s/o grammar -- correcting adult errors?

[mainelyfoolish]

My DH is a smart guy but he was taught (or modeled) improper use of "me" vs. "I". He will say, "Bring the toy to mommy and I" instead of "Bring the toy to mommy and me." If we're at home, I will repeat the sentence with the correct pronoun because I don't want my kids to learn to make the same error. In public, I let it drop because I don't want to embarrass him. Having to correct him on this matter drives me crazy. Is there any way I can, essentially, make him change?  

[glitzy07]

Honestly, I told my H flat out that if he used incorrect grammar in front of the kids (at the time it was just SS), I would correct him so they know the right way. I don't correct him if it's just us, though.

His biggest offense is misusing "seen" vs "saw" and as a journalism major it makes me want to scratch my eyes out.

[Deleted]

As someone who can't spell worth a damn, I don't appreciate being corrected the first time I spell something wrong. Or even second. But if I do it a few times, then I don't usually mind.

So if the same 'mistake' happens a few times, gentle feedback maybe?

[Deleted]

Honestly, I would let it go.
Everyone has faults and grammar mistakes.

That's a really common one with 99% of the population.

You're going to do nothing but make him feel bad and start a petty argument.

Say something once or twice...but after that....it's just not a big deal.

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2015 8:02:25 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

I correct my husband at home. I don't want him to say something in public and sound like an idiot. Especially around my family since they are all grammar snobs.

If I don't correct him, who will? I also wouldn't let him go out the house looking crazy. Isn't this what having a spouse is for? Making sure your best self is presented to the public. LOL

I guess if I look at it like if the roles were reversed I would not be happy. 

I'm just trying to have fun, be in the moment with my kids, enjoy my evening. 

I don't need the grammar police on my back during it. 

I don't like it when H calls me out on stuff (and I know very few on this board do. I read posts about it every other day) so I try really hard not to do it to him unless it's super important. 

I'm not saying you are wrong. I'm not singling you out. Just explaining why I wouldn't do it. 

[meltoine]

My ILs are not native English speakers and make grammatical errors all the time. I don't correct them (unless they ask, which they do sometimes) because I figure H and I are around the kids so much more that it won't matter. But if it was my co-parent making the errors? I'd probably make an effort to model the correct usage in a way that doesn't call attention to the error itself, like just repeating the sentence to the child without addressing the other speaker.

[mlt]

I correct MH and he corrects me as needed. We try to do it privately because we are very big on "united front" for the kids.

But "me" versus "I" would drive me crazy. I would continue to remind him. My kids speaking properly out in the world is more important to me than my husband's minor annoyance at me correcting him.

[nessness]

Wow, I am surprised so many people would correct their husbands. That would not go well in my house.

I would let it go. Kids hear incorrect grammar all the time.

[auntie]

I don't correct adults. Not even my late MIL who taught 4th grade for 49 years or PhD DH when they use "ain't".

Once DS was about 8 and was largely evolved as he was ever going to be as a speaker of English, I would correct him as necessary. Eats, Shoots & Leaves is a good and amusing book to use to make my case.

[arch01]

Considering I just got an email from my husband with this exact same situation, no I don't correct it. It bothers me since I went to a school growing up that was really, really big on grammar and make every effort to have proper grammar professionally, but honestly on the "things I correct/mention" scale this ranks right up there with loading the dishwasher differently than I do. I just don't feel the need to correct him and deal with the fallout. He doesn't take well to being corrected on most things.

[hocus2]

Jul 7, 2015 8:02:25 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

I correct my husband at home. I don't want him to say something in public and sound like an idiot. Especially around my family since they are all grammar snobs.

If I don't correct him, who will? I also wouldn't let him go out the house looking crazy. Isn't this what having a spouse is for? Making sure your best self is presented to the public. LOL

 No one. Having perfect grammar in an informal conversation is not a critical life skill. I hate when grammar heads think that form is the most important thing when have an personal conversation. As long as your children understand the meaning of your husband's sentence and it his form isn't off the wall I would not correct him. My in laws use imperfect grammar because they are not native English speakers. My husband has excellent grammar. He doesn't correct his parents since that would grating and rude. 

[spunkarella]

Does he want to be corrected? If not, I would let it go. There are far worse flaws out there than this one.

DH says a lot of words incorrectly (like cufflings instead of cufflinks) and has asked me to correct him if I notice it. I do, but not in front of other people.

