Would you be OK with working at the same company, and in the same office as your significant other? If you already do this, what are the pros and cons?
Long backstory: My H and I both used to work at the same Fortune 500 company, and it was fine because our jobs were very separated. We mostly worked in different divisions and always on entirely different products, and even when we eventually landed in the same division there was still a strong level of separation. There was no daily interaction (unless we were quickly chatting about non-work stuff), zero overlap in co-workers, and we didn't have the same management chain until you got executive level. We worked in different buildings several blocks apart, and rarely carpooled because he would go in around 8 am and I'd go in around 10 am; we rarely even had lunch together. Our team cultures were also very different -- his teams were more serious and a little stodgy, and my teams were all very quirky and boisterous.
It also had its benefits, because we both got it when talking to the other about all up work politics, always had the same holidays off, and it was super convenient when we had things to do that necessitated carpooling (trips, physical therapy, weather, car repairs, etc.)
We have both since left that company (you may remember my layoffs freak out last year for my H, and my own job stress in December). My H has since started at a much smaller company that he loves. He's been there almost a year, and has recruited a bunch of people to come work with him; he's much less stressed and very happy. I've been taking the last several months to decompress and I haven't even looked for a new job since November, but I'm starting to think about looking again.
My H has floated the idea of me coming to work at his new company. New company has a culture that is similar to my old teams, good benefits, decent commute, significantly less weekend and after hours work. I also know a couple of other people who work there in addition to my H (one old co-worker of mine who I liked working with, and one of the people he recruited). My H mentioned his idea to these people as well, and they both expressed enthusiasm at me joining the company.
I might also be able to use this company to make a career change that I've been pondering for awhile, because recruiting would take the recommendations from my H and old co-worker and actually talk to me about the new position, even when other companies might pass me over. (I'm qualified to do the new position, but I don't have the degree they tend to want for it.)
Now for the but... BUT... Going for a position at this company would mean working much closer with my H than I ever have before, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.
New company is significantly smaller than old company, and we would for sure be in the same building, and very likely on the same floor. The company has policies in place to keep spouses separated in their jobs, and I know there are several married couples who work there, but we'd be working on the same product and our paths would definitely cross during the day. It feels like too much togetherness to be at work with my husband, and then home with him too. It also would make more sense to carpool since we'd actually be in the same building, which is again, more togetherness. I love my H, but I also need time to myself to just be alone and be in silence.
I told my H that I thought it might be weird working so closely together, but he doesn't think it will be an issue.
I'm also nervous, like, what if I apply, interview, and then get rejected. I'll feel foolish and sad, and I'm sure that my mood would rub off on my H, and I don't want to ruin his contentment at the company.
Thoughts?
It's not something I have to decide immediately. The company is growing, and there have been more and more jobs openings as the months have been passing, so I feel comfortable waiting a bit if I do decide to go ahead with applying.
This would not work for my marriage, and I think it's a rare married couple that can successfully work together for long without the personal and professional lines blurring.
It sounds like you don't want to do it. I would listen to your gut.
I am leaning towards no, but I do feel conflicted. I'm definitely hesitant about so much togetherness, but I'm also just not sure I'm ready to go back to work (even though going back to being a two income household would be nice).
I'm 100% enjoying being a SAHW, and the last time (a couple of months ago) that I started to click through an application for a job, I put myself on the edge of having a panic attack (the experiences with my last job, and eventual exit seriously fucked me up).
I would never. DH really wants me to quit my job and stay home/continue to do the "books" for his business, but I really don't want to.
If it were an office situation I wouldn't want to even more. Also, you do run the risk (especially at a small company) if there are layoffs,etc.
I'm actually not worried about the layoff situation. We talked about having all our eggs in one basket, and decided that with him working, and me not working, our eggs were already all in that basket. We also have a stellar emergency fund.
Yes, I would. We have done it, it works for us. Obviously every couple's different and you have to do whatever works for you and your relationship and professional life. From what people have told us we are in the minority, I don't think it's something a lot of people would want to do.
ETA: DH would jump for joy if I agreed to be a SAHW, lol. I just don't think it's for me. However, if you enjoy it, it's fine financially and you and your DH are on the same page about it, I wouldn't risk that by working at the same company.
