4 year old temper tantrums

[cmh06]

Ugh! My 4 year old has been having tons of temper tantrums lately. It's driving us nuts. Anytime she doesn't get her way it's a meltdown. We are sticking by our guns and not giving in, but the crying and screaming is making us pull our hair out. Anyone else going through this?

[cleo29]

yeah, I think when Frkls said is good. You just have to ignore it and not give them the reaction they are seeking. My mom's friend left her daughter screaming on the floor of the grocery store and calmly told he, "Elizabeth, when you're done, mommy will be in the next aisle." and walked away. lol

[drrn04]

exactly what frkls said. Natalie will scream bloody murder, and flat out refuse to go to time out, or whatever. So we have to physically put her in her room, and close the door. We almost got to the point of having to turn the knob around to lock her in, but she has been willing (so to speak) to stay in there recently.

We just say she is not welcome to be downstairs with us when she behaves that way, and she can come down when she's finished with her tantrum. I used to get SUPER pist about it, and she could tell, and it just made things worse. Now i'm just really firm and make it really clear that she is not to set one toe out of her room until she is calm and ready to behave nicely, and use a nice voice.

We also have had talks (hours after the incident, usually at bedtime when we're talking about the day) about how it is ok to feel angry about something, or to not like what mommy/daddy says, but that she still has to do what we ask her to do. And if she needs to be angry, she can go upstairs to her room and yell at her stuffed animals about how she is angry at us, and then come down when she's calm. I just figure, there are times when I, as an adult want to pitch a holy fit, but have to restrain myself. She, as a 4 year old doesn't have a full grasp on that kind of restraint, and needs to express her anger somehow. That can either be as a tantrum, or by letting her stuffed animals feel her wrath, so to speak. It doesn't work every time, but the tantrums are fewer, and when they do happen/she goes to her room, it doesn't last as long.

Maybe there's a flaw in my method (I'm sure there's something else one could try), but it seems to be helping for now.

Good luck!