Teacher swearing in front of kids? Update added

[krisim]

My 4 year old reported to me last night that her teacher said "damn it" yesterday at school.  (It happened at naptime, which always seems to be chaotic in her classroom, as both of the teachers are new and inexperienced).  Neither my husband or I swear around the girls, but I don't doubt that she has heard the word from other kids in her classroom.   I don't see any reason for her making this up.  I think this is very unprofessional and am concerned that the teacher can't handle the nap time situation.  

How would you handle the situation? Ignore it or bring it up with someone?   I hate confrontation, so will likely not be comfortable talking directly to the teacher about it (who we'd have a hard time catching by herself anyways), but DH might not mind talking to her.  Or should I just mention it to or email the director?   

UPDATE: Found out yesterday that the swearing teacher's last day is on Friday. She only worked there for 3 months!
 I guess my dilemma is solved. 

[Deleted]

I'd really let it go. That's how I'd handle it.

But my kids have heard worse than "damn it" out of my mouth. I try not to swear, but... damn it, it's hard.

[janetplanet20]

When I student taught 2nd grade I said it was so freaking hot. A student thought I said fucking and told their mom. She relayed the info to my master teacher and asked if she'd talk to me about what happened. Embarrassing all around.
I'd talk to the teacher directly and explain that your daughter said she heard her say damn it class and then give the teacher a chance to explain.

[cajunmom]

If it was a one time thing I wouldn't worry about it. Honestly, I'd rather my kids hear "damn it" once in a while from their teacher than have her handing out bibles and praying (this is NOT a private school, btw).

[Ashley&Scott]

If it were a one time slip I would let it go. If it continues to happen I would approach the teacher and/or director.

[brooklyn]

Why do you think she can't handle nap time?

If it was a one-off curse, I wouldn't worry about it. I try not to curse in from of my kid, but shit happens (lol). If I drop something on my foot, or are similarly startled, I might curse too. It doesn't sound like she's cursing at the kids, or using inappropriate language on a recurring basis.

[shellbear09]

I would let this go. First this is kinda on the bottom of swearing imo. Secondly this is the first time so I think going to the director is way overkill and not fair.

[krisim]

Jul 8, 2015 14:16:09 GMT -5 brooklyn said:

Why do you think she can't handle nap time?

If it was a one-off curse, I wouldn't worry about it. I try not to curse in from of my kid, but shit happens (lol). If I drop something on my foot, or are similarly startled, I might curse too. It doesn't sound like she's cursing at the kids, or using inappropriate language on a recurring basis.

Because at least a few times a week my DD will bring up incidents that happen at nap time (mostly there seems to be a number of disruptive kids that don't settle down and always act out during nap time so my DD isn't able to sleep because of all of the noise/distractions.)  

[cjeanette]

I would say something to the teacher. Not okay.

[lilac05]

Jul 8, 2015 14:20:53 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

I would say something to the teacher. Not okay.

I'm glad I'm not alone on this.  I'd absolutely say something.  I wouldn't escalate it to the director after one time, but obviously it bothered your child if she came home and reported it to you.  

[InBetweenDays]

One time thing I'd let it go. If it happens again I'd bring it up to the teacher. With the acknowledgement that kids don't always retell things accurately so you aren't accusing but just bringing up something that is bothering your daughter.

Daycare teachers always told us to believe 50% of what the kids tell us happen at school, and they'll believe 50% of what kids tell them happen at home.

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2015 14:26:20 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

Jul 8, 2015 14:20:53 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

I would say something to the teacher. Not okay.

I'm glad I'm not alone on this.  I'd absolutely say something.  I wouldn't escalate it to the director after one time, but obviously it bothered your child if she came home and reported it to you.  

LOL, everything my 4 year old tattles about isn't something that "bothers him".

I mean, mention it if you like, but I wouldn't take the mention as the measure of importance. 

[Yankees21]

I think it would depend on the context. Swearing at the kids=not ok, letting it slip if you stubbed your toe=eh. This reminds me of when my brother was 8 and H said damn it and then apologized and my brother said "It's ok, damn is a mild swear word." Lol

[mlt]

Unless I heard such a thing with my own ears I would let it go.

[Deleted]

I'd let it go. This time.

