How much time do you get to yourself? Do you feel like it's enough? How often do you have any sort of child care assistance (paid or otherwise) aside from an SO, if you have one ?
Especially curious about answers from those with children under 1.
I feel like I have enough time now, for the most part. She has been in MDO twice a week for 2 1/2 years at this point and starts preschool, 3x week (6 hours each time) this fall.
I had a standing sitter for a few hours once a week starting around 3 months then dd started Mothers Day Out twice a week at 6 months.
She was colicky and had severe reflux and DH was working 80 hours a week, I desperately needed the time away from her.
ETA: The hard part is that I mostly end up doing errands and whatnot during that time so while I get alone time (which is much needed), it can be hard to get in enough social time since the hours I'm child free don't really match up to the times that my friends that work are free.
Very little. Sometimes I'll run an errand after DS goes to bed. Tonight I went to the mall for 45 minutes. Last night I got a shake. I spend time by myself a lot at work and doing chores at home, but I don't think that's what you meant.
On the weekends, I will spend 2-3 hours running errands or visiting friends for lunch or a movie, etc.
MIL and BIL are willing to watch the baby as needed. DS is pretty fussy in general so I feel bad having other people watch him.
ETA; sorry--I missed the stay at home part!
My husband stays at home. He gets naps to himself. He will leave for a bit on the weekends to do whatever errands he prefers, go to a movie, etc. He's a total homebody in general though and doesn't socialize much without me.
DD is 14 months but this has been our routine for awhile. H takes DD from after we eat dinner, around 5:30 until he does bedtime at 7:00. I am usually cleaning or doing something else around the house during that time. I get the rest of the evening after that. I also get about 2 hrs during the day while she naps. I have no outside assistance. MIL shows no interest in DD and my parents live far away. Hiring regular help isn't an option for us. I need a lot of downtime and I find SAH to be draining most days so I don't feel like I get enough me time. This is a big part of why I am OAD.
Post by scribellesam on Jul 1, 2015 23:25:46 GMT -5
Not much. Their nap times usually overlap by 30-40 minutes most days, so that's the extent of my break for the day unless I also put them in gym daycare for an hour or so.
I have a 3yo and a 9mo. I have no local family or other outside assistance. It is definitely not enough. DS1 will hopefully start preschool in the fall so that may help.
My older 3 are in school so its just DD4 most of the day now. I get 1-2.5hrs "alone" when she's sleeping. My MIL will babysit anytime but I only ask when I really needit. I am not one of those people that needs alone time. In fact my biggest issue with SAH is the loneliness.
Post by DarcyLongfellow on Jul 1, 2015 23:29:30 GMT -5
I feel like I get a decent amount of time because I have always treated naptime as my own personal time to do whatever I want.
I don't clean during nap time (which is usually 2-3 hours), and I only occasionally cook or do laundry. Mostly I read, play online, or watch TV. Sometimes I nap, and I usually fit my shower into that time.
When DD1 was tiny, I would often stay up after DH was asleep to just have time to myself. I don't do that as often now because DD2 wakes up early (DD1 was a night owl).
As far as help, I'm very lucky that my in laws live close by and are very awesome about helping out when I have doctor's appointments and things. They probably watch DD2 (while DD1 is at school) a couple of times a month. They usually watch both girls while DH and I do something once a month or so. I also have an awesome moms group at my church that offers childcare, so every Friday morning DD2 goes to the church nursery for 2 hours while I get some adult time.
In the summers, my only non-kid time is after bedtime. And I WAH, so I am working during those quiet hours from 9 pm-1 am (but hey, at least it's quiet). During the school year, DD is in school MWF 9-12, and DS was napping in the mornings last year, so I'd get a quiet hour or two 3x a week. Morning naps are over, though, so those days are gone.
I have no family nearby and no childcare.
So, there is a major deficit of "me" time right now with a 4-year-old and 1 1/2-year-old.
Post by SpartanGirl on Jul 1, 2015 23:34:48 GMT -5
My kids are older so my answer may not be helpful. Since it's summer I have very little time to myself, however during the upcoming school year I will have about 2 hours a day. This past year I had 2 days a week with 2 hours to myself and that felt luxurious.
We have no family in state, and I can count on one hand the number of times we've hired a babysitter (4 kids is just too expensive). I have other SAH mom friends who will do child swaps, but that's usually they watch one or two of mine so I can be somewhere with the other kids, not be alone.
I make a point to have a girls night out at least once a month - usually dinner and drinks or a movie. I also go on a weekend retreat once a year with friends. That weekend away is amazing. I feel like a better mom when I get back. I'm trying to do it twice a year, but scheduling is hard.
