I'm the OP. I would have been totally okay with a week or two. Or maybe even three. The continued calls are what is starting to bother me. I think the singing is odd but it's his own personal touch, so whatever...but I'm starting to wonder for how many weeks this will go on! I'll have to keep you posted. Maybe he does six weeks.
PS Our baby's cousin was baptized at the same time, so BIL & SIL get the same weekly calls over at their house, too. I wonder how many people are on his call list each week!
I think the singing is strange! I'd find it kind of creepy, not sure why but creepy. I could handle an occasional call but weekly with singing is just over the top.
I'm the OP. I would have been totally okay with a week or two. Or maybe even three. The continued calls are what is starting to bother me. I think the singing is odd but it's his own personal touch, so whatever...but I'm starting to wonder for how many weeks this will go on! I'll have to keep you posted. Maybe he does six weeks.
FWIW, it probably bothers him you used him and his church to baptize a kid and now never go. I would imagine it will go one for as many weeks until he realizes you weren't serious about going.
I think the singing is weird, but I think it's weirder to be put out by him expecting you to actually go to church like you said you would as part of baptizing the kid.
@ amynumbers: ?? We are going. We usually go when we are in town, but we are out of town most weekends this summer. We went prior to the baptism, too. About every-other week or so.
I'm giggling that not even weekly singing voicemails is universally odd behavior.
It is weird. You would probably think I was weird if I called you every Sunday and sang into your voicemail.
Exactly. I don't see how people are missing this is weird, creepy behavior for anyone. And LOL that it's a genius marketing technique. It's scaring people away.
I don't think he is being creepy as in skinsuit creepy but it is odd to me. Perhaps sending a reminder in the mail every one in a while would be more appropriate.
I'm the OP. I would have been totally okay with a week or two. Or maybe even three. The continued calls are what is starting to bother me. I think the singing is odd but it's his own personal touch, so whatever...but I'm starting to wonder for how many weeks this will go on! I'll have to keep you posted. Maybe he does six weeks.
FWIW, it probably bothers him you used him and his church to baptize a kid and now never go. I would imagine it will go one for as many weeks until he realizes you weren't serious about going.
I think the singing is weird, but I think it's weirder to be put out by him expecting you to actually go to church like you said you would as part of baptizing the kid.
My family is catholic and I received my baptism, first communinion, and confirmation. We were never weekly churchgoers. We did all the big catholic holidays and a Sunday here and there but certainly were not there 52 Sundays a year. Did we use the church by not going every week??
I'm the OP. I would have been totally okay with a week or two. Or maybe even three. The continued calls are what is starting to bother me. I think the singing is odd but it's his own personal touch, so whatever...but I'm starting to wonder for how many weeks this will go on! I'll have to keep you posted. Maybe he does six weeks.
FWIW, it probably bothers him you used him and his church to baptize a kid and now never go. I would imagine it will go one for as many weeks until he realizes you weren't serious about going.
I think the singing is weird, but I think it's weirder to be put out by him expecting you to actually go to church like you said you would as part of baptizing the kid.
Come on. She didn't "use" the priest or the church. And their attendance now "bothers" him or not?? I am Catholic and I can guarantee you that I don't register my attendance at any mass for the purpose of pleasing any priest. On any given Sunday, I have my choice if 3+ masses and many, many different R.C. churches in my area and like the poster said, while away from home. He's not calling the family because of their attendance, because, frankly, he doesn't know their attendance.
OP- This is unusual behavior. I don't know what you should do. You can certainly let it go to voicemail, you can answer, or you can ask him to stop.
Lol of course the priest knows if you are going every week -- they audit your donation envelopes! That is exactly how they track if you are a "practicing catholic".
And yeah, part of the gig with Catholicism is showing up every week -- it's a key component of what you sign up for. Yes, you are using the church if you are just baptizing a baby or having a wedding. I am sort of surprised anyone familiar with Catholcism doesn't get that.
Some priests DGAF and will give you the sacrament. But a priest expecting you to show up at church after your baptized a kid catholic isn't the craziest thing, even if the singing is creepy.
I mean, no judgment -- I did the dog and pony show without going to church for my own wedding and DS1's baptism -- plenty of people do. But it's kind of a riot to be all put out that the priest actually wants you to go to church.
Lol of course the priest knows if you are going every week -- they audit your donation envelopes! That is exactly how they track if you are a "practicing catholic".
