Can You Know A Cheater

[starburst604]

I know, I always think the same thing. I haven't been cheated on to my knowledge, well except for my HS boyfriend but that doesn't really count and I wasn't exactly shocked because he was a total dick. When I think of how many bf's I've had though, I think someone HAD to have cheated! Conversely, I have never cheated on anyone. It seems to happen so much though, to people who never would have thought it would happen. Scary

[Deleted]

I'm not sure about predicting cheaters. But for me, I knew in my gut something was going on with my exH. He was always cocky, but seemed to never have his phone in plain sight at the end. I went through our family plan cell phone bill and found a phone number repeatedly x 3 months....hundreds of texts daily and long phone calls during times when we were not together. When I called it, it was obviously a girl that answered. I don't know if he cheated before that, if he did, I had no idea.
But I've heard of people that were cheated on for years and had no clue. The whole thing horrifies me and I don't know how I'll ever trust a future man.

[gozf]

One time I had food poisoning, but I still go out to dinner.

I know that's oversimplifying it, but still.

You have to trust your gut and not ignore signs. But not everyone who has cheated in the past will again, and just because someone hasnt doesnt mean they wont. There are no guarantees. Everything's a gamble.

It sucks to be cheated on, it really does. But you can't let one bad experience (or 2 or 10) paralyze you for the rest of your life.

[liubotflittyfud]

Aug 17, 2012 17:27:12 GMT -5 gozf said:

One time I had food poisoning, but I still go out to dinner.

I know that's oversimplifying it, but still.

You have to trust your gut and not ignore signs. But not everyone who has cheated in the past will again, and just because someone hasnt doesnt mean they wont. There are no guarantees. Everything's a gamble.

It sucks to be cheated on, it really does. But you can't let one bad experience (or 2 or 10) paralyze you for the rest of your life.

:Y: :Y: :Y:

[BlueBayou]

Well said GOZF! Agree 100%. And you shouldnt make future prospects pay for past prospects.

[Deleted]

Aug 17, 2012 20:36:41 GMT -5 BlueBayou said:

Well said GOZF! Agree 100%. And you shouldnt make future prospects pay for past prospects.

Agreed, but when it's fresh in your mind, it's a bit discouraging. Cheating seems so common.

[Deleted]

Aug 17, 2012 17:27:12 GMT -5 gozf said:

One time I had food poisoning, but I still go out to dinner.

I know that's oversimplifying it, but still.

You have to trust your gut and not ignore signs. But not everyone who has cheated in the past will again, and just because someone hasnt doesnt mean they wont. There are no guarantees. Everything's a gamble.

It sucks to be cheated on, it really does. But you can't let one bad experience (or 2 or 10) paralyze you for the rest of your life.

Lurker on this board, but I wanted to chime in that this is awesome advice.

[Deleted]

Yeah I think there is signs or red flags.

such as:

-disrespect to family/friends shows that he probably will be disrepectful to you or the relationship eventually

-Guys that are 'full of themselves' think they are 'hot' or 'the shit' arrogant that screams potential cheater to me cause they think they can get away with cheating cause they are just that *awesome*

[bullygirl979]

Aug 18, 2012 0:25:38 GMT -5 inara said:

Aug 18, 2012 0:18:51 GMT -5 @geeka said:

Yeah I think there is signs or red flags.

such as:

-disrespect to family/friends shows that he probably will be disrepectful to you or the relationship eventually

-Guys that are 'full of themselves' think they are 'hot' or 'the shit' arrogant that screams potential cheater to me cause they think they can get away with cheating cause they are just that *awesome*

My XH was the total opposite of this. He was really charming, friends and family all adored him, with the exception of my dad who generally hates everyone. He had terrible self esteem and was always amazed that I was interested in him. He's very religious and waited until marriage to have intercourse. And he still cheated.

I think all you can do is be aware of gut feelings and hope for the best.

This is a HUGE red flag in my book. Because if their self esteem is that bad, they will most likely seek validation from others, including, and especially from other women.

[hobs209]

Aug 17, 2012 17:27:12 GMT -5 gozf said:

One time I had food poisoning, but I still go out to dinner.

I know that's oversimplifying it, but still.

You have to trust your gut and not ignore signs. But not everyone who has cheated in the past will again, and just because someone hasnt doesnt mean they wont. There are no guarantees. Everything's a gamble.

It sucks to be cheated on, it really does. But you can't let one bad experience (or 2 or 10) paralyze you for the rest of your life.

:Y:

I also want to add that I suspect it's not quite as common as we think. Everyone on this board has been in a failed marriage or LTR so we're not exactly representative of the general population. There are many successful marriages that never endure adultery and there are plenty of divorces that occur for reasons other than it. Just trying to keep some perspective and realize that most men are probably not cheaters.

[bullygirl979]

Aug 18, 2012 8:25:07 GMT -5 hobs209 said:

Aug 17, 2012 17:27:12 GMT -5 gozf said:

One time I had food poisoning, but I still go out to dinner.

I know that's oversimplifying it, but still.

You have to trust your gut and not ignore signs. But not everyone who has cheated in the past will again, and just because someone hasnt doesnt mean they wont. There are no guarantees. Everything's a gamble.

It sucks to be cheated on, it really does. But you can't let one bad experience (or 2 or 10) paralyze you for the rest of your life.

I also want to add that I suspect it's not quite as common as we think. Everyone on this board has been in a failed marriage or LTR so we're not exactly representative of the general population. There are many successful marriages that never endure adultery and there are plenty of divorces that occur for reasons other than it. Just trying to keep some perspective and realize that most men are probably not cheaters.

ITA on both points.