Apparently I'm abusive towards my child.

[greencrayon]

Avery was a bit cranky this morning. It's Tuesday. I don't blame her.

Grandma cooks some sausage. Starts to break it into pieces, but it's too hot for her so she leaves it. In front of my child. So Avery burns herself. I pick her up, angry, and get her calmed down. I tell grams she shouldn't have left the food there. She says she didn't realize it was hot. Uh. You just said it was hot which is why you stopped touching it?

Anyways now Avery's really cranky. She doesn't want sausage or bread and she keeps choking herself because she's crying and eating at the same time. So I take everything away and bring yogurt. She doesn't want it and starts flipping out. I walk away and get some fruit. Bring the fruit back, happy camper. She eats fruit and yogurt.

I bring my breakfast over. She points at it and I say "No, this is Mama's breakfast. You can't have it" and she starts flipping out again. I ignore her. Grandma (who is throwing her own tantrum and isn't talking to me) comes out and says something alone the lines of the difference between parenting and borderline abuse.

What the hell. You don't give your toddler everything they point to and start crying over. I told her if she thinks my behavior is abuse then she needs to leave, or respect how i parent my child. Now they're both not talking to me except for "if you keep treating us this way, we won't come back and we won't have a relationship with you guys".

I agree I shouldn't have told them to leave but I was really hurt by that. Fuck. I'm doing the best I can.

[jeaniebueller]

Nothing you did sounds remotely abusive. I am sorry. Is that your mom or your grandma? They sometimes know just what to say to sting. Maybe go on a walk with Avery to get some space and calm things down?

[greencrayon]

Jul 28, 2015 8:05:48 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Nothing you did sounds remotely abusive. I am sorry. Is that your mom or your grandma? They sometimes know just what to say to sting. Maybe go on a walk with Avery to get some space and calm things down?

My grandmother. I'm taking her to daycare now, and their bags are packed. They were planning on leaving today or tomorrow. Looks like today.

[Deleted]

Fuck that. Grandma is out of line. In my experience, grandparents forget about boundaries that they set for their own kids and get offended when you set boundaries for your own. Last night, I went to get P ready for bed at 7:45 (she goes down between 7 and 8 depending upon cranky level, if she's happy we get her ready for bed at 7:45 and down by 8), and Grandma said "oh but she doesn't look ready! she should stay up." Nope. Routine. Bedtime.

[ilikedonuts]

You absolutely should have told her to leave. You are not wrong there. She basically told you that you are abusing your child. Old people don't get free passes to be assholes.

[redheadbaker]

She was completely out of line. Abusive?? WTF.

[smock]

Your response was much more reasonable than mine would have been: "Oh, setting reasonable boundaries is ABUSE now? But placing scalding hot food in front of a child and causing a burn is just fine, GRAMS?!??"

You did absolutely nothing wrong. I hope she apologizes to you.

[niq]

I'm sorry.

That sounds like a perfectly normal morning in our house. Ignoring tantrums is a reasonable response. Our daycare asked us to avoid sharing food since it's what they do there.

I hope everybody chills out.

[Deleted]

She was just butt hurt that she accidentally hurt your DD and so she threw a tantrum and was totally out of line. I think some space from each other is just what you all need. I would expect her to apologize for over reacting and throwing a tantrum.

Were you eating something DD couldn't have? I mean it wasn't ABUSE at all ( not even a little bit) but unless DS can't have something I am eating I always give him a few bites. It helps expand their palates (because sometimes they won't eat it until the see you eat it and then they are like YUMMY)

I know it's annoying. Sometimes I am like " Don't touch my food KID" lol!

[Deleted]

Hell no.
You helped your kid with the burned food (thanks grandma) then you gave her another choice and another choice. Already very nice Mommy in my book.
And she let your kid burn herself.
And you are abusive? I would have said you were too nice.

[Deleted]

Jul 28, 2015 8:39:34 GMT -5 @savestheday said:

She was just butt hurt that she accidentally hurt your DD and so she threw a tantrum and was totally out of line. I think some space from each other is just what you all need. I would expect her to apologize for over reacting and throwing a tantrum.

Were you eating something DD couldn't have? I mean it wasn't ABUSE at all ( not even a little bit) but unless DS can't have something I am eating I always give him a few bites. It helps expand their palates (because sometimes they won't eat it until the see you eat it and then they are like YUMMY)

I know it's annoying. Sometimes I am like " Don't touch my food KID" lol!

I think she was eating the same thing her kid refused to eat 5 minutes before. You snooze you lose kid.

[Deleted]

Team you. Sorry grandma was such an asshole this morning. Grandparents have short term memory from when they were parenting. (Besides, things are different now, yo).

You're the mom. You did nothing wrong. ESPECIALLY nothing even remotely resembling abuse. WTF

[Deleted]

Jul 28, 2015 8:08:30 GMT -5 @sessalee said:

Fuck that. Grandma is out of line. In my experience, grandparents forget about boundaries that they set for their own kids and get offended when you set boundaries for your own. Last night, I went to get P ready for bed at 7:45 (she goes down between 7 and 8 depending upon cranky level, if she's happy we get her ready for bed at 7:45 and down by 8), and Grandma said "oh but she doesn't look ready! she should stay up." Nope. Routine. Bedtime.

