Alternative Milestones: Our first shituation

[halfpint]

Obviously TMI. 

We made it almost two years. 

We were just thinking about taking B up for his bath, and he was running around getting his pre-bed crazies out. All of a sudden, he stops, starts grunting a bit, and I ask him if he's pooping. His response? "Totawwy poopin'!" He takes off running again, and I figure no biggie, he's heading for his bath anyway. I can smell the poop stinkcloud following him as he zooms toward the stairs. 

As he runs away, I notice a few little dark spots, like dirt, on the back of his leg. I was pretty sure he must have gotten something from dinner on himself. My H scoops him up to carry him upstairs, and looks down at the floor. "What's this?", he says, "Peanut butter?"  No, no one has spilled peanut butter on the floor. I come out to look, grateful at least it's contained to that little spot. We strip him down - his shorts are lined with peanut butter poop. My H takes him upstairs to hose him off, and I take the shorts to the laundry to burn them.

As I'm walking back, however, I notice the poop is not contained to that one little spot on the floor. There's a trail of poop drops from the foyer, down the hall, back into the living room, and...oh God, all around the light beige, deep-pile shag rug. Clean up, aisle...everywhere. 

I'm just glad the dogs didn't walk through it. If anyone needs me, I'll be on my knees scrubbing poop out of our living room rug. You haven't lived until you've picked up partially-digested blackberries from your floor. I feel like no matter how many times I scrub, the whole first floor smells vaguely of shit. 

[niq]

Oh man, I'm so sorry

I had one for myself: today was the first time I've thrown up as an adult when alcohol wasn't involved.

All of our baby related alternative milestones lately involve him being the boss of everything.

[suzubell]

Yeah, my guy totally pooped on the floor of his bedroom last night and then proudly proclaimed that he didn't "poop in the swimming pool or in my diaper!" His language is a little hard to understand normally, so I was dying of laughter while I scrubbed carpets. Oy vey. Getting distracted for just a second pre-bathtime is a fatal mistake.

[chicago]

OMG, I laughed ("Totawwwy poopin'!", I cried (shituations are bad news), I gagged (partially digested blackberries). I will never attempt naked time after all of these stories.

[Redpoppy]

DS had a similar shituation at daycare. They had to take all the kids to another room and decided to just toss the big area rug (it was getting old) and a few stuffed animals.

[Deleted]

Your carpet has my condolences!

[halfpint]

You guys, he wasn't even naked. This came out of the leg of his diaper and coated his shorts.

I mean, naked time? Are you kidding me? We don't do naked here. Hang around in your underwear/diaper all day? Sure man, sure. But some kind of butt-to-furniture barrier needs to be in place at all times. That goes for all of us.

[sent]

Thank goodness that my kid doesn't eat blackberries?

I'm so sorry.

[simpsongal]

As bad as this sounds, true story - someone did this at my office yesterday. My boss went downstairs and found a trail of human excrement through one of the hallways. Apparently, someone had an accident.

[halfpint]

Aug 14, 2015 9:40:18 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

As bad as this sounds, true story - someone did this at my office yesterday. My boss went downstairs and found a trail of human excrement through one of the hallways. Apparently, someone had an accident.

Whaaaaattttt? Oh God, that poor person. 

[halfpint]

So we aren't done with Poopocalypse 2015 - I'm going to have to burn a second pair of shorts.

And of course this happens RIGHT after the cleaners leave, so I had to spray out a horrible cloth diaper in a pristine, clean toilet, and re-clean it This is the first time I think I've regretted our decision to cloth diaper. He's going in disposables until this unspeakable horror has left our house.

And he's never, ever, ever eating blackberries again.