sympathy card question

[lemons]

The cash included in cards...do I send it to the memorial chosen or is it used to pay for the stone or funeral expenses? Some is marked for memorial or for stone...but what about the not specified money?

Also, what's the timeline for thank yous?

[sofamonkey]

You put cash in sympathy cards? I'm unfamiliar with this. I'd say probably cover expenses, then the immediate family if they are struggling, then the charity. But maybe that's wrong?

ETA - I'm sorry if that came across harsh or judgy. It's not at all! I'm just not familiar. Now I'm wondering if I should be doing this. Sorry about my wondering out loud, not the time or place.

[Mrs.Rad888]

I'm not an expert by any means, but I'd guess that the undesignated cash is for you to use as needed/wanted.

[sofamonkey]

And I'm so sorry for your loss.

[pantsparty]

Whatever you need. You don't need to spend it a certain way.

If you want to do thank yous, that's fine, but don't feel bad if you don't get to it for a long time. I am sure everyone in your life understands you are going through a lot. Honestly, I think most people would not expect them, but it's nice if you want to do so.

[latte]

I'm sorry for your loss.

When we include money it's to spend it on whatever you need. And honestly, you have enough going on that I wouldn't expect a thank you card.

[dianecourt]

To your bank account for whatever you need. At least that's how it's done around here.

And take all the time you need for thank yous. No one is expecting anything right away (if, ever).

Take care.

[lemons]

I've had people tell me I should get thank yous done within the month. Yeah...not happening!

I haven't opened many cards yet because I'm tired of crying. Not sure if that even makes sense. But the notes people have written bring tears again. I just needed a break.

I'm also tired of hearing about how strong I am. Is there a choice? Being weak or strong won't bring my husband back.

Some cards had $10 cash in them. I think it's completely a regional thing because I received very few cards during the first round and so many this week.

[lookforstars]

I'm so so sorry for your loss, lemons.

I would say the cash is for you to spend on whatever you need.

I am 10 months out and still haven't sent thank you notes.

And everything you're saying makes perfect sense.

[eb777888]

I'd put the money where you see fit. I'm sure the person giving it to you would want that. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[eb777888]

Aug 22, 2015 0:10:56 GMT -5 lemons said:

I've had people tell me I should get thank yous done within the month. Yeah...not happening!

I have never received nor would I expect a thank you in this circumstance. That just seems ridiculous.

[JayhawkGirl]

Agreed, any timetable or requirement at all is ridiculous.

Put that money to whatever you need or want to. Is encourage you to get it to the bank rather than keep it at home, just as an added security precaution. This is a good thing to delegate to a friend if you aren't up to it.

You don't have to be strong or anything at all here. Just be.

[zaneyzoo]

I'm so sorry for your loss

When fil passed, the money either went to mass intentions, or the memorial. I think we still have some in a jar on the dresser.

As for thank yous, I don't know. Dh just wanted to get them done but we had some help and split it up with his aunts and sister. Is anyone willing/able to help you?

I'm so sorry. Many thoughts prayers and hugs

[Deleted]

If I give money for a death, I don't really care what they use it for--funeral costs or buy something frivolous, whatever makes them feel best

I don't expect thank yous from funerals.

If the memorial fund is a usual charity like American Cancer Society, I expect they should send acknowdgment of donations to each person which is sufficient.

[adhdfashion]

Use the money wherever it is useful. I think this is one time where thank you cards are not necessary at all.

[MixedBerryJam]

Within the month ... yeah, no. Thank yous get done when you're ready to do them, if at all. I pity the person who judges a widow for not sending a thank you note. That said, I will tell you that I found the thank you note process itself very comforting. It was like another hug from a person I new loved my husband. Even people I'd never met, I at least had heard stories about the name and had that person in this part or that part of my husband's life. Honestly, I found it very comforting. I hope you do, too.

And the money goes wherever it's needed. Whether it's on the stone, or to the memorial fund, or to a bottle of wine and a pay-per-view movie. (((hugs)))

[bonnie]

I say use it for whatever you need to. If that's funeral expenses, the memorial chosen, take out food, a relaxing day at the spa - whatever you need.

Regarding the thank you notes, I've gotten them and haven't gotten them. I don't think it matters.

[isabel]

FWIW, I can honestly say I would never expect you to write me a thank you note in these circumstances. So, I think you should take all the time you need. A year, two, more? Whatever.

[speckledfrog]

don't send a thank you for a sympathy card. I would feel awful if I got one that the bereaved had to take time to write one. If you really feel the need, Pawn that job of on a family member or friend. No one but an asshole would expect a thank you note.

[ginger]

Big hugs ((lemon)). Use it how you want, and I would never expect a thank you note. I'm so sorry you're being pressured...that's awful.

[lilybug]

I agree with others that unmarked money is fair game for whatever you need to use it for. I've given money before, and I had no expectations re: where the money was going.

I wouldn't even bother to send thank yous. I got a few sympathy cards, and I just thanked them the next time I saw them. A couple who were long distance, I sent a fb message. Maybe a faux pas, but I was not up to writing and sending cutesy cards.

[livinitup]

When I give money in sympathy cards, I expect it to be used by the family, not given to charity. If someone designates a charity, that is fine. But really, covering all expenses (even some dinners/travel expenses) with money from friends and family is expected and appropriate.

Sorry fur your loss.

[bugandbibs]

I'm so sorry.

Money is cards is for you to spend however you need too. If people want to give to a charity they will do that directly. Thank you cards are not expected after funerals, however if you want to do them I find it easier to do them as I open the cards. That way anyone that has been opened is done and I don't have to handle things twice.

[sapphireblue]

I just wanted to agree with others--I have sent many sympathy cards and have probably only received two thank yous. And I felt so badly that the person in those cases felt they needed to take the time! If you find it healing in some way then do it on your own timetable, but I definitely think you do not need to write any.

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

[yourmother]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please don't think twice about TY cards.

[moolarkey]

Undesignated cash is for whatever you need it for - postage stamps for thank you cards even.