DS is 11 days old. He was born at 36 weeks, 3 days. I've been breastfeeding and it's been going ok. He was back up to his birth weight, plus a little more, by the time he was 9 days old. The problem is that nursing sessions last FOREVER, so by the time we're done, it's practically time to start all over again. I'm exhausted. The reason sessions last so long is a combination of him being sleepy and mostly a poor latch. He had a slight tongue tie, which we got lasered yesterday. He also is just really small, so he has a hard time getting his mouth open wide enough to latch on properly.
I've met with a lactation consultant twice and she has me pumping for 5 minutes after every nursing session to keep my supply up. On Monday she told me I could give him some of my pumped milk in a bottle if a nursing session is never ending. I just nursed for over an hour and he was still rooting for more. I just couldn't do it anymore, so I gave him an ounce of milk I pumped yesterday. It was so defeating watching him gulp it down. Will he ever learn to latch on properly if I keep giving him bottles to supplement? Or will it get better as he gets older and bigger? I don't even know what I'm looking for here. I'm just frustrated I guess. Lack of sleep is not helping either.
Oh man, I'm sorry. It's so rough at first! I unlatched my DD after 20 mins because she would eat forever and BFing was also extremely painful for me during the first weeks. But she didn't root for more, or else I would probably just keep switching sides. She did BF constantly.
I will say that it got SO MUCH easier around 6 weeks. I know that seems forever away, but really, you're in the most difficult time right now.
Hugs and good luck! Any local BF support meetings you could attend? They were very helpful to me.
Breastfeeding really really sucks at first. Really sucks.
I will say that I had family members give DS bottles of pumped milk early on, and it did not damage our breastfeeding relationship. We also gave him a pacifier, and that didn't cause an issue either. My boobs needed a break! So don't be hard on yourself - it's tough enough with out putting pressure on yourself!
Post by whiskeyandwine on Jul 8, 2015 13:18:09 GMT -5
For me, letting go of the bottle guilt was key. My baby is gaining weight at a suuuuper slow pace, so we have had to add a bottle of expressed BM after every nursing session. I just look at it like he is nursing for comfort, and the bottle feeding is sustaining him and that's ok.
Be gentle on yourself - this is so new to both of you. (((Hugs)))
Ditto pp. I made a very similar post when dd was a newborn as I couldn't believe she needed to eat for so long. I was losing my mind. Around 3 months, she suddenly started nursing for just 5-10 minutes at a time.. Such a relief.
I had three late pre-term babies and they all had similar trouble to start with. It got a lot better when they "woke up" around their due date, and by 6 weeks I was so glad I stuck with it. It gets better.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Jul 8, 2015 13:20:17 GMT -5
The first 30 days of breastfeeding SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Like, really suck.
Like, I would wake up each day and go, "Ok, day 12, only 18 more of suckitude to go."
And by day 30, it was better.
Now, I'll caveat this. If this is also your way of saying, "Can I please stop this and just do EP or Formula?" If you need someone's permission to not breastfeed, you have mine for whatever it is worth. Breastfeeding is effing hard even when it is going well. Don't do it if it is driving you crazy.
Post by badtzmaru22 on Jul 8, 2015 13:20:25 GMT -5
You are doing great! It is totally normal for feeding to take seemingly forever at this age. Your baby is gaining weight. You are doing a good job! It does get easier as they get older/bigger. I promise.
Try to set small goals, with rewards for yourself, like a special treat or a pedi at the end of the week.
Your baby is cluster feeding and growing, and it's all so normal, and yet feels so insane when you're in the thick of it. Are you using a pacifier? I actually think using one helped DD figure out a better latch, plus it would give me five minutes where I could just set the baby down and go pee or get a drink or just not have anyone touching me. Get a bunch of movies/Netflix lined up, and one-handed snacks and water at the ready. You've got this!!
Both my boys (both born around 37 weeks) took 40 mins - 1 hour or more per nursing session until they were about 2 months old. Then it was like a switch flipped and all of a sudden sessions only took about 10-15 mins. Life got sooooo much easier once that happened!
Yes, he will learn to latch properly if you supplement with a bottle. But if you are worried, you could always use a spoon or medicine syringe - the don't need much at that age.