And yeah, part of the gig with Catholicism is showing up every week -- it's a key component of what you sign up for. Yes, you are using the church if you are just baptizing a baby or having a wedding. I am sort of surprised anyone familiar with Catholcism doesn't get that.
Some priests DGAF and will give you the sacrament. But a priest expecting you to show up at church after your baptized a kid catholic isn't the craziest thing, even if the singing is creepy.
I mean, no judgment -- I did the dog and pony show without going to church for my own wedding and DS1's baptism -- plenty of people do. But it's kind of a riot to be all put out that the priest actually wants you to go to church.
Ok I thought I was going crazy. I'm not Catholic but attend with DH and his family. You aren't even supposed to take the sacrament of communion if you missed mass without going to confession or getting a dispensation from a priest. One of the convents you make while baptizing your child is that you will bring them to church.
DH was real worried about making sure we wrote checks for the offering so we could get credit for DS1 to get into school.
Community outreach is huge and a lot of people want to go to a church where they would be missed and someone would check on them. If OP is uncomfortable they need to change churches but this is not unheard of and some just take it further than others.
Lol of course the priest knows if you are going every week -- they audit your donation envelopes! That is exactly how they track if you are a "practicing catholic".
And yeah, part of the gig with Catholicism is showing up every week -- it's a key component of what you sign up for. Yes, you are using the church if you are just baptizing a baby or having a wedding. I am sort of surprised anyone familiar with Catholcism doesn't get that.
Some priests DGAF and will give you the sacrament. But a priest expecting you to show up at church after your baptized a kid catholic isn't the craziest thing, even if the singing is creepy.
I mean, no judgment -- I did the dog and pony show without going to church for my own wedding and DS1's baptism -- plenty of people do. But it's kind of a riot to be all put out that the priest actually wants you to go to church.
Ok I thought I was going crazy. I'm not Catholic but attend with DH and his family. You aren't even supposed to take the sacrament of communion if you missed mass without going to confession or getting a dispensation from a priest. One of the convents you make while baptizing your child is that you will bring them to church.
DH was real worried about making sure we wrote checks for the offering so we could get credit for DS1 to get into school.
Community outreach is huge and a lot of people want to go to a church where they would be missed and someone would check on them. If OP is uncomfortable they need to change churches but this is not unheard of and some just take it further than others.
I grew up catholic and we went to a number of churches as we moved around and even went to catholic middle school. This was not my experience at all. If you missed an extended period they may call to check but there was certainly no expectation that you had to be there every week or needed to go to confession to receive the sacrament. That's insane and I'm assuming that's why many moved away from the Catholic Church if that's the standard operating procedure.
Um, yeah. the 3rd commandment is "keep holy the sabbath". It's a top ten mortal sin to skip mass, and therefor you need to go to confession before receiving communion. Catholicism 101 type stuff. Like, stuff they teach you in kindergarten.
Not that I am endorsing any of this BS, far from it.
Um, yeah. the 3rd commandment is "keep holy the sabbath". It's a top ten mortal sin to skip mass, and therefor you need to go to confession before receiving communion. Catholicism 101 type stuff. Like, stuff they teach you in kindergarten.
Not that I am endorsing any of this BS, far from it.
Yep, totally true. So really, I guess a priest is within his right to keep tabs on his parishioners going to church regularly. I've never experienced that personally, though, and definitely never accompanied by singing. Growing up, we mostly went on Christmas and Easter, and the most we "might" get from the priest was an "I wish I could see you around here more often" comment if he saw us.
Some priests are definite more strict about "the rules" than others, though. Some probably wouldn't care if you just showed up to baptize your kids, while others will try their darndest to make sure you attend regularly.
Post by rosesandpetals on Jul 20, 2015 7:59:58 GMT -5
Eta this was supposed to quote momin2013
All you have to do is go to mass, it doesn't need to be your registered parish. And you can't receive communion if you commit ANY mortal sin without going to confession. You also cant eat an hour before receiving So no, that doesn't make it okay for a priest to keep tabs on your sins to decide whether or not you can receive communion.
I mean, call to increase attendance, whatever, but you can't make the argument that he can keep tabs because of communion. There a no way he could know whether you committed a mortal sin or not and he is not going to question whether you went to confession (which is fucking anonymous BTW).
I have also been Catholic my whole life, went to catholic school, and taught in a catholic school, and I have never seen a priest refuse to give someone communion.
And it just basically boils down to preference. Someone said she would want a priest who sings. I wouldn't. It makes me think he's a creepy weirdo. To each their own.