This is my MIL. She doesn't get that kids NEED sleep and will sometimes throw a tantrum because they are over tired. MIL always thinks I am being MEAN because I MAKE DS sleep. 


LOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLL Forever. 

[Deleted]

Jul 28, 2015 8:42:58 GMT -5 @hannymaren said:

Jul 28, 2015 8:39:34 GMT -5 @savestheday said:

She was just butt hurt that she accidentally hurt your DD and so she threw a tantrum and was totally out of line. I think some space from each other is just what you all need. I would expect her to apologize for over reacting and throwing a tantrum.

Were you eating something DD couldn't have? I mean it wasn't ABUSE at all ( not even a little bit) but unless DS can't have something I am eating I always give him a few bites. It helps expand their palates (because sometimes they won't eat it until the see you eat it and then they are like YUMMY)

I know it's annoying. Sometimes I am like " Don't touch my food KID" lol!

I think she was eating the same thing her kid refused to eat 5 minutes before. You snooze you lose kid.

Ohhh yeah. Like the other day when DS wanted my ' banana bread" it was an omelet. He was eating banana bread. He was mad he didn't get some of MY banana bread.

He already said he didn't want an omelet. Like three times. 

Fuckin kids man. 

[ringstrue]

BYE GRANDMA!

[sent]

I'm sorry. I go through this with both grandmas. It's like they don't GAF to let us (me) be good parents our way. They also don't believe in apologizing or apologies so it sucks all around.

[greencrayon]

I cannot believe they're leaving over this. They're both ganging up on me saying how horrible it is to treat someone like that. But telling someone they're abusive isn't? Oh no, she didn't mean that she just said it in anger.

[greencrayon]

Jul 28, 2015 8:39:34 GMT -5 @savestheday said:

She was just butt hurt that she accidentally hurt your DD and so she threw a tantrum and was totally out of line. I think some space from each other is just what you all need. I would expect her to apologize for over reacting and throwing a tantrum.

Were you eating something DD couldn't have? I mean it wasn't ABUSE at all ( not even a little bit) but unless DS can't have something I am eating I always give him a few bites. It helps expand their palates (because sometimes they won't eat it until the see you eat it and then they are like YUMMY)

I know it's annoying. Sometimes I am like " Don't touch my food KID" lol!

I often eat food she can't have, because she's allergic to eggs. So regardless, A has her breakfast and I have mine. We don't share. I don't want her to accidentally take something because we share some days and not others.

[sporklemotion]

Jul 28, 2015 8:08:30 GMT -5 @sessalee said:

Fuck that. Grandma is out of line. In my experience, grandparents forget about boundaries that they set for their own kids and get offended when you set boundaries for your own. Last night, I went to get P ready for bed at 7:45 (she goes down between 7 and 8 depending upon cranky level, if she's happy we get her ready for bed at 7:45 and down by 8), and Grandma said "oh but she doesn't look ready! she should stay up." Nope. Routine. Bedtime.

I agree with this. I also think that it's particularly hard with a young toddler-- my MIL still sees my DD as a little baby (she is almost 20 months) because she is still developing language, so my MIL assumes that DD doesn't understand limits, etc. whereas I see DD  every day, so I know what she can or cannot handle in terms of discipline. 

It it sounds like you handled things well, and grandma will have to get over it.

if I let DD1 have all of the food she wants, she would start each day with some of my coffee and our cats' chicken liver pellets (which she calls "cereal").  Sometimes we have to say no!

[Deleted]

Jul 28, 2015 9:18:55 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

Jul 28, 2015 8:39:34 GMT -5 @savestheday said:

She was just butt hurt that she accidentally hurt your DD and so she threw a tantrum and was totally out of line. I think some space from each other is just what you all need. I would expect her to apologize for over reacting and throwing a tantrum.

Were you eating something DD couldn't have? I mean it wasn't ABUSE at all ( not even a little bit) but unless DS can't have something I am eating I always give him a few bites. It helps expand their palates (because sometimes they won't eat it until the see you eat it and then they are like YUMMY)

I know it's annoying. Sometimes I am like " Don't touch my food KID" lol!

I often eat food she can't have, because she's allergic to eggs. So regardless, A has her breakfast and I have mine. We don't share. I don't want her to accidentally take something because we share some days and not others.

That makes TOTAL sense. 

[mpc]

I'm sorry they're being petty and leaving in a huff over this. It's so childish.

[greencrayon]

Jul 28, 2015 9:36:40 GMT -5 @bunnybean said:

That's awful. I'm so sorry. I hope they apologize.

My grandma never has apologized that I remember. Occasionally I'll get "I'm sorry you were so offended/hurt/upset that I did X" but never in my life have I heard "sorry I did this I was wrong"

My moms pissed because grandma did abuse her as a kid. Like scratching and hitting and throwing shit at my mom. And verbal abuse.

[redheadk]

If someone told me that they would leave and not have a relationship with me bc I called them out on something, I would suggest they do just that. I have no patience for people who threaten their entire relationship over something like that.

ETA: given what's above, you may very well be better off without her.

Sorry your grandma is a bitch. You are a great mom.