Kids with Anxiety

[af1212]

Does anyone have a child who has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder? 

I am at my wits end with my older DD (5 1/2).  I feel like I am failing her every day - not sure how to help her get through the day without major meltdowns, fits of anger, etc.  I am mad at myself for getting angry with her since I know that's not going to help her but it's so hard in the moment!!

I have her on waiting lists for several anxiety clinics, therapists, etc. but this in between time where it is clear she has a problem but we haven't been able to receive help yet is rough.  I'm also feeling pretty nervous about how we're going to afford all of this therapy since much of it is not covered by insurance and the ones that are covered have the longest waiting lists of all.

Any positive stories about treatment, therapy, coming through on the other side, etc would be greatly appreciated!!  I would also be curious to hear about what kind of treatment was ultimately beneficial.  Right now we are mostly looking into CBT but that's because I don't really know what else is out there.

TIA!

[af1212]

Aug 5, 2015 8:19:22 GMT -5 @mrsbecky said:

Have you looked into play therapy? My nephew saw a play therapist for a while (maybe a year) and it was helpful. There was a point when it wasnt that helpful anymore - he just kind of aged out of it I think - but it did a lot to relieve his stress and anxiety. It also gave us as the caretakers ideas for how to help him cope. I think it was around 100/session, which is $ I know.

She had been seeing a counselor for social skills therapy (which seems similar to play therapy) for about 6 months but it didn't really seem to be making any difference which is why we stopped. But maybe I should have given it a longer trial? It wasn't specifically targeted to anxiety.

[foodiemom]

Does your school offer any help or services for this? We have a child with anxiety and he is part of a weekly group at the school with the psychologist there. One of the first things she recommended was this book:
What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids)

It's a workbook style book. We did that and she also did it in the weekly group meetings. It was also helpful for my child and us to know that there are lots of other kids dealing with this.

Do you know what triggers her? We have become very good at figuring this out over the years (my child is now 9) and dealing with it when it occurs. Mine triggers at unknown situations, schedules he isn't aware of etc. When he was younger it was a huge help to go over the day schedule so he knew what was happening. It's gotten a lot better but we still know to expect it for 2/3 months when the school year starts as he isn't comfortable with knowing the schedule and where to be, which causes him a ton of anxiety. My advice for now is to figure out what triggers her the most and try to adjust there.

[foodiemom]

Does your school offer any help or services for this? We have a child with anxiety and he is part of a weekly group at the school with the psychologist there. One of the first things she recommended was this book:
What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids)

It's a workbook style book. We did that and she also did it in the weekly group meetings. It was also helpful for my child and us to know that there are lots of other kids dealing with this.

Do you know what triggers her? We have become very good at figuring this out over the years (my child is now 9) and dealing with it when it occurs. Mine triggers at unknown situations, schedules he isn't aware of etc. When he was younger it was a huge help to go over the day schedule so he knew what was happening. It's gotten a lot better but we still know to expect it for 2/3 months when the school year starts as he isn't comfortable with knowing the schedule and where to be, which causes him a ton of anxiety. My advice for now is to figure out what triggers her the most and try to adjust there.

[barefootcontessa]

Yes, we dealt with this with one of my sons. We took him to a play therapist ($130 an hour, no insurance, so I hear you on the cost) and part of the weekly session was the therapist talking to me about what she learned in the therapy and providing suggestions for us on how to interact with him. He has matured and is better than he used to be but he still has bouts of anger. The best advice I have for you is to plan out YOU will respond in advance. So when X does Y, I will respond this way. This will help you stay in control of your reactions and feelings. Also, you can start to journal her behavior and see if you can find certain triggers. My son often becomes a beast at night which affects my older son who shares a room with him. I found that spending a little cuddle time with him before turning out the light has really calmed him down. I also taught him some self-calming techniques.

You can also work on identifying her feelings for her and the cause. "Wow, it seems like you are angry because Z happened."

