My baby won't nurse (long)

[isabel]

DS has always been a champ nurser. Great latch, very efficient.

In the last week or so, he's been getting really upset when I put my nipple in his mouth. Sometimes he freaks out immediately. Sometimes he sucks a few times and then freaks out. He'll work himself up so much that he ends up in coughing fits. Offering over and over only makes it worse. I've resorted to giving him a bottle several times, which immediately calms him down. I can sometimes take the bottle after an ounce or two and he'll finish with nursing, but it doesn't always work.

When he does nurse, it's fitful. He's always got his hands and arms moving and he pulls off frequently. None of this happens when he is being bottle fed.

Other details: my supply is fine. It has dropped a bit in the last few weeks, but, for reference, I am pumping 15 ounces between two sessions while at work.

Over the weekend, he basically was fine. We had a couple tough times when he was tired, but generally recovered ok without resorting to a bottle.


I'm stressed out and sad. I want to nurse. I don't want to pump more. I am sad for my son and feel like I'm failing him somehow. I'm certain the issue is related to my let down and him wanting that faster flow, but I don't know how to accomplish that without pumping and then I feel like I may as well stick it out and just give him a bottle. Plus, what if we're out and I don't have a way to pump to get things started? I'm terrible at hand expressing, but maybe I'm not doing it right.

So, what the hell do I do?

[W.T.Faulkner]

I don't have advice, but you're not letting him down. You're a good mom. (hugs) I am so sorry it's been difficult lately. I hope you can figure something out soon.

[cbwm1]

How old is he?

Will started doing that right around the time his reflux kicked in

[tulips]

Ear issues? My son was a beast to nurse during an EI, but took bottles fine.

[underwaterrhymes]

You're not failing him!

Can you use a nipple on the bottle that is slower so he gets used to not having such a fast flow again?

[cbwm1]

Jul 14, 2015 21:15:22 GMT -5 tulips said:

Ear issues? My son was a beast to nurse during an EI, but took bottles fine.

Oooh, another possibility!

[isabel]

Jul 14, 2015 21:10:46 GMT -5 cbwm1 said:

How old is he?

Will started doing that right around the time his reflux kicked in

3 months. He'll be 14 weeks tomorrow.

Actually, he was spitting up a ton this weekend when he was only breastfeeding. Are there other signs of reflux issues that I should look out for?

[isabel]

Jul 14, 2015 21:16:06 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

You're not failing him!

Can you use a nipple on the bottle that is slower so he gets used to not having such a fast flow again?

We already use slow flow nipples.

[isabel]

Jul 14, 2015 21:16:05 GMT -5 @aliciaroset said:

You are not failing! You are doing great. Being fussy at the breast is a normal part of many breastfeeding relationships.
Is he getting frustrated before you let down?

Yes, I think it's related to that. He gets frustrated the moment I try to latch him on and he realizes it's not a bottle nipple in his mouth. He does ok once the let down occurs, but flails and pulls off a lot.

[jennistarr1]

I was thinking reflux too...new position?

[underwaterrhymes]

Jul 14, 2015 21:21:04 GMT -5 isabel said:

Jul 14, 2015 21:10:46 GMT -5 cbwm1 said:

How old is he?

Will started doing that right around the time his reflux kicked in

3 months. He'll be 14 weeks tomorrow.

Actually, he was spitting up a ton this weekend when he was only breastfeeding. Are there other signs of reflux issues that I should look out for?

Do you think you might have overactive letdown? This was a problem for me and K. He spit up a ton and would choke because my letdown was so forceful. It worked itself out over time (and he's still nursing at 27 months). Side lying nursing helped a lot, as did block feeding.

Whatever the issue, though, you are feeding your baby and that's the important part. See if you can sort out if it's reflux or ears or another issue altogether, but don't feel like you are failing in any way. You aren't.

[isabel]

Jul 14, 2015 21:39:29 GMT -5 underwaterrhymes said:

Jul 14, 2015 21:21:04 GMT -5 isabel said:

3 months. He'll be 14 weeks tomorrow.

Actually, he was spitting up a ton this weekend when he was only breastfeeding. Are there other signs of reflux issues that I should look out for?

Do you think you might have overactive letdown? This was a problem for me and K. He spit up a ton and would choke because my letdown was so forceful. It worked itself out over time (and he's still nursing at 27 months). Side lying nursing helped a lot, as did block feeding.