I've never seen a priest refuse to give communion either, that's supposed to be on the parishioner to make sure they're following the confession rules.
Roses makes a good point that you can go to any church, it doesn't have to be your registered one. I was going to make a suggestion that the OP maybe just tell her priest that they've been going to a different church. But then I realized that that would be lying to a priest, which feels wronger than lying to a regular person, so I'm going to just forget that I even thought about that idea.
Um, yeah. the 3rd commandment is "keep holy the sabbath". It's a top ten mortal sin to skip mass, and therefor you need to go to confession before receiving communion. Catholicism 101 type stuff. Like, stuff they teach you in kindergarten.
Not that I am endorsing any of this BS, far from it.
Yeah and if you read the bible quote around that it goes onto say that you should not work and treat it as a day of rest with family in prayer. Some may interpret it to mean you have to spend all 52 Sundays in a church or you're sinning but not all. Or certainly not all churches are operating like that and thank god for that.
I've never seen a priest refuse to give communion either, that's supposed to be on the parishioner to make sure they're following the confession rules.
Roses makes a good point that you can go to any church, it doesn't have to be your registered one. I was going to make a suggestion that the OP maybe just tell her priest that they've been going to a different church. But then I realized that that would be lying to a priest, which feels wronger than lying to a regular person, so I'm going to just forget that I even thought about that idea.
All you have to do is go to mass, it doesn't need to be your registered parish. And you can't receive communion if you commit ANY mortal sin without going to confession. You also cant eat an hour before receiving So no, that doesn't make it okay for a priest to keep tabs on your sins to decide whether or not you can receive communion.
I mean, call to increase attendance, whatever, but you can't make the argument that he can keep tabs because of communion. There a no way he could know whether you committed a mortal sin or not and he is not going to question whether you went to confession (which is fucking anonymous BTW).
I have also been Catholic my whole life, went to catholic school, and taught in a catholic school, and I have never seen a priest refuse to give someone communion.
And it just basically boils down to preference. Someone said she would want a priest who sings. I wouldn't. It makes me think he's a creepy weirdo. To each their own.
Oh, I don't know a priest that would stand at the front of church and deny communion, because you are right they honestly don't know. They don't know if you have attended mass somewhere else. We attend all over, especially during the summer, but when we were getting DS1 into school you can bet we were at our "home church" and making sure we had our labeled check.
I made the point about communion because it is a sacrament, like baptism, and some posters were shocked that the priest would expect a family to come to church after taking the sacrament of baptism. The rule about missing mass and no communion is on the parishioner to uphold( see: Catholic Guilt). If the church is this serious about communion of course they are noticing if your not in church after you take the sacrament of baptism.
Okay, so we are horrible Catholics. Right now, I'm just not doing church every week. In fact, I have hardly ever in my life done church every week. But we do go some weeks. I've been Catholic all my life (confirmed, etc) and never knew missing mass was THAT bad...obviously I knew I was SUPPOSED to go, but didn't think it was that huge if we missed. That said, I would guess very few members of our parish actually attend weekly like they are supposed to do. It's a continued big disconnect between what the church formally requests and what really happens (also see birth control, divorce, etc).
I realize we are falling short of expectations but at least we try!
Post by penguingrrl on Jul 20, 2015 10:49:49 GMT -5
I am also going to point out that it seems like a lot of things greatly vary by parish and diocese.
In my area the parishes are huge and you're "assigned" to one based on your address. That's where you receive sacraments and where your children attend CCD. It's difficult to change your assigned parish (you can't just say that you prefer the priest at the other one and move). So many people don't attend mass at their assigned parish. When the envelopes are mailed out quarterly they mail them back to remain on the rolls and attend (or don't) where their heart leads them.
Because of the size of the parishes few only have one priest. My ILs church has 4 f/t priests and a few monks assigned to assist with the 7 Sunday masses and two daily masses. The priests and monks have absolutely nothing to do with the envelope system and most only know the very involved members. The Monsignor who married us and baptized two of our kids has worked alongside MIL for 17 years and when we went to Father's Day mass with FIL he didn't recognize us when we saw him. It's such a huge congregation that he knows pretty much no one.
Post by Kcthepouchh8r on Jul 20, 2015 11:18:59 GMT -5
True story: both my kids are baptized in a Catholic Church and dh and I are athiests.