If he's sleepy at the boob, strip him down to his diaper to keep him as cool as you can. I had to do this with dd2 in a very stuffy hospital.
No lying to you, it's hard at the beginning but you'll get into a routine together soon enough.
Also, forget about pumping if you have to. My lc also told me to pump after feeding... Are you kidding me? When was I supposed to do that? I needed to go to the restroom, eat, drink, relax. I ended up dropping the pumping after a day or so and no harm came from it. I'm still nursing dd at 16 months
OMG it's so awful in the beginnning. By one month you will likely feel so much more positive about it all. I'd suggest setting mini goals. "I will nurse for one month and re-evaluate".
I gave my son a bottle of pumped milk at one week old. My nipples were mangled and it was that or quit completely. Please don't feel guilty or bad! If you are pumping and feeding that in a bottle and it's only once a day or so your supply shouldn't be damaged by that. Everyone needs a break sometimes. Maybe you could pump right before bed and then have your H give a bottle at first wakeup so you could get a decent chunk of sleep.
Hugs and hang in there. It's so difficult at first but can be wonderful later.
oh yes, I wouldn't pump after every feed, that's madness. Especially since baby was back to birthweight so soon?? that is just extra stress for you. Clearly he is getting enough if he's gaining well and has plenty of wet diapers.
Keep at it. Find a support group if you can. Having other mothers around you in the same boat really helps. Dd also had an issue opening wide enough. Eventually she figured it out. You are doing great.
My 36 weeker had a lazy suck. I would undress him, tickle his feet... it was his nature. He's so incredibly laid back right now (at 15), I feel this was an indication of the kid I was getting.
That said, you are doing everything right. Feeding at this age takes forever, and there's a lot of comfort nursing happening as well. PPs are right: you can give him a bottle of expressed milk (or formula, that's your call), pump to keep up your supply and know that you're doing great!
I supplemented all 3 of my kids for the first 2-4 weeks until my milk supply was Established. It gave us all much needed rest and they all went on to BF for over a year. Do what works best for you and your baby, but know that rest is critical for you both.
Post by hbomdiggity on Jul 8, 2015 13:31:44 GMT -5
I hear you. I started pumping to relieve engorgement, and since we had the milk DH gives a bottle or two. Honestly, the break is nice, both mentally and physically (nipples were trashed).
It is def frustrating to see how quickly bottle sessions go. And that's the only way we truly know that he has gotten x amount and is full vs tired of nursing.
But it does get better. If giving expressed milk helps you get past this bump, then it's not giving up.
Remember a mix of available options may be a good fit for you. And any of the options will feed your baby and are totally good choices.
One note about EPing. Nursing gets easier for most people and shorter and it's easier to go longer periods at night when your baby sleeps. EPing does not. It doesn't clear the breast as well as a baby, so plugs are more likely. It can be very painful. I cannot go 6-8 hours without pumping while my son is sleeping. Personally, I really would not recommend it. I really kept doing it because weaning after my supply was established sounded worse than just continuing.
My experience is obviously not what everyone has. I've heard some women EP 4 times a day with tons of milk and no pain, but that's the exception, not the rule.
Hang in there. Newborns are hard. I felt so overwhelmed for the first 6 weeks especially at 8-10 weeks the whole thing seemed so much more manageable.
Just get as much information as you can. One frustrating thing about breast feeding is your actions now will affect your long term options. Big hugs with whatever you decide.
Post by sporklemotion on Jul 8, 2015 13:38:10 GMT -5
Others have made the point that it gets better, but I want to add my voice to that. DD1 started out as a super slow nurser, so sessions never ended. Once she got older and more interested in the world, things did get better. By the end, nursing sessions were totally reasonable (5-10 minutes).
You won't cause major damage by doing bottles here and there. I barely pumped at all before DD1 started sleeping longer stretches (or to replace a bottle feeding), because there was no way I wanted to deal with that after hours of cluster feeding. I did end up combo feeding around 5 months (my DH gave one formula bottle a day), but I was OK with that. We kept nursing until I got pregnant with DD2 at 10 months, and could have gone longer were it not for that. However, she wasn't born early and didn't have trouble latching.
