Solo parenting?

[Deleted]

H is in charge of overseeing the implementation of a large change in the Healthcare industry at work. This change has huge ramifications for his company and will likely cause major programming issues. The change takes effect in the fall. He will be having morning, noon. And end of day meetings with the CEO and others on his team daily to make sure they stay on top of the issues as they arise. The CEO has requested the meetings so there is no getting around it. As a result, he will not be home to help with bedtime at all during the week.

Those of you that solo parent often, what sorts of things do you do to make it easier?

I've had some extra practice with it the last few months thanks to this project so I'm working out a system but it still sucks and is exhausting.

[betsyray]

Wine.

Days where they're driving me crazy, I take them to the mall after naps and let them run around the indoor playground for a bit, then we eat dinner there. Sometimes just getting out of the house makes it easier. In the summer, I feed them out in our backyard and let them run around and pick at their plates. We definitely lower standards I don't cook as often. My older one gets iPad time after his little brother is in bed so I also have some quiet time.

There are definitely times it sucks but occasionally we have a nice day where I feel like an awesome mom because both kids are happy, the house is picked up, and I get to watch whatever I want on TV.

[ECB]

I'm on my own a lot too due to DHs schedule. One of the things that helps is that when DH is home for bedtime, he handles the majority of it. Just knowing that he'll do it sometimes does help.

And I've also been known to plan a girls night out and ask my parents to babysit SPECIFICALLY so that they can deal w/ bedtime and give me a break.

For me, this really does help. Self imposed breaks from the bedtime routine!

[Deleted]

I agree with the PP, plan activities ahead of time that will tire them out! Relax more on screen time rules. Implement a routine for putting them to bed if you don't already have one.

[redpenmama]

H works late and travels frequently, so I am on my own a lot.

Go easy on dinners -- less cleanup and less cooking time. Make things that are enough for two nights, and then you're only cooking half the week.

Look for places that have kids' eat free nights, which are always during the week, and it's an excuse to go out to eat cheaply mid-week.

We always go on a walk around the neighborhood after dinner -- calms everyone down and gets them ready for bath/bedtime and avoids me having to coordinate another activity that late in the day.

Start bedtime early. After our walk, we always just go upstairs to start the bedtime routine. If it's too early, I just relax while they play in their bedrooms for a little while before the bath. Once we go upstairs (because we are always downstairs during the day), it shifts them into bedtime mode even if we're still an hour or two out from bedtime.

[jeaniebueller]

I do a lot of solo bedtimes lately because my H has been working late. I ususally feed the kids right when we get home, and they always eat convenience food or leftovers. There is really no way around that for now, at least as long as they both are starving immediately when we walk in the door. while DD is confined in her high chair, I can change clothes, do some picking up around the kitchen and start cooking our (H and I) dinner. On bath nights, she gets her bath right after dinner. The kids play for a bit, then DD goes to bed right at 7. DS takes his bath soon after and then plays until 8 and is in bed.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2015 9:19:04 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

I agree with the PP, plan activities ahead of time that will tire them out! Relax more on screen time rules. Implement a routine for putting them to bed if you don't already have one.

Yeah, see our problem is the routine we have down to a science but it involves both of us. But since I've had to do it myself several times the last month I'm coming up with an alternate way to get it done on my own. Thankfully the girls aren't tiny infants anymore so it's much more manageable with a 3yo and 2 15 mo than it was with a 1/2yo and infants!

[linz]

I like having a routine. My kids love being outside so we go on walks or just sit on the deck a lot to waste time before their last bottle. Read books or sing songs helps. Mine still get purees so no advice for dinners. I eat when they do or after they go to bed.

[Deleted]

Once you get used to it, it does get easier. Like pp said, sometimes when H is around I'm more annoyed. He's screwing up my schedule and routine man! LOL.

I think it helps and I know this get said 100xs but lower the standards. I've just had to realize I am only one person and only so much will get done as a result.

