XP Stress/depression/anxiety

[MrsAggie]

So my H hasn't fully been himself for a couple of years. Since he got out of the army, he's been working a shit job where he works 12 on, 2 off. The alternating weekends used to be 12 hour shifts and recently changed to 8 hours. He gets paid really well but I've told him he can find a new job, even if it's a pay cut. He hadn't invested very much effort into finding a new one.

I used to be the one with the hot temper that would try to push his buttons when I was mad but he was always impossibly even keel. Now he's always short with me, has no patience, and goes off so easily. He's been moping around the house all weekend with a flat affect, just got pissy at our dog for wanting attention, and lost his patience with our 6 month old for fussing while we got him dressed. This is becoming the norm for him.

I tried to go through a questionnaire a minute ago for stress, depression, and anxiety and the first question was how often do you get upset by trivial things? His response was never. I would have answered often or very often for him. I was like, so you don't feel like little things upset you? And he was like no, it's just stupid shit that upsets me. Okay. Clearly he's still in a denial stage but is there anyway I can gently address this to help him?

For reference, I've been diagnosed with anxiety and PPD so I'm familiar with some of the signs.

TLDR- I suspect my H is not coping well with stress, depression, and/or anxiety and hasn't been for awhile. He's in denial and I'm wondering if there's anyway to help him.

[grover]

When my H was struggling with stress and depression, he wouldn't admit to being that way for a while. I finally just told him I'd help find him help when he was ready. Eventually (and it was at least a couple of months, if not more), he came to me and asked for help finding a therapist. He did eventually quit going, and did not want to be medicated. He seems to be a little better now, but I worry that it will go back some when we move when his commute increases greatly.

Sorry I'm not more help.

[MrsMB]

DH has severe anxiety. It was like he woke up one day and decided to take himself to the doctor. He had hit an all time low so that may have led to him going. His meds have really made a difference.

Tbh, I'm not sure what led to his decision to finally get help. It's like he woke up one day and made the call. But I hope your DH gets motivated to go soon.... ((Hugs))

Edit: Would he be open to going to counseling...the both of you? That might lead to some discussions that would be enlightening for him personally....

[amaranth]

Do you think there's a way to help him de-stress long enough that you could re-visit the conversation while he is levelheaded? A date night away, a night out with friends, etc.

My husband responds to heavy conversations best when he has just eaten, just done something he enjoyed, and is free from all distractions.

[MrsAggie]

I would be down for counseling but I'm not sure about H. I've suggested couples counseling before to help with communication because he's such an introvert that he won't discuss things without prompting. He wasn't really open to it. He's always been very supportive of my struggles with different mental health disorders but I think he feels like it'd be weak of him to have any similar issues.

I think part of the blame was the culture in the military because his dad was AF and he grew up by an AF base. He's usually more open when it comes from someone else though. Like if he saw a doctor and heard it from them, he would actually take it into consideration more. Now if I could only get him to take his ass to the doctor...

[melsamoony]

A few years ago my H got really depressed. He has tourettes/ocd and he just got so fed up w dealing w them.

It took him not wanting to do anything to realize it was time for help. It took trial and error w medication but he is very stable and happy now.

Unfortunately this is one of those things that can't change until the person is ready. I would just keep having honest conversations about it and support him as best you can.

[travelbug]

I agree with the others I do think it has to be his idea in order to make the biggest change/impact for his and your life.

I'd just continue to be there for him and maybe when he's in a great mood maybe bring it up casually and just tell him you're a little bit concerned about his overall health and want him to be happy. Being there for him to support him will go a long ways.

I hope he realizes that something is a little off soon, so you guys can go back to normal. ((hugs)) This sounds like a tough situation. <3