And they need to remain strangers to him, if it's not too late. There is no reason he needs to know your kids, their names, and what they look and act like.
Don't have your kids socialize with someone you wouldn't want them turning to for help if they get lost at the county fair.
This. I have had interactions with child molesters; one fleetingly while babysitting little girls (and whom I was not warned about in advance because the mom was uncomfortable with the discussion), and another one who sadly I know as he's a relative.
Please take Sonrisa's advice. Molesters work in insidious ways, and the best and only way you can properly protect your children is to prevent there from ever being a possibility of them being around this guy.
Am I a bad person that my first thought was "If he's there, call his parole officer."
I feel bad for her daughter, but I'd decline and set up a play date at a park later.
I think like this as well. Stop by, if he is there, drop the gift and say "sorry, we were double booked, but we wanted to make sure to give you a hug and your present! Let's set up a special birthday date!" and then leave and call that son of a bitch's parole officer.
I'd call the mom and be upfront with her. "Will her father be there? We'd love to see you. However, I won't bring the girls if he is coming. We'd love to celebrate at a separate time if he is."
I'd tell her that I'd call his parole officer if he shows up at any event my kids attend.
This. 100% this. If you want ANY contact w/ this woman, then make it VERY CLEAR what your boundaries are. Not that it will change anything, but if she keeps hearing "I wont' bring my child around if he's there", it MIGHT have an impact. You never know.
But it's either than or just don't go and cut ties with her. Why play this game?
H texted her to ask and she did respond, but just said the party is being moved until Saturday. So now we don't have to go and don't have to worry about canceling at the last minute
H texted her to ask and she did respond, but just said the party is being moved until Saturday. So now we don't have to go and don't have to worry about canceling at the last minute
Call me a cynical conspiracist, I wonder if she starting thinking you might realize that the father was going to be there and told you the party had changed days.......
I wouldn't make excuses like "sorry we're double-booked." I'd flat out say "I am not comfortable with my kids being in the same room with Chester. We can celebrate another time." If he's not there but shows up later, I'd bundle my kids up and out the door. There is no way I would let a child associate in any way, shape or form with a child molester. I like how PP put it. If he's not someone they can turn to if they're lost at a county fair, my child shouldn't know them. He is not a "safe" person.
And if PP is a bad person for wanting to call the parole officer, then I'm an awful one too because I'd have him on speed-dial.
She still thinks I'm the one that got him thrown back in jail this last time, even though I wasn't the one who actually called the parole officer. So it could definitely be that he is going to be there and this is just her excuse. I don't contact her at all anymore, but we periodically hear from her when she needs child care or in situations like this. And I know I should cut ties, I just feel so bad for her daughter and it's really hard for me to just drop her I know there is nothing I can do to help the situation at all and you guys are right about all of this.
She still thinks I'm the one that got him thrown back in jail this last time, even though I wasn't the one who actually called the parole officer. So it could definitely be that he is going to be there and this is just her excuse. I don't contact her at all anymore, but we periodically hear from her when she needs child care or in situations like this. And I know I should cut ties, I just feel so bad for her daughter and it's really hard for me to just drop her I know there is nothing I can do to help the situation at all and you guys are right about all of this.
This is not true. There are things that you can do, but they all involve taking a hard line, and not just being a friendly shoulder to cry on or a helping hand that gives you all the good feels.
The things that you can do in this situation:
1. Report wrong-doings to the authorities, so they can apply the law and protect that little girl who obviously need protecting.
2. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you refuse to be around this guy, that you like her, but that you absolutely will not subject your family to the danger involved with this guy. You can also tell her that she should do the same and that she deserves way better. Don't pretend it's for something else, come right out and say it. Repeat and keep firm, and make sure your actions are in line with your stance. Every time you stay silent about that you are telling her that what is going on is ok.