I think that she doesn't know shit about people who don't have kids. I can bet that most of them lead much more exciting and adventurous and fulfilling lives than the blood-sucking little leeches (oops, KIDS) will permit the parental types.
Yeah, I'd sacrifice shitty diapers, babysitters and whiny tweenagers for the freedom to hop a plane and go where ever at the drop of a hat. That life suuuuucked. (Not.)
Post by mrsukyankee on Jul 30, 2015 3:10:38 GMT -5
Funnily enough my H and I were having drunk talks about this last night. We couldn't have kids. And he honestly is now very happy that we don't. He feels we have very full and happy lives. And I agree. While we were sad for a good long while that we couldn't have kids, it hasn't held us back in any way. Yes, I'm sometimes judged for not having them but fuck them.
"I didn’t stop wanting all the things I had wanted pre-pregnancy – in fact, I wanted them much more intensely, and suddenly had renewed drive and clarity about going after them." I imagine this is probably quite true about that trip we're hoping to take to Thailand, Africa, etc. LOL
True if she means sleep. I want sleep intensely
I feel like I've been knocked down the heirachy or needs a couple of pegs. I intensely desire sleep and a warm meal.
Post by averyjessup on Jul 30, 2015 5:02:19 GMT -5
Showing the movie Terminator to other people's children for the first time is actually the only thing that validates my empty, child free existence. Plus, it makes me really smug. "Good luck finding joy NOW, breeders!"
I think that she doesn't know shit about people who don't have kids. I can bet that most of them lead much more exciting and adventurous and fulfilling lives than the blood-sucking little leeches (oops, KIDS) will permit the parental types.
. I have 3 friends who are all single and no kids. I'm jealous of their lives. So much travel and experiences. My one friend moved to Salt Lake City for a work opportunity for 6 months. She LOVED it and would never had had that chance if she had been married and had kids.
Then I had (HAD) a friend who could have written this article. She could probably also write an article about how women who adopt cant possibly really understand what it means to be a mom or can't possibly love their child the way she does because she BIRTHED her kids! These attitudes are absolutely part of the reason why we are no longer friends.
You know what is a tell tale sign that you are not living a life of happiness and fulfilment? You're super busy comparing your life to others, but only in ways that validate your own life choices. You know what's fucking SAD? The realization that all of that wonder and beauty was there all along and that myopic bitch didn't see it. This is the kind of person who's life loses meaning from approximately the time her kids leave home until they have their own kids, and she'll likely drive everyone away in between. Did I mention I hate this chick?
She seems like the typical self-centered mil who complains if her kids aren't always around catering to her wishes. She seems soo happy and fulfilled.
Funnily enough my H and I were having drunk talks about this last night. We couldn't have kids. And he honestly is now very happy that we don't. He feels we have very full and happy lives. And I agree. While we were sad for a good long while that we couldn't have kids, it hasn't held us back in any way. Yes, I'm sometimes judged for not having them but fuck them.
Hell, I get judged for not having MORE kids (I only have one). It's a never-ending rabbit hole for the Judgy-McJudgersons of the world. Fuck them, indeed.
Post by nightandday on Jul 30, 2015 9:53:52 GMT -5
The article is complete bullshit. I am child-free by choice and judgy, nosy people in my life have commented that it is a selfish choice. I have been told that if I wasn't having kids because I couldn't have kids that would be understandable. But because I don't want them, there's something wrong with me.
At the end of the day, everyone is getting judged for something. No kids- bad; one and done- bad. precious needs a sibling; all girls/all boys- bad. keep procreating till you get the gender you're missing; 3+ kids- bad. that's too many.
I really do want to know what this deification of children business entails though. I can honestly say that I've never once thought this was even a thing, much less one to be sick of.
Post by trytobearunner34 on Jul 30, 2015 15:11:03 GMT -5
So on top of having an empty life, I am also dumb because I cannot figure out how to leave a comment for the "author". So imma gonna leave it here, if that's ok with y'all...
