Babysittet WWYD?

[teatimefor2]

Here the situation: I have a sitter on Tuesdays for my boys (9 months and 2.10 yrs). She has a degree in early education and is a kindergarten teaching aid. She is also the cousin of a friend in my baby group. DS2 has become a bottle refuser since getting his cranial helmet so I come back to nurse him at 1:30 pm.

I like her okay, she could be better, but my son likes her. For example, she doesn't pick up from lunch, everything is in the sink. During I wouldn't care, but she has 1.5 hours during their naps. It's part of taking care of the kids, I don't want her to clean my house.

This morning DS1 and I were picking up the playroom. I noticed coloring on two wooden trucks and I asked him about it. He said that he did it yesterday with Miss X. I asked him what Miss X told him and he went on to tell me that she told him not to color on the couch and his toys. I asked him what she was doing and he replied "she was on her phone". I'm annoyed and bothered.

Plus she will text me when I'm coming back all the time when we have an agreement or that the baby woke up and he's not happy when I'm in a meeting. Yes, it's just volunteering meetings (yesterday was education) but i can't do anything.

I only have three more days with her. Honestly, I'm thinking of ending the relationship early, but we have no official end date. I'm on a board and in a group with her cousin, so I want to be cautious how I handle this.

Am I overreacting? I trust my two year old and he colored on a lot so she must have not been paying attention. Also I had DS2 with me for his pedi yesterday so she wasn't juggling them both. Combined with the picking up and texting issue, I'm annoyed.

Thoughts, MMM?

[ijack]

I'm dealing with this with my nanny right now. We only have like 5 days left so I'm just sticking it out because I hate confrontation :/

[jeaniebueller]

Why don't you just talk to her about those issues? IDK, neither of those things are red flags to me. When you hired her, was it agreed that she would also do light housework?

[teatimefor2]

Jul 29, 2015 9:36:04 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Why don't you just talk to her about those issues? IDK, neither of those things are red flags to me. When you hired her, was it agreed that she would also do light housework?

I was a nanny for years in college and picking food of the counter and picking up after the kids was considered part of the job, not an extra. Plus I'm paying her really well. She's making close to $20 an hour.

[orval]

I wouldn't expect my babysitter to wash dishes. If they are in the sink that is ok by me. I also don't expect them to be playing with them every second they are there. Sometimes you answer a text or take a call. Agree with the above that said they are alive, fed and happy, that is good.

[teatimefor2]

Jul 29, 2015 9:34:45 GMT -5 @this said:

IDK. I see being a little irked at her not picking up/being on her phone/texting you, but OTOH she's just a babysitter - not a nanny.

I expect babysitters just to keep my kid happy and fed and alive. And pay them accordingly. I have an entirely different set of expectations for my DCP (and would have the same for a nanny) and pay them accordingly as well.

True, but I'm paying her close to $20 an hour and it's all day. I view her as a nanny, at least for me. Every Tuesday all day all summer. I'm most bothered by being on the phone so long that my son was able to color as much as he did on stuff.

[jeaniebueller]

Jul 29, 2015 9:38:30 GMT -5 teatimefor2 said:

Jul 29, 2015 9:36:04 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Why don't you just talk to her about those issues? IDK, neither of those things are red flags to me. When you hired her, was it agreed that she would also do light housework?

I was a nanny for years in college and picking food of the counter and picking up after the kids was considered part of the job, not an extra. Plus I'm paying her really well. She's making close to $20 an hour.

That's great, but she isn't your nanny, she is a one day a week babysitter. Again, just talk to her about these things.

[teatimefor2]

Jul 29, 2015 9:40:46 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Jul 29, 2015 9:38:30 GMT -5 teatimefor2 said:

I was a nanny for years in college and picking food of the counter and picking up after the kids was considered part of the job, not an extra. Plus I'm paying her really well. She's making close to $20 an hour.

That's great, but she isn't your nanny, she is a one day a week babysitter. Again, just talk to her about these things.

Maybe your right, sigh. To me this is part of babysitting.

[Deleted]

I think feedback is important and is helpful for development personally and professionally. That being said, confrontation is HARD.

Here's how I would approach it:

Hey babysitter, I'm not sure we've ever talked about expectations while you're here and even though you only have 3 days left with us, I want to let you know some things I've observed so you have that information to take with you to your next job.

Then be as objective as possible, tell her good stuff and stuff she could do better. Come from a place where you WANT to help her to be better. If you can't do that just skip it all.

[spk926]

Jul 29, 2015 9:34:45 GMT -5 @this said:

IDK. I see being a little irked at her not picking up/being on her phone/texting you, but OTOH she's just a babysitter - not a nanny.