Thanks for the encouragement. I guess I just need to know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and that my life for the next year won't be spent trying to shove a boob into my baby's face.
mudslide - He does have a lip tie. We were going to have that lasered yesterday too, but the stupid insurance company wouldn't pay for both procedures on the same day, so we have to go back to get it done. Do you think that will make a difference? The lactation consultant didn't think it was as big of a deal as the tongue tie.
Also, forget about pumping if you have to. My lc also told me to pump after feeding... Are you kidding me? When was I supposed to do that? I needed to go to the restroom, eat, drink, relax. I ended up dropping the pumping after a day or so and no harm came from it. I'm still nursing dd at 16 months
The only caveat I have for that is to make sure your breasts are emptying. I did not pump the side my baby didn't eat from and got mastitis. Not a good time.
This was me! J took an hour to nurse, and was nursing every 2 hours around the clock. For the first month or so, it was an hour on and then an hour off. Repeat. I felt trapped in my house and wanted to stop nursing. Thankfully, with each passing month it got better. Right now, he can nurse in 5-10 minutes, and easily goes 3+ hours without nursing.
I found this timeline very informative, and I referenced it a ton in the beginning. It provides some realistic guidelines to how long a baby can take to nurse, based on their age.
Post by teatimefor2 on Jul 8, 2015 13:44:53 GMT -5
You're doing a great job. My first was a slow nurser, 45 minutes and at 12 weeks it was under 15 minutes. It gets easier.
You are both learning how to nurse; and doing a good job. You are transferring milk as noted with his weight gain. If you need to give a bottle (either BM or formula), that's okay too. Every day will get easier.
Thanks for the encouragement. I guess I just need to know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and that my life for the next year won't be spent trying to shove a boob into my baby's face.
mudslide - He does have a lip tie. We were going to have that lasered yesterday too, but the stupid insurance company wouldn't pay for both procedures on the same day, so we have to go back to get it done. Do you think that will make a difference? The lactation consultant didn't think it was as big of a deal as the tongue tie.
The lip tie actually made a bigger difference for Baby E and I than the tongue tie did. Just keep at it. You're doing really well and I know how hard and frustrating it is. You've got this!
Don't be hard on yourself. You are doing a great job!! Ditto pp, breastfeeding is rough but it does get better. We are here for your vents, questions etc.
Post by jennistarr1 on Jul 8, 2015 13:46:12 GMT -5
It will get better! Don't give up.
So here is my thoughts...I won't call it advice
but you say that the nursing sessions take long and he's sleepy and by the time you're done it's time to go again. I assume you're breastfeeding every two hours.
So my daughter, I was setting my alarm every 3 hours actually to feed her and would have huge pangs of guilt when we both slept through it...and then I just gave up on the guilt and stopped setting the alarm. She wants to sleep through the night and so do I.
So maybe try to let him cue you a little more on when he's hungry. Crying, is like the final sign so don't wait until then...but wait until you see the hands and the rooting. I'm thinking less frequent feedings may be more productive.
again, I can't call this advice because it's not very by the book but it's just my thoughts/instinct
BF in the beginning can be so, so hard. I cried every single day for the first month. I completely agree with the advice not to quit on a bad day. And do not feel guilty about giving him a pumped bottle if that's what works right now. Survival mode and all.
Anecdote - I gave DD lots of pumped bottles those first 2-3 weeks because her latch was so awful. She also had a tongue tie that we had corrected very early on…even after the correction it will take some time for latch to improve. Did your ENT or LC give you any sucking exercises to work on building his strength? Anyway, after our rough start I really grew to love BF (which I NEVER thought I'd say) and we are still going strong at 16 months.
Hang in there, and know that yes there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you stick with it. Hugs.
BF in the beginning can be so, so hard. I cried every single day for the first month. I completely agree with the advice not to quit on a bad day. And do not feel guilty about giving him a pumped bottle if that's what works right now. Survival mode and all.
Anecdote - I gave DD lots of pumped bottles those first 2-3 weeks because her latch was so awful. She also had a tongue tie that we had corrected very early on…even after the correction it will take some time for latch to improve. Did your ENT or LC give you any sucking exercises to work on building his strength? Anyway, after our rough start I really grew to love BF (which I NEVER thought I'd say) and we are still going strong at 16 months.
Hang in there, and know that yes there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you stick with it. Hugs.
No sucking exercises were given, but I meet with the LC again next week, so I'll ask her then.