Hang in there. Dealing with an anxious child is tough.

[whereintheworld]

Yes, my 5.5 year old son - though I think the actual underlying issue is ADHD so we are in the process of pursuing a private assessment. His anxiety is present but I think is secondary to ADHD. Most kids have more than one thing going on when there's anxiety present. I'd seek out a full assessment if you can.

And hugs, because this shit is hard. My 5.5yo throws so many tantrums a day, I am losing my mind. It's really hard to stay calm. I am hopeful for some clarity with our private assessment this Friday.

[savan]

My DD has anxiety though it's never been formally diagnosed. She had a rough year in Kindergarten but unfortunately didn't qualify for services through the school because it does not yet interfere with her ability to learn. We'll see how next year goes. We have considered seeking outside help but right now she is still managing life okay.

The absolute key for DD is anticipating a situation that will cause her anxiety and prepping her for it. Her kinder teacher was really good at that last year (part of the reason I suspect she didn't qualify for help.) Any time they were going to start something new her teacher would pull her aside, explain what was going to happen, and ask her how she felt about it. We try to do that at home as well. The kids started a new summer care program this year and I printed the whole calendar out in advance for her. We discussed every single field trip and I have her mark off every day after she gets home so she can visually see an end to the program. It's gone really well as a result. Repeat that for just about everything new in her life and it's manageable.

[rootbeerfloat]

We started taking DS (who is 8) to a therapist for his anxiety last month. We have considered it for awhile, but while he outgrew some things he's afraid of, a lot of things have gotten worse. We are fortunate that it is covered by our insurance.

He has only had a few sessions, so I don't have any success stories yet, but DS has talked about and applied some of the coping strategies he's learned.

[lg28]

I am sorry you are going through this. Hugs.
My 3 year old has awful anxiety and something we have learned is we need to prepare him for EVERYTHING - ie the night before, let him know what is planned for the day. Reiterate it in the morning.

He hates surprises so we try to avoid any. We also never try to hide something he won't like, we are honest about it. For example - we tell him in advance about a dentist appointment, let him know there may be "scary" sounds and it's ok. We will be there with him and there will be a treat at the end.

[Deleted]

My BFF loooooooooves this book for her anxious 6 yo son.

[af1212]

Aug 5, 2015 8:47:13 GMT -5 foodiemom said:

Does your school offer any help or services for this? We have a child with anxiety and he is part of a weekly group at the school with the psychologist there. One of the first things she recommended was this book:
What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids)

It's a workbook style book. We did that and she also did it in the weekly group meetings. It was also helpful for my child and us to know that there are lots of other kids dealing with this.

Do you know what triggers her? We have become very good at figuring this out over the years (my child is now 9) and dealing with it when it occurs. Mine triggers at unknown situations, schedules he isn't aware of etc. When he was younger it was a huge help to go over the day schedule so he knew what was happening. It's gotten a lot better but we still know to expect it for 2/3 months when the school year starts as he isn't comfortable with knowing the schedule and where to be, which causes him a ton of anxiety. My advice for now is to figure out what triggers her the most and try to adjust there.

She will be starting Kindergarten this fall, so no school services up until now.

Thank you for the book rec - I ordered it as well as one about anger.  Fingers crossed that they help!!

She has a few specific things she is anxious about - using the bathroom, sharing with peers, but her anxiety seems to be more generalized than specific - very irritable and easily angered, restless, and she blows things way out of proportion.  I try to talk to her about whether something is a big deal or a little deal, and talk her throught it that way but I know it would be more effective coming from someone else.  She has been seeing a psychologist at a special clinic for kids with toileting disorders who does CBT with her and it has really been eye opening.  That's one of the reasons I thought it might be helpful for her other anxiety issues.

[af1212]

Aug 5, 2015 8:59:05 GMT -5 barefootcontessa said:

  The best advice I have for you is to plan out YOU will respond in advance. So when X does Y, I will respond this way. This will help you stay in control of your reactions and feelings.  

