That doesn't even seem fun to bring your baby to something like that. Hell no would I want to watch someone else's kid when I was planning on a kid free day. And I don't think she is a shitty friend since she made her own childcare arrangements so its obvious that she doesn't want to be in charge of someone else's kid. Plus, Warrior Dash is NOT a kid event. Like, at all.
I guess the cheese stands alone bc I'm the only one who doesn't see the big deal here.
If it were a random dinner at a pizza joint or hanging at someone's house - sure. Not a pre-planned adults-only event where the participants have paid money to do it, are exhausted afterward and just want to party and relax.
I guess the cheese stands alone bc I'm the only one who doesn't see the big deal here. Maybe they don't have childcare, or don't feel comfortable leaving such a tiny baby. I think you're kind of a shitty friend.(even though I get that you don't really like her, but I'm assuming he's a good friend to H. I needed people's help in those first months, I needed support. It's not like they're asking you to watch the baby all weekend. Maybe I'm missing something since I'm the only one that thinks this.
Because it is a *really* weird thing to bring a kid too. It's like someone showing up at a rock concert with their child and being like "here, just hold her while I have a quick run through the mosh pit."
If it were a random dinner at a pizza joint or hanging at someone's house - sure. Not a pre-planned adults-only event where the participants have paid money to do it, are exhausted afterward and just want to party and relax.
Maybe it's different bc she doesn't like her but if this were someone I really cared about, I'd have offered by now. I want the people I love to enjoy themselves, it's not all about me. If watching a baby even if I don't really want to then I would.
I also think the OP might be a bit presumptuous as she really doesn't know that they are assuming she'll do it. It sounds like her H doesn't mind so why is she creating tension where there doesn't need to be any?
you'd really be cool with having to watch someone else's kid over a weekend where you'd gone to the trouble to arrange for child care for your own kid?
all this "you're a shitty friend" is priggish. sometimes even people with teeny, needy newborns need to make their own choices and handle their own childcare without leaning on friends (who have their OWN children that they've already handled). i'm all for pitching in and it takes a village, but keep your kids away from my pre-arranged kid-free weekend.
If it were a random dinner at a pizza joint or hanging at someone's house - sure. Not a pre-planned adults-only event where the participants have paid money to do it, are exhausted afterward and just want to party and relax.
Maybe it's different bc she doesn't like her but if this were someone I really cared about, I'd have offered by now. I want the people I love to enjoy themselves, it's not all about me. If watching a baby even if I don't really want to then I would.
I also think the OP might be a bit presumptuous as she really doesn't know that they are assuming she'll do it. It sounds like her H doesn't mind so why is she creating tension where there doesn't need to be any?
LOL, you are like the anti-Nigel right now.
And I'm with the OP, she arranged her own childcare and it's wrong for the friends to just assume that she will watch their kid while they run (which we're not sure if that is actually what is happening....) without checking it out with her first.
If I'm out with friends and sure, you want to eat so I'll hold your infant for a little while, no problemo; but not this sort of event, it's just not appropriate.
I'm guessing the other side of this story looks very different.
Mom is exhausted and sleep deprived. She is sick of being covered in puke and milk and doesn't want to add mud. She has nooooo interest in participating in the WD anymore. She may not have fully physically recovered PP and is probably medically advised not to participate yet. She hasn't arranged for a babysitter as a result. She has tried to explain this to her husband who has blinders on. He just keeps saying "it'll be fun!" "sawyer can take the baby while you run!"
at 4 months, i wouldn't have wanted to leave L overnight. so i didn't. i also didn't take her with me to: -bachelorette parties -triathalons in which i was a participant -bungee jumping -a weekend in napa with girlfriends -a smelter
the solution here is easy, and it's not OP taking the kid.
I'm guessing the other side of this story looks very different.
Mom is exhausted and sleep deprived. She is sick of being covered in puke and milk and doesn't want to add mud. She has nooooo interest in participating in the WD anymore. She may not have fully physically recovered PP and is probably medically advised not to participate yet. She hasn't arranged for a babysitter as a result. She has tried to explain this to her husband who has blinders on. He just keeps saying "it'll be fun!" "sawyer can take the baby while you run!"