I try to do more scheduled activities so I'm not constantly on. Night-time is different but for example this summer we do the pool and library story time. We run outside for hours and hours a day. They're better occupied and I'm less on at those sorts of things. I also have to discipline less. Not to say every day and night is a schedule but I always like to have an idea of what we can do.

I also always have a back up plan in my mind. Not to say I follow the schedule to the letter at all (I don't) but when things go awry it's great to know what I could do next with the kids to get back on track.

We eat a lot of easy but still healthy stuff for dinner. I have more money than time in that area so if I can buy it prechopped I do. If I do something more time intensive I try to do it so the kids can participate. Fills time and good bonding.

I do as much with the kids together routine wise as I can. They take a bath together. Sometimes I throw them both in the shower with me. I taught my oldest to get her pjs on and brush her teeth herself while I get DS ready for bed. We do story time together in the LR. She keeps reading books while I put DS down. Then I put her to bed. I also keep bedtime routine as simple as possible. When I put DS down it involves just filling his sippy, turning his noise on, saying a prayer and leaving. Pretty much same with DD.

Teach your oldest how to do a few things too. It's great for the confidence. DD is so proud she can do pjs and teeth by herself for example. She can half unpack the dishwasher for me. She's still at that age where chores or fun so I utilize it. She has great independence skills because she has to and it's not a bad thing.

[juliette21]

Is the big change ICD-10? Sorry, I also work in the healthcare IT industry LOL. 

Anyway, I do a lot of solo parenting because my DH works long hours. Unfortunately, I end up using the TV a lot when I need to do something for one child and keep the other occupied, like baths. It's stressful the first few times you do it, but you do get in a groove after a bit and the kids do too. My boys are actually very good for me now when I am solo parenting. They act worse when we're both home for some reason.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2015 9:30:58 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

For dinners-easy is key, they won't care if you thrown mac n cheese and some fruit at them and it is easy. Crock pot meals that are ready with little clean up are great. Also, I will sometimes use paper plates so I don't have to load and run the dishwasher, especially if we are having something like sunbutter and jelly with fruit and carrots so there are virtually no other dishes. If you have family nearby, I would ask for as much help as you feel comfortable-for me, even if it is my sister and she isn't really helping, it just makes me feel better to have another adult to talk to.

If bathtime is stressful and not necessary to the routine, ddo only 1-2 baths during the week.

Does DS go down first or do the girls? Does that work pretty well for you now or do you divide and conquer? I would experiment some with this. Can you put him playing/reading quietly in his room while you put the girls down?

Ahh, good call on the sister thing. I bet I could get her to come over sometimes. Even if she is just there to hang out it does help me because then I'm distracted and don't notice it as much. She used to do this when I was pregnant with the girls and H was working late.

The whole bedtime routine is:
Bath
Pjs
teeth
4/5 books with all 3 kids
I take the girls and nurse and H comes too because I tandem and it's easier for him to help me get them when I finish. J watches you tube for about 5/10 mins while I nurse. Then dump the girls in their cribs
read 2 more books with J, listen to song with him and leave the room

Now that we are at the point where we can dump the girls in the cribs and they go to sleep on their own it's infinitely easier! The part that adds the extra time doing it solo is the bath. Since I'm usually bathing J and a baby while H dresses the other baby. Then he takes the second baby and I take J. But I've got it down on my own now I think. And I have no qualms about J getting a few extra minutes of sesame st songs on you tube if I need it.

[jr009j]

I tend to move our normal schedule 15 minutes earlier when I'm by myself. That way we have some flexibility if something doesn't go to plan and things don't feel as rushed. We do very simple meals or order pizza a lot when DH works

[Deleted]

juliette21 I think so. That rings a bell. I honestly don't understand his job. Its all just analyze, program, something or other to me. His job is half analyst half programmer and it's just weird.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2015 9:39:53 GMT -5 jr009j said:

I tend to move our normal schedule 15 minutes earlier when I'm by myself. That way we have some flexibility if something doesn't go to plan and things don't feel as rushed. We do very simple meals or order pizza a lot when DH works

Good idea! I have done this in the past, just having them all head upstairs 10 or 15 minutes early seems to help because then I don't feel rushed.