[rbp]

Jul 7, 2015 8:54:28 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

Jul 7, 2015 8:31:09 GMT -5 nessness said:

Wow, I am surprised so many people would correct their husbands. That would not go well in my house.

I would let it go. Kids hear incorrect grammar all the time.

I wouldn't correct because I don't want DD to learn incorrect grammar. I am not worried about that. I don't want him to look stupid in a professional setting. H was famous for using conversational speech in professional emails when he started his business. He said that that was how he talked to them on the phone and he had developed a more conversational relationship with them. I told him he shouldn't and explained why. He also grew up pronouncing 'library' wrong and calling diabetes 'sugar' cringe. He had 'country' speech. I corrected that. And maybe correct isn't the right word. But I am going to point out to him that it isn't correct. Because I care about how he presents himself to the outside world. 

I wouldn't appreciate it if my spouse took it upon himself to polish me up LOL. That is not what spouses are for IMO. (I do edit his writing from time to time, but only because he asks me to.)

OTOH, I am a grammar snob...so this is quite a conundrum. 

ETA: H has privately corrected the way I pronounce a few words that I had apparently never heard spoken, like "debacle." (I pronounced it DEB-uh-cull LOL.) I am fine with that because mispronouncing a word WOULD be embarrassing. But if he were constantly on my back to correct all sorts of things...no.

[LoveTrains]

Jul 7, 2015 9:24:58 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

I feel like this is a know your audience type thing. DH and I correct each other because we don't' want to sound like idiots (and our corrections are ones that have become commonly accepted-like less/fewer and that/which) but there are other things he does that I wouldn't correct (for example, a different parenting decision that I wouldn't make but isn't harmful) so you know your husband best and know how it will go over. For the child piece, I think if they are exposed enough to the correct grammar, they will pick it up.

Agreed. If my H hears my mispronounce a word, I would want him to correct me because I would hate to mispronounce it elsewhere.

Like the word "biopic." This has recently been on my mind because I heard someone else say "bio-pic." But I always thought it was bi-opic. How is it really pronounced? I would hate to have been saying it incorrectly and no one bothered to correct me but everyone else knows I'm saying it wrong. 

[Deleted]

This is like the epitome of "you can be right or you can be happy".

[chickens987]

Have you taught him proper usage vs just correcting? I taught H how to use me vs i - how to drop the "mommy" part of your sample sentence and listen to whether it makes sense to say "bring it to I". He caught on really fast.

Then again, I proof most of his work communications and facebook because he is an engineer who never learned how to write.

[aspentosh]

I correct him all the time. His grammar is awful. He always says "Him and I went...". If this is how he is going to talk in a professional environment, no one will take him seriously. It's not a hard one to learn, either!

[aspentosh]

Jul 7, 2015 10:07:07 GMT -5 chickens987 said:

Have you taught him proper usage vs just correcting? I taught H how to use me vs i - how to drop the "mommy" part of your sample sentence and listen to whether it makes sense to say "bring it to I". He caught on really fast.

Then again, I proof most of his work communications and facebook because he is an engineer who never learned how to write.

Oh, and exactly this.

Whenever he says "Him and I" I tell him to take out the second person. I think he is starting to get it. 

That being said, he knows I am a grammar snob and he has said as long as I am not condescending and more matter of fact, he doesn't mind me correcting him. So it definitely pays to know your audience. 

[rbp]

Jul 7, 2015 10:03:59 GMT -5 LoveTrains said:

Jul 7, 2015 9:24:58 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

I feel like this is a know your audience type thing. DH and I correct each other because we don't' want to sound like idiots (and our corrections are ones that have become commonly accepted-like less/fewer and that/which) but there are other things he does that I wouldn't correct (for example, a different parenting decision that I wouldn't make but isn't harmful) so you know your husband best and know how it will go over. For the child piece, I think if they are exposed enough to the correct grammar, they will pick it up.

Agreed. If my H hears my mispronounce a word, I would want him to correct me because I would hate to mispronounce it elsewhere.

Like the word "biopic." This has recently been on my mind because I heard someone else say "bio-pic." But I always thought it was bi-opic. How is it really pronounced? I would hate to have been saying it incorrectly and no one bothered to correct me but everyone else knows I'm saying it wrong. 

This word annoys me. Why is it a word? Anyway, I remember hearing it pronounced "bio-pic" recently, which makes sense given that it's short for biographic picture (or something like that). But it had always been "bye-op-ic" in my head.

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2015 10:05:19 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

This is like the epitome of "you can be right or you can be happy".

You know what the second best marriage advice is? 

"If you have nothing nice to say......" 

And correcting your H in a professional setting or while hanging out on the couch are two entirely different matters.

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2015 10:22:30 GMT -5 @justdairy said:

Jul 7, 2015 10:05:19 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

This is like the epitome of "you can be right or you can be happy".

You know what the second best marriage advice is? 

"If you have nothing nice to say......" 

And correcting your H in a professional setting or while hanging out on the couch are two entirely different matters.

I feel like even in front of the kids vs. alone makes a difference. I'm not saying I'd NEVER correct his speech, but it's really unlikely that I am going to teach a grown man to remember something he hasn't given two shits about since elementary school. We've all had eight zillion "me vs. I" lectures in a lifetime. This one where you correct your husband in front of your child? Not going to be the one that finally sticks. 

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2015 10:05:19 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

This is like the epitome of "you can be right or you can be happy".

This. I hate the grammar police in informal conversation (like on message boards).

I guess if the spouse asks their partner to help them with their grammar, but if I'm in the middle of telling a story to my friend you better not interrupt me or correct me. I would be annoyed as hell.

[redwino]

Sometimes I correct DH but I let a lot slide. It just depends on what he said and if the correction hinders the flow of the conversation.

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2015 10:25:33 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Jul 7, 2015 10:22:30 GMT -5 @justdairy said:

You know what the second best marriage advice is? 

"If you have nothing nice to say......" 

And correcting your H in a professional setting or while hanging out on the couch are two entirely different matters.

I feel like even in front of the kids vs. alone makes a difference. I'm not saying I'd NEVER correct his speech, but it's really unlikely that I am going to teach a grown man to remember something he hasn't given two shits about since elementary school. We've all had eight zillion "me vs. I" lectures in a lifetime. This one where you correct your husband in front of your child? Not going to be the one that finally sticks. 

I know. 

Also, if H and I are going to fight it better be about something better than this. I mean we have 8 other topics that can/are/could be issues in this marriage I'd bring up before the Grammar Police. 

And even if it's not a "fight" we have so little alone time to actually talk about ANYTHING. This wouldn't be a priority on my agenda. 

I correct my H from time to time too. I'm not saying I don't. I choose carefully because I know how I feel when the roles are turned. 

I also have a pretty sensitive H. He's laid back and easy going but making me overly happy is something he does to a fault. Bringing it up makes him feel as if he's failed and a around and around and around we go. I tread carefully as a result. Esp. over harmless things.

[glitzy07]

Jul 7, 2015 9:38:56 GMT -5 hocus2 said:

Jul 7, 2015 8:02:25 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

I correct my husband at home. I don't want him to say something in public and sound like an idiot. Especially around my family since they are all grammar snobs.

If I don't correct him, who will? I also wouldn't let him go out the house looking crazy. Isn't this what having a spouse is for? Making sure your best self is presented to the public. LOL

 No one. Having perfect grammar in an informal conversation is not a critical life skill. I hate when grammar heads think that form is the most important thing when have an personal conversation. As long as your children understand the meaning of your husband's sentence and it his form isn't off the wall I would not correct him. My in laws use imperfect grammar because they are not native English speakers. My husband has excellent grammar. He doesn't correct his parents since that would grating and rude. 

I'll be the first to admit that I don't use perfect grammar in all of my conversations, but I disagree that it's not a critical life skill. For example, if my kid learns from my husband to say, "I seen Joe and Jane playing across the street" and later uses that incorrect form in a paper in school because that's what he learned, not ok.  

Maybe I'm a bitch, but I hardcore judge people who can't write or speak basic sentences in places where it matters.  Informal conversation, whatever.  On a message board or FB, not a big deal.  But if you were to write "Hey, I seen you and coworker at a restaurant yesterday and it reminded me that we need to catch up on XYZ!" in a business email?  Hell yes, I'm judging.  And the people who are getting it wrong continuously are getting it wrong because someone isn't correcting them when they're learning it in the first place.  Which is why I do correct when my kid(s) are little and learning to speak.  Luckily for me, I guess, H is ok with being corrected and understands the reason why I do so.  I'm happy to report that his misuse of "seen" has gone down significantly since I began doing so as well.

[Deleted]

I learned how to write and speak professionally by paying attention in my English and writing classes, not really from my mom or dad. Sometimes I say "ain't" in an informal setting.

Trust, no one's husband is really excited when his wife nags him about grammar. And trust, this is nagging.