Weird or not? Updated with more info

[hocus2]

ON our local FB parenting groups a dad posted this:


"Had anybody done daddy/daughter dates? How old and where are good places? I only have a 6 week old, but being she is my first, I may be overly eager to start teaching her how men should treat a lady."

Do you find it odd? The whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way. It is totally awesome that he wants to go out with this children but why make it weird/sexist.

ETA:

So the thread has gotten pretty long and the original poster has added this link to clarify that he did indeed mean "date". So I'm going to vote super weird and creepy!


www.fathers.com/s7-hot-topics/c37-daughters/daddy-daughter-date-ideas-for-committed-dads-guest-blog/

[Velar Fricative]

So very weird.

[longtimenopost]

Weird. Doing things with your baby without mom? That's called parenting.

[hocus2]

Jul 29, 2015 9:43:34 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

I don't think it is weird for the parents to teach her how a man should treat her. I do find it funny she's worrying about this with her 6 week old.

  Really? Shouldn't we be more concerned about how people should treat each other? Does it matter if the person is a man? I found it so odd that this is a focus for him.

Also: Wouldn't you expected a romantic partner to treat you completely differently than your father?

[meltoine]

It's weird that she's thinking about doing this with her 6 week old.

I'm support parents teaching their children what to expect from a date and how they should be treated by a potential romantic partner. But in the early years (and really all the time) the best way to do that it to model it in your own relationship. I wouldn't side-eye if the girl was 13, but 6 weeks? Weird.

[jeaniebueller]

Barf. Gross and sexist. And weird.

[Deleted]

Because of her age, a little odd. The sentiment is creepy.

But I do hope H takes P out on Daddy daughter dates, simply for bonding.

[smock]

As a kid, we always did father-daughter time and mother-daughter time, so us kids could each have one-on-one time with a parent. We usually went for donuts, so it was awesome.

Introducing the whole "how to treat a lady" angle is sexist, weird, and creepy. First of all, I don't want to teach my daughter to be a lady in the first place, and second, it's nasty to sexualize the father-daughter relationship by "training" her how to be treated by a romantic partner. CREEPY.

[bowies]

That's a weird focus to have at 6 weeks. Unless he thinks she should be looking for her future life partner at preschool.

I have someone like this on my FB too (though her DD is 13 months). She will post a picture of her H reading to their DD with an overly gushy caption that he's one of the good ones and she's so lucky to have found him and he's showing her how a REAL MAN treats a lady. The emphasis on her being a lady kinda squicks me out...she's a baby. Let her be a baby and let him be a dad. They don't need a man/lady dynamic. My H doesn't put me in his lap and read me bedtime stories.

[niq]

Points for trying, 6 weeks is a little early, the wording is a little weird and suggests it might be creepy (there's a weird subculture within no sex before marriage pledging that's patriarchal and controlling), but it's hard to say without more context.

[hocus2]

Jul 29, 2015 9:55:19 GMT -5 smock said:

As a kid, we always did father-daughter time and mother-daughter time, so us kids could each have one-on-one time with a parent. We usually went for donuts, so it was awesome.

Introducing the whole "how to treat a lady" angle is sexist, weird, and creepy. First of all, I don't want to teach my daughter to be a lady in the first place, and second, it's nasty to sexualize the father-daughter relationship by "training" her how to be treated by a romantic partner. CREEPY.

  This is exactly what I was thinking. Yay for spending time with your child.  :? at making it weird and inappropriate.

[ECB]

The "date" part of it is fine. Many parents that I know have "dates" with their kids - same sex and opposite sex. It's just a term to denote one on one time.

BUT his motivation for it is creepy and sexist.

[bowies]

Jul 29, 2015 10:00:09 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

If you take away the creepy sexist overtones, I think a guy wanting to spend solo time with his daughter is great and something we talk about on the board a lot. I know sending H out alone with B the first few times was sort of a big deal for us.

Oh absolutely! If she posted asking for ideas of where her H can take their 6w old I don't think OP would have batted an eye.

[Muddled]

Let's just hope he doesn't mean it exactly the way he said it.