Whatever the issue, though, you are feeding your baby and that's the important part. See if you can sort out if it's reflux or ears or another issue altogether, but don't feel like you are failing in any way. You aren't.

I do have overactive letdown, but I feel like we've worked that out pretty well. This seems to be a different issue, as he's all of a sudden not wanting to nurse at all. Once I do letdown, he seems ok (aside from the flailing and pulling off, but even that generally happens after the letdown has subsided). I'm going to make a doctor's appointment to make sure there's not an ear issue going on and ask them about reflux. This just seems too out of the blue to be a "normal" breastfeeding problem. I feel like we had covered all of that many weeks ago and sorted out the problems we were having then.

Thank you for your kind words. It's nice to have that reminder that he's getting what he needs, regardless of how that happens.

[isabel]

Jul 14, 2015 22:00:16 GMT -5 @astrid said:

Could he be too hot?

How so? Like too much clothing? I doubt it. He's often dressed in just a onesie. This was the case tonight as well. He always acts fine before and after these episodes. They seem to be worse when he's tired. I get the sense that he just wants instant gratification, but doesn't want to put any effort in. I could be totally off base though.

[cbwm1]

Is it one specific side that he won't nurse on?

Does he arch his back at all when screaming?

[isabel]

Jul 14, 2015 22:33:28 GMT -5 cbwm1 said:

Is it one specific side that he won't nurse on?

Does he arch his back at all when screaming?

Nope, it's both. I don't think so. I'll have to pay better attention tomorrow. It's more like I put my boob in his mouth, he realizes it's not what he wants or that the milk isn't coming out fast enough, and he wigs out. It doesn't seem like a gas or discomfort issue, if that's what you're getting at.

[kaybee85]

When Ingrid had an ear infection, there was no fever, so even if your DC doesn't have a fever, it could be ear infection.

[lynn07]

I just wanted to commiserate. I am having almost the exact same problem with DS3 (4 months). It seemed to start out as a distracted nursing thing, then got a little better, and then the past few days have been terrible. Both of us were in tears this afternoon I work very part time, and I worked Saturday so he got bottles all day, and now I'm wondering if it's a wanting instant gratification thing. Will he nurse at night? DS nurses fine at night and first thing in the morning, and then it's downhill from there, which makes me think it's not a reflux issue. It's gotten to the point that I'm considering weaning because it's creating such a negative experience for both of us. I'm sorry you are going through this, too.

[isabel]

Jul 15, 2015 0:13:22 GMT -5 lynn07 said:

I just wanted to commiserate. I am having almost the exact same problem with DS3 (4 months). It seemed to start out as a distracted nursing thing, then got a little better, and then the past few days have been terrible. Both of us were in tears this afternoon I work very part time, and I worked Saturday so he got bottles all day, and now I'm wondering if it's a wanting instant gratification thing. Will he nurse at night? DS nurses fine at night and first thing in the morning, and then it's downhill from there, which makes me think it's not a reflux issue. It's gotten to the point that I'm considering weaning because it's creating such a negative experience for both of us. I'm sorry you are going through this, too.

Yes! He nurses fine in the middle of the night and first thing in the morning. I'm gone all day for work, so we really only have this problem once or twice in the evenings. And, as I said, he was fine during the day over the past weekend. The one time we had this issue was during the evening.

My milk production is lowest at that point and I feel empty compared to the rest of the day. I feel like I need to figure out how to get things flowing at that time of day.

I still want to check with the doctor about ear infection and reflux, but my gut says it's related to my milk and the time of day.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this too. It really sucks.

[cbwm1]

Jul 15, 2015 6:47:05 GMT -5 isabel said:

Jul 15, 2015 0:13:22 GMT -5 lynn07 said:

I just wanted to commiserate. I am having almost the exact same problem with DS3 (4 months). It seemed to start out as a distracted nursing thing, then got a little better, and then the past few days have been terrible. Both of us were in tears this afternoon I work very part time, and I worked Saturday so he got bottles all day, and now I'm wondering if it's a wanting instant gratification thing. Will he nurse at night? DS nurses fine at night and first thing in the morning, and then it's downhill from there, which makes me think it's not a reflux issue. It's gotten to the point that I'm considering weaning because it's creating such a negative experience for both of us. I'm sorry you are going through this, too.

