Lucy broke my heart into a million pieces yesterday

[ProfessorArtNerd]

She misses our family of three.

I knew something was bothering her. She kept saying she was sad bc she missed Harriet, my parents cat (just put down on Memorial Day). Then she said she felt sick. Finally we got her to come clean. She misses her family, guys. And I feel like a selfish asshole for disrupting her world.

I love David so much and I wanted a baby for so long ( as you all low bc I whines about it incessantly)

But I feel so bad for Lucy. This makes me want to quit bf so I can spend more time w her but is going fairly well.

Sorry for the sadness. Any words of encouragement or advice are greatly appreciated.

[cuddlyevil]

It will pass. I promise, she's just adjusting and it's hard for her (and you). Tell her you know the family has changed but that doesn't mean for the worse. Then try to find stuff you two can do that is just you two, give her a little extra love. She will be ok.

{{{{{Hug}}}}}}

[roadbananas]

Awwww, don't feel bad!!  It's a major adjustment for her to go from 3 people to 4.  I can imagine it's difficult for her, but she will get used to it.  It's hard getting them to spit out what's wrong, isn't it?  Sometimes something is wrong with DD and we ask and ask and she ends up saying that she's missed the dog all day.  While I doubt that is truly what is bugging her, I'm sure she really does miss the dog.

I am sure it's going to take time, but she will be fine!  Maybe you two can do something special once in a while together, without the baby.  Go to a park, go to lunch, something you CAN that won't take you away from the baby for too long but gives her 100% of your attention.

[ZoeHart]

Aw, change is hard! It might take her a bit to adjust but she will. I like the idea of setting aside time to do something with just her. Maybe start a new tradition, something the two of you can do once a week that she will get excited about and look forward to doing?
Big big hugs.

[kams]

My dd1 is 4.5, and dd2 is 3 months. I had a similar experience early on. She was loving to the baby, but seemed overall sad. I'd find her sitting by herself when I picked her up from school (very odd for her), and she seemed sad around the house. Occasionally defiant. My hormones were in such a funk that I was a mess about it, & I may have been seeing every single behavioral misstep as an issue from the baby.

But already, at 3 months, it feels pretty distant. She can't get enough of her sister, & loves on her so much (too much!). Now I'm seeing the beautiful sibling bond in full force, & I know now that her life is enriched.

I'd hang tight for a bit - she'll likely come around in the next few weeks.

ETA: now when I set up special alone time, she asks if her sister can come

[Monica Geller]

Aw! It's a transition. It's still really new for all of you. You're doing great. Even if you stop BF you'll still have to feed the baby, so that doesn't really solve the problem; keep BF if you want, don't stop because you feel guilty. I'm sure others with older kids have better advice but you're doing great! ((Hugs))

[nsl]

One thing that helped my older son through this transition was letting him know that it was okay for him to feel sad and even mad that his family was changing. Spending dedicated time with only him helped too, but validating his feelings made him feel more comfortable with them and with the situation.

[W.T.Faulkner]

Aw, having a new little brother is a huge adjustment! David is so new. With some time, this will pass. There will come a time in her life where she can't even imagine what it would have been like had David not been born, and that time is sooner than you think.

[whiskeyandwine]

Aw, I bet she does miss the way things were but she will totally adjust to the way they are now soon! This is all so new to her.

I wouldn't give up BF. Are there ways you can involve her in D's routine? Pick out his outfit? Help with a sponge bath?

Hang in there, she will come around!

[Muddled]

Of course she does. Babies are disruptive as hell. They are fussy and needy and not all entertaining as newborns.

It'll pass, though. Don't change your feeding choice because of this. It's all going to work out just fine.

[zaneyzoo]

I have nothing to add than what the others have said but another signing in. Dd1 had a hard time at first and I felt torn between wanting to spend time with her and wanting to soak up the newborn if dd2

You'll find your balance. I didn't realize how hard going from 1 to 2 would be.

Just try to find opportunity to love on her and do something special without baby.

You're doing great. hang in there mama

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

It's a huge adjustment. Kristen had some quiet panic for a while when she realized how completely we had changed.
It will become the new normal pretty quickly. Then you'll just have a few fleeting moments of I WISH WE HAD NEVER HAD YOU, and that's over serious stuff like sticking tounges out at each other.

[suzubell]

That's a pretty normal reaction though it's traumatizing to you at the time. Give her her space, tell her it's ok to be sad, and she shows interest in David, be sure to encourage that and let her help. She'll be ok and love her baby brother very soon.

[FastHands]

Aww, I'm sorry, that must have been tough to hear. But think about how many posts on here talk about how we as MOMS have said "wtf did I do??" and "I miss my old life" at the beginning. Babies are exhausting, and it takes time to find that new normal. I think it's okay to tell her you miss some things too, but spin it and add how excited you are to include her in baby stuff, or how cool it will be when he's old enough for the two of them to play.