[kdubs923]

I don't juggle 3 bedtimes, but I solo parent often. DS doesn't usually get screen time during the week, but if it's a solo night, he's allowed to watch a Curious George. Most days he'll happily play in the kitchen, but if he's having a high-maintenance night, a cup of cheerios & George will buy me enough time to throw something together for dinner.

And by 'dinner', I mean the easiest meals possible, grilled cheese, deli meat rolled up with cheese, an uncrustable, oatmeal, mac & cheese or even just frozen meatballs, some jarred sauce & grated cheese. Add a fruit and a frozen veggie and it's dinner. Maybe a cheese stick? Whatever. If possible, we'll eat out on the deck, so I care less about cleaning whatever lands on the floor.

After dinner, right upstairs. I let him play while I get everything ready; take out pjs & nighttime diaper, get bath towel, start bath water, turn on sound machine, get toothbrush/any nighttime meds ready, pull out his clothes for the next day, etc. Then into the bath and do the whole pj/book/bed thing.

If I had to juggle three and knew it was temporary, I would not be above getting a mother's helper. A pre-teen/teen that lives nearby that can come over from 5-7 or 6-8... whatever would be easiest for you!

[juliette21]

Jul 2, 2015 9:44:20 GMT -5 @awinter said:

juliette21 I think so. That rings a bell. I honestly don't understand his job. Its all just analyze, program, something or other to me. His job is half analyst half programmer and it's just weird.

Haha no worries I was just reading your post and having a mini heart attack thinking something big was happening in my industry that I didn't know about. Then I got to the part where you said the Fall and I was like, "oh yeah, ICD-10."

[jeaniebueller]

Honestly, I wouldn't do baths every night and I would cut down the number of books from 4/5 to 2/3. BUT I am a lazy parent in the evening and when 7pm comes, I am just D-O-N-E with life. lol

[mlt]

We switched DS1 from baths to showers and it has changed my life. He plays in one shower for like a half hour while I bathe DS2, dress him, and put him down. Then I get DS1 out and do the PJs, books, songs routine. Divide and conquer! DS1 loves showers and they keep him occupied for as long as I'll let him stay in there.

[tealblue]

Easy meals/leftovers. DH works late almost every night (I only have 1 kid so it's easier). We do baths every other night, and honestly if he's taking forever with dinner, we might skip and just wipe down.

We play outside for a while, then i get his dinner warmed up. If I'm making dinner, I get that started and let him watch tv while he eats. I usually grab dinner but sometimes just wait until he's in bed.

My saving has been prepping a large dinner on the weekends. I make a lot and eat leftovers for a few days. Then I don't have to cook much during the week. We've been super busy for the last few weekends and haven't gotten to do that.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2015 9:47:54 GMT -5 juliette21 said:

Jul 2, 2015 9:44:20 GMT -5 @awinter said:

juliette21 I think so. That rings a bell. I honestly don't understand his job. Its all just analyze, program, something or other to me. His job is half analyst half programmer and it's just weird.

Haha no worries I was just reading your post and having a mini heart attack thinking something big was happening in my industry that I didn't know about. Then I got to the part where you said the Fall and I was like, "oh yeah, ICD-10."

I just googled. Yup, that's it. His company makes cloud based billing software for practitioners and hospitals etc.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2015 9:48:41 GMT -5 mlt said:

We switched DS1 from baths to showers and it has changed my life. He plays in one shower for like a half hour while I bathe DS2, dress him, and put him down. Then I get DS1 out and do the PJs, books, songs routine. Divide and conquer! DS1 loves showers and they keep him occupied for as long as I'll let him stay in there.

Any advice for how to get J to stop being terrified of the shower? Something must have happened at swimming because now he scream hysterically and asks every week to take a bath at home instead of a shower at swimming.

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2015 9:47:50 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Honestly, I wouldn't do baths every night and I would cut down the number of books from 4/5 to 2/3. BUT I am a lazy parent in the evening and when 7pm comes, I am just D-O-N-E with life. lol

Ha. This is me. I love books and I love my kids. But it gets to be bedtime and I'm like "2 books. Shortest board book you can find DS and whatever you want. With a lot of pictures!" 