It was very important to my parents/elderly sick grandmother that they were baptized in case something terrible happened. My grandparents are very active in their church (which wasn't where they were baptized). Their baptism was at my moms church where she is an infrequent attendee. I couldn't see any downside so I went along. I was very honest with the priest that dh and I are atheists and were planning to teach our children what we believe. However my family will be teaching them about god as well and we will let them make the choice and support whatever they want to follow. The priest was amazingly kind, accepting and nonjudgmental. He welcomed us without being preachy or pushy. They did follow up via mail and a call in hopes we would change our minds but again were not overly preachy and were very respectful of our decision. It's unfortunate that religion has become this big business with priests forcing people to come weekly so they get paid. You don't need to be in church weekly to be religious and that pressure is likely alienating to most.
I really struggle with people baptizing their kids when they either don't believe and/or have no intention of attending or following through with their promises.
I realize it doesn't necessarily affect me - aside from the part where they ask the congregation to help raise the child in the church.
I would also hate attending a church so large that the pastor/priest was unable to remember most people.
RE: attending church regularly - I have always felt the idea was to be together with other people (maybe believers, maybe not) who were on a journey in faith, too. It's not that you can't be spiritual or believe without a church; but that the point of the church was to bring us together in community. To fellowship together in a "we weren't meant to live life alone," kind of way. Sadly, we are all human, clergy included, and various leaders & churches haven't been close to perfect.
I really struggle with people baptizing their kids when they either don't believe and/or have no intention of attending or following through with their promises.
I realize it doesn't necessarily affect me - aside from the part where they ask the congregation to help raise the child in the church.
I would also hate attending a church so large that the pastor/priest was unable to remember most people.
RE: attending church regularly - I have always felt the idea was to be together with other people (maybe believers, maybe not) who were on a journey in faith, too. It's not that you can't be spiritual or believe without a church; but that the point of the church was to bring us together in community. To fellowship together in a "we weren't meant to live life alone," kind of way. Sadly, we are all human, clergy included, and various leaders & churches haven't been close to perfect.
I'll be honest, I had real misgivings about baptizing my kids. I gave in and did it because we have relatives who believe Vatican 2 was incorrect and that an unbaptized baby would end up in purgatory forever and they were terrified for our children's eternal lives. While we don't believe, we also didn't feel right leaving our relatives that genuinely afraid.
As far as church being about community, that is true for some but not for others. H used to be a very devout Catholic and liked the anonymity of a huge parish. He felt that his faith was between him and God and nobody else. He didn't want to go and talk to anyone else or really be noticed at all. He wanted to go, pray, reflect, listen to the priest's words and go home. It was his quiet alone time that he wanted to share with nobody.
I guess I've never felt like my faith was between anyone else but me & God regardless of the size or friendliness of the church. I've never had to talk to anyone about it unless I wanted to. But, again, not catholic.
I really struggle with people baptizing their kids when they either don't believe and/or have no intention of attending or following through with their promises.
I realize it doesn't necessarily affect me - aside from the part where they ask the congregation to help raise the child in the church.
I would also hate attending a church so large that the pastor/priest was unable to remember most people.
RE: attending church regularly - I have always felt the idea was to be together with other people (maybe believers, maybe not) who were on a journey in faith, too. It's not that you can't be spiritual or believe without a church; but that the point of the church was to bring us together in community. To fellowship together in a "we weren't meant to live life alone," kind of way. Sadly, we are all human, clergy included, and various leaders & churches haven't been close to perfect.
Team Lala. I don't so much struggle with people baptizing their kids in a church they don't agree with or participate in as I just think "come on now, you are an adult with children, grow a pair". It's like for all the talk, it's still about being afraid to ruffle grandma's feathers.
We baptized one in church, against DH's wishes, and it was such a dog and pony bullshit show. One godparent had to make up donations to "prove they were practicing". Another who was gay -- well their mom had to lie to a priest for them to get "the letter". Go to a new parish? lol. That isn't how it works, especially in a large diocese. You have to be a parishioner at the church in your boundaries, and that church needs to "release" you to another even if you aren't a member. Been there, done that.
We don't go to church. We don't think babies who don't get spritzed with water burn in hell. When we had our second we both decided to go a simple blessing my a UCC minister. DH's grandma and aunt didn't come. ok. Not our problem.
Post by amynumbers on Jul 20, 2015 13:01:35 GMT -5
Or just be honest and say "We wanted the white dress and big baby welcome celebration because that is what our family does" and just own it. Just don't be surprised when you do it and then a priest actually wants you to practice Catholicism and not be nonchalant about one of their biggest rules.