A friend of mine, when going through this, would acknowledge when the baby was fussy, and would ask her older daughter to help sometimes (this sometimes made her feel more part of the experience and bonded them -- other times it failed miserably because the kid didnt' want to deal with the baby, lol), and would always say, "Hey Daughter, you know what? Baby is so close to going down for her nap. Do you want to pick a game or a show, something you and I can do together?" She really loved that, because it acknowledged that even in the thick of things, her mom was thinking about her, if that makes sense.

[kaybee85]

I don't have experience except to say that, as an adult, those first few weeks were HARD for me. Lucy will probably warm up to a new family once you are out of survival mode and the whole thing feels more normal and sane. My youngest brother is 6 years younger than me and I adore him. This is temporary

[Bad Dingo]

I don't have any advice besides letting her know that it's OK to have those feelings and it's OK to be sad. Hugs ((ProfessorArtNerd))!!!

[pantsparty]

Aw I'm sorry

I know one of my brothers was disappointed when I came home because I wasn't a dog. LOL. He doesn't seem to have held that against me, though

[sallywalker]

I have cried a couple of times worrying that T will feel this way. Everyone has assured me it will be fine and I am positive L will be ok. I am sorry you guys are going through this.

[cville]

Of course she does. After O was born I missed our family of three and I'm an adult. L handled it very well, but she did too and she had less time to get used to it than Lucy. But we got used to it and we gave her family of three time (dinner out with grandparents watching O, etc), and now none of us want to go back to the three only family. It helped when O got more interactive too, around 3-4 months.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry, this is one of the worst feelings ever, but it passes.

I went through it both times. Sofia was so bummed when I brought Theo home. She wouldn't have anything to do with him for the longest time, but now she won't do anything without him.

And then I went through it again with Theo and Ilya. He would push the baby away, or hit him. Things are getting better, but I can still sense some jealousy.

It does get better.

[lilac05]

Aww...I'm sorry.

All kids go through this phase. Toddlers are saying the very same thing when they go through their tantrums or potty training regression, they just don't have the words. Everyone expects toddlers to act like that during big transitions, but they don't talk about the older kids. We forget how very little they still are...even when they're 6, 7, and 8 years old. Those are big feelings to process and try to figure out! And like many have said, most adults go through the very same thing. We just have the ability to see the big picture through it.

I'd probably talk to her about how you miss some things about being a family of 3, too. It's totally normal. But then quickly go into what you're looking forward to doing as a family of 4. She'll come around, likely as soon as he starts acting like the baby she imagined and not a little blob that just sleeps, eats, and poops. Once they start smiling, I think things will change.

It gets better. SO much better!

[gretchenindisguise]

L went through a similar adjustment. She also started having tummy aches and going to the nurse at school and peeing her pants at school.

It passed.

It sucks to go through, but it passed.

They are each others favorite people. Both light up when they see the other.

Once David is less blob like it'll get better for her. Blob stage is hard for everyone.

[gretchenindisguise]

And I remember posting here wondering if I had ruined my family.

[bittybomb]

Hugs. It will get better and she will come to love him and it will be better. I felt the same way when I had my second child, and now they are so tight. I mean sure they fight like hell most of the time, but when it comes down to it they adore each other and would do anything for each other.

[silva]

In time it will get better. hugs.

[Deleted]

This is the hardest part of having a second. Try to schedule time with her without D around. WE took ds out once a month for something fun that "the baby couldn't do" so he knew that the trip was all for him and he got our undivided attention. He worked through it and they are super close now.


Hang in there!

[amberlyrose]

I bit my sister on the arm when she was 2 weeks old because she was taking all the attention.

We're best friends now (and have been since we were little)

[papie]

Awww, I just wish I could hug you.  The first six months with a second baby ARE SO HARD.  It's hard for you, it's hard for Lucy and it's hard for the baby because duh, he was just born.  I had a wonderful group of moms who I met for lunch once a week when Sophia was a baby and we were all on our second and we ALL agreed that the guilt was killing us.  It felt like we completely disrupted our first baby's world. 

But you know what? It is so worth it in the end, and Lucy will LOVE her brother.  Right now, he is just a blob and she is sad and overwhelmed and nostalgic.  But when he starts smiling at her, or laughing at her jokes, she will LOVE HIM.  Trust me.  I did this twice.  Sophia spent the first few weeks asking when Alex was going back.  But now they all have fun together. 

Hang in there.  And be kind to yourself.  What is Lucy doing this summer? Is she home with you? With Sophia, I kept Anna in daycare.  Last summer when Alex was a newborn, I kept the girls home but hired a babysitter.  If she is not in daycamp, keep her busy by sending her out on playdates, and get a sitter if you can.  Give yourself a break, ok?

(((hugs)))

[nannersp]

So heartbreaking! But as others said, it will pass. And lots of great ideas above.

My eldest had some sleep regression issues after we brought our second home, and at one point she asked, "Um, so she's going to be here....FOREVER?"

It didn't take long for her to become enamored and obsessed with her younger sister, though. The other night she had a nightmare that someone broke into our house and took the baby (well, now 2-year-old) away. She was devastated at the thought.

[malibu]

Don't feel guilty!

Everything PP said is great. She'll adjust. It's new for her too, just like you're getting used to parenting two kids instead of one.