An Observation....

[VillainV]

Since C's been in the hospital, we have received literally THOUSANDS of messages of prayer and support.  It's amazing.  One thing we weren't expecting is the number of people who have offered to set up GoFundMe pages on social media on our behalf.  I realize that we are incredibly lucky to have excellent medical coverage, and that the majority of Americans (unfortunately) would probably face a big financial burden if they were in our situation.   I guess offering to set up GoFundMe pages is the new passing an envelope at work or taking up a collection at church?  But we were really surprised that people's first reaction wasn't to ask us if we need financial assistance, or to offer financial assistance to us themselves, but rather was to facilitate hitting up other people for money on our behalf.  I find it an interesting commentary on society that A) So many people truly need financial help from friends and families when a loved one unexpectedly gets ill because of the sad state of healthcare in our country, and B) people's first inclination is to hit up others for money in order to cover this need.    

I guess the other side of this, that my husband pointed out, is that so many of our friends and family are VERY far away from us geographically, and see fundraising as perhaps the only tangible way they can help us out (which many people so very kindly want to do for us in any way that they can).  I know people's hearts are in the right place, it just struck me as a little odd.

[chickens987]

I think it's about making people's lives easier - even if you don't need to spend lots of money related to medical care, you may still have to pay for parking, or not have time or energy to cook so want takeout or want to have family or friends come visit, and you could pay for their travel.

Honestly, I would give even if it wasn't about expenses or lost wages - if I were close I'd bring a meal, but if I can't, I might as well offer some gesture.

[patbutcher]

I guess I can see where they are coming from. I would feel kind of awkward offering cash to a friend in your situation but through a gofundme, I could donate anonomously plus get others to pitch in without you going through the embarassment of asking people for money.

However, as a general rule, I am not a fan of gofundme sites. Even the name makes me cringe.

[swank]

Jul 2, 2015 13:47:45 GMT -5 VillainV said:

   
I guess the other side of this, that my husband pointed out, is that so many of our friends and family are VERY far away from us geographically, and see fundraising as perhaps the only tangible way they can help us out (which many people so very kindly want to do for us in any way that they can).  I know people's hearts are in the right place, it just struck me as a little odd.

This was the case for us. We are very far away from family and many of our friends. They wanted to help but they weren't able to make a meal or come by the hospital. Our local friends did that but for those far away it helped them to feel as if they were doing something and we were beyond appreciative.  Honestly, the outpouring of support still amazes me. 

I also wanted to add that despite it's popularity, GFM take 5% off of every donation. That's a huge percentage for some funds in addition to the transferring fees. 

[pinkpinot]

In certain situations I don't view a gofundme as "hitting people up for cash" but a kind gesture that says: "hey, our friend's child is having medical issues, let's help out if we can."

I would be very humbled and thankful if I had caring people in my life willing to organize something for me if I were struggling with medical bills or had huge medical bills on the horizon.

[Brie]

Jul 2, 2015 13:47:45 GMT -5 VillainV said:

 I realize that we are incredibly lucky to have excellent medical coverage, and that the majority of Americans (unfortunately) would probably face a big financial burden if they were in our situation.  

I thought we had excellent medical coverage before everything happened with P.  And while it's still good, it's financially the death by a thousand cuts. We regularly pay $50-100/week in co-pays now just for him ($25 each for therapy and specialist appointments, $75 a month for EI), plus $90/month for medications.  And there's a random $100 bill for an ambulance here, and $400 of uncovered expenses from a hospital visit there...and when it's not something you planned or budgeted for, it can sink you, quickly.

It was really hard for H and I to come around to the idea of a collection like this, since we do make good money, but we are so glad we did.  Bills are starting to roll in and we are are realizing that we will likely have to use most of the YouCaring pugz set up for them.  It's humbling. 

It's not like you can budget ahead of time for catastrophic medical expenses, KWIM?  Even if you have an e-fund, with chronic conditions it will just keep adding up.