Much like jenny1980, I utilize the gym childcare a lot - usually 3-5x/week. That is my major source of "me" time during the week and it helps to give our week some structure, especially during summers/break when our normal classes are not in session. Even when my older son was in preschool this past year, I still had the baby with me so it wasn't true alone time. I've been shooting for both kids to take a nap at the same time in the afternoon since the baby was maybe 4 months old and when it works out, it gives me another small break to regroup or straighten up the house. My husband does try to come home and help with baths/bed when he can and sometimes I'll let him do bedtime solo so I can run an errand.
Post by dulcemariamar on Jul 2, 2015 0:41:26 GMT -5
For naps I dont do anything productive. I watch TV, read, or go online. I dont have outside help but my SO will take over whenever I tell him to. During the week, he takes her while I make dinner or just to chill out for a bit and on the weekend I ususally get an afternoon to myself. We dont have any set schedule.
Post by thecatinthehat on Jul 2, 2015 1:49:54 GMT -5
DS is at daycare until 2pm everyday. I work part-time and some of my work is done at night so a couple days a week I actually spend it cleaning the house, doing errands. I greatly preferred this than when a was SAH fulltime. I barely had any "me time". Whatever time I had when DS was asleep was spent doing chores, walking/taking care of the dogs, etc. When DS is awake I find myself goofing off on my phone because it was the only time I had, and also I was bored.
I get maybe an hour of no childcare duty per month. During the day I get to sit during naps, but they are inconsistent and half the time I'm just trying to nap myself because I'm up at 4:30am every day. I really really need more free time. I can't wait to start work again in August when ds2 will be a year. Our parents babysit ds1 a couple times a month but the baby isn't really babysittable.
I teach fitness classes at the gym, so the gym isn't really a break for me. I try to go at least one day when I'm not teaching for true me time.
As there mentioned, I try to use naps to unwind, hang out on the Internet, paint my nails, watch Friends for the 1,000 time, etc. I sometimes combine laundry or paying bills during naps but not often.
I play softball in the summer, so during the summer I get more me time, but most of my team brings their kids, so that makes it not as much fun. During the rest of the year, I try to go out with friends once a month. I'm an extrovert, so I guess I'm just answering the question for time away from DS. Other than a massage, I really don't like being alone.
DS is 16 months, and it's gotten easier as he has gotten older to get away. Until six months it took him 45 minutes to nurse, but then at nine months, he started refusing the bottles. When I weaned at 1, it made it easier to be gone longer stretches and I started to go out more.
My daughter just turned one and I SAH. I get time to myself during naps. She's usually a good napper though and takes two 90 minute naps. Sometimes I nap too or I read or make phone calls. It's difficult to clean because her room is right off the kitchen and living room and she's a light sleeper. I also have an hour or two after she goes to sleep.
The hardest part for me is getting to leave the house without her. We found a sitter recently, but so far I've just used her for when I have dr appointments. I'm having trouble spending the money on a sitter so I can go work out or do things for myself, but I need to do this more. We don't have any help from family.
My husband is always willing to let me go out when he is home, but he works a lot and we like to spend the time he's home together as a family. I do keep a monthly dinner date with my friends though, which always helps me feel like myself again.
I have a 10 month old and I SAH in the summer. My DD takes 2 ~90 min naps a day, so I'm free then. I usually shower and do chores during the morning nap and then just veg for the afternoon nap. DD is in bed between 7-8 so I usually have a few hours at night as well. No one helps me besides my H. I feel like it's enough now but I do wish I could get out solo more. I never really do it because I'm still nursing and can't pump much anymore.
I get very little alone time. Not even a few minutes everyday. Right now my mil and mom are off work for summer so they help some but never fully take both kids. One morning a week is supposed to be my sleep in day but H usually wakes me up with questions or stressed out with both kids
I get a decent amount alone. Mine is a good napper (finally), so I get a few hours every afternoon that I really look forward to. I usually nap since I got pregnant. He plays well independently, so I can do chores while he plays. 2-4 times a week we also go to the gym for 1-1.5 hours and he goes to child care there. It has been awesome for him to be around other kids. Even when H is home, I am still typically the default parent. It kind of sucks, but if I am not feeling it he does jump in and take over. Usually he is doing house stuff though, so I can't really fault him.. Once in awhile MIL will ask if I want a few hours to myself and she will come play. I usually use that to go to a doctor's appointment though. Lol.
DD is 3.5yo and went to preschool 2x a week for a couple hours from September to May.
Now she is home all the time, so I have less time. But she has nap/quiet time for 1-2hrs every day, and then I get some time after she goes to bed. H is also good about taking her if he has an errand to run and my mom will watch her if I need time "off".
