Post by schitzengiggles on Jul 29, 2015 12:13:08 GMT -5
No....no I wouldn't write to someone who obviously didn't want to be involved with you, on the urging of someone else who didn't get along with her, when you haven't even seen the person in ages and your great memories of them are from middle school. How old are you? (Genuinely curious, not being a bitch). Was middle school 10 years ago? 20 years ago?
I guess however long ago it was....The past is the past and it's often best to leave it there.
I wouldn't send anything. I mean you haven't been friends with her for how long. I get supporting a friend who has hit a rough patch in life but you haven't been friends with this person in many years it sounds like. You owe her nothing.
That being said if you do want to write her why don't you just not put your return address on it. problem solved
Post by aliciaflorrick on Jul 29, 2015 14:30:56 GMT -5
Nostalgia is not a good enough reason to involve yourself with someone from the past. She made it pretty clear she doesn't want to be in your life because of the path she is on. Believe her and ignore the request.
She wants you, as her friend, to appear before the parole board on her behalf. You are living a stable life, married to someone in law enforcement. She doesn't want to be your friend or hear from you, she wants to use you.
Post by messykitchen on Jul 29, 2015 15:42:30 GMT -5
I didn't read all the responses, so forgive me if this is a repeat.
I have a friend in prison. He has been in prison for 18 years, and will likely be in for another 20, or so. It is drug related.
I write to him. Not many do. It is so important for his morale. All incoming and outgoing mail is screened by staff, I have never received mail from other inmates. Mail from him is stamped from an an inmate at so and so county prison on the outside of the envelope when I receive it.
He tells me in his letters how much they mean to him, but we were close before he got messed up, and I think that influences how I have treated his incarceration.
I'd write her because I couldn't imagine anything worse than being in jail without getting any/much mail. You don't have to be pen pals, but the kindness of a funny card, a few lines and a stamp seem like such a small thing to offer a long-ago friend.
I didn't read all the responses, so forgive me if this is a repeat.
I have a friend in prison. He has been in prison for 18 years, and will likely be in for another 20, or so. It is drug related.
I write to him. Not many do. It is so important for his morale. All incoming and outgoing mail is screened by staff, I have never received mail from other inmates. Mail from him is stamped from an an inmate at so and so county prison on the outside of the envelope when I receive it.
He tells me in his letters how much they mean to him, but we were close before he got messed up, and I think that influences how I have treated his incarceration.
Were you friends with him before he went? The OP's "friend" does not like her, does not trust her, and specifically said that she did not want OP to know she was in jail. Add in the fact that she and the sister do not get along but it's the sister's idea, the whole this is a bad idea.
I think it's great that you write your friend and I'm glad he knows you haven't written him off. The OP's situation just isn't the same.
if i'm reading this correctly, it's not that the inmate doesn't like you, it's that she doesn't like that you married a cop (i skimmed), right? that's entirely different from not liking you.
jail visits, small groups and mail correspondence was a weekly part of my job when i worked in urban ministry. i have a huge bag of letters from inmates with whom i kept in touch and it was my absolute favorite part of the job. i LOVE jail stuff.
i think writing to her would be very nice of you. are you part of a faith community? you could ask them if you could use their address if you are uncomfortable giving out your address. otherwise, i would suggest getting in touch with the chaplain's office. i'm sure they know a bazillion ways you could do this safely and may even have some insight into whether or not you should write at all. i'm going to guess they'd say that people are very lonely and the days pass so slowly that she would love to hear from anybody. i've done pen-pal stuff with people whom i'd never met and would never ever meet but those letters were still super meaningful.
Middle school was not the best time of my whole life. Life got much better from there lol. I just meant that she and I had the best time together. It was fun. We were big goofballs. Thought the dumbest things were hilarious, had a million inside jokes, went roller skating every weekend....sleepovers.... prank calls... Beavis and Butthead... etc. Not a care in the world. No boyfriend drama (though always talk of cute boys, etc), no drugs (which she started in hs).... it was just fun. We were past the stage of playing with barbies and thinking we were kids, but we were well aware that we weren't yet adults. Does that make sense? So no, certainly not the best years of or the peak of my life lol. A big exaggeration. But she and I had fun times. Kate too (she tagged along and I considered her a friend, but my primary friendship was with Meg).