   

Thank you this is great advice!  Part of what exacerbates the situation is that I lose my temper and overreact to her behavior, which I know is the wrong thing to do but I can't seem to help myself.

Any advice for how to react or what I can do to keep myself calm and focused?

[af1212]

Aug 5, 2015 9:20:43 GMT -5 whereintheworld said:

Yes, my 5.5 year old son - though I think the actual underlying issue is ADHD so we are in the process of pursuing a private assessment. His anxiety is present but I think is secondary to ADHD. Most kids have more than one thing going on when there's anxiety present. I'd seek out a full assessment if you can.

And hugs, because this shit is hard. My 5.5yo throws so many tantrums a day, I am losing my mind. It's really hard to stay calm. I am hopeful for some clarity with our private assessment this Friday.

Good luck with your private assessment on Friday!  I hope it gives you lots of answers.

I have wondered about other issues, but so far the psychologist we have been seeing at the urology clinic seems to think anxiety is the biggest player. 

[oliviapope]

My oldest had really bad anxiety, and it got really rough by 5.5. He managed to hold himself together mostly during school-home was just really rough.

He started OT at 5.5 (his anxiety was related to sensory processing)and in a year has made amazing progress. He recently gave a memorized speech to a room full of 75+ people, and competed in a national karate tournament. He still struggles at times with impulse control when he gets angry or upset, but now he has coping mechanisms to use (and he uses them well).

I have been where you are and it is so so hard. For me I took a few interactive parenting classes which helped me control myself. I found that if I had tools to use, it was much easier for me to manage the situation.

[savan]

Aug 5, 2015 18:07:07 GMT -5 af1212 said:

Aug 5, 2015 8:59:05 GMT -5 barefootcontessa said:

  The best advice I have for you is to plan out YOU will respond in advance. So when X does Y, I will respond this way. This will help you stay in control of your reactions and feelings.  

   

Thank you this is great advice!  Part of what exacerbates the situation is that I lose my temper and overreact to her behavior, which I know is the wrong thing to do but I can't seem to help myself.

Any advice for how to react or what I can do to keep myself calm and focused?

It helps me to remember that the root of DD's behavior is something that she is scared about.  If I can remain calm and get her to calm down she can tell me what it is.  Then I can address the fear and we can move on.  When I get angry (and trust me, it still happens) it just upsets her more and we don't fix the problem.  Though that is easier said than done (especially when we are trying to get out the door and she's freaking out over how her socks feel) :-).

[monsterz]

Jr has PTSD. There are times he is fine and other times we have giant meltdowns. Trying to figure out what the triggers are has been so important. Our family therapist has been a huge help. She gives us strategies, advice and sometimes just a place to vent.

[momof2boys]

My son has a severe anxiety and depression disorder.  His first year of preschool he was a disaster, every single day of the year he would have to be pried off of me and would then sit in a corner and never actually participated. At first I kept thinking he would improve and didn't know it was as bad as it was.  Finally towards the end of the year a teacher told me they "didn't know what to do with him."  I ended up pulling him from that school and changing to a different one.  The new teacher is the one who suggested he had anxiety (we always thought he was really shy).  It made sense b/c my DH has severe anxiety, we just never thought of a kid having it.  Once she suggested that the pieces started falling into place, we talked to his doctor and he agreed.  That teacher found several triggers...he had to be one of the first to school, if he was one of the last he would get really upset walking up to all the kids.  So we made sure to get him there early.  Also, you couldn't call any attention to him.....things like saying "I like your shirt" or even a direct "Good morning DS" was enough to send him over the edge.  They avoided his triggers and he started to improve, although still struggled.  Mostly he would drop to the ground and cover his head and was unable to talk. 

Kindergarten was much of the same.  First grade he seemed to be improving however halfway through the year I realized that HE hasn't improved, WE had all improved at avoiding his triggers.I had talked to his doctor about when to think about meds and he said "when its affected the whole family is a good indicator". We started him in therapy at this point, and he seemed to like going.  She suggested the book What to do when you worry too much and we did that workbook.  Unfortunatley in our case it seemed to make him a little worse.  I think for him it suddenly showed him that he was different and it really upset him.  I would try to do the exercises with him and he would get upset and say he's the only one with a "worry" problem, its not normal etc.  I kept trying to say he's not alone, even his daddy has a worry problem and lots of people do, but he was stuck on "being different." 

 By the end of the school year he go bad quickly.  He got to the point he would have full blown panic attacks if we tried to leave the house, couldn't talk, would be shaking his hands.  He would continue to take his seat belt off and once jumped out of a moving car!  He also left the house twice without us knowing (he NEVER did this) and we found him around the corner with no shoes on and in a daze. He stopped playing sports, which he had loved, and spent all his time holed up in the office playing on the computer or watching tv.  I realized at that point I had cried everyday for  a month over him and my older son was missing out on things.   At that point we called his doctor and asked for an emergency appt and he fit us in the next morning.  He was started on anxiety meds.
It was amazing how well they worked for him!  He was like a different kid, happy, playing sports again etc. It was amazing!  Its been an up and down process since them.  since dealing with some of the anxiety issues the depression issues have been uncovered as well.  We've had to adjust his dose a few times, and we've discovered that he doesn't do well with transitions. For instance, about two weeks before school ends he starts having issues.  When we return from a vacation he will have issues etc.  He does better with a routine. 

We have decided to have a psych eval done to make sure we aren't missing anything.  We are also going to find him a new therapist.  His therapist had told us she didn't need to see him anymore once he started meds b/c he was donig so well.  But when we started to have concerns about a few things she was unable to get him in for 2 months and in speaking with her on the phone we have concerns about her.  So we're going to find him someone else.  Even though he's currently at a "good place' right now, you never know how long that will last. 

Good luck, its so hard!  I will say, that you tend to celebrate the moments more!  The first time my son skated on to the ice and joined a hockey clinic was amazing.  It took him two years, and multiple tries to do that!  I watched him with tears in my eyes the whole time.  Every time he accomplishes something he is nervous about I am beaming and so happy!  Obviously I"m happy when my older son (without anxiety) accomplishes something, but in my youngers sons case I know how hard he worked to get through it and its amazing to watch!

[auntie]

My kid has GAD; his full dx is Aspergers (ASD), ADHD, GAD and dyslexia. Anxiety drives the bus.

Has your DD been evaluated by someone to R/O ASD with ADOS and a battery of evals. Anxiety, meltdown behavior + Social skills can be an Aspergers-like presentation of ASD. In girls it can be very, very subtle. DS is very bright and very verbal and wasn't dxd until he was almost 7.

Your public school can do an eval; you could also ask for a referral to a dev pedi from your DC's PCP. If your DD's issues impact her ability to interact with her peers, she may qualify for services even if she doesn't have a firm medical dx.

DS did CBT and added an SSRI by the time he was 8. The combination was very helpful. Life-changing really. IME, the best providers don't tend to take insurance. We paid OOP for DS's psych, dev pedi and his psychiatrist. It sucks, but where I live that how you see the best people.

[imojoebunny]

This is going to sound very hokey, but look into mindfulness exercises for children.

My DD, now 9, was diagnosed with ADHD in 1st grade. We now believe that she doesn't have ADHD at all, but a combination of sensory processing , specifically Visual Processing Disorder, and anxiety. We switched her to a school that uses mindfulness practices in the classroom, has more teacher resources per child, and individualized learning plans that reduce the stress she felt about school, since she gets the assistance for visual processing deficits that she need to be successful, which is something she really wants to be.

She is a different child after two years in the new school.

www.mindfulschools.org/about-mindfulness/mindfulness/

It's no panacea, but it is another tool in your kit.