One of my friends makes digs about my H being immature (which I don't feel like he is at all), and it's really getting to me. A few examples:
- She and her H were over for dinner and they brought a cheesecake she'd made. H said something like, "I don't really like cheesecake, but I want to try it." He ended up really liking it. Later, when we were out with other friends, she was talking about baking and relayed the story, saying, "You know, I know he looks like he's 12, but does he have to act like it?"
- She knows H and I aren't interested in being parents, and I was sharing with her our reasons. I told her mine, then talked about how H doesn't want to give up his free time, and he has so many hobbies, etc. She said, "So he's just not ready to grow up." As a statement, not a question.
- We were talking about how she's having a hard time letting her H help with the baby even though she's overwhelmed, and I said, "I'm such a control freak, I don't think I'd be able to leave a kid with H." And her response was, "Well, you might in a few years when he's more mature."
I generally like spending time with her, but it really ticks me off when she says things like that, and I feel protective and angry. She rarely invites both H and me to do things with them as a couple, and I get the feeling her H doesn't really like either of us. For the record, her H has been a grouch every time I've been around them, so maybe it's just him.
Post by BlackCanary on Aug 18, 2012 17:30:36 GMT -5
Dude, what bitchy things to say! I'm pissed for you!
If someone said those things about DH, they would have their head bitten off!
I understand about the not having kids because you'd have to give up free time. DH and I do want to have kids, but we have to remind ourselves we wouldn't be able to spend a lot of time on our hobbies. One of those for DH would be playing Star Wars online.
Dude, what bitchy things to say! I'm pissed for you!
If someone said those things about DH, they would have their head bitten off!
This.
Unfortunately some people seem to think that when you decide not to have children your uterus is up for discussion, like they'll sway you somehow. I know it sucks, but try and ignore it. Don't let her bad attitude bring you down about making the best decision for you and your h.
The only reason I haven't said something to her yet is that she had her baby 4 months ago and has been having a hard time with PPD. I'm trying to be understanding, but I know I should find a kind way to tell her to cut it out.
Post by InBetweenDays on Aug 18, 2012 23:43:01 GMT -5
PPD is an awful, awful thing. So if this is something that started since having a baby I'd cut her a *little* slack. But I'd still let her know it upsets you. Next time she says something just say something along the lines of "I know you aren't trying to be mean, but you frequently make comments about DH being immature and it really bothers me."
PPD is an awful, awful thing. So if this is something that started since having a baby I'd cut her a *little* slack. But I'd still let her know it upsets you. Next time she says something just say something along the lines of "I know you aren't trying to be mean, but you frequently make comments about DH being immature and it really bothers me."
This. But only if it developed after having a baby...if she's always done it, i'd just cut her off.
PPD is an awful, awful thing. So if this is something that started since having a baby I'd cut her a *little* slack. But I'd still let her know it upsets you. Next time she says something just say something along the lines of "I know you aren't trying to be mean, but you frequently make comments about DH being immature and it really bothers me."
This. But only if it developed after having a baby...if she's always done it, i'd just cut her off.
Post by picksthemusic on Aug 20, 2012 10:26:34 GMT -5
TBH, it sounds like she's insecure about her marriage/H and so she wants to make herself feel better about it by putting yours down.
I hardly think she has any legitimate reasons to be passing judgment like that, so I'd definitely take her comments with a grain of salt.
And, FWIW, if a "friend" was talking about my H like that and challenging everything we said/did with that kind of harsh judgment, I'd be dropping her like a hot potato.
Maybe she needs a reality check? If you hang out with her again, and if she makes another comment like that, I'd call her on it. Say something like, "You know, it really upsets me when you make comments like that about my H. I'm not sure if you realize it or not, but I find it really offensive that you're so judgmental about him. If you have such a problem with him, maybe we shouldn't hang out as much."
Thank you for all the suggestions! I'll definitely say something to her; I just have a hard time standing up for myself. I didn't know her before she was pregnant, and a few people have told me she was nicer during her pregnancy than she usually is. I think picks was right that she's insecure about her marriage. Her H has been working really late nearly every day and doesn't help much with the baby when he is home, so things with them have been pretty rocky.