We're totally fine financially with our current arrangement. He assures me regularly that I don't need to worry about becoming gainfully employed again, but I have this level of guilt about making him be the breadwinner, because I was the sole breadwinner for all of eight weeks last summer and it stressed me the hell out.
I worked with DH for 13 years, up until this past May. We were dating when I got the job and he was recruited at a company party. Through that time we bought a house, got married and had a baby.
We handed it well, I think. Honestly, that was pretty much my entire professional career, so I didn't know much differently. At the time he was hired, there was about 35 employees. The company is much larger now. We never worked in the same department, and didn't interact professionally (finance vs. marketing) but we carpooled and often took lunch together. It really worked for a long time.
I needed a new job for professional reasons and I think that it really was starting to take a toll on me that we were ALWAYS together. I was stressing about my job, and we were snippy with each other. Since moving to my new job, things have improved significantly. I get time to decompress on my 30 minute commute. I come home refreshed and actually have things to talk him him about. I can't say for sure if it was the job or working together though. Things got sketchy around the same time.
Pros: Commuting costs Same holidays Similar schedules Being home at the same time
Cons: Everyone knows your business. Things can get stale Different holidays (I get days home by myself now, free loaf days!) SO MUCH TOGETHERNESS
Those are just a few I can think of off the top of my head.
So my H and I MET at work..in the same dept under the same boss. When we moved in together we asked to be on the same shift too. There was about a year where we lived together, drove in together and worked together (not 5 feet from each other). Eventually I started looking because I couldn't take it anymore...
I met H at work 15 years ago (I was married at the time, though, so we didn't date until after the split), and we still work together. It works for us.
BUT, we are not you. If you don't have to, and you don't want to, then it sounds like you should pass.
I think this really depends on the couple. I probably wouldn't want to directly work with my SO just because I like that we have different things going on in our lives that we can then talk about - if we were together all the time, I think it would be harder to come up with things to talk about.
But just working in the same general area but on totally different things? I think I could do that. I might actually really enjoy being able to gossip about our coworkers and understand each other better when complaining about things. We also do really well with togetherness, though. I think our personalities mesh well enough that we manage not to feel smothered when we're together a lot. There are other people I've been close with in my life that I would have wanted to BACK OFF if I was around them as much.
I guess technically we do work for the same company now, actually - but it's a large university and we're in totally different colleges so there is no overlap at all.
I worked at the same company as my husband before we were married but were living with each other. It was a small PR agency and we were on different teams, so while we saw each other throughout the day, we didn't really work closely. It was fine until I was laid off. He was not happy with that situation after I left (I was thrown under the bus by my shitty boss), but he found a better gig shortly thereafter.
We actually started dating back in college and managed to hide it from our fellow college newspaper staffers, so we were used to being professional and discreet.
So, in short, yes, I would be fine working at the same company with him, but it sounds like you're hesitant so I wouldn't if I were you.
Both of my siblings have done it. Same departments, too. One couple was together before they started working together, then ended up together. They worked together in the same department for a long time, taking turns on who was higher on the career ladder. Because of their jobs, they often went head-to-head at work, but it never carried over into their personal life. They eventually relocated for his job & she stepped back a bit to SAH for awhile. If/when she goes back to work, I'm sure it'll be at the same company. The other met at work (they were in different departments) and are now in the same department.
It has worked for both of them, but it definitely isn't for everyone!
Post by melodramatic26 on Aug 3, 2015 16:07:16 GMT -5
Dh and I have worked together for 8 years. 1 yr was in a construction trailer. Now, we actually are at an office. Small company, less than 100 employees.
We love it. Now. But it was a huge learning curve. I also used to work FOR dh. I was his admin and then project coordinator (he's now a VP and I'm a manager of different division). It was great in that he was able to tell me what he wanted and/or needed and I was able to produce everything to his exact specifications. When it came to work, there was never any hard feelings.
The hard part is when there are issues at home, then you have to come to an office and still see that person in meetings. I'm an emotional person so this is still a challenge for me, but we do a great job of balancing work with home life.
It was also challenging getting any other managers to see what exactly I was doing for dh. We were a very well oiled machine but that meant that my background work for his projects were spot on, but masked by the bigger pictures. It took me moving out from under dh to another manger for them to see just how much I was doing.
Dh also travels for work and is gone a few days a week every week or every other week so that helps.
I love it. We have great conversations about work. Scheduling the kids is easier. I think we are both WAY more understanding of each other's work load because we know what needs to be done and how it affects the company.