I expect babysitters just to keep my kid happy and fed and alive. And pay them accordingly. I have an entirely different set of expectations for my DCP (and would have the same for a nanny) and pay them accordingly as well.

I think this is kind of unfair. I mean call them whatever you want but their job is to watch the child. Not play on their phone and allow the child to color on toys for what sounds like awhile. As a nanny, babysitter or whatever else you want to call her she wasn't doing her job.

You only have 3 days with her and have two choices. Either suck it up and just get through those 3 days or speak up and say something.

[countthestars]

Jul 29, 2015 9:38:30 GMT -5 teatimefor2 said:

Jul 29, 2015 9:36:04 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Why don't you just talk to her about those issues? IDK, neither of those things are red flags to me. When you hired her, was it agreed that she would also do light housework?

I was a nanny for years in college and picking food of the counter and picking up after the kids was considered part of the job, not an extra. Plus I'm paying her really well. She's making close to $20 an hour.

But did you tell her that?

[SJ]

My main questions:

1) If she is putting dirty dishes in the sink, that is cleaning up to me. Where was the food left? On the counter or in the sink? I think it's perfectly appropriate to clarify your expectations on this one.

2) If you have an agreement for set hours ("all day" on Tuesdays), why the hell is she texting you asking you when you will get back? This would be super annoying to me.

3) Do you have 3 more days with her? Or do you have no official end date? These statements from your OP seem to conflict.

[longtimenopost]

Who else would watch the boys? If you would be staying home, then just say you won't need her. I wouldn't cancel for next week at this point, but you could cancel for the final two and still be giving good notice.

[teatimefor2]

Jul 29, 2015 9:48:32 GMT -5 SJ said:

My main questions:

1) If she is putting dirty dishes in the sink, that is cleaning up to me. Where was the food left? On the counter or in the sink? I think it's perfectly appropriate to clarify your expectations on this one.

On the counter and the table, plus in the high chair.

2) If you have an agreement for set hours ("all day" on Tuesdays), why the hell is she texting you asking you when you will get back? This would be super annoying to me.

We do have set hours.

3) Do you have 3 more days with her? Or do you have no official end date? These statements from your OP seem to conflict.

I've asked her several times for an end date with no clear response. I've told her I don't need her when my eldest goes back to preschool, but we've said through August, however, it's fluid.

[teatimefor2]

Jul 29, 2015 9:51:38 GMT -5 @this said:

Jul 29, 2015 9:40:13 GMT -5 teatimefor2 said:

True, but I'm paying her close to $20 an hour and it's all day. I view her as a nanny, at least for me. Every Tuesday all day all summer. I'm most bothered by being on the phone so long that my son was able to color as much as he did on stuff.

But you viewing her as a nanny and her being a nanny are two different things. If she was a nanny, wouldn't she have a contract? That would lay out employment expecatations (light housework, no texting, etc)?

IDK. I don't mean to downplay the coloring on stuff. I'd be annoyed about that. But I just don't think it's fair to hold a babysitter to the same expectations that I would a nanny. (Or maybe I just have low babysitter expectations. lol)

I think your babysitter bar is set too low. In the city, our babysitter did all these with no issue. Part of watching kids is picking up after them, especially if you have time (nap or bed), not light house work, but wiping the table after lunch/dinner.

[leonard131]

Jul 29, 2015 9:40:46 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Jul 29, 2015 9:38:30 GMT -5 teatimefor2 said:

I was a nanny for years in college and picking food of the counter and picking up after the kids was considered part of the job, not an extra. Plus I'm paying her really well. She's making close to $20 an hour.

That's great, but she isn't your nanny, she is a one day a week babysitter. Again, just talk to her about these things.

I agree.  Big difference between a nanny and babysitter.  When we have someone watch M on when are Nanny is out my expectations are really low.  Feed him, play with him and put him to sleep.  $20 for two kids in a HCOL sounds like the going rate for babysitters to do the basics not extra.

The texting also wouldn't bother me.  I think it just what they do these days.  Our nanny is texting us all the time. You can mention about watching to make sure he isn't coloring on his toys if you want but kids are stealth like.  M has been known to destroy items in .005 seconds flat.  It is almost like he is a ninja.

For someone that is only there for a week I wouldn't bother.  Enjoy the time to do what you need to be doing.

[ECB]

Jul 29, 2015 9:42:43 GMT -5 teatimefor2 said:

Jul 29, 2015 9:40:46 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Maybe your right, sigh. To me this is part of babysitting.

This is one thing I've learned- you just can't assume this.  Even w/ babysitters, you HAVE to be clear about your expectations.  I've also found that the younger they are, the worse they are about cleaning up, etc. 

You'd be doing her a favor, IMO, if you talked to her about your expectations.  Because if no one ever speaks up, she'll never "get" what is expected of her. 

