Friendships over time

[amaranth]

Adult friendship is weird. You have whatever common ground bonded you to your childhood/high school/college friends...but deviate as adults. Then you have your new friends with current common ground but not a history or deep trust. It kind of sucks. I think friendship at 21 was the best, and I miss that. It was so easy! Lol.

I feel myself growing apart from quite a few old friends, and don't know whether it's even worth fighting to keep what we had. And yet, making new connections is hard too.

Just rambling, I suppose? What are your friendships like at this stage of life?

[megkat]

Yes to basically all of this. The person I consider my best friend has been that since we were like 13. But, we don't live anywhere near each other, we barely see each other, we're at different places in our lives. I mean, I love her to death and would do anything for her, but it's a totally different relationship than we used to have

Most of my "friendships" nowadays have started off as coworkers. But I wouldn't say that I'm super close to most of the people I consider friends, with one exception. It's more like people I can hang out and have fun with, but it's very superficial.

Trying to make adult friends is basically the worst

[luv2rn4fun]

Most of my friends are newer friends; however I still keep in touch with some close friends from HS and college. In fact, my HS BFF and I drifted away as did my college roommate and we have recently re-connected through our journeys to have our babies (HS BFF had to go through IF treatments and her mom was a huge support through my losses as well and college roommate had to TFMR with their first daughter).

[pooh8402]

Yep. I'm still good friends with my high school bff. Acquaintances with my college bff. Most of my friends now, I've made in the last 5 years.

[HoneySpider]

I don't have a lot of friends at this point in my life. I have 3 friends from college who are my closest group. It's definitely gotten harder since we no longer live by each other and don't get to see each other that often There used to be 2 others in this group who I've drifted away from for different reasons. It sucks.

Otherwise, a lot of friends we've made as adults have been co-workers of one of us. It's really hard to meet people as adults.

So...thank goodness for internet friends? Lol

[amaranth]

One friend I was super close to is going such a different route in life we barely have common conversational ground. She is about to finish her masters in Korean studies, she travels all over the world to help end human trafficking and speak at panels. Her husband is about to start Harvard law school. Super cool people, but we don't fit in each other's worlds anymore. I have similar stories for several people. I think I'm sad to lose out on sharing life with awesome people, more than I'm sad to start over.



megkat exactly. I have people I hang out with often. But I don't just text them when something exciting happens, or if I need to vent after a bad day.

[MrsMB]

My Group From High School: We get together and it's like we've never been apart. There are a group of about 6-7 of us that are super close.

Group From College: Eh....not keeping in touch at ALL...just on Facebook. After my closest sorority sister became Bridezilla, I quietly walked away from that one.

Early 20's Friends a.k.a Former Party Buds: They were very unsupportive of me taking the next step in getting engaged/married. I love them from afar but speak to none of them at this time.

Friends After Getting Married: We're all mostly still acquaintances in one form or another.

* I will second HoneySpider when I say, "Thank Goodness for my internet pals!"

[bk1]

My friends consist of:
-BFF - met in college, lived together in an apartment for 2 years
-2 guy friends that I met through my brother. One was DH's and my old roommate, the other lives up in Montana and we don't see but maybe once a year.

Besides family that's it. I don't keep in touch with anyone I went to high school with. 

So I am all for the "thank god for internet friends!"

[Skyesthelimit1212]

Jul 7, 2015 10:59:07 GMT -5 megkat said:

Yes to basically all of this. The person I consider my best friend has been that since we were like 13. But, we don't live anywhere near each other, we barely see each other, we're at different places in our lives. I mean, I love her to death and would do anything for her, but it's a totally different relationship than we used to have

Most of my "friendships" nowadays have started off as coworkers. But I wouldn't say that I'm super close to most of the people I consider friends, with one exception. It's more like people I can hang out and have fun with, but it's very superficial.

Trying to make adult friends is basically the worst

This is me exactly.  My friend of 34yrs moved away about 3yrs ago and we have only seen each other once and that's when I flew out to visit.  She was here over the weekend and it was like pulling teeth to see her, which was never accomplished.  

I have "FB mom friends" one of which lives a few cities away so we've met up a couple of times.  I consider the majority of the people I know acquaintances, but I don't have any deep, one on one friendships that I used to have. 

[hocus2]

Adult friendships are hard.

I'm facebook friends would a few really old friends but we are not close any more.

I have some close friends from college and I do make time to see them since I know that the phase of life I'm in will change and those friendships will be important to me once I'm not so wrapped up in parenting young children.

I've recently started making "family" friends with people I've met because of my kids. Some of those friends are probably temporary/sitautional but I'm hoping a few will be more long term. I find that my largest struggle is finding  time to do things with newish friends so the friendships can deepen. There are 10 weekends in summer and I'm booked now for 6 of them.

