How do you handle moms you don't trust alone with kids?

[drloretta]

I would just keep being busy when they invite you over, and ask them over for playdates

[longtimenopost]

We're not there yet, but stuff likes this makes me realize the genius of my parents growing up. They did everything they could to ensure ours was the house everyone liked to be at. Built a pool, got an industrial snow cone machine, made a designated game/hangout room, bought my bro a drum set so all "band" practices had to be at our house, etc.

When you don't want to be busy, could you say that DD got something new she wants to play with/had something special planned but friend is welcome to come along? I realize this could get expensive, but that's all I got!

[InBetweenDays]

If you aren't comfortable then I would just keep doing what you're doing.

If you do want to provide more of an explanation to them, I would have a discussion about whether they have guns at the home (and if so how they are stored); how they manage the kids around the dogs/pool; and what sort of activities/supervision will the kids be doing. Based on that discussion you can tell them if you are uncomfortable with having your daughter go over there. But right now you are just making a lot of judgments and assumptions, and telling them you won't let your daughter go over there based on just assumptions likely won't go over well.

[cjeanette]

One has a dog? lol.

I would just say she can't make it.

[ssmjlm]

If your DD is school age, I would recommend she get swimming lessons if a pool is a worry. I consider that a life skill.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry, why are you assuming they have guns?

This is a pretty huge assumption.

I am a free range parent and I have a dog. Am I a likely gun owner as well?

[frlcb]

Neither a pool or a dog would be concerning with an elementary age child, especially if you like everything else about them. Why don't you just ask them if they have a gun? I think assuming they do is crazy.

[ECB]

Jul 27, 2015 12:34:34 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

If you aren't comfortable then I would just keep doing what you're doing.

If you do want to provide more of an explanation to them, I would have a discussion about whether they have guns at the home (and if so how they are stored); how they manage the kids around the dogs/pool; and what sort of activities/supervision will the kids be doing. Based on that discussion you can tell them if you are uncomfortable with having your daughter go over there. But right now you are just making a lot of judgments and assumptions, and telling them you won't let your daughter go over there based on just assumptions likely won't go over well.

Thank you.  I couldn't put into words what I was thinking.  I feel like a LOT of assumptions are being made w/ absolutely no facts/ no effort at getting the facts behind it.  

OP- if you want to say no, that's fine.  Your kid, your perogative, but really - you're making a lot of assumptions.  

[irishbride2]

If I didn't let DD go to play dates with pools or dogs she would never be allowed to anyone's house....ever.

[thebreakfastclub]

Free range, gun range, gun under the pillow, it's all the same.

[Deleted]

Jul 27, 2015 12:48:02 GMT -5 @this said:

Jul 27, 2015 12:37:19 GMT -5 page said:

I'm sorry, why are you assuming they have guns?

This is a pretty huge assumption.

I am a free range parent and I have a dog. Am I a likely gun owner as well?

They're probably from the wrong side of the tracks.

Or blaaaaaahhhhhh.

[spk926]

Jul 27, 2015 13:30:08 GMT -5 @bluesky said:

Jul 27, 2015 12:40:40 GMT -5 irishbride2 said:

If I didn't let DD go to play dates with pools or dogs she would never be allowed to anyone's house....ever.

DD goes to lots of friends houses.. many of which has either dogs or even a pool.  However I trust those parents.  Big difference.

But those were the reasons you gave for not wanting your kids at their houses. So what, besides owning a dog and a pool, makes you not trust them?

[hopecounts]

Jul 27, 2015 13:28:21 GMT -5 @bluesky said:

Jul 27, 2015 12:37:19 GMT -5 page said:

I'm sorry, why are you assuming they have guns?

This is a pretty huge assumption.

I am a free range parent and I have a dog. Am I a likely gun owner as well?

One of the mom's put a pic on Facebook taking her two kids to the shooting range.  Yes, I realize it's still an assumption, but I think there's high probability I'm right and I'm not willing to risk something like this.

Then ask how the guns are stored.
My mom has a pistol as does my Dad (divorced) both have them in lockboxes and properly stored (unloaded, ammo separate) so DD still goes to their house.

[Deleted]

Once again, do you know anyone normal?

I'd ask some polite questions before I banish my kids from visiting approx. 90% of the population.

[whitepicketfence]

Jul 27, 2015 12:34:12 GMT -5 longtimenopost said:

We're not there yet, but stuff likes this makes me realize the genius of my parents growing up. They did everything they could to ensure ours was the house everyone liked to be at. Built a pool, got an industrial snow cone machine, made a designated game/hangout room, bought my bro a drum set so all "band" practices had to be at our house, etc.

This is basically my plan, too LOL Now that we've got the addition on the house, we've finally got enough living/play space on the main level. We have a 5-7 year plan to finish the basement as an additional play space for the kids, put in a pool, and expand the back deck to make more outdoor space. I absolutely want us to be the hangout spot for our kids and their friends as they grow up. I'm too paranoid of a parent otherwise :/

[Deleted]

I'm also very curious about what you mean by "free range" and why that bothers you. Especially with 5-6 year olds, unless by "free range" you mean that mom is drinking martinis and popping quaaludes while the kids play... I mean whatever. 99% of the time I am not actually watching my 5 yo play even if I am physically there at a playdate.

