s/o throwing, at what age do you start "discipline?"

[cricketwife]

I'm not sure how e a toy to phrase this question. dS is 17 months and pretty much our "discipline" has been redirecting, removing from the situation, saying "we do (desired behavior ), we don't (undesired behavior ). I almost posted this last night when DS was throwing his food, plate, cup when he was finished. Then Jalapeñomel posted basically the same thing today. I feel like DS should be old not to do some of these things but I don't know how to get the behavior I want.  Anothe example is cleaning up. He will help pick up his toys and out them in the basket, but then he wil go and dump out all the toys at the end of the process.  Read the weekly emails from positive discipline and woukd like to go that route, but I feel kind of at a loss. Suggestions? 

Eta : accidentally posted too soon! 

[Deleted]

I started with the redirection early on. It works well with my both my kids. Both of my kids have a tendency to get naughty when stressed in a situation/overwhelmed so the redirection shifts gears and we move on. Well before a year I started that.

I started with the explanations of things early on too. Dd responded and still does well with that. DS doesn't care yet but I do it anyways.

Time outs with DD were closer to two. She's now almost 4 and I'm starting with the taking away of stuff. I could've done both earlier but she's honestly a people pleaser and easier child so I never had to do much.

DS is 16 months and I just started with a made up time out/remove from the situation a few weeks ago. He needs it..ha.

I make them apologize when warranted and do hugs as soon as they can. This is a big one for DD.

I'm also a big believer in natural consequences and started with that about 2ish and some now with DD. Just whenever I think they can make the connection between cause and effect. I still use my best judgement on that. Throw a toy, it's mine and you don't get to play is something my 16 month old understands just fine. He has no concept of "If I don't wear mittens I freeze my fingers off!" because he's not smart enough nor does he have the vocab to ask about it yet, kwim?

Basically, I like to start discipline early. It's just more ingrained and in practice that way.

I also get that none of this is really positive discipline related so maybe ignore me.

[Deleted]

With the food, you need to be ON IT and take stuff away before it gets thrown. That's the only way to prevent it. Your kid has very little impulse control, so you have to control the situation. It's more of a "natural consequences" (what is thrown is gone) stage than a "discipline" stage.

[mlt]

At that age I didn't discipline (how can you?), but I was strict with natural consequences from the beginning. Hitting is a good example - if they hit us we put them down or walk away immediately. They scream and we ignore.

Throwing food means dinner is over.

Going for the Christmas tree/outlet/fireplace when we have said "leave it" means immediate removal from the area.

[osulori]

Jul 2, 2015 10:38:28 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

With the food, you need to be ON IT and take stuff away before it gets thrown. That's the only way to prevent it. Your kid has very little impulse control, so you have to control the situation. It's more of a "natural consequences" (what is thrown is gone) stage than a "discipline" stage.

This has been the only way I've been able to curb AJ's food/plate/cup throwing (okay, he still throws the cup some at home when he's frustrated but it's got a lid on it so I can live with that for now).  Lots of watching him and grabbing whatever before he can throw it.  It started getting particularly bad around the age your son is now, but has gotten markedly better in the last couple months (AJ will be two in a couple weeks).  I've also found telling him repeatedly that if he's all done, he needs to put his food on the plate/in the bowl/to the side (see food dumping issue below) helps.

The dumping his food off his plate/out of the bowl and onto the table is another story entirely...but at least he doesn't do it in public and it's not food throwing, right?

[cricketwife]

Jul 2, 2015 10:41:39 GMT -5 mlt said:

At that age I didn't discipline (how can you?), but I was strict with natural consequences from the beginning. Hitting is a good example - if they hit us we put them down or walk away immediately. They scream and we ignore.

Throwing food means dinner is over.

Going for the Christmas tree/outlet/fireplace when we have said "leave it" means immediate removal from the area.

Lol. That's kind if the problem, he throws it to tell me "dinner is over, mama!" 

[greencrayon]

Do you guys give warnings? "If you throw your food again mommy will take it away"?

[cricketwife]

Jul 2, 2015 10:17:45 GMT -5 @this said:

no restraint, no boundaries, didn't understand consequences well, and had no comprehension of rewards

Exactly, lol! 

[cricketwife]

Jul 2, 2015 10:53:15 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

Do you guys give warnings? "If you throw your food again mommy will take it away"?

He just throws crumbs that are left on the plate. I never give things back once he has thrown them, but if he is throwing them, he doesn't want them back, so it's not really a consequence, kwim?  I think I need to do what others have said and be better at preventing. I'm often trying to accomplish something else in the kitchen while he is eating. 

[Deleted]

Jul 2, 2015 10:53:15 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

Do you guys give warnings? "If you throw your food again mommy will take it away"?

LOL, no, not with the 1 year old. It has to be like a puppy. If A, then B. Every time. 

The 4 year old sometimes gets warnings, because he stands a chance at choosing to change his behaviour. 

[niq]

Signing in for "that age sucked". For food, daycare gives one warning, puts it back in the bowl, and the second time takes it away. Starting at 12 months.

V is almost 2. Sometimes we say "give daddy the toy or I'm going to count to 3 and take it away" etc. Sometimes it seems to work, sometimes it doesn't? We're not doing timeouts yet, but we don't really have bad behavior that timeout seems like it would really cure.

If something is an absolute no, like walking while not holding hands in the parking lot, no warnings. You can do this without busting out your "mom voice" or whatever. I have a hard time with that and had to teach myself not to. For stuff that's critical for you (doesn't have to be safety-related, just super important to you), do it this way.

[browneyedgirl9]

Ugh we are here too. Same age as cricket, 17 mon. Throwing food/ sippy off his tray is driving me crazy.

He will also clean up then dump toys everywhere too.

Discipline has been hard. As he laughs when we are serious with him. We redirect the dest we can and remove him from thr situation

[sent]

Jul 2, 2015 10:53:15 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

Do you guys give warnings? "If you throw your food again mommy will take it away"?

LOL if she could talk, she'd probably be like "SO? I DON'T LIKE EATING ANYWAYS."

I feel much better knowing that I am not alone in this food tossing struggle. In our house, I see she's about to do it and usually I am not quick enough to get the food out of the way.  We've broken a ramekin in this process.  Then we had to go shopping to buy a new one. And I don't put ramekins on her tray anymore, lesson learned for mommy.

[laurack]

hmm yes definitely not an easy age for discipline. I find around 2 they become more malleable (more open to bribes/threats). At this age they are just gaily destroying the world as they see fit and laugh in the face of behavioural modification attempts