The best age to get married if you don’t want to get divorce

[ttt]

In other news, you're doing everything wrong.

[sfy]

Very generally speaking, of course, this actually does make sense to me. Teens and early 20s = we're still developing into our adult selves and therefore, more inclined to pick someone incompatible with whom we'll eventually be. 40s and beyond = weare more set in your ways and less inclined to deal with someone's nonsense. By that point, you already know what it's like to be alone and can see the pros and cons of it. The whole staying together for the kids is less likely as is financial dependence. If something ever happened to DH, I don't think I'd marry again, but if I did, my new husband would probably have to get into this life I'm living.

[oliverboliverbutt]

Did I miss if it said if it was just first marriages? I wonder if that would change things.

[wawa]

Jul 17, 2015 13:34:39 GMT -5 oliverboliverbutt said:

Did I miss if it said if it was just first marriages? I wonder if that would change things.

chart says age of first marriage. 

Also YES!  sWEET SPOT!

[downtoearth]

Chart says I'm awesome and divorce risk is uber low!

[Vespasia]

A sociologist friend just posted something skewering the methods, presentation, and motives of this report.* The actual graph looks very different.

*It's a damn blog post, not a journal article

familyinequality.wordpress.com/2015/07/16/the-latest-get-married-young-thing-tells-you-all-you-need-to-know/

[lg28]

I was married at 24. I love DH and I especially love our kiddos but I don't know if I can say I would marry him now if we were starting fresh. We are both 30 and just celebrated our 6th anniversary.

We are very different people with different priorities and interests. We aren't unhappy, I just don't think we would necesssrily have picked each other if we had met 10 years later.

[taratru]

I can't wait to show this to my oldest, who has been floating this whole "maybe we will just move in together after graduation" about her boyfriend. Good God, child, STOP LIVING MY LIFE OVER AGAIN.

[lg28]

Jul 17, 2015 15:04:03 GMT -5 taratru said:

I can't wait to show this to my oldest, who has been floating this whole "maybe we will just move in together after graduation" about her boyfriend. Good God, child, STOP LIVING MY LIFE OVER AGAIN.

One of my biggest life fears, as silly as it may sound, is one of my kids getting married or PG really young and not getting a chance to be single, travel, have roommates, etc.

[saz]

I got married at 21 and while it has worked out really well for us, I feel torn on the age of marriage stuff. When I look back on myself at that age, I am so embarrassed about so much of what I thought and did. I think I just really got lucky with picking someone who was a really good fit for me and continues to be. His personality is a huge part of why we are happy and successful. Both of our parents were married young also and his are the happiest couple I know (dropped out of college and married at 18 because of an accidental pregnancy) and I don't even remember my parents being married, they have been divorced so long (married after college graduation). I definitely would not go around preaching that getting married young is the way to do it.

[mrsukyankee]

Jul 17, 2015 14:53:45 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

I would like to remarry but I appreciate my singleness more after divorce. And there are things I can't get my head around like:

Where are we living? Are you going to move into my house where I have shit set up just like I want it and don't want to move a thing to accommodate your pool table and la-z-boy recliner? Also, do you think you gon' get something out of this if we split and I been paying for this property since 2002 and you moved in 5 mins ago?

Do you want me to sell my house and roll my equity into a new house we buy together? Oh yeah? Well, what you puttin' in on this?

Am I expected to move in your house among your things and try to figure out how to make it my home? I did that already. No.

See what I'm saying? Maybe I'll meet some guy and fall in love and these things will figure themselves out in a way that makes sense at the time.

It does work out.  I met my H when I was 36...he's adapted quite well. ;-)

[sunshine608]

Jul 17, 2015 14:36:19 GMT -5 lg28 said:

I was married at 24. I love DH and I especially love our kiddos but I don't know if I can say I would marry him now if we were starting fresh. We are both 30 and just celebrated our 6th anniversary.

We are very different people with different priorities and interests. We aren't unhappy, I just don't think we would necesssrily have picked each other if we had met 10 years later.

ITA with this. I don't think DH and I ever would cross paths as 3-- somethings and if we did I'm not sure we would have ever dated etc. Then again sometimes, I'm not sure how we did it at 16/17 either.

WE broke up and re-connected mid-20's and got married pretty quickly after that.

[5thofjuly]

Jul 17, 2015 14:19:12 GMT -5 Vespasia said:

A sociologist friend just posted something skewering the methods, presentation, and motives of this report.* The actual graph looks very different.

*It's a damn blog post, not a journal article

familyinequality.wordpress.com/2015/07/16/the-latest-get-married-young-thing-tells-you-all-you-need-to-know/

Don't worry- Philip Cohen (the blogger) is a very well respected sociological researcher. He frequently takes popular press information and then examines the actual data (like he did here.) So, legit source in my world. The way the original results are presented are deceptive, to say the least, and now they're, unfortunately, getting a ton of press.

If I knew how to include an image, I'd paste the actual image from the original" researchers" that is drawn in a much less deceptive (and less dramatic) way. It's included on the blog post if you want to take a peek.