It's great that he wants to spend quality time with his daughter and that he is making it a priority.

[nessness]

It doesn't really bother me. I assume he's referring to stuff like opening doors for her. And of course that's a little silly when she's 6 weeks old, but I think it's sweet that he's looking forward to bonding with her.

[hocus2]

Jul 29, 2015 10:10:39 GMT -5 nessness said:

It doesn't really bother me. I assume he's referring to stuff like opening doors for her. And of course that's a little silly when she's 6 weeks old, but I think it's sweet that he's looking forward to bonding with her.

Should men hold the door open for women? Or should people just hold the door open for each other? I feel like "lady" is code for traditional values which are often very sexist. You should teach all children to be good citizens.

[smock]

Jul 29, 2015 10:16:00 GMT -5 hocus2 said:

Jul 29, 2015 10:10:39 GMT -5 nessness said:

It doesn't really bother me. I assume he's referring to stuff like opening doors for her. And of course that's a little silly when she's 6 weeks old, but I think it's sweet that he's looking forward to bonding with her.

Should men hold the door open for women? Or should people just hold the door open for each other? I feel like "lady" is code for traditional values which are often very sexist. You should teach all children to be good citizens.

I was thinking the same thing.

And let's try this one on in reverse. I'm having trouble picturing a mom saying "I can't wait to take my 6 week old son out, and teach him how a gentleman should treat a lady." Would she . . . use the baby as a door stop?

[ECB]

Jul 29, 2015 10:10:39 GMT -5 nessness said:

It doesn't really bother me. I assume he's referring to stuff like opening doors for her. And of course that's a little silly when she's 6 weeks old, but I think it's sweet that he's looking forward to bonding with her.

Yeah, to follow on hocus, I know women who find this offensive if they feel it's being done ONLY because they are a woman. 

I went to lunch once, YEARS ago, w/ the manager of an office I was visiting.  He held the door for me, insisted on walking between me and the road as we walked to lunch, etc.  He told me "this is how I was raised to treat a lady".

Door opening on it's own?  Eh, I'll assume that the person would do it for ANYONE, man or woman.  But this manager- by the end of lunch, I was SO annoyed with him.  It was starting to offend me.  I'm not a flipping damsel in distress.  Don't treat me like one!  I know that wasn't his intention, but he had a VERY sexist view on how to treat women.

As hocus said, we should be teaching how to treat other PEOPLE.  it shouldn't be about how to treat WOMEN.

[jeaniebueller]

Jul 29, 2015 10:04:59 GMT -5 bowies said:

Jul 29, 2015 10:00:09 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

If you take away the creepy sexist overtones, I think a guy wanting to spend solo time with his daughter is great and something we talk about on the board a lot. I know sending H out alone with B the first few times was sort of a big deal for us.

Oh absolutely! If she posted asking for ideas of where her H can take their 6w old I don't think OP would have batted an eye.

On the same note, its cute in a "bless your heart" kind of way that he thinks a 6 week old gets any enjoyment over any particular outing.

[nessness]

Oh man, I didn't really want to start a door-opening debate today. But I will say that I don't think holding doors open for women and treating them as equals are mutually exclusive.

[ECB]

Jul 29, 2015 10:33:59 GMT -5 nessness said:

 But I will say that I don't think holding doors open for women and treating them as equals are mutually exclusive.

I don't either, but when it's a part of the "teaching her how a gentleman treats a lady" dialogue, it reeks of very sexist connotations.  

[smock]

Jul 29, 2015 10:33:59 GMT -5 nessness said:

Oh man, I didn't really want to start a door-opening debate today. But I will say that I don't think holding doors open for women and treating them as equals are mutually exclusive.

Well, yeah, I appreciate it when people hold a door open for me, and I hold doors open for other people.

But it gets weird when people act like men MUST open doors for women, or that ladies shouldn't befoul their dainty hands by touching doors. (which is not what you said, of course, nessness!)

[ECB]

Jul 29, 2015 10:39:32 GMT -5 @littlemoxie said:

 I would hope that opening doors for her has nothing to do with her genitalia and more to do with the fact that she can't do it.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL.