Article: I forced my oldest child to grow up too soon

[ilikedonuts]

I have no guilt about asking my 2 year old to help grab diapers and wipes, help put her sister's pacifer in, etc.

Noooooooope.

And as the oldest (she's almost 4), I fully expect her to remember that her sister is younger then her and part of being a big sister is helping her little sister learn how to do things and not just steamroll over her because she's bigger.

[Deleted]

I actually think I am way better off as an adult being the oldest child. My younger brother might disagree but meh. Sorry DS1, you will be an overachiever and likely make more money than your little bro. Hopefully it pays off!

[rondonalddo]

Well, I was the youngest AND I was the overachiever. I think people give birth order too much credit sometimes. I think the author is just an over-thinker. Her kids are all probably fine. Her daughter may or not tell her therapist one day that her mom put too much pressure on her and made her grow up too soon, but unless she's truly abusive, a lot of that depends on her daughter's personality. Her hand-wringing here is probably not worth the effort. Oh, wait, this was written for Babble? Well, there you go :-)

[rbp]

Jul 7, 2015 9:16:21 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

Jul 7, 2015 9:13:16 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

It's not as though she had her 2-year old babysitting, cooking dinner, or doing her taxes.

Pssh, my two year old did a great job with our taxes this year. Maybe you aren't expecting enough.

M is going to be harvesting our crops this fall. Isn't that why people have children?

[ringstrue]

Um - I had to put DD who is almost 6 in timeout this morning. Feel free to "not challenge" your child all your want but lemme tell you right now its no joke having to pick up your gangly 6 year old and throw them in the car. (I have not done this yet I'm just theorizing )

[mcfelix]

Meh. I'm the oldest. My mom said she could call me little mother because I was always fawning over my little brother and telling him what to so. (We are 16 months apart). I am a very driven and successful person. My brother has a very different, much more laidback, soft spoken personality than me. But he is also a successful and happy adult.

So I kind of get what the author is saying, but it's not something that concerns me. Especially as someone who will very soon have a 2 yo and a newborn.

[aspentosh]

My brother is so not the oldest child according to this piece. I was the youngest and I fit this more. It really depends on the parent-child relationship.

That being said, I appreciate that I wasn't coddled. It made me strong and independent.

[pinkdutchtulips]

My mom had this happen to her and the cycle continued with me and its stopping w dd. the only reason why it's stopping w her is bc she's an only ....

[atarianna]

The best advice I got from my mom when I had my second was to remember my DD (15m) was still a baby. It was so hard sometimes to see her as a baby when she became a kid overnight.

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2015 8:39:03 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

As a POOPCUP, I'm sure this will never happen to me.
(Lololol.)

Uh... I missed seething here? What's a POOPCUP?

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2015 15:29:49 GMT -5 @savestheday said:

Jul 7, 2015 8:39:03 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

As a POOPCUP, I'm sure this will never happen to me.
(Lololol.)

Uh... I missed seething here? What's a POOPCUP?

www.scarymommy.com/articles/parents-one-perfect-child-preschool-age?section=first-child&u=unknown

[Deleted]

Jul 7, 2015 15:33:59 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Jul 7, 2015 15:29:49 GMT -5 @savestheday said:

Uh... I missed seething here? What's a POOPCUP?

www.scarymommy.com/articles/parents-one-perfect-child-preschool-age?section=first-child&u=unknown

Oooohhh i have SO been a POOPCUP... Sorry, he's almost 4 & I get it now lol!

[docholly]

I will chime in to say this...

My two are 28 months apart, and my youngest is a month away from that age now. I will say my oldest seemed OLDER at the same age. It is crazy for me to think of having another now, and I see YDS as more of a "baby."  I do think having another forces the older one to "grow up" faster just out of necessity. 

However...

I don't think it is bad for first born children to grow up in the way the author describes or the way I have seen it in my house.  It seems like those characteristics would make for a more successful adult.

[anna7602]

I'm in the "meh" camp. We expected a lot from DD before she became an older sister because that's what life threw at us (or what we threw ourselves into?). Here, kiddo, we're sending you to a preschool in which everyone speaks English all day when you've mainly been exposed to Spanish at home. Oh, you finally speak English as well as you speak Spanish? Time to move countries and start all over again!

In addition, she was part of many more "adult" gatherings and activities as an only child than she is now that I've got a baby at home. If anything, the baby allows me to ignore her more and let her run around the neighborhood being "just a kid."

[anna7602]

Jul 7, 2015 9:21:43 GMT -5 carolinagirl831 said:

Yes, I see myself guilty of this... but i think it comes naturally with having other children. I'm not sure how to fix it really. I can't have my two year old acting and needing the attention of a newborn.

I couldn't have my 2-yo acting and needing the attention of a newborn, either, even though I didn't have a NB at the time. Who has the time/energy to do that? DD was out of diapers and out of the crib by the time she was just slightly past age 2 and I was immensely grateful for that.

[Marmee]

My DD1 relishes the roll of oldest & loves being a help & leader. Maybe yes I expected a lot but she's risen to the occasion. I think more problems with kids arise when we expect too little. Kids usually deliver more or less on expectations. My H is an oldest & he's stereotypical. I'm middle but first girl. I'm more like a 1st born than my oldest sibling who acted exactly opposite of typical 1st borns...he was a terrible influence, low achiever, lazy & just mean. My middles may act like middles but I assure you, they all are obsessed with the "baby" of the family. DD4 is the one that's going to be a handful...lol.

[Deleted]

Ugh we did this with ours. We didn't know any better of course. Now I wonder if that's where his anger problem comes from (having siblings).