I don't care how long he's out as long as he's safe and lets me know about changes in his plans. I do care about how much he drinks. He has promised me he'll never get more than tipsy, and he only ever gets tipsy at home where I can make fun of him. ;D
We're both homebodies though so he rarely stays out really late. Maybe a few times a year and it's for LAN parties so they're not getting drunk.
When we have kids we've talked about adjusting his sleeping habits. (He likes to sleep Saturdays away and stay up really late.) I've told him I won't be a single parent on weekend mornings just because he likes to stay up late. He's slowly changing his habits on his own though so that's nice.
I do care, but mainly because every time DH goes out without me he over does it and is completely worthless the next day. I refuse to take care of DD, the dogs, and errands around the house all on my own just because DH tried to party like he was 23 again and can't pull himself together the next day. If DH had better self control then I would have no issue with him staying out late.
Post by mrs.spunky on Aug 20, 2012 10:55:12 GMT -5
I don't care so long as I am aware ahead of time that he may need a ride home from the bar or train station (his best friend lives in Manhattan so this is the most common scenario). If I am tired I will sleep on the couch and set an alarm for whenever I need to leave.
Post by statlerwaldorf on Aug 20, 2012 11:05:55 GMT -5
I don't care as long as he comes home when he says he is going to and let's me know if he's going to be late. Also it would bother me if he went out every weekend or something.
No, as long as he gives me an idea of when he will be home, and promises not to put himself in a situation where he can't drive. I take ambien to sleep, and once I take it, there is no "hey can you come get me?" business going on.
He does have a habit of telling me when he will be home, and then forgetting to update me if that changes. That ticks me off.
No, as long as he lets me know where he is/what he's doing (just generally as in "me and friend are going to suchandsuch" and comes home eventually. If he just went out without telling me and didn't answer his phone and never got home until really late? I'd be pretty upset. My answer would probably change if we had kids or if it was interfering with things.
Post by barefootcontessa on Aug 20, 2012 12:27:17 GMT -5
I cannot even remember the last time my DH went someone without me, besides work. I do not think I would care as long as I knew I could reach him. My DH is not a big drinker either.
No, I don't have a problem with it. I trust my DH. We don't have kids so if he needed to sleep away a Sunday, as long as we don't have significant* plans, that's ok with me. But I can also count on one hand the number of times he's done this in the many many years we've been together. If he did it all the time, I might feel differently.
*meaning tickets to an event, a family occasion, etc. If we were just going to go to brunch and Home Depot, I don't mind missing that.
ETA: Oh yes - if he ended up staying out much later than planned, I would want him to text to let me know, so I don't worry.
We talk it out in advance, now that we have a toddler. If he really wants to go all out, I just need to know if I'm completely on my own the next morning. He deserves that break every now and then; and he gives me special times to myself/friends too. I agree with PP too, it helps to have a rough idea on time.
I don't care as long as he gives me an idea of how long he'll be out and/or sends me a text or something. He also has to be able to parent the next day (i.e. not stay in bed until 2 pm).
Post by iheartbanjos on Aug 20, 2012 17:15:09 GMT -5
No, but it's pretty rare for DH to go out without me. Now that we're expecting again, I've gone home early and he's stayed out with everyone a few times, but it's no biggie. He wouldn't stay out until 4am though, as there's nothing around here that's open that late. It's a super late night if he's out until 2am and a normal night would be closer to midnight.
I don't care if he stays out late. My problem is when he tells me that I will need to give him and his friends a ride home at 11 (the bar here has awesome drink specials until 11pm) and then I never hear from him until 2am (and then it is hey you need to be here like 5 minutes ago bc bad stuff is happening all around us!). I hate sitting there waiting for him to call me. If I knew it was going to be at 2am, I would have napped. I just think it is really inconsiderate.
No, as long as I know roughly where he is, who he's hanging out with and when he'll be home. I think that's just common courtesy. I don't want to be panicked if he's not home at 4am. He also doesn't go out all that often, so I'm happy to let him make the most of his guy time. I don't really worry about him being "worthless" - he's never been a huge drinker. He might sleep until 11am, but once he's up, he's fine.
I don't care as long as I'm not expecting him. If he says "I'm going to go watch the game with soandso be home by 12" and it's 3 am without any updates then yea I'd be worried and pissed.
If he's out with friends with no timeline then I kinda assume he could come in at anytime and I'm fine with that, though it's a non-issue for us because I don't think either of us has been out past 1 since we got married.
I figure I wouldn't want him to get pissed if I was out with friends so I should give him the respect.
If there was a history of some kind of issue (cheating, alcoholism, drugs, out all night most nights) then I might feel differently but as it is DH rarely goes out with friends to do anything more than watch some kind of ball game (baseball, football, tennis) so I have no problem with him being out late on the rare occasions he goes out out.