Yes! He nurses fine in the middle of the night and first thing in the morning. I'm gone all day for work, so we really only have this problem once or twice in the evenings. And, as I said, he was fine during the day over the past weekend. The one time we had this issue was during the evening.

My milk production is lowest at that point and I feel empty compared to the rest of the day. I feel like I need to figure out how to get things flowing at that time of day.

I still want to check with the doctor about ear infection and reflux, but my gut says it's related to my milk and the time of day.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this too. It really sucks.

I think we need frkls here...

[frkls]

i'd take him to the pedi just to rule out ear infections, thrush, or teething pain.

if he checks out, then it's probably a regular old, spirit-killing nursing strike. which sucks but is TEMPORARY!!! nursing strikes are super common between 3 and 7/8 months. there are things you can do, though!!

try nursing when he is sleepy
nurse in the dark
minimize distractions during nursing
do LOTS of skin-to-skin between nursing sessions
offer the breast more frequently than usual (like, a lot more frequently)
try different positions. i push the "laid-back" position on everybody here www.biologicalnurturing.com
you can also try hand-expressing until your milk lets down so he gets the instant gratification like a bottle

in my lactation ed. class, the instructor talked about having a client with a striking baby. she sat with the baby in an office chair and spun around and the baby nursed like a champ as long as she was spinning. whatever weird ass thing to get the baby to stay latched.

but remember: TEMPORARY! TEMPORARY! TEMPORARY! keep your supply up and keep on trucking. you're doing great!

[frkls]

i skimmed too quickly and just saw where you think it may be a supply issue. lactation tea or fenugreek may help, but i think increasing your milk removal would work faster. either adding a pumping session or nurse more frequently.

lots of people also have lots of success with taking a "nursing vacation." maybe this weekend, stay home and make nursing your only job. hang out with your baby, relax topless (lots of skin to skin throughout the day), frequent nursing, etc.
on a nursing vacation, you chill with movies or a book and nursing is your only job.

it's like power-pumping only with an actual baby

[Jalapeñomel]

Drink a Guinness or two.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Jul 15, 2015 7:54:27 GMT -5 frkls said:

i skimmed too quickly and just saw where you think it may be a supply issue. lactation tea or fenugreek may help, but i think increasing your milk removal would work faster. either adding a pumping session or nurse more frequently.

lots of people also have lots of success with taking a "nursing vacation." maybe this weekend, stay home and make nursing your only job. hang out with your baby, relax topless (lots of skin to skin throughout the day), frequent nursing, etc.
on a nursing vacation, you chill with movies or a book and nursing is your only job.

it's like power-pumping only with an actual baby

I kinda want to do this! Can I send DH and Lucy away too?

[cep1976]

My daughter went on a strike like this when she was cutting her first teeth (she had the first two come in simultaneously.) She would nurse first thing in the morning, but other than that, it was screaming, back arching, absolute refusal. Very distressing and stressful at the time. I had to pump and give her bottles for a week, but after the teeth popped through, she went right back to nursing with no issue.

[frkls]

Jul 15, 2015 9:38:07 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

Jul 15, 2015 7:54:27 GMT -5 frkls said:

i skimmed too quickly and just saw where you think it may be a supply issue. lactation tea or fenugreek may help, but i think increasing your milk removal would work faster. either adding a pumping session or nurse more frequently.

lots of people also have lots of success with taking a "nursing vacation." maybe this weekend, stay home and make nursing your only job. hang out with your baby, relax topless (lots of skin to skin throughout the day), frequent nursing, etc.
on a nursing vacation, you chill with movies or a book and nursing is your only job.

it's like power-pumping only with an actual baby

I kinda want to do this! Can I send DH and Lucy away too?

Absolutely!! Tell them your lactation counselor told you to ?

[isabel]

Jul 15, 2015 7:54:27 GMT -5 frkls said:

i skimmed too quickly and just saw where you think it may be a supply issue. lactation tea or fenugreek may help, but i think increasing your milk removal would work faster. either adding a pumping session or nurse more frequently.

lots of people also have lots of success with taking a "nursing vacation." maybe this weekend, stay home and make nursing your only job. hang out with your baby, relax topless (lots of skin to skin throughout the day), frequent nursing, etc.
on a nursing vacation, you chill with movies or a book and nursing is your only job.

it's like power-pumping only with an actual baby

Guess I know what I'm doing this weekend. Thanks, frkls!