Do you tell people this upfront? Or wait for them to ask?
Unless told otherwise, I assume people DO NOT have guns in their house. It is just not really a thing in my circles, but MMM has made me realize I shouldn't make these assumptions.
Not finger wagging I promise, but you really shouldn't assume. I have gotten to the point where I just ask. It's an awkward question but better awkward than sorry.
I know. I am glad for this board because it truly wouldn't have occurred to me otherwise.
My circles in Chicago do not own or carry guns, I promise.
guns bother me greatly. If I felt a person was a reasonable person in general and they had good answers for why they had a gun and how the gun was stored maybe I'd allow the kids to go there. Really though hunting or actually needing it for work (so active law enforcement) are the only reasons that make sense to me for gun ownership.
people who have guns "in case of bad guys" just don't seem like reasonable people to me, though I guess if I was confident they kept gun and ammo seperate in biometric safes then I could possibly get past this. People who carry guns IN PUBLIC in case of bad guys. (Who aren't police officers) = automatic defriend.
nothing I love more than a good story about how someone grew up not knowing about how their house was full of guns therefore guns are nbd.
Unfortunately while plenty of kids are oblivious to guns and whether they may exist in their home, there are also plenty of kids who are very curious and will try anything to get their hands on the gun their dad thinks they don't know about and show it to their friends.
That's not the point. The point is that there are people who safety store guns in their home. I would have no problem if someone asked if we had guns, and frankly wouldn't even have a problem if they weren't comfortable with their kids in my house because of it. But I don't automatically associated guns in the house with "my kids are in mortal danger".
If I had something awful happen related to guns, I'm sure I'd change my tune. But I think there's a big difference between people who are safe, responsible, and have any weapons safely stored and those who are nutjobs and have loaded guns easily accessible to children.
As a gun owner, should I assume parents will not allow their kids to come to my home?
I plan to be open about our weapons, but also point out our gigantic gun safe and fingerprint only entry.
My kid is still young, so this isn't an issue for us yet, but I think it would depend a lot on how much I knew/trusted you. I would probably prefer to have my kid play in a house without a gun unless I knew you really well. I have yet to meet a gun owner to say that their guns are improperly stored, yet that is clearly not the case when you look at how many accidents happen in this country. I lost two family members to gun violence, so maybe I am extra sensitive to the issue. They were murdered, along with another bystander, by a total stranger--a schizophrenic who gained access to a (loaded) gun that he never should have gotten his hands on. The owners of that gun, by the way, thought that it was securely stored.
I'm glad that you take your gun storage seriously and I hope that this is true of most gun owners. I will probably have to educate myself more about safe gun storage and ask people about the details of their setups before I can send DD anywhere. I'll probably exiled in my gun-happy state for being the uptight mom
nothing I love more than a good story about how someone grew up not knowing about how their house was full of guns therefore guns are nbd.
Unfortunately while plenty of kids are oblivious to guns and whether they may exist in their home, there are also plenty of kids who are very curious and will try anything to get their hands on the gun their dad thinks they don't know about and show it to their friends.
That's not the point. The point is that there are people who safety store guns in their home. I would have no problem if someone asked if we had guns, and frankly wouldn't even have a problem if they weren't comfortable with their kids in my house because of it. But I don't automatically associated guns in the house with "my kids are in mortal danger".
If I had something awful happen related to guns, I'm sure I'd change my tune. But I think there's a big difference between people who are safe, responsible, and have any weapons safely stored and those who are nutjobs and have loaded guns easily accessible to children.
for every safe reasonable person who stores their guns seperately from their ammo in biometric safes, there are probably a dozen idiot assholes who do NOT practice safe gun ownership and use
so yeah .. in general finding out a playmate of my kids' parent had guns in the house would set off alarm bells. My first thought would certainly not be "oh I'm sure it's FINE! THey probably store them in an ideal manner and are wonderful gun owners! please bring them this cake I baked in the shape of a gun to show my support and trust".
I would assume the worst, but I guess I would give them a chance to convince me they are actually safe gun owners.
To be honest I wish I just didn't have to worry about this shit though. It's the main downside to living in america for me. I love so much about this country and am generally happy and grateful that I was able to move here, but the gun ridiculousness will never cease to confuse, sadden and anger me.
Oh, and for the record, we own several guns. We live out in the country and I'd venture a guess that 95% of the households out here do because hunting is a big deal. DH also has a concealed carry permit so he also owns several smaller guns. I can assure you that we can be trusted with other people's kids.
I'll probably be disowned by MMM now for this, LOL.
Well we own guns too. We have a small handgun (we don't even have the bullets in the house for it), 2 hunting rifles, and a shotgun. We don't even keep the bullets for the guns in the house and the guns are locked full time in a safe in our master closet. I assume most people in my area own guns. I wouldn't automatically rule out friendships because the parents own guns. I think you (collective you) need to teach your kids about the dangers of guns so that if heaven forbid they're ever in a situation where a kid ones to "bring one out to showoff" that they know to gtfo of there.
I think research has shown that education does not really work for many kids. If they find a gun they are curious. If it is loaded it could be a deadly situation.
Oh and if you leave your kid with her, she's known to go off on adventures without notifying parents. She'll drive the kids somewhere fun but doesn't text the parents first. She assumes if they are in her care until 7 PM, she can take them anywhere and do anything without informing. All my other mom friends inform and are great about this sort of thing.
I swear you make everything 3577537 times more complicated than it needs to be. This is such a clear situation in which you should not allow your daughter to be in this persons care (which, incidentally, has zero to do with the pool/dog/free range reasons you have in your op).
If she gets offended, she gets offended.
but remember if the friend takes her kid outside of the city limits then the kid's kidnapping alarm will go off and it will be so awkward.
I'm comfortable with my blanket assumptions though - I will continue to operate on the assumption that a civilian gun owner is irresponsible and not safe until they convince me otherwise.
I'm far less worried about hurting someone's feelings than about my child getting shot
nothing I love more than a good story about how someone grew up not knowing about how their house was full of guns therefore guns are nbd.
Unfortunately while plenty of kids are oblivious to guns and whether they may exist in their home, there are also plenty of kids who are very curious and will try anything to get their hands on the gun their dad thinks they don't know about and show it to their friends.
Our kids will grow up knowing about DH's guns. Most of the kids out here have fathers who hunt and, therefore, also learn to use a gun themselves at some point.
Will they have access to them? No. The only person whose fingerprint will open the cabinet is DH.
I think research has shown that education does not really work for many kids. If they find a gun they are curious. If it is loaded it could be a deadly situation.
I'm curious if they're curious due to it being something "unusual and unknown". I know this a crap comparison but it makes me think of the kids whose parents were very very very strict and the they went off to college and went wild.
My plan for J is to educate him in the dangers of guns, explain a personal experience (I had a friend who died after he accidentally shot himself In the face) and drill into his head that he is not to be around a gun without supervision from Eric and if someone brings one out to leave immediately and call us.
It shouldn't go without saying that I would disclose our guns to parents and I would want to know if parents of his friends owned guns and how they were stored.
The Eddie Eagle program is a good place to start. I'm not an NRA fan, but DH carries for work and it was the most straightforward information I could find on how to introduce gun safety to young kids. DH's gun is always locked up at home, but the conversations still need to happen regularly. I don't mind answering questions about how DH stores his gun to parents. No one has asked though. If someone crossed us off their list as people to play with b/c of DH's job I'd be annoyed, but I'd ultimately understand.
OP, Meeting up at a neutral location like a park is always an option if you don't trust the parent but like the kid. If you don't like the kid, then say you are busy. Don't overthink it.