Baby cousin doesn't like college :(

[amberlyrose]

I had breakfast on Sunday with my cousin, who is more like a sister to me. She was home for the weekend after her 1st week of college and she said it was terrible It's regular first year stuff like crap roommates, fire alarms at 2am, etc. But it hurt so much to hear. She said she's cried almost every night to come home.

I want to send her something small so she feels like pushing through, but I'm not sure. Maybe just a card or flowers? I don't remember feeling like that because I was pretty excited about my new found independence, so I'm not sure what to do.


(ps- she came back home for the weekend for a work gig and it was planned a few weeks ago)

[polarbearfans]

Maybe a card with a gift card to a pizza place on campus that will deliver so she can invite people from her dorm or floor to hang out. Listen to music or watch a movie/tv. Sounds like she hasn't found her friends yet.

[ECB]

I was excited about college but also SOOOO homesick too. I hope she can push through and really get into the experience.

I think a care package would be nice. Put together a few things that you know she likes, throw in a little $$ too, and a card.

[kwx2]

Care package of sorts... Junk food, some of her favorite things from home? Gift certificate for food? So that she can have the girls in and maybe form some new friendships?

[amberlyrose]

Aug 25, 2015 12:43:45 GMT -5 polarbearfans said:

Maybe a card with a gift card to a pizza place on campus that will deliver so she can invite people from her dorm or floor to hang out. Listen to music or watch a movie/tv. Sounds like she hasn't found her friends yet.

Funny thing is all her besties are there! And her boyfriend!

[speckledfrog]

MOney to go out and have some fun.

[jlt19]

I did the same thing. But I was 1,000 miles away and knew no one. I begged my dad to come get me. A few weeks later I was thankful he didn't.

[isabel]

Encourage her to stick it out. My first year was really hard. Once I found some people I connected with and made friends, it was a lot better.

I think any anecdotes you can share with her would be great. It's always nice to know you're not the only one feeling that way.

[speckledfrog]

Aug 25, 2015 12:45:49 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

Aug 25, 2015 12:43:45 GMT -5 polarbearfans said:

Maybe a card with a gift card to a pizza place on campus that will deliver so she can invite people from her dorm or floor to hang out. Listen to music or watch a movie/tv. Sounds like she hasn't found her friends yet.

Funny thing is all her besties are there! And her boyfriend!

That's actually not a great thing, especially if they are off making new friends and doing new things.  I would really encourage her to join a club or reach out to a friendly classmate and eat lunch together or something.

[sparkythelawyer]

How far away from you is she?

[jeaniebueller]

Send her a care package with a bunch of baked goods and junk food. My roommate used to get those from a relative and we loved them!

[amberlyrose]

Aug 25, 2015 12:50:03 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Aug 25, 2015 12:45:49 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

Funny thing is all her besties are there! And her boyfriend!

That's actually not a great thing, especially if they are off making new friends and doing new things.  I would really encourage her to join a club or reach out to a friendly classmate and eat lunch together or something.

I told her this before she chose schools. 90% of her friends all went to the same state college and the same thing happened with me. It was hard "losing" those friendships when you start to become your own person. 

[sonrisa]

Adjustments are hard. First semester of college usually ruptures high school relationships so it'll probably get worse as well as better.

[amberlyrose]

Aug 25, 2015 12:51:54 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

How far away from you is she?

From me? 9 hrs. From home? 3. 

I went home this weekend for my reunion, so that's why I saw her.

[amberlyrose]

Aug 25, 2015 12:52:42 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Adjustments are hard. First semester of college usually ruptures high school relationships so it'll probably get worse as well as better.

Mine took until sophomore year, but I completely understand. It was rough! I definitely warned her about what I went through

[macmars45]

When I went to college my BFF was my roommate and another close friend lived in a dorm down the road. It's still a hard adjustment.

[gault]

Care packages are the BEST in college.

There's something interesting that happens when high school friends transition into college, even if you're at the same school. Other friends are made, people drift away, get new interests... I don't know if that is part of it, but at any rate, poor thing.

I bet she would greatly appreciate an encouraging card once in awhile, too.

[polarbearfans]

Aug 25, 2015 12:45:49 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

Aug 25, 2015 12:43:45 GMT -5 polarbearfans said:

Maybe a card with a gift card to a pizza place on campus that will deliver so she can invite people from her dorm or floor to hang out. Listen to music or watch a movie/tv. Sounds like she hasn't found her friends yet.

Funny thing is all her besties are there! And her boyfriend!

That can be a bad thing :/ one of my best friends followed me to a summer job away from home and we roomed together. Our friendship did not survive. We just grew in different directions and made different friends.

Hopefully things get better for her. The first few weeks are always the toughest. It is awesome that you want to help her. Agree with the others about a care package and encouraging her to join clubs and other activities

[sparkythelawyer]

Aug 25, 2015 12:53:33 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

Aug 25, 2015 12:51:54 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

How far away from you is she?

From me? 9 hrs. From home? 3. 

I went home this weekend for my reunion, so that's why I saw her.

