I think I have finally given up. I don't know if I should quit and never work again, start applying for something else now or make myself suck it up for a year and then start applying. It is definitely affecting my mood outside of work. On Sunday night I feel sick over the thought of having to go to work.

Sorry for the novel but it feels good to lay it all out.

[countthestars]

I'm sorry you are feeling hurt. What have you already done to try to make friends? Did they know it was your birthday? Where do they eat lunch? Can you just sit in the breakroom or wherever to eat and try to strike up conversation? Befriend one person who could take you under their wing?

Try not to give up. Keep applying for other jobs. Just because this one isn't the right fit doesn't mean you have to never work again.

[jeaniebueller]

These people sound like miserable dickbags. Why don't you look for another position? The options aren't just this position or nothing.

[anna7602]

That sounds terrible, I'm sorry. Is it too late to take the lead with your co-workers and try to say, "hey, I'm ordering from x place today, does anyone want anything?" in the hope that they will extend you the same courtesy? Does everyone eat at their desks or do they tend to go out together, leaving you behind? Can you put yourself out there more to change the dynamic? I'll admit that while I am extroverted, I've also given off the "I'm too busy" vibe to co-workers in the past. I made an effort to make myself seem more available/willing to take a break occasionally for the sake of workplace camaraderie, even if I did just want to eat lunch quickly at my desk so I could go home earlier.

But maybe you just don't click with them and don't want to, which is fine. But I think I would start looking for other jobs before I went and quit this one.

[megs193]

Jun 23, 2015 13:04:31 GMT -5 countthestars said:

I'm sorry you are feeling hurt. What have you already done to try to make friends? Did they know it was your birthday? Where do they eat lunch? Can you just sit in the breakroom or wherever to eat and try to strike up conversation? Befriend one person who could take you under their wing?

Try not to give up. Keep applying for other jobs. Just because this one isn't the right fit doesn't mean you have to never work again.

I have made an effort to try to remember things they have told me and then ask about how they went. I act interested in the things they are saying. I do go in the break room and try to join the conversation but they have definitely made it clear that they don't want me to be there. They are also always bad mouthing the PA that was here before me who they clearly didn't like. I haven't applied for anything yet because I felt like 6 months of work after 5 years off wasn't enough but I hanging on by a thread here and I feel like one day I might tell them all to go fuck themselves and walk out.

[Deleted]

I'd start applying for other jobs, and see what you can find that you like. A 6 month tenure is enough to show you gave it a shot but "the environment and work were not as described to me" is pretty valid in looking for a change.

And *hugs*.

[Deleted]

Jun 23, 2015 13:13:02 GMT -5 megs193 said:

Jun 23, 2015 13:04:31 GMT -5 countthestars said:

I'm sorry you are feeling hurt. What have you already done to try to make friends? Did they know it was your birthday? Where do they eat lunch? Can you just sit in the breakroom or wherever to eat and try to strike up conversation? Befriend one person who could take you under their wing?

Try not to give up. Keep applying for other jobs. Just because this one isn't the right fit doesn't mean you have to never work again.

I have made an effort to try to remember things they have told me and then ask about how they went. I act interested in the things they are saying. I do go in the break room and try to join the conversation but they have definitely made it clear that they don't want me to be there. They are also always bad mouthing the PA that was here before me who they clearly didn't like. I haven't applied for anything yet because I felt like 6 months of work after 5 years off wasn't enough but I hanging on by a thread here and I feel like one day I might tell them all to go fuck themselves and walk out.

Find another job, then burn it down.*

*not literally.

[ECB]

It's easier to get a job when you have a job... remember that. Start looking! Hopefully something else will come along and you can quit. I know it's been a short time frame after being off for so long, but it's something you can address (if asked) in an interview. you can explain how the job isn't what was described to you and as such, you want to move on. Then try to ask questions that show that you're being more thorough in making sure the job/company will be a better fit for you. \

But don't just give up and quit and then think youll never work again. Stick it out awhile longer and start sending out your resume.

[countthestars]

Jun 23, 2015 13:13:02 GMT -5 megs193 said:

Jun 23, 2015 13:04:31 GMT -5 countthestars said:

I'm sorry you are feeling hurt. What have you already done to try to make friends? Did they know it was your birthday? Where do they eat lunch? Can you just sit in the breakroom or wherever to eat and try to strike up conversation? Befriend one person who could take you under their wing?

Try not to give up. Keep applying for other jobs. Just because this one isn't the right fit doesn't mean you have to never work again.