I also taught DD to shower or I shower with both kids. DS hates the bath lately. So it involves dumping a cup of water on him and calling it clean. 

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2015 9:52:36 GMT -5 @awinter said:

Jul 2, 2015 9:48:41 GMT -5 mlt said:

We switched DS1 from baths to showers and it has changed my life. He plays in one shower for like a half hour while I bathe DS2, dress him, and put him down. Then I get DS1 out and do the PJs, books, songs routine. Divide and conquer! DS1 loves showers and they keep him occupied for as long as I'll let him stay in there.

Any advice for how to get J to stop being terrified of the shower? Something must have happened at swimming because now he scream hysterically and asks every week to take a bath at home instead of a shower at swimming.

Will he wear swim goggles? DD disliked the shower for awhile because of water in her eyes. The goggles made her happy. 
she also stands with her back to the spray instead of the front. 

I also only wash the "back" of her hair on shower nights. 

I let her take a toy with her. 

I also let her use my "good" soap. She feels all grown up and will stay in there.

[specialk]

DS is a police officer and works opposite shifts, so we are both always alone with the baby. I know it's a bit different since he's younger and there's just one of him. For me, I try to do as much as possible the two nights a week he is home. I cook in advance so I have things I can just heat up for dinner. I agree with PP- I also have him take care of bath and bedtime on the two nights he is home because it helps to know that I can take a break from it sometimes. In the afternoons on the weekends, I try to get out of the house as much as possible to break up the day.

[chickadee77]

I have a schedule of sorts.

Wake up, breakfast, go for a walk, nap.

Once she wakes up, we go do something, anything - Target, grocery, play date, story time - outside of the house. Come home, lunch, nap.

Afternoons are tough. We'll play, go swimming, if I'm really going nuts, we'll get out of the house again.

I pretty much always do bedtime solo, even if H is home, because like PP, he tends to get her riled up so she takes longer to go down.

[Marmee]

I lazy parent...

Less baths
More eating out

Lol

[mlt]

Jul 2, 2015 9:52:36 GMT -5 @awinter said:

Jul 2, 2015 9:48:41 GMT -5 mlt said:

We switched DS1 from baths to showers and it has changed my life. He plays in one shower for like a half hour while I bathe DS2, dress him, and put him down. Then I get DS1 out and do the PJs, books, songs routine. Divide and conquer! DS1 loves showers and they keep him occupied for as long as I'll let him stay in there.

Any advice for how to get J to stop being terrified of the shower? Something must have happened at swimming because now he scream hysterically and asks every week to take a bath at home instead of a shower at swimming.

We have special "shower toys" (random plastic toys) that he only plays with in the shower and has to leave in there - those entice him a lot. We also have bath crayons in there. It's like his own mini playroom!

When he first started taking showers instead of baths he was a little scared so I made MH get in with him. We also talked up how "big boys" do showers and babies do baths (like his brother). That helped some.

[Queen Mamadala]

I solo parented during the bulk of my first marriage. He deployed a lot or was away on assignment. I tried to keep a simple routine and keep busy at times to help the time pass. Definitely easy meals. Overtime, though, it became my normal and it was difficult when he returned, because it disrupted my routine and how I ran things.

[greencrayon]

Jul 2, 2015 9:55:35 GMT -5 Marmee said:

I lazy parent...

Less baths
More eating out

Lol

We actually do more baths now. It keeps her entertained and I can chill on my iPhone for 20 minutes.

[osulori]

I've only got one kid to wrangle and not three, but ditto the convenience foods. We have a lot of leftovers or something super quick I can microwave-english muffin pizzas, quesadillas, frozen veggies, etc. Sometimes I'll thaw/cook something like hot dogs, pasta etc so I can grab them out of the fridge and heat up later in the week.

And wine. Definitely wine. Or beer. AJ's new phrase is "Mommy beew/doose (juice aka wine)!" every time he sees a beer bottle or wine glass. Oops.