ETA: most closest most trusted friend is my sister. I would totally agree with the sediment that most of the people I spend time with are acquaintances.

 

[anyastroud]

My best friend will always be my DH. I have known him for 19 years. I grew apart from my other Bestest girlfriend by my Sophomore year in HS. My current  BFF in the entire world besides H is my girlfriend that I have known for the past 12 years. She also lives a bazillion miles away. But we talk on the regular. like 3-4 times a week. Last time we actually were together was about 2 years ago. I am planning a trip to go see her for her birthday next year. I can Not wait!!! Our lives couldn't be more different. I have been married with kids for a while now. She on the other hand is just settling down with a nice guy. The two of them just moved in together after 3 years of dating. Neither one of them have kids or pets or anything. She eventually wants a dog. but that's about it. they have not even talked about getting married. and they both don't want kids so whatever. It works for them, And what my h and are doing works for us. We are still every bit as close as we always have been.

[estrellita]

I don't really have a lot of childhood friends. I've been keeping up with them through FB and that has helped us reconnect but it's definitely not the same. My closest friends are college friends (mostly sorority sisters) but most live at least an hour away (BFF lives about 4 hours away). We do have other friends around here but it's so true that there isn't that history and trust there. Maybe that will develop in time, especially since some of them have kids and I'm sure E will end up playing with them a lot!

[agteach08]

I feel like those that are meant to be and last will... I have had friends that I thought would say a life time and I barely talk to them anymore. I have a best friend from 5th grade and although we are in very different stages of life, we still make time and talk about things going on in our lives. She lives very close to us. I have 2 friends from high school that I also consider best friends. They both have little ones and we relate in a lot of different levels. They are who I go to for baby, family, life in general stuff. I also have a best friend from college. Someone I could never live without. She is my rock (minus h) and is like a sister. Then there is my sister, she is my best friend and someone that I turn to for everything too. She hasn't experienced marriage or babies but I am comfortable discussing anything with her! I am so thankful for all of these ladies and the few that I haven't mentioned. On another note, I love having this group to talk too... I don't post as much as some of you but feel like a lot of us would be best if friends in real life!!

[Deleted]

I have no friends outside of H. I mean, I talk to my sister and my mom, but aside from this board, I don't have people I regularly interact with. My FB "friends" are people I lost touch with a long time ago. I only ever speak to one of them irl. I've known her since 10th grade, but after high school we both changed and now we have little in common. I also live 700 miles away from my hometown now, but I consider that a good thing.

During college, I made few friends because my ex was actively isolating me from people. Unfortunately the one good friend I made died a year ago due to a grand mal seizure. I know I sound like such a Debbie downer. In grad school, honestly most of the girls looked down at me because they had fancy clothes and purses and I was po'. I did make one friend, and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding, but she lives all the way across the country and stopped returning my texts/emails/calls. She didn't invite me to her wedding and wouldn't friend me on FB. The only reason I can think that she dropped me so suddenly is that she told me a lot of dirt about herself and maybe she was scared I'd blab to people??? But I wouldn't - and I never gave her any reason to believe I would! Whatever I guess.

I try to be friendly with H's friends' wives, but they are all very busy and don't seem to have much room in their lives for a new friend. Right now I'm not up for joining any groups or meetups or anything like that, but it would be nice to have a friend to meet with for lunch or something once in a while.

[awick14]

My main group of friends from high school and I get together every once in a while and it's like we never were apart. It's awesome.

My bff from high school, (She didn't hang out with my main group of friends) and I have more or less had a falling out and we still see each other because she is part of the group of friends I still hang out with. But we will never be close like we were, life changes have brought us apart and unfortunately it won't be something we (mainly me) will ever get over.

My current group of friends is a group that I met after meeting DH. (Who I met through my high school bff) this group has been splitting apart a little over the last few years. Once some couple in the group got married it changed a few things, and now that some have children it has changed things a little more. We still try and see each other about once a month.

My current bff is someone who I honestly never thought I would be very close to. But she was the only one who came forward and was just there for me over the last few years when no one else was. (Well except my last group of friends)

My last group of friends are these amazing woman that I have met through the Internet. They are woman who have been there for me no matter what even though they have never met me. they are the best friends a girl could ever ask for.

[katespade]

I just don't have friends, to be honest.

None of my high school friendships survived that awkward becoming an adult phase, and I never made new friends as an adult. I don't feel comfortable becoming friends with co-workers and I'm not in any groups or clubs that would create opportunities to make new friends.

I'm an anxious homebody with chronic illnesses that make following through with plans really difficult. It's easier to just stay home and spend time on the internet.