Post by carolinagirl831 on Jul 7, 2015 9:18:35 GMT -5
The only time I let her cry, was if I had to tend to my two year old and had to put her down, or if we had to go to in the car. She does tend to cry in the car even if she's fed and happy.and by cry in the car, I really mean scream.. Otherwise I hate listening to my newborn cry, it seriously gives me anxiety. and this is coming from someone who had no problem doing CIO with DD1 at 6 months old. Newborns are different!
It sounds like your pediatrician's point is that it won't HURT your baby, so if it happens you don't need to lose sleep feeling guilty about it. Like, if you need to take a shower or make a phone call or tend to another kid then take care of what you need to do. We could probably argue all day about whether 30 minutes of crying would cause some subtle psychological damage, but it happens occasionally to many many kids and most of us turned out okay. But at that young I think it's pretty clear that any time spent crying is for the adults' benefit, not to try to teach the baby anything.
That's exactly what I took from our pedi. He wasn't telling us it's totes cool to leave a baby crying for 15-30 min for the fun of it. I'm constantly with my baby and feeding him, holding him, playing with him. I guess I should have clarified in my original post that I was asking about those times when NOTHING is working...even holding him doesn't satisfy him. My DH and I weren't seeing eye to eye because I didn't want to shower or walk away for more than 30 seconds, whereas he wants to leave Baby crying for a few minutes to walk away and regroup. I've started to unclench a bit and allow myself a few minutes to walk away.
I just wasn't sure what the "right" thing to do is. Im extremely analytical and want to know how many minutes is acceptable. I'll continue to follow my gut.
We started letting him cry for 5 min. around 10w. You are at the height of fussiness. Newborns often cry for no reason. It will get better, and probably soon! Have you read Happiest Baby?
ETA: Are you nursing?
I haven't read Happiest Baby. Is there a DVD? I'll get it this week. I'm doing combo FF and BF/pumping.
majorly wtf-ing your pediatrician. 30 minutes of crying for a newborn? this is horrific advice.
As previous people have said, it won't hurt them to cry for a few minutes if you need to shower or if you just need to collect yourself before going back for another round but just standing there listening to a 7 week old baby crying alone for no particular reason is complete nonsense. That pedi sucks for suggesting that
Post by awkwardpenguin on Jul 7, 2015 10:16:25 GMT -5
It's totally fine to put the baby down for a bit to regroup. My baby is only three weeks but pretty fussy and there are times when nothing soothes her. Honestly at those times she's going to cry either way, so I'll occasionally put her down just to get a minute to use the bathroom or pull stuff out of the dryer. It hurts to hear her cry, but that's true whether I'm holding her or not. I don't leave her for more than 2-3 minutes, mostly because her crying will escalate if I leave her any longer.
I haven't read all the responses but agree that you should address the reflux issues and see if that helps. He's likely vomiting because of reflux not because he's overfed (not sure you can really overfeed a baby...they'll stop eating when they are full).
At 7 weeks I didn't let C cry unless it was urgent (still in the shower, need to go to the bathroom, or need a few minutes for my sanity). C was very rough, colicky, and we thought he had reflux (he likely did not...gastro agrees it was all colic). I would do 5 S's, bounce on the exercise ball for days (ok, hours but felt like days), I wore him a lot while he napped (it was the only way he napped til about 3 months old), etc.
You can't spoil a baby. I would do whatever it takes to keep him comforted and quiet. Also, at almost 7 weeks...you likely just went through the 6 wk growth spurt, which tends to equate to lots of eating and crying.
((hugs)) It will get better, I promise! Oh, and my DH can listen to C cry...it still gets to me and we sleep trained 2 1/2 months ago. Every nap I have to remind myself that he will fall asleep, usually within 10 minutes. It's definitely a woman thing because DH will want to talk while he's upstairs crying and I just can't most of the time.
Is there a reason you aren't treating your baby's reflux? If he was diagnosed with reflux and it's not being treated or isn't well-controlled he could be crying because he is in pain or uncomfortable. It is also common for reflux babies to want to eat all the time to quell the reflux symptoms. This can cause the reflux to be worse though when they stop eating.
There is a biological reason we respond so strongly to our baby's cries--they should be picked up and comforted when tiny! Listen to your intuition--not your pediatrician, who is a doctor, not a parenting expert.
If you're going to the bathroom or something, sure. A few minutes of crying is NBD. But to let your baby cry just because? No.
To be fair, the OP didn't say the doctor said to let the baby cry just because.
A lot of times parents will come in overwhelmed and ask for advice/tips. I assume the doctor was letting OP know that generally babies will not be harmed in the long run if there are times when the parent is either overwhelmed and has to take a break from the crying or actually has to do something like shower and poop, which could take 15-20 minutes.
We don't know if OP's doctor is a parent or not, but he/she is a pediatrician who has studied development and is also generally invested in helping the parents cope in order to be healthy themselves, which might mean a crying baby for more than 30 seconds to get things done. And some babies just cry and parents are worried, so it sounds like the doctor was telling them that it's ok if there are crying spells and the baby won't settle down.
Post by Queen Mamadala on Jul 7, 2015 10:37:59 GMT -5
I didn't unless I was in the middle of something, like using the bathroom or in the shower, and even then I'd hurry up. Rarely more than a couple minutes. Even now at 7 months I don't leave her to cry. This morning while upstairs talking to H LO was in the bouncer and started fussing, and then it turned to crying. I responded soon after I noticed she was getting restless and wanted out.
I can't leave a baby to cry, plus it only worsens my anxiety.
There is a biological reason we respond so strongly to our baby's cries--they should be picked up and comforted when tiny! Listen to your intuition--not your pediatrician, who is a doctor, not a parenting expert.
If you're going to the bathroom or something, sure. A few minutes of crying is NBD. But to let your baby cry just because? No.
To be fair, the OP didn't say the doctor said to let the baby cry just because.
A lot of times parents will come in overwhelmed and ask for advice/tips. I assume the doctor was letting OP know that generally babies will not be harmed in the long run if there are times when the parent is either overwhelmed and has to take a break from the crying or actually has to do something like shower and poop, which could take 15-20 minutes.
We don't know if OP's doctor is a parent or not, but he/she is a pediatrician who has studied development and is also generally invested in helping the parents cope in order to be healthy themselves, which might mean a crying baby for more than 30 seconds to get things done. And some babies just cry and parents are worried, so it sounds like the doctor was telling them that it's ok if there are crying spells and the baby won't settle down.
THANK YOU for posting this. Really, the comments about my pedi sucking are making me roll my eyes. He doesn't suck, he's a parent himself, relatively young, and is extremely professional.
My baby was temporarily on reflux meds and is now going somewhat better. He never misses a meal and hasn't ever cried while eating. While his situation has improved, his spit up and random vomiting still freak me out. I'm bothered by it while my baby just KOKO.
Post by cricketwife on Jul 7, 2015 12:23:28 GMT -5
I didn't read all the replies. When we couldn't figure out how to make our newborn stop crying, my H wanted to let him CIO. I don't think he understood that wouldn't work for a newborn; it was just one of the very few things he had heard of in parenting so I think he figured why not try it. I remember asking on here about CIO for a newborn because we were so exhausted and I didn't know what to do. Basically, try everything g you can because they can't make themselves stop crying at that age. Also, there is research that a woman's brain responds very differently to a baby crying than a man's. It doesn't even have to be her baby and her entire physiology shifts towards the crying , which is why is sooooooo much harder for a woman to ignore than a man.