[Willis Jackson]

I wouldn't worry about it since it's only 3 more days.

[teatimefor2]

Jul 29, 2015 10:02:28 GMT -5 @this said:

You know, I take back my babysitting bar being too low comment.

Your babysitter bar is too high IMO.

Lol! Maybe!

[barefootcontessa]

I specifically tell my sitter not to worry about the dishes the kids use. And my sitter regularly does her school work while the kids are having their quiet time. That being said, I have a really great rate with her, have more kids than average (although she rarely has all five of them at a time), and most importantly she can handle my kids. IME finding a sitter I can trust and is good with my kids is not easy, so I try to make things as easy as possible for her.

The texting you while you are gone for a non-emergency -- that would bother me. My sitter never does that and if she did it regularly I would find someone else since it would indicate to me she cannot handle things.

also:  I am not sure how old your son is but I would not assume his version of events is accurate. 

[jeaniebueller]

Jul 29, 2015 9:56:54 GMT -5 teatimefor2 said:

Jul 29, 2015 9:51:38 GMT -5 @this said:

But you viewing her as a nanny and her being a nanny are two different things. If she was a nanny, wouldn't she have a contract? That would lay out employment expecatations (light housework, no texting, etc)?

IDK. I don't mean to downplay the coloring on stuff. I'd be annoyed about that. But I just don't think it's fair to hold a babysitter to the same expectations that I would a nanny. (Or maybe I just have low babysitter expectations. lol)

I think your babysitter bar is set too low. In the city, our babysitter did all these with no issue. Part of watching kids is picking up after them, especially if you have time (nap or bed), not light house work, but wiping the table after lunch/dinner.

If you aren't happy with her performance, it sounds like you are under no obligation to continue her obligation as your part time sitter so by all means, don't use her. From what your OP said, she did pick up after lunch and put the dishes in the sink. IMO, if you want your dishes washed or dishwasher loaded, those are things that you need to outline as part of your babysitting agreement. Some households are particular about these things and she may not want to overstep her boundaries. Or she may be lazy. We really don't know since you haven't brought up this issue to her.

As far as the texting, we don't know whether she is texting the entire time she is there, or if she picked up her phone for 30 seconds and your child went to town coloring on the toys. To me, accidents like that are part of having young children and nothing to be code red about. Again, if you aren't comfortable with it, by all means, end your relationship. I promise I am not trying to be combative, but I am getting the feeling that this sitter is kind of BEC with you. And that is fine.

[ECB]

Jul 29, 2015 10:01:05 GMT -5 @this said:

Ehhhh. I don't really care about a babysitter doing that TBH. I mean, *I* don't pick up after her all the time or wipe the table after every meal. lol

There is actually a lot that I don't care too much about.  I kind of see it more as a "OH! That's great" when I have a sitter who goes above and beyond.  And you know what?  I tend to try and use that person more than those who don't do much.

BUT I do remember one sitter- she was probably playing w/ DS for a 1/2 hour, MAYBE an hour, before it was time for bed.  Then she easily had 3 hours to just sit on the couch and watch TV.  They had played Uno.  On the coffee table right in front of the couch she was laying on.

It kind of killed me that she didn't pile the cards up.  They were splayed out ALL over the coffee table.  She sat there for 3 hours and had that mess in front of her.  I really did have a moment of "really?  You couldn't even push them all back up together and put them in a pile??". 

OH well.  Just a lesson learned, as I said before, that you have to really be clear about expectations!

[drloretta]

I would open up some lines of communication for sure. If you expect her to wash dishes or put them in the dishwasher, tell her! Maybe she thinks you have a certain way of loading the dishwasher and doesn't want to irk you in that way. Or maybe she just doesn't consider it part of the job. Of the half dozen babysitters we've had for DD (some just a few hours, some all day), most didn't put dishes away. I'm guessing they were intimidated by being in a strange kitchen.

If the coloring is annoying you, again, tell her. Ask her why she didn't notice, reiterate that shouldn't happen, and talk to her about what she should do if it does.

[Deleted]

She needs feedback.

Tell her you need her to wash the lunch dishes during nap time.

Tell her you are concerned about the coloring--ask her what happened. Maybe her grandmother is sick and she was getting updates. It could be a fluke. Everyone has bad days. If it was carelessness, it will be a gentle kick in the pants and sometime employees need that too.

[teatimefor2]

Thanks everyone. I'm going to mention the coloring next week and go from there. Next time I hire someone I will outline more what I am expecting. I thought I had made myself clear, but I guess not.

[shellbear09]

I think that is a good plan to talk to her and next time be very clear with the person. I agree it seems weird you have to tell someone to pick up plates of food when they are done but I guess you do. Even as a babysitter that seems like a no brainer. The texting me about non emergency stuff would annoy me the most.