"Dear Prudie: giving parents remote access to baby monitor"

[jeaniebueller]

I don't know why anyone would think this was a good idea.

www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2015/06/dear_prudence_i_gave_my_parents_remote_access_to_our_baby_monitor_oops.html

Dear Prudie,
My husband and I moved to a city a few hours away from my family after we got married. Shortly before our first child was born, I bought an Internet-enabled video camera to use as a baby monitor. Out of guilt that my parents don’t live nearby, I allowed them to access the camera through their phones so that they could see their grandchild regularly. This turned out to be a huge mistake. Any time they see something on the camera that they don’t approve of, they let me know. I was endlessly harassed for not putting socks on my son’s feet while he was sleeping, for example. The camera has a feature allowing viewers to talk to us through the camera, so my parents randomly start talking to me or my son when we’re in his room. If my son is throwing a tantrum, they will come on and say, “Stop that crying!” I’ve told them that I don’t appreciate their interjections and criticism, but it has not stopped. My son is now 2 years old, and we have another baby, with another camera in the baby’s room, and I want to end their monitoring us. The problem is that if I change the password and prevent my parents from being able to access the cameras, they will be offended and it will cause World War III. What’s the best way to do it while ruffling as few feathers as possible?






—Living in Big Brother Hell



The grandparents will pop up and criticize the parenting techniq,The grandparents will pop up and criticize the parenting techniques incessantly (over the camera speakers).



Dear Hell,
You say your parents will start World War III if you cut off their surveillance privileges. But although you have given them Dear Leader–type access, unlike Kim Jong-un they can’t back up their threats with nuclear weapons. Your parents need to be reminded that when they raised you, there was no technology to monitor your every breath, fart, and twitch, and this lack of constant scrutiny was probably better for everyone. It would be satisfying, the next time they start shouting admonitions at you, to look straight in the camera, wave goodbye, and toss it in the potty. But you can be polite enough to let them know this experiment has run too long, it’s coming to an end, and the password is about to be changed. Then change it immediately. If this results in your parents having a tantrum, because you are no longer connected through an electronic umbilical cord, you won’t be able to hear them pounding the floor. If they threaten to boycott your family because their unlimited access has ended, then that’s their choice to disappear completely from their grandchildren’s lives. Often when people have a child, they hear the voices of their own parents in their heads—but this is supposed to be metaphorical. No one wants the actual voices of their parents issuing from a speaker in the room.


—Prudie

[ECB]

Yeah, this is WWIII worthy. Let them get pissed. I DOUBT they'll cut off contact!

[anna7602]

This is so effing bizarre on so many levels. Has this parent never heard of Skype? Also, TWO YEARS of this? Yeah, no.

[fbf2006]

I don't understand. All she needs to do is stop their access. Yes they'll be annoyed but so what?! They'll get over it. Sheesh.

[pinkyp]

Hell naw!!!

[polarbearfans]

My husband wanted to give his parents monitor access.... I gave a big no to that.

In this case I would send that article about the hacked monitor and say it freaked me put too much to keep it. They can change their password and carry on with life.

[curbsideprophet]

I agree that this sounds like a bad idea from the start. Just turn the camera off.

[mlt]

The lack of back bone here astounds me.

[runblondie26]

Facetime with the grandparents? Yes.

24/7 video access inside your home? That's crazy-cakes.

[Deleted]

Who wakes up in the morning and thinks, "Huh. Let's let grandma access the monitor so she can follow our every move!"

[boxerdog]

That is insane. Who thought that was a good idea?

[Deleted]

That is an INSANE invasion of privacy. No way would I agree to that as a parent. But I also would never *dream* of asking for it as a grandparent. I wouldn't want it.

[shellbear09]

This seems too nuts to even be true.

[bearbaby]

There's a lot of insanity to go around in that letter...

[redheadbaker]

Why the hell would they agree to that in the first place?!?

[juliette21]

Grandparents these days, man. WTAF.

I would never have allowed the access in the first place, but alas I would have set them straight at comment #1.

[carolinagirl831]

Omg so wierd! I'd change the password stat and that and that would be the end. We have a dropcam and no way in hell would I allow this

[schrodinger]

My brother's MIL insisted on this and SIL went along with it. Their nanny-cam caused soooo many issues, pushing my brother and SIL to the point of almost divorcing. I think they went through 5-6 nannies because his MIL would monitor what they were doing throughout the day and report back to SIL.

[Deleted]

Yeah. If grandparents act like fools, they get cut off.

[water*drop]

Omg. I wouldn't have allowed it in the first place, but if for some reason I had a moment of temporary insanity and agreed, bring on WWIII because hell no.

[mae141]

That is so weird. Do the grandparents just sit around all day watching the thing?

[Deleted]

I thought I was a pushover but holy jeez at two years of this nonsense.

[pippa]

That's a lot of guilt for moving away.

This is so insane. So, the grandparents just sit and obsessively watch this all day??

[Deleted]

Methinks the crazy mom apple didn't fall too far from the crazy grandmom tree. I bet the grandmom had been up in the letter writer's business her whole life, so giving camera access seemed like a normal idea, even though it's clearly not.

[MadamePresident]

We have a webcam and there have been times I have felt self conscious because I know my husband could watch. I would never give my parents access.

[kershnic]

That is just bizarre all around.