Help me be tactful

[sawyerthedestroyer]

H and I are doing the Warrior Dash next month. We have a couple friend with a very needy, high-maintenance, cannot be put down for two seconds four-month-old that plans to come with us. We've been planning on this for at least five or six months.

I've already made arrangements with my parents to watch DS at their house while we're off in StL doing our thing. H comes home yesterday and says this couple friend still haven't made arrangements for their baby. Just based on the conversation H had with the dad, he thinks they're going to want to bring the baby to this mud run and ask us to watch her while they run in their wave.

I do not want to do this. Like at all. I just want to drink my beer and have fun and not worry about babies and children for a weekend.

Is there a diplomatic way to say "fuck no, I don't wanna watch your kid?"

[imoan]

I think bluntness is all that you can do here.

"We're really looking forward to this being a baby-free weekend for us. If you are planning on bringing Baby Johnny, please make alternate childcare arrangements while you're participating in the Warrior Dash".

[speckledfrog]

"Hey, I heard you guys don't have a sitter yet. Do you need some recommendations?"

"We though you would watch little Archibald"

"Normally I would love to, but these runs are so crazy and demanding. I am going to just kick back with a beer when I am done."

[Deleted]

just talk a LOT about how you're really looking forward to a totally kid-free weekend and to drink beer and not worry about ANY babies or kids.

a LOT.

and when they ask, say no. "i'm sorry, but i don't think that will work. the husband and i made specific arrangements for our son so that we could have a kid-free weekend."

and if they ask if your parents can watch their kid, tell them your parents are too infirm. and if they get pissed and don't come at all? MORE BEER FOR YOU.

[Deleted]

"OMG, my mom is doing me a solid and watching the baby for me this weekend. Isn't that awesome?? Because I totally didn't want to have to watch kids at this race. LIQUOR FOR MEEEEE!!!"

Yup, I'd preempt her just.like.that.

[hubes]

Aug 17, 2012 9:47:05 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

"OMG, my mom is doing me a solid and watching the baby for me this weekend. Isn't that awesome?? Because I totally didn't want to have to watch kids at this race. LIQUOR FOR MEEEEE!!!"

Yup, I'd preempt her just.like.that.

This. I wouldn't even ask. Just make a big deal about the beer and the kid-free.

[Deleted]

Aug 17, 2012 9:40:28 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

Just based on the conversation H had with the dad, he thinks they're going to want to bring the baby to this mud run and ask us to watch her while they run in their wave.

I do not want to do this. Like at all. I just want to drink my beer and have fun and not worry about babies and children for a weekend.

Is there a diplomatic way to say "fuck no, I don't wanna watch your kid?"[/quote]

Not sure what is wrong with this wording?

or that I'd want to keep these friends. I'm fine with you aren't comfortable leaving your baby, just don't make plans that obviously aren't baby friendly and then expect me to accommodate that! It's their baby.

I'd say "You should ask someone who is planning to be sober enough to care for a baby. That won't be me, it's why I sent my kid to the grandparents!"

"You're kidding right? I can't hold your baby and chug my beer, she'll get in the way of opening the next one!"

Or even "nope, can't do it!"

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Thanks guys. H is all appalled that I would even consider saying no if they asked.

And no, it's not like they've ever done us any huge favors on kid sitting before so I don't get why he thinks it would be rude to say no.

[snipsnsnails]

So, the women and men are running different waves? Am I understanding? So, the mom will be there with her baby, and then the dad will be with the baby while the women run?

You wouldn't be watching the baby, would you? More that the baby will be around while you're there. I want to make sure I'm understanding correctly.

[greylady]

Maybe I'm just weak but there is no fucking way in hell I could care for a baby after doing a Warrior Dash. I barely knew my own name when I finished. They are idiots if they bring the kid.

[snipsnsnails]

Oh, wait, I see - the couple is running in a separate wave from you. Hmm, that's hard. They've been planning the run since before the baby was born, so they didn't anticipate having a fussy baby.

I guess I would just be up front and ask if they've made arrangements b/c you don't want to watch her.

[Deleted]

Aug 17, 2012 11:27:27 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

Thanks guys. H is all appalled that I would even consider saying no if they asked.

And no, it's not like they've ever done us any huge favors on kid sitting before so I don't get why he thinks it would be rude to say no.

Well then HE can watch the kid. It only takes one person and you're saying no

[hisno1girl]

Will the WD even allow people to bring an infant? What kind of 'tard thinks it's okay to bring a child to the Warrior Dash?

[snipsnsnails]

Hsi - yeah, there are spectators and people cheering people on at different points in the course - usually by the start and the end.

[kellbell191]

Yeah I will never get why people feel its ok to just impose their child on you because you're around. If they're your friends, you see them and talk to them, I would just mention all the kid free binge drinking shit all the time. If they're DH's friends I would tell him no way I am doing it, he can inform them however he wants.

Also I would carry two beers at all times and be like LOOK NO HANDS FREE TO HOLD A KID!!!!! Get drunk enough they won't trust you with their child. It works for me all the damn time.

[sonrisa]

They have a super needy four month old - so likely they are addled and insane. It also means the baby is probably still nursing. It sounds like they haven't thought through the logistics. Is there any chance they plan to swap the baby between them while they run? Mom runs, dad holds, then dad runs, mom holds? Even so, bad plan. I think speckled's "Hey, I hear you don't have a sitter. Do you need any recommendations?" is good.

