Has anyone's marriage survived an affair? PM me please. A little background: I found out in mid February that DH has(d) been having an affair for 3 years with an unmarried woman he works with. She called me at 3am after they had a fight & he left their hotel room & let me know along with all the gory details. He travels all the time & I had NO idea any of this had been going on. We're in marriage counseling & he's stopped the affair but I am having a hard time with all of this.
I am so sorry, JCM. I have no experience or sage advice. I am glad he has agreed to marriage counseling. I think it is normal to be having a hard time with it. It's a huge deal. Are you guys doing counseling separately, too?
I wish I had more to offer you, but internet hugs will have to do.
I'm so sorry. I agree with lala, individual counseling might be a good place to help process your feelings. I'm SURE that even with joint counseling and him ending the affair that your current feelings are justified and understandable. Many hugs.
I am really sorry that you are going through this. I am glad that you guys are seeing a counselor, but also agree that seeing someone individually may be beneficial. We are always here if you need to talk/vent! Hugs.
Oy. I am so sorry you are dealing with that. I agree that individual counseling would be helpful if you're not doing that already. I don't know what that line would be for leaving/staying/pushing through, but whatever you're feeling is normal and acceptable I am sure. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve as you need to. I am sure you'll find an outcome you're comfortable with given time.
Damn, I am so sorry you're going through this. I really have no words of advice either, but I think you're doing the right thing by going to counseling. Hopefully that will help you to get in a place where you can think things through with a clear head and move on in whatever way you decide is best. Sending you hugs, girl, I just can't imagine how tough that must be.
Thank you ladies. I haven't been to individual counseling yet but I do have an appointment on the 20th. I think it will help me sort through the millions of emotions I go through daily, as well as, obsessive thoughts. I really want things to work out & he seems to truly be sorry. I knew we didn't have a great relationship but I really didn't think it was that bad. I just thought we didn't have enough sex & I was having a hard time dealing with motherhood with no emotional support from my family that I always thought would be there. DH has always been great with helping me through my PPA but it got to a point that I didn't want to burden him with all my problems & I think that is when things started to go downhill. One of the things that I struggle with is that I still love him & have always loved him. I truly 100% never thought he would be the type of man to cheat on me and jeopardize our family. The length of the affair is also shocking.
Post by rosesandpetals on Jul 2, 2015 15:35:17 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. I don't have any experience but sending internet hugs. I will say, although the circumstances were different, marriage counseling completely changed everything for me. I went into it fully expecting a divorce and even had a lawyer on retainer at one point (we both did, actually). I never expected that we would get to this point where things are feeling calm again... Of course every relationship is different and you need to do what is best for you. Hugs.
I remember a conversation where a reg said she had been through it. I haven't seen her around in awhile and don't want to tag her in case I'm misremembering.
I just wanted to also say sorry and send hugs your way. I don't have any personal experience to offer but you can always vent here. Individual counseling is a great idea so that you can also work on yourself, not just the marriage. You have a right to all the feelings you are experiencing and I wish you the best.
I would be shocked by the length of the affair too. I feel like that would bother me most. Agree with a pp though that some people say walk and others say work on it. Only you know what's best for you and your family.
Post by penguingrrl on Jul 2, 2015 16:20:40 GMT -5
Sending you hugs! I am so sorry you're going through this. I agree with everyone else that it sounds like individual counseling would really be beneficial at this point.
Im truly sorry you are going through this and I dont have experience. As others have said some will say walk while others will say stay but i truly think that is a individual decision. It will be a rough go and hopefully it can be worked through. If you need to just talk or vent we are all here for you.
I am so sorry. Please let me know if you are still interested in getting together. My mom is here, but I'm available later next week. We don't have to talk about it, but I can be a great listener if you want to talk.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've never been in this position, but have been in a marriage where all the crazy thoughts controlled my mind and individual counseling helped me a LOT with that process. Personally I don't think I could stay in a marriage where DH cheated on me. Loosing trust is such a hard thing to regain. It takes a lot of work from BOTH spouses.
We survived the affair and we came out stronger and closer than ever. And then eight years later it happened again. We have not survived this one. I was not willing to work through it. I'm so sorry. You could very well be okay together as long as you're able to rebuild the trust you've lost. Hugs.