I have made an effort to try to remember things they have told me and then ask about how they went. I act interested in the things they are saying. I do go in the break room and try to join the conversation but they have definitely made it clear that they don't want me to be there. They are also always bad mouthing the PA that was here before me who they clearly didn't like. I haven't applied for anything yet because I felt like 6 months of work after 5 years off wasn't enough but I hanging on by a thread here and I feel like one day I might tell them all to go fuck themselves and walk out.

Boo. I'm sorry they are assholes.

Apply elsewhere. It can't hurt.

[pugz]

start looking elsewhere! It doesn't hurt to look and sometimes the perfect jobs falls in your lap at the weirdest of times.

[sparkythelawyer]

I'd start looking.

People spend a lot of time trying to make a bad fit become a good fit. It never happens. You aren't their lobster. You are not going to become one any time soon. Its them, not you. Move on.

[ECB]

Another thing too- clearly you want to feel accepted and a part of the team. I FEEL you on that. But to make it more tolerable, try to put that aspect of your job out of your mind. Focus on the JOB and doing a good job. They don't want to do lunch with you? Well, fine, you'll bring a healthier lunch anyhow and you can come to GBCN and check out what's going on. Or read a good book at lunch. Or... anything that you'll enjoy.

Where I work - I get along w/ my boss and CW, but we really hardly talk to one another. I actually avoid my CW - she's a know it all and can blather on forever. I don't socialize with them at all. No going out to lunch. OCCASIONAL chit chat about our lives, but it's minimal. this is totally different from my old job. I LOVED the friendly, social side to my old job. I'd like to get back to that one day.

But in the mean time, I just keep my head down and focus on work and don't worry about the other stuff.

It's not necessarily easy, but if you try to just ignore that aspect of it, you might be able to make the day to day tolerable. At least enough so that you don't blow before you find something else!

[Deleted]

Holy shit, I'm so sorry. That's awful! I wouldn't quit, your job prospects are better if you're employed while looking.

[Deleted]

I think I would just put my head down and keep to myself.

I definitely wouldn't contribute to cake and would tell them "oh. I thought you didn't want me to participate since you skipped cake for my birthday."

[osulori]

I agree with PPs, there's nothing wrong with looking for another job but I would do it while you're still employed. Then tell them all to F off on your last day

[megs193]

Thanks for all the advice. I am definitely going to start applying for a new job. I think I may start bringing a book and trying to enjoy my lunch without having to force my way in.

[ssmjlm]

It sounds like they just hate PAs period. Which is dumb.

Start looking. If they ask tell them what @sessalee said about the job not being as described.

[zarapipe]

Do they report to you?

[megs193]

Jun 23, 2015 18:19:41 GMT -5 zarapipe said:

Do they report to you?

Not really. If it is a medical decision and no doctor is in the office (which is the majority of the time) then I would make the decision but they have never questioned me on a medical matter.  Our office is a small satellite office of a larger company so we all have the same boss who works 45 minutes away.  She is aware it is happening and that it happened to the person that was here before me.  She offered to come to the office and have a talk with everyone but I declined because I don't think that will help.

[runner09]

I am a lurker (only posted a bit about a year or so ago)...so I hope you don't mind me chiming in. I remember you b/c we work in similar fields. But l would look and apply for a different job. I switched to my current position (which I have been in for years) after being at my last position for only 3 months. I was unhappy for different reasons, felt I should give a year before applying, but was casually looking/applying. My current position didn't blink an eye and I love my job now. Good luck!

[noodleoo]

That sucks. I'm sure it is not you. I'd start looking and applying for new jobs, assuming you want to work. You could quit straight up if you really hate it. But it is usually better to explain why you want to leave while you are employed than after quitting. I've been told employers will usually overlook one short job on a resume, so I'd try to find something else and then plan to stay there at least a year.

[ECB]

Jun 23, 2015 19:38:02 GMT -5 megs193 said:

She offered to come to the office and have a talk with everyone but I declined because I don't think that will help.

WHEN you find a better opportunity, though, I would revisit this and tell her at that time that yes, she needs to talk to them.  Because if they, in essence, chased you out, they'll chase future PAs out too.  They need to change their attitude.  They don't have to be best friends w/ anyone but they need to be inclusive and treat everyone the same. 

Also, I kind of wonder if you pull away and keep to yourself, if that will change any of their attitudes.  It often seems like people who are aloof seem to garner attention.  kind of a "huh, I wonder what's up w/ that person?  Why don't they want to be friends?". 

Anyhow- good luck.  I hope you ccan find something that provides a better environment.

[drloretta]

I agree with the others, especially with the issue of looking after only 6 months. I walked into a toxic work environment after 4 years away, and found something way better 6 months later. And knowing you have an exit strategy can make the current job more tolerable. GL!