How Long Do You Let Your Infant Cry?

[yourmother]

We are FTP and are figuring this all out as we go. I'm not sure if it's colic or what, but my baby is starting to cry and sometimes scream for no reason. I make sure he is fed (he seems to ALWAYS want to be fed), make sure he has a dry diaper and make sure he is held and talked to often.  He has reflux but isn't on any reoccurring medications and he spits up a lot, but looks like it doesn't faze him. 

My DH and I approach his crying differently. I want to run over and comfort him every single time, whereas my DH lets him fuss/cry/scream for a few minutes (maximum of 5-7 minutes). We talked to our pediatrician (who I trust a lot)and he says you can leave a baby crying for 15-30 minutes and it's no big deal. That seems like torture to me.

If you can't see my ticker, my baby boy is almost 7 weeks. What do/did you do with your fussy baby? How long would you let him cry or scream if he's fed/clean diapered/etc.?

[AlpineSlide]

5-10 minutes if i had to do something else like shower. even then, i didn't like to do it very often.

and yes, they do always want to be fed. feed on demand, which may mean having a baby attached to your boob constantly (if you bf).

my solution to unexplained crying was always to nurse. it comforted him right away most of the time.

[mlt]

At seven weeks I didn't let them cry at all unless I needed to use the bathroom or something essential. I always tried to comfort them. If they were fussy I would wear them if I needed to get stuff done.

[AlpineSlide]

pacifier?

[carfar]

At that age...only about as long as it took to get to him... Maybe 30 seconds if he had been sleeping to see if he'd go back down on his own. Doesn't mean he stopped immediately. He often screamed in my face as I rocked and sang and shooshed, walked around.... bounced and tried to calm him. I wore him a lot at that age. A bath also calmed him around that age.

Yes, you will be like there is NO way this baby is hungry... But ... They are. They eat all.the.time. Lots of hugs. Hang in there! It all sounds perfectly normal.

[greencrayon]

If I knew how to make the crying stop, I would. Unless she needed to be held while I cooked or something, and then I only let her go 5-10 minutes max.

[dcn]

At that age I didn't really let him cry unless I was in the shower or something. 30 min? My blood pressure is going up just thinking about that.

[biogirl21]

I never let him cry for longer than a minute when he was 7 weeks. At that age, if they are crying, they probably need something, even if it's just to be held. Letting them cry for an extended period at that age is not doing anything, unless it's for your mental health.

[coleyv]

I didn't let her cry at that age (if I could help it). 15-30 minutes seems way too long to let a 7 week old cry.

[noodleoo]

This must be a difference between men and women! My baby is also seven weeks old and husband Will also say we should let her cry to see if she will calm down. But for me it is torture and I can't really stand to let her cry for more than a minute! We don't let her cry for too long though, not more than a few mins max. I can't even imagine 15 minutes that's way too long!

[Ashley&Scott]

I didn't let him cry. I comforted (or attempted to comfort him) it didn't always work but we tried everything we could.
Movement (like walking or rocking) & going outside usually helped. He also nursed at ton.
Why aren't you treating the reflux?

ETA: at our 2 mo well check out pedi told us it was it was
fine to cry it out. We changed pedis the next day. Being told to let my 8 week old CIO made me uncomfortable, especially since we had not asked about it.

[yourmother]

I'm glad I asked. I don't like listening to him cry and sometimes just need to walk away for my sanity for a minute. I'll need to look further into his reflux issues and will Google the 5s's. I do give him a pacifier, but he only takes it for about 10 seconds, realizes it's not good and then spits it out.

I feel like I'm already over feeding him. He full-blown vomited today. Twice. Ugh, this is hard.

[meltoine]

I'm physically unable to let my babies cry at that age. I get panicky and my breasts start to leak.

That said, I did it for a max of a couple of minutes with DS2 when DS1 needed something urgent. This happened frequently as DS1 PTed when DS2 was 5-6 weeks old, so I was frequently having to set DS2 down, even in the middle of nursing, to get DS1 to the potty before he had an accident. But to let them cry just because? I can't do it.

[jewel]

At that age, I mostly let him cry only long enough to get to him. He was (is) a very needy baby, and a couple of times I just needed a breather and let him cry in his crib for 5 minutes or so, so I could regain my composure. Other than that, I did whatever I could, as quickly as I could, to try to get him to stop crying.

ETA - I was really surprised by my physical response to hearing him cry. I was a nanny for a very long time, and never felt panicky about a crying baby. My own was a completely different experience (which, duh) but listening to him cry, even in my arms, was just terrible. It made me feel sick, desperate to fix thing, anxious, suffocated. Add that to going on about zero minutes of sleep, and I think I would have said some really regrettable things to my husband had he suggested that we just let the baby cry.

[yourmother]

Jul 6, 2015 22:17:21 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

This must be a difference between men and women! My baby is also seven weeks old and husband Will also say we should let her cry to see if she will calm down. But for me it is torture and I can't really stand to let her cry for more than a minute! We don't let her cry for too long though, not more than a few mins max. I can't even imagine 15 minutes that's way too long!

This is exactly us. When I said 5-7 minutes, I may have been exaggerating because it feels like an eternity but in reality it's probably closer to 2-3 minutes. 