[darnkatz]

Jul 17, 2015 15:04:03 GMT -5 taratru said:

I can't wait to show this to my oldest, who has been floating this whole "maybe we will just move in together after graduation" about her boyfriend. Good God, child, STOP LIVING MY LIFE OVER AGAIN.

I shudder thinking about getting to that age with my kids. I just want them to live the life I chose not to live but wish I had given a chance. Go to college, travel, be single, live alone. Please, for the love of god, take this birth control and ask me any question that you want to. Please, for the love of god, go experience life before you settle down.


I don't regret my children, but I regret the age that I started having them. I regret marrying early. I wish we had waited. We're still married eight years later, but it has been indescribably hard at times. I can see why marriages don't last when they happen at a young age.

[josieposy]

I don't see how any of this matters now that SCOTUS has destroyed marriage.

[justkly]

Fuck, yes! H and I were 29. So glad to know that we will likely never divorce. As a side note tho, I really would marry him again 5 years later. Ask me again in 10.

[LadySusan]

WHO IN THE FUCK ARE THE PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED AT AGE 10!?

[af1212]

Jul 17, 2015 18:12:18 GMT -5 LadySusan said:

WHO IN THE FUCK ARE THE PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED AT AGE 10!?

That is exactly what I wanted to know too!

[LadySusan]

Jul 17, 2015 18:16:44 GMT -5 af1212 said:

Jul 17, 2015 18:12:18 GMT -5 LadySusan said:

WHO IN THE FUCK ARE THE PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED AT AGE 10!?

That is exactly what I wanted to know too!

Okay maybe not age 10.  It looks like a 12 and a 13 but still, what the fuck?

[ttt]

Jul 17, 2015 18:18:29 GMT -5 LadySusan said:

Jul 17, 2015 18:16:44 GMT -5 af1212 said:

That is exactly what I wanted to know too!

Okay maybe not age 10.  It looks like a 12 and a 13 but still, what the fuck?

people who got married in like, 1930?? I hope???

[5thofjuly]

Jul 17, 2015 18:12:18 GMT -5 LadySusan said:

WHO IN THE FUCK ARE THE PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED AT AGE 10!?

My guess is that it's people who lied on the survey. Normally you'd go through and clean that data, but I'm not sure that happened here. It's not from a peer reviewed source.

[cattledogkisses]

Jul 17, 2015 15:12:02 GMT -5 saz said:

I got married at 21 and while it has worked out really well for us, I feel torn on the age of marriage stuff. When I look back on myself at that age, I am so embarrassed about so much of what I thought and did. I think I just really got lucky with picking someone who was a really good fit for me and continues to be. 

This is us too.  I was 22 when we got married.  We just celebrated our 7th anniversary, and I can say that if we met today I think we would still end up together. 

I attribute this entirely to luck though. 

[alleinesein]

Married at 31. Divorced at 37. Im now 39. I guess I will just accept the fact that I will be single forever.

[msmerymac]

We were 28/36 at marriage. Seems okay according to the chart.

[downtoearth]

On top of the data QAQC questions, does age matter that much? It really looks like a chart of common ages to get married. Did they normalize for that?

Plus, I joked up post that I was awesome, but really I moved in with my boyfriend after like minutes at age 19 and lived in sin for 9 years before marrying him. So is it really the age you get married or the time invested in the relationship?

[ringstrue]

Marriage date and divorce date aren't good indicators for were the relationship is. You could be in a relationship for 10 years or 1 year before marriage- and the health of the relationship could be anywhere at those points. You could be officially married years after your relationship is realistically done and even a "quick " divorce can take a year or so.

[secretlyevil]

Better tell H we're screwed. I got married at 27. He was 29.

[Vespasia]

Jul 17, 2015 15:58:54 GMT -5 5thofjuly said:

Jul 17, 2015 14:19:12 GMT -5 Vespasia said:

A sociologist friend just posted something skewering the methods, presentation, and motives of this report.* The actual graph looks very different.

*It's a damn blog post, not a journal article

familyinequality.wordpress.com/2015/07/16/the-latest-get-married-young-thing-tells-you-all-you-need-to-know/

Don't worry- Philip Cohen (the blogger) is a very well respected sociological researcher. He frequently takes popular press information and then examines the actual data (like he did here.) So, legit source in my world. The way the original results are presented are deceptive, to say the least, and now they're, unfortunately, getting a ton of press.

If I knew how to include an image, I'd paste the actual image from the original" researchers" that is drawn in a much less deceptive (and less dramatic) way. It's included on the blog post if you want to take a peek.

Yes, that was my point. I was linking the rebuttal.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Jul 17, 2015 19:14:48 GMT -5 alleinesein said:

Married at 31. Divorced at 37. Im now 39. I guess I will just accept the fact that I will be single forever.

Not necessarily. I was married at 31 also. Divorced at 36. Married at 40, still married at 47. You just never know!

[pinkdutchtulips]

married at 32 and divorced at 40 ..... never stood a fighting chance did we ??