DH stays home during the school,year(and works in the evening when I get home). DS is 4.5. DH gets alone time when DS is in preschool(was MWF for two and a half hours, but will move to five days a week next year). DS still takes a nap, but DH will usually take a nap with him.
During the summer, the only true alone time is when he is sleeping. I don't feel I need outside help. He usually is good when we go places. I go stir crazy if we stay home all day, every day.
When my kids were little I had nap times, and DH has always been good about making sure I have time to run and workout. Beyond that, he encouraged me to go out by myself once or twice a week to get a breather. It may have only been a solo trip to the grocery store, but it helped.
Now that they are older, the older two are in school until 2:30. The 3 year old has preschool 6 hours a week, but she doesn't nap. Summers are busy. I get up early to run and depending on DH's schedule I'll get a little time in the evening 2-3 days a week. I have a gym membership with child care which I use 1-2 x a week as well. I feel like I get enough time to myself, but the kids still drive me crazy sometimes. No amount of alone time will help with that
I did not feel like I had enough me time until I transitioned my 15 month old to one nap. Before, he would go down from 10-12, my DD would nap from 1-3 and he would sometimes catch a nap at the tail end of hers.
While only having one at a time is a break, per se, I needed actual alone time to myself.
Now I work hard to wear them out in the mornings, feed lunch and put them down. On a good day I can get 3 hours! They are both doing MDO in the fall for 3 hours two days a week.
I SAH, DS is 3.5yo and DD is 3.5 months old. I get zero time to myself. DD is a bottle refuser, and I hate pumping, so honestly it's a monster of my own creation. I do get lots of non-DH help, my mom takes DS 2 days a week from 9-5 over the summer (she's a college professor on summer break). Having just DD is ridiculously easy, she's a great napper, so two days a week I get several hours to myself b/c she's asleep. She's also super easy to take places, she just falls asleep in her bucket seat for hours at a time. And she'll nurse anywhere.
To be honest, getting completely kid-free time right now would be more trouble than it's worth. I already have a breastmilk oversupply, pumping to leave bottles instantly makes it much, MUCH worse. Both my mom and DH have gotten really frustrated having DD, she cries the whole time (she never cries with me). So leaving DD is miserable for me and for her. It's just not worth it right now. Maybe when she starts solids and spreads out her nursing sessions.
Realistically I do get a lot but it doesn't always feel like it
If you are open to hiring someone, maybe do a search for mother's helpers on care.com? The nice thing about that kind of set up is that if you're in the house keeping an ear out for emergencies etc. you don't have to pay as much as you would for a babysitter you could leave him with. But the important thing is that you get time away to relax your guard and recharge.
It's important to your mental health to make time for yourself. I know it's easier said than done but try not to feel guilty. Mom matters too
Post by timorousbeastie on Jul 2, 2015 6:44:20 GMT -5
Until recently, my only me time was during her naps. I generally try to just relax during her naps, but sometimes it's just not possible, and I spend her entire nap taking care of other things that need to get done. For the past couple weeks, I've had a babysitter come once a week for a couple hours so I can have some downtime. The babysitter is going away to college in the fall, though, so at that point I'll be back to only having nap time for my breaks.
I work part time, but on the days I'm home I don't have any childcare. DD has pretty bad separation anxiety so it doesn't really feel worthwhile to try to leave her right now. Hopefully that will change soon.
For a while she would only nap in my arms or in the car or stroller and I felt like I never got "me" time, but now she naps in her crib and it's much easier. She also goes to bed at 6:45 so I have a couple hours after she goes to bed to do whatever (although she wakes up around 5:15 so I go to bed early too!)
When DD was a baby DH and I took turns running away on the weekends. She was a colicky refluxy miserable baby and just not that fun to be around. We seriously were rarely home on the same time on Saturday and Sunday's. Our parents babysat occasionally, but both of our moms were overwhelmed so it only happened a few times the first year.
It gets better. We have a much happier kid now and a much better balance. I probably get more time to myself than DH does though.
Rarely have time to myself (basically the occasional girls night or running errands after DH gets home) DD1 is in preschool during the school year and some camps this summer but DD2 is too young for anything.
My mom takes both every few months because I prefer instead to have her watch DD2 when I want to take DD1 just to do something.
My son is 2. Aside from my husband, we never have childcare assistance. Once every 6 months my mom might come up here and that's it. Finding a babysitter is on our list of things to do but we are currently living in house construction hell and have no desire for a babysitter to be in our home.
My son naps from 2-4:30/5 every day. I am happy with that amount of alone time each day.