I'm guessing the other side of this story looks very different.
Mom is exhausted and sleep deprived. She is sick of being covered in puke and milk and doesn't want to add mud. She has nooooo interest in participating in the WD anymore. She may not have fully physically recovered PP and is probably medically advised not to participate yet. She hasn't arranged for a babysitter as a result. She has tried to explain this to her husband who has blinders on. He just keeps saying "it'll be fun!" "sawyer can take the baby while you run!"
this isn't and shouldn't be OPs problem.
I'm not suggesting it is. I just don't think she is planning on participating and her husband doesn't get it.
at 4 months, i wouldn't have wanted to leave L overnight. so i didn't. i also didn't take her with me to: -bachelorette parties -triathalons in which i was a participant -bungee jumping -a weekend in napa with girlfriends -a smelter
the solution here is easy, and it's not OP taking the kid.
Well obviously, lol. I just don't think it's totally black and white.
of course not. but "you're a shitty friend" kinda is.
Post by sawyerthedestroyer on Aug 17, 2012 15:28:11 GMT -5
We always help out with the baby if we're out to eat or whatever so mom and dad can eat because we remember what it's like for kiddo to have a complete an total meltdown the second food came near our mouths. It's not a matter of being unwilling to help most of the time.
It's a matter of this is supposed to be an adults-only event and it's sounding like it's not going to be after all. I'm going off of H's intuition and a history of procrastination or just plain not following through this couple has demonstrated in the past. That's why I think they won't have childcare lined up and will be asking us to watch the baby.
And H absolutely does mind, but he's chickenshit and thinks it would be rude to say no.
Yes, I am assuming that they will ask, but I don't want to be caught off-guard without a nice way of saying no-can-do. That's why I came to you ladies as so many of you can word things so eloquently.
I think it's a big freaking deal when I ask someone to watch my kids, even my inlaws or my family. If I were to impose on a friend that way, I would have asked her weeks in advance, stewed over my imposition to the point where I was dreading the event, and at the last minute, I would back out because I would fully come to the conclusion that this is in no way ok. I mean, the pp arranged for childcare for her own kid. Why the hell would she want to take care of someone else's?
of course not. but "you're a shitty friend" kinda is.
Being a good friend means doing it even though it's sometimes inconvenient. I guess OP doesn't really want to be her friend so maybe that was out of line, although, it's something she might consider doing for the sake of her H's friendship.
Bottom line, she doesn't even have to do it, her H can if he chooses so why create drama btwn him and his friend? And, even if she's right by all accounts here, she's still going to look like a shrew to her H and his friends.
I think the new parents are being bad friends by expecting this.
i have no social life because of my child. dem's da breaks kid. i dont expect others to sacrifice their good time to accommodate me and my life decisions. my inability to find a sitter is not their problem.
I don't either. This will only be the second child-free weekend H and I have had since Bran was born. I decline things all the time because I don't want to dump him on someone else. If we can't get a sitter and it's not something he needs to be around we stay home.
Being a good friend even though it's inconvenient is offering to take their kid so they can go out for a Friday night even though you've had a long week or are exhausted because you know they could use a break.
Not rearranging your plans - after you've arranged to be child free - because they assume you'll be fine with it. In fact a good friend in this case would call them on their non friend behaviour and say "seriously? I didn't bring my OWN kid, why would I want to be responsible for yours?" so they don't do it again and piss off all of their friends by being "THOSE PEOPLE"
i have no social life because of my child. dem's da breaks kid. i dont expect others to sacrifice their good time to accommodate me and my life decisions. my inability to find a sitter is not their problem.
Wow. I don't expect anyone to sacrifice for me, they choose to sometimes and I don't believe that most consider it a true sacrifice. For example
Friend: que, let's have drinks this week Me: can't, H is OOT Friend: we'll come to you after her bedtime. Me: sure.
I'm not asking people to watch my kid, and NEITHER HAVE THESE PEOPLE. I'm not asking anyone to accommodate my life decisions, I make room in my life for people I love and they do the same for me. I don't know how you maintain relationships if you don't.
And to the OP, my shitty friend comment was based on my misunderstanding that your H actually thought this was no big deal and you were standing in the way of him helping his friend.
You do see how this example is different from "oh it's my turn to run, since you left your kid at home for the adults only weekend hold my baby" that the OP's 'friends' seem to have a history of doing?
Your example isn't even inconvenient. Everyone still gets drinks and planned it knowing your kid would be there.
These people sound like the kind who get invited to an adult only cocktail party or wedding and assume their kid is the exception because they can't stand the idea of leaving it with a babysitter.
i have no social life because of my child. dem's da breaks kid. i dont expect others to sacrifice their good time to accommodate me and my life decisions. my inability to find a sitter is not their problem.
Wow. I don't expect anyone to sacrifice for me, they choose to sometimes and I don't believe that most consider it a true sacrifice. For example
Friend: que, let's have drinks this week Me: can't, H is OOT Friend: we'll come to you after her bedtime. Me: sure.
I've never done a warrier dash, what are we talking about? Holding an infant for an hour? Or holding an infant for a full afternoon including feeding and naps etc.?
I don't either. This will only be the second child-free weekend H and I have had since Bran was born. I decline things all the time because I don't want to dump him on someone else. If we can't get a sitter and it's not something he needs to be around we stay home.
don't listen to que. she is really wrong here.
do you actually have any sitter recommendations you or your h could pass along to them?
They're friends with all the same people we are. Our regular sitter is only 13 so I know she's a no-go for overnights.
StL is about 5 hours away for all of us, which is why this is a weekend and not just a one-day thing.
I realize that. I was trying to explain to SMACE how it's possible for me to have a social life without dumping on anyone or expecting them to sacrifice.
Maybe 'shitty friend' was out of line but I still just don't get why this is a big deal, I wouldnt see it as a sacrifice but obviously I'm alone in that. And an ass.
No, I think I'm with you too. IF we're talking about "can you please hold the baby for an hour while I run really quick", then ya, I don't get the big deal either. If it's a full afternoon then okay, I get it more.
But I like babies and am usually up for holding them. Especially because I had a needy 4 month old that couldn't be put down and my god I just needed to get out sometimes.
Ya, it's kind of presumptuous if they do expect you to just hold the baby, and kind of shitty of them if they wait until the last second to ask, but eh, those are cloudy days and she's probably not at her best right now.
Honestly, it just sounds like it's a friendship the op doen't care all that much about. I'm putting myself in op's shoes and if this is a person I care about then I would probably just email and offer to hold the baby so they can do something fun together. If it were a person I hated then I might be annoyed too.
I still get giddy when I get to have a child free social event and I have been a parent for almost 5 years. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting this responsibility.
And you know what it sucks to miss out on stuff because you have a kid. I have nursing 3 mo old who only takes a boob.it sucks but that is life. I wouldn't dream of killing someone else's good time at the moment.
Post by sawyerthedestroyer on Aug 17, 2012 16:26:52 GMT -5
Well, the intent of this post wasn't "Hey everyone, come in and tell me how shitty these people are being." I was just asking for advice of how to respond if the question is asked because I'd rather avoid drama if at all possible. I'm going to start with the advice of making a big deal out of it being a kid-free weekend and how much I plan to drink and how filthy we're going to get. Hopefully that will be sufficient.
And ftr, I know the distinction btwn adult only functions and non. I am by no means dumping my kid on anyone. It's not like this is a fucking New Years Eve party at a club.
You know what this has in common to a NYE party at a club? Yoga pants. Both can be done in yoga pants.
Also something that they might want to consider is that just because y'all are in different waves does not mean that you and your H will be done and back to them before they are called to the staging area. And lets not forget that sometimes people get injured at these things. It's a bad practice on her part to assume everything will run 100% perfectly and you will be done in time if that is her plan.
Shitty friends don't watch your kid when you're in the ER.
Not wanting to be saddled with someone else's kid at an event that's not at all conducive to kid watching is just regular, run of the mill normalcy even between the best of friends.
If this chick really doesn't want to go, then the real douchewagon in this situation is this chick's husband not the friend who may or may not be put in the awkward position of having to delicately turn down an unreasonable request from a woman whose had plenty of notice that perhaps she ought to arrange something else.