"We are the couple who has battled 5 years of unexplained infertility and have spent the last year waiting to adopt with no end to our wait in sight, no children in our arms, and NO choice in the matter. You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but your days of seeing yourself as anything other than judgmental are over. Is your next article going to be entitled "I think people without legs are lazy and I am not sorry about it."?"
I really do want to know what this deification of children business entails though. I can honestly say that I've never once thought this was even a thing, much less one to be sick of.
I could have interpreted it wrong but I take it as basically holding children up on a pedestal. Everything is about the children. It's taking mommy martyr to another level.
And being Catholic, like Stellas is, you really get hit hard with the pressure of having kids. It's one of the reasons I left the church and never finished my adult confirmation and I'm now Episcopalian. I was told by the church, literally flat out told that it was wrong to get married without being open to having children. I knew when I got married I didn't want kids. That's a big no, no in the church. The purpose of marriage is for creating a family. The purpose of a woman is to be a mother. God created you to be a mother and your husband to be a father. To turn your back and willingly not have children is not just selfish but sinful.
so if religion isn't a big part of one's life it's a little easier to avoid this type of thinking. I hope I explained that okay. And Stellas I don't mean to speak for you. I'm just trying to explain what the comment meant to me.
Post by scottyderp on Jul 30, 2015 21:39:26 GMT -5
Yeah, one of the things that we were told when we got married in the Catholic Church, was to be open to children. Get it on the schedule, for Jesus. I'm not knocking it, I just couldn't get it on the schedule.
I really do want to know what this deification of children business entails though. I can honestly say that I've never once thought this was even a thing, much less one to be sick of.
I could have interpreted it wrong but I take it as basically holding children up on a pedestal. Everything is about the children. It's taking mommy martyr to another level.
And being Catholic, like Stellas is, you really get hit hard with the pressure of having kids. It's one of the reasons I left the church and never finished my adult confirmation and I'm now Episcopalian. I was told by the church, literally flat out told that it was wrong to get married without being open to having children. I knew when I got married I didn't want kids. That's a big no, no in the church. The purpose of marriage is for creating a family. The purpose of a woman is to be a mother. God created you to be a mother and your husband to be a father. To turn your back and willingly not have children is not just selfish but sinful.
so if religion isn't a big part of one's life it's a little easier to avoid this type of thinking. I hope I explained that okay. And Stellas I don't mean to speak for you. I'm just trying to explain what the comment meant to me.
The religious perspective makes sense. Thanks for answering. Although, deifying children does seem like a logical extension of the pro-life ideal of life at conception, etc. Anyway. Food for thought, and I perspective I hadn't considered.
You're right that if you take away the religious aspect, then the complaints of a child-centric culture don't really hold true for me. The mommy martyr phenomenon may be somewhat new, but it's not particularly novel. It also, IMO, does not accurately reflect the current child rearing practices and the value we place on children in our society as a whole. I think we're just hearing from a priviliged, vocal minority. If anything, these women are deifying themselves.
that's an excellent point about some women deifying themselves as this woman in the article is doing. "Oh you think you know happiness and the meaning of life but unless you are a mother, you just don't."
The notion that a woman must have children, especially through the eyes of Christianity, is ancient. That's nothing new.
But this mommy blogger thing is new. At least to me. It seemed like my mom's generation was okay with looking tired and annoyed. Now a mom must be smiley and happy all the time. In my day kids made a mess and moms could bitch about it. Now it's, "Excuse my messy house, we are making memories."
This quote from the article "literally every moment of being a parent, if you’re thoughtful and observant, is a mind-blowing opportunity to learn the most basic things about what it means to be human. " ....this is the shit I hear from my cousins and some of my friends. Every moment with their children is just so OMG, so precious, so wonderful. You know it's not true. Why this pressure on moms to not only have to give birth and do all the mom shit but they need a Kool Aid grin the whole time on their face while they are doing it. My perception anyway! As always, our mileage varies depending on our circles.