Affairs...again

[jnksmom]

I found out last night that H has been having an affair since March. He has been traveling for work every week to the same office for almost a year. I noticed some changes after Christmas and somewhere deep down I knew but I couldn't prove it. I have asked him several times and he has denied it. Even though I knew I was hoping it wasn't true. His project at that office is over and he has been home for 2 weeks. He is out of town this week but was supposed to be going to a different office for meetings. He left earlier in the week than normal for this particular meeting and his flight "went through the other city" which made no sense for where he was going. I was finally able to prove it from credit card purchases last night and he admitted it when I called and asked. He said he went there to end it and he wants to go to counseling and try to work this out. I have so many emotions and questions and thoughts right now. I never thought he would do this and I'm not sure if I can move past it and stay with him. I haven't told anyone in real life yet and just needed to get it out. If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it.

[Kcthepouchh8r]

Dup

[Kcthepouchh8r]

I couldn't stay if put in that scenario. I do see the appeal in trying to work it out through counseling though. I am sorry this happened and wish you peace with whatever the outcome is.

[Kcthepouchh8r]

Dup

[CrazyLucky]

I'm sorry for you. My sister was determined to make it work with XBIL, but he wasn't, so they divorced. If your H is willing to get counseling, and you want to get counseling, it's definitely worth it to try. Even if you end up deciding to leave, you'll be secure in your decision, with fewer what ifs.
I hope you have a nearby friend or family for a shoulder to cry on.

[mamaalysson]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. No useful advice, but lots of good thoughts sent your way.

[penguingrrl]

I'm so sorry. I have no advice but wanted to send you hugs.

[Deleted]

I am so sorry. Even though you had suspicions, I'm sure this is a huge shock and it will take some time for you to figure out if you want to end it or try to repair things. Hugs to you.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry. Oh my gosh, so much for you to process and still find out. Hugs and support. Only you will know what's best. I suppose counseling is the best start to find out more.

[gwapes]

So sorry, Jnks. Only advice is just to take your time and think about which option you feel is best. Big hugs.

[jensriot]

I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice, just hugs for you.

[jag01]

What a devastating blow. I can't even begin to imagine the range of emotions that you must feel. I have no advice. Hopefully you have amazing supports around you. Keep strong.

[andrewsgal]

I am so sorry. I have no idea what I would do in a situation. I think counseling is a great start.

[rosesandpetals]

I'm so sorry. I definitely think you should go to counseling. If nothing else, you need to be able to co-parent. You need to do what's best for you and your children, maybe individual counseling can help you decide what that is. I'm sorry this happened to you.

[quesyrah]

I'm so sorry. I don't have any good advice, but I'm really sorry you're going through this. Huge

[melew]

No advice, just support. Thinking of you!

[jnksmom]

Thanks for the support ladies. One best friend is in Africa until next week and the other has been super busy at work. Also until I decide what I want to do I don't want to tell my family.
It's been a tough day. DS and DD have watched way too much TV but I just don't feel like doing much and have been sick to my stomach all day.

[cabbagecabbage]

I'm so very sorry. I always say I'll leave if that happens but unless it does, I'll never know. The fact that he fessed up only when really caught and suddenly wants counseling and was "going to end it" on that very trip sets off my BS detector hard.

That isn't to say counseling isn't a good idea, both individual and couples if possible.

[momin2013]

Damn, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how painful this must be for you. Sending you hugs.

I think it's a good thing he's mentioned going to counseling; hopefully that will help you get your thoughts sorted out, both alone and together, so you know how to move on in whatever way you determine is best.

[louiej]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

You don't deserve to be treated like that. I'm angry for you and your kids. I would get yourself tested for any stds, and make sure you tell someone irl what's going on- even if it's your pcp when you get tested.

[jnksmom]

Jul 15, 2015 16:42:54 GMT -5 louiej said:

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

You don't deserve to be treated like that. I'm angry for you and your kids. I would get yourself tested for any stds, and make sure you tell someone irl what's going on- even if it's your pcp when you get tested.

Fortunately for me, H and I have not had sex since before Christmas(huge red flag and part of my suspicions but he kept saying he was too tired from working 70hours a week and traveling and then it was he was too depressed). However if I decide to stay he will have to be tested before we ever have sex again.

[rosesandpetals]

Don't worry about the TV. You have more important things to think about.

[lexus]

Jul 15, 2015 14:25:22 GMT -5 rosesandpetals said:

I'm so sorry. I definitely think you should go to counseling. If nothing else, you need to be able to co-parent. You need to do what's best for you and your children, maybe individual counseling can help you decide what that is. I'm sorry this happened to you.

This is my gut too. Either way, you need to repair your relationship so you can be together or coparent. I don't think individual counseling (maybe just for a little while) would hurt. I would definitely call my busy friend. You need her.

[andrewsgal]

Don't worry about the TV. They will be fine.

[usm]

I am so sorry. I have no advice but you don't have to make
Any decisions today. Turn on the TV, order a pizza, and do
What you need to do. Hugs

[nowa]

I have no advice. I'm so sorry.

[chatterbox]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. He put you in an impossible situation and it's not fair.

[livinitup]

Look hard at your finances, make copies of bank records, retirement accounts, savings, pay stubs, mortgages, loans, insurance and credit card statements. I don't mean to alarm you, but it's important.

[NandaB]

I'm sorry friend. I've said this before, but from my lurkings I've seen the starting over board give good advice/support. It may be nice to have a sounding board with some experience.

[outnumbered]

Jul 15, 2015 16:56:04 GMT -5 jnksmom said:

Jul 15, 2015 16:42:54 GMT -5 louiej said:

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

You don't deserve to be treated like that. I'm angry for you and your kids. I would get yourself tested for any stds, and make sure you tell someone irl what's going on- even if it's your pcp when you get tested.

Fortunately for me, H and I have not had sex since before Christmas(huge red flag and part of my suspicions but he kept saying he was too tired from working 70hours a week and traveling and then it was he was too depressed). However if I decide to stay he will have to be tested before we ever have sex again.

Hi, I usually only lurk occasionally after the migration so I am sorry to pop in on this thread.  Definitely get tested regardless of your current status.  Your husband has proven to be dishonest.  He might have started this affair earlier.  I am sorry this is happening. I had a friend who stayed with her husband after he cheated.  She seems happy, but is very guarded about her feelings.  I wish you peace with any decision you make.