Smock, I don't think it's that she doesn't like me. She has tried to reach out to me more often than I have tried to reach out to her over the years. And she even told me once that she felt hurt when she heard I didn't consider her a friend in hs. I had to remind her of certain things that went on in hs and that we really did grow apart. I didn't dislike her.... we just had different lives.
When I made the statement about her not trusting me or wanting me to know anything, I meant about her criminal lifestyle. I suspected it and heard through the rumor mill but didn't actually know anything firsthand. While she was back on fb a few months ago after a long hiatus, she reached out to me to say hi, ask how I was, etc. But was very vague in responding, and in some cases didn't write back when I asked her the same stuff she'd asked me.
She probably was not supposed to be out of the state she was paroled in. Since she was sentenced in 2011 (which I only found out through searching recently), I'm assuming she probably got out on parole and violated the terms by leaving TN and going to NJ. I heard through rumors that she had a warrant from TN and was extradited back and is now back in prison. I also heard through rumors that while she was in NJ, she had been living with someone we both used to know (some friend of hers that I met a few times but was never friends with myself).
So when she (Meg) contacted me on FB months ago to say hi, etc.. she left out the part about having been arrested, or to jail/prison, or that she was on parole, or that she was living with this person who is probably a felon himself... etc. And I think she left all that out because (1) I would think she's embarrassed and (2) because she knows my DH is a LEO and probably thought I would tell him, and believed he would contact authorities in TN, etc. Oh, we're in FL fwiw, so nowhere near her.
I was raised in a small town in NJ. Most people in my school/town had gone through school together since kindergarten. Which is why at 34 (someone asked me my age...oh and C/O 99 lol) - I still hear rumors and gossip abt ppl. Many people from my HS never left, or they went back after college and started families in the same place we grew up in. Sooo... yeah.
It's always possible Kate might be urging me to write Meg to somehow upset her but I don't really think that's the case? But who knows. They are sisters and they have their own drama. And like I said, Kate did a little better than Meg in terms of life choices, but I would still define both of their lives as being messes. It's only through and because of FB (and prior, myspace) that we kept in touch. Which is the case with so many from my hometown!
Meh. There's that part of me that wants to write and just bring up some of the fun and funny times from our childhood to brighten up her day. But really we have no future whatsoever. And I don't want one with either of them. I'll always think back on our friendship fondly, but those of you who said its best to keep the past where it belongs.... in the past.... are right. If I were to write to Meg and not give a return address, no doubt she'd be offended or upset. But I'm not going to disrespect my husband by going against his wishes, especially when I don't feel entirely comfortable giving out our address anyway. Better to just leave it be and if Kate asks if I wrote or why I didn't.... I'll just tell her summer is in full swing, and it's busy here.
I have to admit though, there is a part of me that wants to ask Meg if she's seen OITNB, and if that's what life is like in there, lol. I think I'll just leave that one alone. (angel)
I have to admit though, there is a part of me that wants to ask Meg if she's seen OITNB, and if that's what life is like in there, lol. I think I'll just leave that one alone. (angel)
My sister got out of prison last fall and I asked her recently if that is what it was like and she said definitely but there is way more drama than that.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
My husband wrote to a friend that was in a minimum security prison. There were no issues. The friend had been to our house and already had the address though.
I will be the opposing voice--I would write this friend. I think it would mean a lot to her. I would just find a way not to use your address. I bet the prison has a website with info like this or the state has a corrections website.
Sending them through her sister sounds good too. I would be a little nervous about her having my address. We had a weird situation where DH's cousin was on the run from the law and showed up in town from 8 hours away. It was weird.