How would you feel if they came with a sitter? While you wouldn't be caring for the baby, there would still be a needy infant around for your drinking fun.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Aug 17, 2012 11:37:47 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Is there any chance they plan to swap the baby between them while they run? Mom runs, dad holds, then dad runs, mom holds?

How would you feel if they came with a sitter? While you wouldn't be caring for the baby, there would still be a needy infant around for your drinking fun.

There's no way that would happen because mom is super needy too and can't be alone. She doesn't go anywhere or do anything without her H. If she goes to lunch with him during the workweek he has to pick her up and take her home or else she won't go. And it's not because they don't have two working cars.

I don't care if they bring the kid/bring a sitter/whatever, but I do not want the responsibility of looking after someone else's child when I took the time to find care for my own.

[Kit]

I would nip it in the bud before you go. It might be really awkward and hard for you to say no if they bring the kid, and ask you to watch her while you all are already at the race.

I'd do what others said, BEFORE you go, and offer suggestions for a babysitter or flat out tell them you are not going to be in any condition to watch her.

[snipsnsnails]

Well, your DH sounds willing, so it looks like he'll watch the baby, yeah?

[Deleted]

You could just casually ask if they are bringing a babysitter for the baby. I cannot imagine them just assuming you'll watch their child. You can't make them not bring the baby but why would they expect you to babysit?

[Deleted]

I would have trouble being friends with this couple.

[VeryViolet]

Is this an overnight thing? I would send the wife an email and be like "We are so glad to have a kid-free weekend for the warrior dash. So excited they serve beer at the finish line I plan on pretending like I am 20 again!! I cannot remember the last time I got to sleep in and indulge the hangover. " Then when she responds that they are bringing the kid or whatever respond with, "I promise I will stay away from the baby so I don't spill my drink all over him."

So you can make yourself sound a little less like a raging alcoholic but I would try and keep it light and jokey so she hopefully gets the point.

[Deleted]

Aug 17, 2012 11:45:10 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

Aug 17, 2012 11:37:47 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Is there any chance they plan to swap the baby between them while they run? Mom runs, dad holds, then dad runs, mom holds?

How would you feel if they came with a sitter? While you wouldn't be caring for the baby, there would still be a needy infant around for your drinking fun.

There's no way that would happen because mom is super needy too and can't be alone. She doesn't go anywhere or do anything without her H. If she goes to lunch with him during the workweek he has to pick her up and take her home or else she won't go. And it's not because they don't have two working cars.

I don't care if they bring the kid/bring a sitter/whatever, but I do not want the responsibility of looking after someone else's child when I took the time to find care for my own.

uh, why are you friends with these people? they sound like drips.

[hisno1girl]

I think you should clear this up before the event because on the day of the event, they'll be asking you to watch their preshus angel on the spot and it will be awkward.

If they ask if you can watch their baby just say, "No, we will be too busy getting shitfaced." and leave it at that.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

Aug 17, 2012 11:56:34 GMT -5 cville said:

Aug 17, 2012 11:45:10 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

There's no way that would happen because mom is super needy too and can't be alone. She doesn't go anywhere or do anything without her H. If she goes to lunch with him during the workweek he has to pick her up and take her home or else she won't go. And it's not because they don't have two working cars.

I don't care if they bring the kid/bring a sitter/whatever, but I do not want the responsibility of looking after someone else's child when I took the time to find care for my own.

uh, why are you friends with these people? they sound like drips.

H is good friends with the dad and thinks the wife and I are supposed to be BFFs. She drives me up the wall TBH.

[Deleted]

ah, i see.

i think this can be your last commitment with them as a couple for awhile. encourage your husband to have boys' night out.

[vanillacourage]

Aug 17, 2012 11:45:10 GMT -5 sawyerthedestroyer said:

There's no way that would happen because mom is super needy too and can't be alone. She doesn't go anywhere or do anything without her H. If she goes to lunch with him during the workweek he has to pick her up and take her home or else she won't go. And it's not because they don't have two working cars.

Hmmmm, I'm thinking you have a clue on why their kid is so needy. Even little babies can pick up on parental anxiety IMO.

Is this a trip for both couples or are you running the dash in their hometown? I would email her about plans for after the race (go back to hotel, shower, go out to a bar, etc) and wait for her to drop in that they will have their kid with them. That's your cue to ask who's watching the kid during the race.

I think it's a little weird to email them out of the blue and say "JUST SO YOU KNOW I CAN'T WATCH YOUR KID!!". I totally share your horror at them even maybe asking you to do so, but I would give them a smidge of credit before just jumping in with both feet.

[picklepie09]

Agree with everyone. Gotta be straight forward. "Have you made arrangments for baby yet?" if she then says "oh we thought you 'd watch himi" I woudl say "Sorry I made arrangements for my child because I am looking forward to a kidfree day" she should get it

[gault]

Ask if their baby is planning on doing Warrior Dash with them.

[greylady]

Contingency plan: run your wave first. Once she sees what you look like crossing the finish line dripping in sweat and mud, mom will sit out her wave. No way she'll want you touching her precious. Then, ditch her and drink beer. Don't wash up until dad finishes his run.