Downside: new employees think we are having an affair or that I slept my way to the top.
No, we would drive each other crazy, I think. Fortunately our jobs are different enough that this wouldn't come up in like 20,000 years.
Plus what would you talk about at the end of the day? You already know everything that happened. And it would be hard for me to turn "on" and "off" the wife/romantic part of myself for office behavior. Sometimes I just want to pinch his butt, kwim?
Some of these comments are reminding me that I should add I met my H at work in college, but we didn't start dating until after we were no longer working together. It was at work that we really got to know each other, but I think college aged us are a lot different than how we are now in our professional careers.
My H and I work for the same company. Different departments in different buildings but on the same campus. We work slightly different hours so we don't carpool and I only see him if one of us picks up lunch and we meet to give the other person food.
I don't think I could have a different arrangement and have it work out; I don't think I'd like seeing him frequently throughout the day in my work environment.
Post by aliciaflorrick on Aug 3, 2015 16:41:22 GMT -5
I met H at work and worked in the same department but on different teams. We dated for almost a year before people knew we were together and at that point he had moved to a different department. I am pretty personal so it was a bit awkward but we made a point to not seek each other out too much during the day to avoid the gossip and the appearance of being unprofessional.
We occasionally went to lunch together but not all that frequently. We didn't always commute together either because we had different stuff going on that prevented it.
So, basically we acted as if we were coworkers at work and that was about it. It was a large enough department that we could do our own thing and see each other at meetings but that was pretty infrequent. We did have conversations about boundaries while at work and had no real issues.
It really depends on the couple. I could do it IF we were fairly separated at work and didn't closely work together all the time. Like, there are a few married teachers at my school. Policy is that their rooms aren't by each other and none ended up teaching the same subjects. Most do not each lunch together or sit together at faculty functions. Most also drive separately. I could do that.
I would do it. It sounds like a good opportunity for you career wise. If you find that it's not working well, you could quit.
I worked with a live in boyfriend of mine. We met at work, and then I joined his new company as a contractor. We didn't work in the same business units, but sat very close to each other both times. We kind of had a sucky relationship, but we worked so well together.
We have the same setup as your initial example (both work for a Fortune 100 company's headquarters), and our jobs do not intersect at all. So obviously that's fine, and it's convenient in that we can meet up for lunch and we carpool in together, plus our DS attends the employer-sponsored daycare.
I don't think I'd want to be in your second scenario. A bit too close for comfort.
Post by sawyerthedestroyer on Aug 3, 2015 18:06:30 GMT -5
H and I work for the same company, but we're in different fields (he's tech, I'm HR) so our paths don't cross professionally. Really, they don't cross much for anything else either. We don't commute together, we rarely take lunch together, we have different circles that we're friendly with. It's almost like we work for separate companies. I think the most we do is Lync each other about who is going to pick up the kid, maybe the occasional random household thing.
Now, if I had to work more directly with him on some things that wouldn't fly. We both need our space in our careers.
FI and I work for the same company in the same building. We don't work in the same department but we do cross paths from time to time. Upper management thinks this is an issue and eventually I or both of us will be moved to different locations. While there are some pro's, I am looking forward to the day when no one knows my business.
We were living together, our cubicles touched each other, our apartment was 700sq ft. TOO MUCH CLOSENESS. Omg. We did it for a few years. Almost broke stopped dating and living together. It sucked. Then I got a new job and everything was sooooo much better.
And then we moved states. He had a great job. His boss wanted me to come work there and we unanimously said "nope".
Eta: when you at fighting and annoyed with each other and you can literally hear the other person type all fuckng day long. Nooooo. A few times I wanted to walk 5 ft and smack him over the head with his keyboard.
Post by indianchica on Aug 3, 2015 19:00:40 GMT -5
We did it for 6 years, 3 feet away from each other. We loved it. There was a certain happiness/satisfaction knowing that he was a member of my team. Hard to explain - he knew my strengths/weaknesses, we could compensate for each other, etc. We both really miss it and we are not codependent people.
I work with my H in our (small) company daily. It works really well for us. Obviously we spend a lot of time together, but I really only see him 4-5 times throughout the day. We eat lunch together daily as well.
Of course you need to be OK with spending all day every day with him, and be OK with talking about work at home. It works for us but I can see how it wouldn't for others.