If it becomes a repeated pattern I'd discuss it then.

For now I'd assume it was just a one off frustrating day.

DCPS, teachers are all human too and make mistakes.

And yeah, I wouldn't say it bothers your kid either. I get a verbatim spiel all the time about whatsoandso said from DD.

[speckledfrog]

First of all, nap time in a preK room is hell. HELL.

Secondly, if you were to say something you should say it to the teacher and approach it with an attitude of "This is what DD told me, but I'm not sure if she's relaying it the way it happened" because children miss the true story all the time. Like when they go home and insist that their teacher showed them pictures of naked people when really it was X-rays. Or when they say that the teacher said "It's a zoo in here" but that isn't a phrase I -I mean, a teacher, would say.

Personally, I would file the information away and bring it up if she mentions something happening again.

[Deleted]

4 yr olds nap? Yep that would be a tough job for a teacher

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2015 14:19:40 GMT -5 krisim said:

Jul 8, 2015 14:16:09 GMT -5 brooklyn said:

Why do you think she can't handle nap time?

If it was a one-off curse, I wouldn't worry about it. I try not to curse in from of my kid, but shit happens (lol). If I drop something on my foot, or are similarly startled, I might curse too. It doesn't sound like she's cursing at the kids, or using inappropriate language on a recurring basis.

Because at least a few times a week my DD will bring up incidents that happen at nap time (mostly there seems to be a number of disruptive kids that don't settle down and always act out during nap time so my DD isn't able to sleep because of all of the noise/distractions.)  

Naptime is a giant disaster no matter which way you cut it. There is no possible way to get 13 kids to lie down gently, quietly and promptly fall asleep at the same exact time. Then sit in silence for the next 2 hours. 

My DCP with 20 years experience whom I completely love and trust tells me all the time naptime is the hardest part of her day. 

And my almost 4 year old thinks everything is a giant uncontrolled disaster lately. If some kid got up once at naptime it'd be "Susie got up at DCP. She wouldn't lay down, ran around 3 times, kept adjusting her blankets, yelled and screamed, threw a fit." 9timesoutof10 it really was, "Susie was overtired and cried a bit. DCP had to rock her to get her to settle." 

[Ashley&Scott]

Jul 8, 2015 14:35:23 GMT -5 Yankees21 said:

I think it would depend on the context. Swearing at the kids=not ok, letting it slip if you stubbed your toe=eh. This reminds me of when my brother was 8 and H said damn it and then apologized and my brother said "It's ok, damn is a mild swear word." Lol

I agree with this. Context is important. If she is cussing at the kids then I would discuss it asap. But if she stubbed her toe & let it slip I wouldn't worry about it. 

[thebreakfastclub]

I didn't realize that 4 year olds nap?

[ktw]

I'm on team let it go. Maybe I'm a mean mom, and my kid isn't even two yet, but I'm not sure I'd just take her word that things happened exactly as she said. I'd give the teacher the benefit of the doubt this time, it could have been a mistake, your DD might have misheard or misunderstood, you don't know context, etc... If it happened again, I would bring it up to the teacher. 

[karinothing]

I mean DS picked it up somewhere. I don't like it, it was probably daycare lol. BUT that being said, it seemed like it was an accident not a regular thing. So I don't think I would do anything. She probably doesn't even realize she said it, you know?

[undecidedowl]

Jul 8, 2015 14:50:18 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

I didn't realize that 4 year olds nap?

Right? I was banking on DS1 not having to do naptime next year. He is one of those "disruptive kids" who really needs more active time and is negatively impacted by taking a nap.

OP, If you really want to do something, I'd talk to the teacher to see if there is a better way to separate the nappers vs. the non-nappers to make the time more pleasant for everyone. 

[whiskeyandwine]

It's not confrontation to address an issue with a teacher. It's being an adult and a parent.

If you're concerned or upset I think a simple, "Hey, my kid reported this to me, I'm sure it is possible she mis-heard, so I just wanted to clarify with you. We try to be extremely cautious with the language we expose her to."

Going to the teacher's boss because you don't like confrontation is extreme, and doesn't teach your DD anything about addressing issues.

[bugandbibs]

Jul 8, 2015 14:50:18 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

I didn't realize that 4 year olds nap?