But I am a crazy free ranger though. So.

Anyway I would say your choices are to talk to these moms or just have playdates at your house all the time.

Personally I would just address your concerns kindly with them. If they are reasonable people they will be 100% fine with you questioning if they have guns and how they store their guns, or how their pool is secured, or what their dog's aggression history is. If they get pissed that you are asking these questions then you probably don't want your kid playing with them anyway.

[whitepicketfence]

Oh, and for the record, we own several guns. We live out in the country and I'd venture a guess that 95% of the households out here do because hunting is a big deal. DH also has a concealed carry permit so he also owns several smaller guns. I can assure you that we can be trusted with other people's kids.

I'll probably be disowned by MMM now for this, LOL.

[Deleted]

Jul 27, 2015 14:01:57 GMT -5 page said:

I'm also very curious about what you mean by "free range" and why that bothers you. Especially with 5-6 year olds, unless by "free range" you mean that mom is drinking martinis and popping quaaludes while the kids play... I mean whatever.

If by whatever you mean "that mom sounds awesome! Can I have a play date with her too?"

[Deleted]

This mom is not free range. She is an asshole.

If you are not comfortable with it then don't let your daughter play there.

[laurack]

[atarianna]

As a gun owner, should I assume parents will not allow their kids to come to my home?

I plan to be open about our weapons, but also point out our gigantic gun safe and fingerprint only entry.

[SJ]

Jul 27, 2015 14:43:52 GMT -5 atarianna said:

As a gun owner, should I assume parents will not allow their kids to come to my home?

I plan to be open about our weapons, but also point out our gigantic gun safe and fingerprint only entry.

Do you tell people this upfront? Or wait for them to ask?

Unless told otherwise, I assume people DO NOT have guns in their house. It is just not really a thing in my circles, but MMM has made me realize I shouldn't make these assumptions.

[atarianna]

I plan to mention it up front, but would hate to be exiled for it. PDQ: Both my H and I have been in military and law enforcement positions in the past so I wonder if it's assumed anyways.

[SJ]

Jul 27, 2015 14:52:52 GMT -5 atarianna said:

I plan to mention it up front, but would hate to be exiled for it. PDQ: Both my H and I have been in military and law enforcement positions in the past so I wonder if it's assumed anyways.

I am definitely not "into" guns and don't know any families that we hang out with who have guns in the home. (My DD isn't in school yet, so our circle is still pretty tight)

That being said, if you were upfront about the guns and how they are stored, and I knew you had a history of responsible gun use & jobs that required use of guns, I wouldn't forbid my kid from going to your house.

[drloretta]

We have guns. No one has ever asked, and I doubt anyone would assume we do. They are all safely secured, and ammunition is stored separately.

I grew up in a house with guns, but didn't even know they existed until I was 21.

But we have neither a pool nor a dog, so I doubt anyone would make assumptions about our gun ownership status, LOL.

[linz]

I bet more people have guns then you realize. Esp with concealed carry permits.

My dad hunted when I was growing up. I had no clue where his guns were nor did I care. I doubt my mom informed our friends parents of this.

[curbsideprophet]

Jul 27, 2015 14:58:49 GMT -5 linz said:

I bet more people have guns then you realize. Esp with concealed carry permits.

My dad hunted when I was growing up. I had no clue where his guns were nor did I care. I doubt my mom informed our friends parents of this.

Would she have lied if asked outright?

[Deleted]

Jul 27, 2015 14:50:00 GMT -5 SJ said:

Jul 27, 2015 14:43:52 GMT -5 atarianna said:

As a gun owner, should I assume parents will not allow their kids to come to my home?

I plan to be open about our weapons, but also point out our gigantic gun safe and fingerprint only entry.

Do you tell people this upfront? Or wait for them to ask?

Unless told otherwise, I assume people DO NOT have guns in their house. It is just not really a thing in my circles, but MMM has made me realize I shouldn't make these assumptions.

Not finger wagging I promise, but you really shouldn't assume. I have gotten to the point where I just ask. It's an awkward question but better awkward than sorry.

[laurack]

nothing I love more than a good story about how someone grew up not knowing about how their house was full of guns therefore guns are nbd.

Unfortunately while plenty of kids are oblivious to guns and whether they may exist in their home, there are also plenty of kids who are very curious and will try anything to get their hands on the gun their dad thinks they don't know about and show it to their friends.

[linz]

Jul 27, 2015 15:02:46 GMT -5 curbsideprophet said:

Jul 27, 2015 14:58:49 GMT -5 linz said:

I bet more people have guns then you realize. Esp with concealed carry permits.

My dad hunted when I was growing up. I had no clue where his guns were nor did I care. I doubt my mom informed our friends parents of this.

Would she have lied if asked outright?

Oh I doubt she would lie, but this was also 20 something years ago. Do you think it was as big of a deal when we were growing up? (I honestly don't know)