Is there a chapter at her school?  

If you know she has some favorite things you could send her, it may help.  Cookies, GCs to favorite restaurants, etc. 

And patience.  Beginnings are hard. 

[kwx2]

I am hoping that this doesn't happen with my DD. One of her best friends is going to the same school, but one of our stipulations was that she didn't room with her. We wanted her to be forced to meet new people. But for the most part she is a homebody to the core, so hopefully she will get out there and meet some people too!

[amberlyrose]

Aug 25, 2015 13:05:13 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Aug 25, 2015 12:53:33 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

From me? 9 hrs. From home? 3. 

I went home this weekend for my reunion, so that's why I saw her.

Is there a chapter at her school?  

If you know she has some favorite things you could send her, it may help.  Cookies, GCs to favorite restaurants, etc. 

And patience.  Beginnings are hard. 

No chapter Though my sister did try getting one but the campus wasn't open for colonizing yet. 
She's not a big junk food eater, so I'm thinking maybe nail polishes, healthy snacks?

[amberlyrose]

Aug 25, 2015 13:08:34 GMT -5 kwx2 said:

I am hoping that this doesn't happen with my DD. One of her best friends is going to the same school, but one of our stipulations was that she didn't room with her. We wanted her to be forced to meet new people. But for the most part she is a homebody to the core, so hopefully she will get out there and meet some people too!

I've known a few people who made it out of college still being friends with their HS BFF. But they didn't room together, which I think is key!

Oh, and my sister was a homebody and she became Miss Social Butterfly when she moved to NYC for school. We were shocked!

[sparkythelawyer]

Aug 25, 2015 13:11:59 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

Aug 25, 2015 13:05:13 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Is there a chapter at her school?  

If you know she has some favorite things you could send her, it may help.  Cookies, GCs to favorite restaurants, etc. 

And patience.  Beginnings are hard. 

No chapter Though my sister did try getting one but the campus wasn't open for colonizing yet. 
She's not a big junk food eater, so I'm thinking maybe nail polishes, healthy snacks?

Nail polish, magazines, fun lotions, etc.   Sign her up for a graze subscription ($6 a week and they send her boxes of little snacks that are healthy), etc.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

I think there is something a little overwhelming about all the choices of things to do once you are out on your own. A professor of mine gave our class a list of things that you should do before you graduate. Things you should just try or master or see. It kind of gave me a little guidance to get out and do things and then I started meeting people while I did those things. Maybe see if you can find something like that to include in the care package.

[undecidedowl]

My mom used to send me awesome care packages. Homemade cookies, cute socks, a nice note, lip gloss, just little stuff that would make me smile.

[kwx2]

Aug 25, 2015 13:14:09 GMT -5 amberlyrose said:

Aug 25, 2015 13:08:34 GMT -5 kwx2 said:

I am hoping that this doesn't happen with my DD. One of her best friends is going to the same school, but one of our stipulations was that she didn't room with her. We wanted her to be forced to meet new people. But for the most part she is a homebody to the core, so hopefully she will get out there and meet some people too!

I've known a few people who made it out of college still being friends with their HS BFF. But they didn't room together, which I think is key!

Oh, and my sister was a homebody and she became Miss Social Butterfly when she moved to NYC for school. We were shocked!

yeah, they started growing apart over the summer, and their dorms are across campus from each other. DD is running cross country and her friend doesn't play any type of sport, so I am sure that the distance will become greater as the time goes on.  I just want her to have a blast and create lasting memories.  

[Elsa]

Research shows that students who don't get involved on campus are far less likely to complete a degree. Really encourage her to get involved. A lot of time there are intro meetings the first few weeks of school for various clubs and orgs. Talk to her about what she likes (sports? Do intramurals. Nutrition? Maybe look into a pre-health major society. Etc.), and look at the student life website with her (you can do this over the phone!). They will probably have a running list of active orgs with contact information. If they don't, tell her to email them and ask for it. They HAVE to maintain something because there are federal rules and regs about training these orgs.

Encourage her to go to the social events her residence hall has. That will allow her to meet people that live close. Give her people to sit with at meals, etc. And honestly....she needs to stick it out, give it at LEAST a semester, maybe the year. I was pretty unsure my first semester, but then I got involved and I was hooked. It a massive change, but you learn SO MUCH from going away to school, living on campus, etc. Its an experience that I'm always grateful that I had.

Are her classes/class schedule going ok? That is often a rude awakening for freshmen- they think they are going to college to study one thing, but most make them get basics out of the way first and they are bummed that they are doing the same old English/History/Math/Biology. And if she went to orientation late, her class schedule may completely suck. All of that can affect her experience too.

[miso]

Has she never been away from home?

[frkls]

dsd was exactly like that at the beginning of last year. it was rough. she even applied to smaller schools in an effort to transfer out, but she wound up loving it. the transition was just so hard.

[amberlyrose]

Aug 25, 2015 13:31:10 GMT -5 miso said:

Has she never been away from home?

Not really, unless you count tennis tournaments and visiting family or her boyfriend on weekends.