[noodleoo]

Jul 6, 2015 22:27:21 GMT -5 yourmother said:

Jul 6, 2015 22:17:21 GMT -5 noodleoo said:

This must be a difference between men and women! My baby is also seven weeks old and husband Will also say we should let her cry to see if she will calm down. But for me it is torture and I can't really stand to let her cry for more than a minute! We don't let her cry for too long though, not more than a few mins max. I can't even imagine 15 minutes that's way too long!

This is exactly us. When I said 5-7 minutes, I may have been exaggerating because it feels like an eternity but in reality it's probably closer to 2-3 minutes. 

Honestly, I think part of it is hormonal! I don't think mothers can stand to listen to their babies cry! But I also don't believe there's any such thing as letting a newborn cry it out.

[kershnic]

It sounds like your pediatrician's point is that it won't HURT your baby, so if it happens you don't need to lose sleep feeling guilty about it. Like, if you need to take a shower or make a phone call or tend to another kid then take care of what you need to do. We could probably argue all day about whether 30 minutes of crying would cause some subtle psychological damage, but it happens occasionally to many many kids and most of us turned out okay. But at that young I think it's pretty clear that any time spent crying is for the adults' benefit, not to try to teach the baby anything.

[magpie]

Jul 6, 2015 22:02:42 GMT -5 @starry said:

At that age I only let her cry if it was for a brief mental health break (< 5 minutes). Normally I got her right away but she cried a lot so sometimes I needed a second.

Making a 7 week old wait 15+ minutes for no reason makes no sense to me personally.

exactly this.

Sometimes, my (colicky) daughter would cry while I did stuff to try and soothe her, but I did not leave her alone/ignore her while she cried for more than a few minutes. She didn't have the ability to self soothe at such a young age, so there was not much of a point to ignoring her for any prolonged period of time (unless there was a reason, such as because I was driving us somewhere or I needed a quick mental health break or shower or whatever).  I don't believe that newborns can become "spoiled" or overly demanding of comfort--they're just too young.  I recommend The Happiest Baby on the Block dvd for some soothing good techniques if you haven't seen it already.  We did not try "crying it out" for sleep training purposes until she was close to 6 months and had shown herself capable of being able to self-soothe.  Good luck!  It's extremely hard in those early days, especially if you are dealing with colic.  It's okay to give yourself a break now and again.  Also, it will get better!  

[lolo]

Jul 6, 2015 22:07:30 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

I realize this is falafel to some.

The falafel typo is fabulous.

[dulcemariamar]

I would not leave a baby to cry because it wouldn't do anything except make the baby more upset and later harder to settle.

[teatimefor2]

Only a few minutes max whilst I finished what I was doing: shower, bathroom, getting dressed. DS2 had to wait a bit more if DS1 needed me, but again never more than a few minutes.

A few minutes or so won't hurt him, but I would get to him when possible. You can't spoil a baby. Trust your gut, you're going a great job.

[gibbinator]

5-10 mins, but only if there was some pressing thing I had to do - getting ready to leave the house, cooking, taking care of my older kid, driving, etc. 30 mins seems like a really long time to just let an infant cry.

[karinothing]

30 minutes? Who is this pediatrician?

[krystee]

The idea of letting a seven-week-old cry for 15-30 minutes makes my heart hurt. I would be getting a new doctor. That is terrible advice.

The longest I let him cry is the time it takes to make a bottle (maybe one minute) and even then, I am talking and singing to him as I do it to try to comfort him.

[auntie]

This sounds like normal witching hour which peaks around 6-14 weeks or so. Extreme cases- several hours a day- are considered colic.

DS howled several hours a day from this age. Sometimes it helped to sooth him by driving, nursing, walking the floors and sometimes it didn't. If it didn't, I took short breaks.

[huskymom]

Jul 7, 2015 1:03:07 GMT -5 lolo said:

Jul 6, 2015 22:07:30 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

I realize this is falafel to some.

The falafel typo is fabulous.

I thought it might be some new phrase she was trying to make happen. "That's so falafel".

[laurenh]

At 7 weeks I only let then cry if I'm in the bathroom or finishing throwing a load of laundry in or something (2-3 min max)

[hainesherway]

I have a 6 week old and I won't let him cry more than a few minutes if Im in the middle of something.

[rbp]

We started letting him cry for 5 min. around 10w. You are at the height of fussiness. Newborns often cry for no reason. It will get better, and probably soon! Have you read Happiest Baby?

ETA: Are you nursing?

[mushmouse]

Jul 6, 2015 22:21:39 GMT -5 yourmother said:

I'm glad I asked. I don't like listening to him cry and sometimes just need to walk away for my sanity for a minute. I'll need to look further into his reflux issues and will Google the 5s's. I do give him a pacifier, but he only takes it for about 10 seconds, realizes it's not good and then spits it out.

I feel like I'm already over feeding him. He full-blown vomited today. Twice. Ugh, this is hard.

Get the happiest baby on the block DVD or look for the videos online to see how to do the 5 Ss.  My son never took a pacifier but shushing worked and later the sound of a blow dryer.  If you're nursing I wouldn't worry about overfeeding.  And you cannot spoil a newborn baby.  Put him down when you need to walk away but he should not be expected to soothe himself.  I love the idea of the first 12 weeks being the 4th trimester - in an ideal world they would still be on the inside.  I feel like I was never able to put my son down as a baby and he has never had any separation anxiety issues, was never clingy.  Don't feel like holding him now will be the cause of that later.