DD2 is 4.5 and she still naps 2 hours most days. She sleeps 12 overnight too.

[bugandbibs]

Don't be that parent. Seriously, don't be that parent. When you have a legitimate issue you won't be taken seriously.

Muttering damn it for an unknown reason is not a big deal. Yelling damn it at the kids is a legit reason to talk to the teacher. We don't swear around the kids and very rarely swear in general. I still think you are over reacting.

[thebreakfastclub]

Jul 8, 2015 15:26:52 GMT -5 @littlemoxie said:

Jul 8, 2015 14:50:18 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

I didn't realize that 4 year olds nap?

Seriously people?  I remember being in my first grade classroom fondly remembering nap time in kindergarten.  

THIS IS NOT THAT UNIQUE, CAN WE NOT REPEAT THIS EVERY TIME IT'S BROUGHT UP?

I still nap sometimes.  No need to cue the chorus of "adults nap?"

I wasn't trying to be a shithead. Beyond the 3s room at my son's daycare, it is not required to nap. They can read or do whatever after lunch for quiet time.

[krisim]

Jul 8, 2015 14:49:41 GMT -5 Ashley&Scott said:

Jul 8, 2015 14:35:23 GMT -5 Yankees21 said:

I think it would depend on the context. Swearing at the kids=not ok, letting it slip if you stubbed your toe=eh. This reminds me of when my brother was 8 and H said damn it and then apologized and my brother said "It's ok, damn is a mild swear word." Lol

I agree with this. Context is important. If she is cussing at the kids then I would discuss it asap. But if she stubbed her toe & let it slip I wouldn't worry about it. 

It was directed at the kids (according the DD's version of the story). 

[krisim]

Jul 8, 2015 14:44:27 GMT -5 @justdairy said:

Jul 8, 2015 14:19:40 GMT -5 krisim said:

Because at least a few times a week my DD will bring up incidents that happen at nap time (mostly there seems to be a number of disruptive kids that don't settle down and always act out during nap time so my DD isn't able to sleep because of all of the noise/distractions.)  

Naptime is a giant disaster no matter which way you cut it. There is no possible way to get 13 kids to lie down gently, quietly and promptly fall asleep at the same exact time. Then sit in silence for the next 2 hours. 

My DCP with 20 years experience whom I completely love and trust tells me all the time naptime is the hardest part of her day. 

And my almost 4 year old thinks everything is a giant uncontrolled disaster lately. If some kid got up once at naptime it'd be "Susie got up at DCP. She wouldn't lay down, ran around 3 times, kept adjusting her blankets, yelled and screamed, threw a fit." 9timesoutof10 it really was, "Susie was overtired and cried a bit. DCP had to rock her to get her to settle." 

I agree!  It's a challenging adjustment for DD as we were spoiled at our last daycare where they often had 4-5 teachers in the preschool classroom to help with nap time so there were very few shenanigans.  

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2015 16:33:29 GMT -5 krisim said:

Jul 8, 2015 14:44:27 GMT -5 @justdairy said:

Naptime is a giant disaster no matter which way you cut it. There is no possible way to get 13 kids to lie down gently, quietly and promptly fall asleep at the same exact time. Then sit in silence for the next 2 hours. 

My DCP with 20 years experience whom I completely love and trust tells me all the time naptime is the hardest part of her day. 

And my almost 4 year old thinks everything is a giant uncontrolled disaster lately. If some kid got up once at naptime it'd be "Susie got up at DCP. She wouldn't lay down, ran around 3 times, kept adjusting her blankets, yelled and screamed, threw a fit." 9timesoutof10 it really was, "Susie was overtired and cried a bit. DCP had to rock her to get her to settle." 

I agree!  It's a challenging adjustment for DD as we were spoiled at our last daycare where they often had 4-5 teachers in the preschool classroom to help with nap time so there were very few shenanigans.  

i get it! DD is one of those kids who will lay down and nap or watch a show at least, so the other kids get hard on her (explains why she thinks every other kid is downright atrocious at nap). I'm not discounting that at all. 

However, I spent my college days working in a DC and now make the rounds in kdg. at school often enough. I have seen the flip side. It's not pretty...lol. 

I in fact have probably VERY under my breath said "damn it!" too.