[VillainV]

Jul 2, 2015 14:45:27 GMT -5 patbutcher said:

I guess I can see where they are coming from. I would feel kind of awkward offering cash to a friend in your situation but through a gofundme, I could donate anonomously plus get others to pitch in without you going through the embarassment of asking people for money.

However, as a general rule, I am not a fan of gofundme sites. Even the name makes me cringe.

I hadn't thought about the appeal of making an anonymous donation. That makes lots of sense.

[Deleted]

I'm going to agree with what a lot of pps said.

I will also add this. Gofundme, pass the envelope, sending gift cards etc. is what people do when they don't know what else to do. And in situations like yours and others, sometimes there isn't reall a lot to do other than hang out and wait, kwim?

When I was pregnant the first time, people set up a fund for us locally as did the internet. It was amazing, it awesome, it was humbling. I didn't need the money thank God persay, but it was great to know I could go ahead and do some good in the world myself to feel better, or buy some wine guilt free.

I also got really burned out trying to dream up things for people to do who wanted help, because quite honestly, there was only about 3 things to do sometimes and I wanted to do it myself because I wanted to be alone or feel in control of some normal part of life. If I could say, "Hey, there's a really great fund set up for us. We're planning to use it for a scholarship fund (or whatever). If you could contribute that'd be awesome!" I got people off my back nicely, people felt like they were helping so win all around

[pugz]

I also think it's about people wanting to make life easier for you, even if you do have good insurance.

For Brie many people contacted me wanting to help out and we set up a private YouCaring page and asked people NOT to share it on social media. It was only shared with ladies here who requested the info and a few other friends/family members that contacted Brie directly. So no randos were following it

If a friend of family member sets one up for you I know many ladies here would like to contribute if you feel comfortable sharing the link. I think youcaring is a good site because they take no fees. The only fees deducted are from the credit card companies and those are unavoidable no matter which site you use.

[VillainV]

Yeah, our "really good health care" is Tricare, so it's basically what all other civilized western nations offer (except maybe a teensy bit better because we get care in a privately-funded system on the goverment's dime). We will probably not pay a cent OOP for C's illness. I know I've bitched about Tricare before, and honestly it's only so-so for normal healthy people, but MAN does it kick in when someone gets really really sick. I just hope Congress doesn't take it away from dependents like they're talking about doing....

I hadn't thought about lost wages. We're trying to figure out if C will still be able to go to daycare when he's on chemo, and we've heard different things from different doctors. It's entirely possible that H will have to SAH for the next several months, though I guess we'll be saving a lot on daycare fees every month.

I hope nobody took my comments the wrong way. We are UNBELIEVABLY touched by people's generosity. I guess it's a sign of the times that people now do that through GoFundMe.

[Brie]

I encourage you to accept help as much as possible. It's hard but it will allow you to focus where you need to most. I've found things like take out gift cards and freezer meals incredibly helpful while I get used to a new routine of doing PT exercises with P after daycare every night, little stuff like that. Let others make the rest of your life as easy as possible right now. You can pay it forward to others down the line.

If you ever want a listening ear, I'm here. Hugs.

[VillainV]

Jul 2, 2015 22:08:57 GMT -5 Brie said:

I encourage you to accept help as much as possible. It's hard but it will allow you to focus where you need to most. I've found things like take out gift cards and freezer meals incredibly helpful while I get used to a new routine of doing PT exercises with P after daycare every night, little stuff like that. Let others make the rest of your life as easy as possible right now. You can pay it forward to others down the line.

If you ever want a listening ear, I'm here. Hugs.

Thanks, Brie, I appreciate your advice.  I've always been one of those people who is HORRIBLE at asking for help, and you're right -- it's time to get over that and accept all the help people are offering us.  At this point we really have no idea what the future will hold for us, and while we don't feel like we need help RIGHT NOW, we might down the road.    

[vanillacourage]

I think it's part of a societal trend. I'm a terrible cook, I'm crazy busy at work + my own family, but throwing $25 in a GFM feels like I'm at least doing something, KWIM?