Research shows that students who don't get involved on campus are far less likely to complete a degree. Really encourage her to get involved. A lot of time there are intro meetings the first few weeks of school for various clubs and orgs. Talk to her about what she likes (sports? Do intramurals. Nutrition? Maybe look into a pre-health major society. Etc.), and look at the student life website with her (you can do this over the phone!). They will probably have a running list of active orgs with contact information. If they don't, tell her to email them and ask for it. They HAVE to maintain something because there are federal rules and regs about training these orgs.
Encourage her to go to the social events her residence hall has. That will allow her to meet people that live close. Give her people to sit with at meals, etc. And honestly....she needs to stick it out, give it at LEAST a semester, maybe the year. I was pretty unsure my first semester, but then I got involved and I was hooked. It a massive change, but you learn SO MUCH from going away to school, living on campus, etc. Its an experience that I'm always grateful that I had.
Are her classes/class schedule going ok? That is often a rude awakening for freshmen- they think they are going to college to study one thing, but most make them get basics out of the way first and they are bummed that they are doing the same old English/History/Math/Biology. And if she went to orientation late, her class schedule may completely suck. All of that can affect her experience too.
She likes her schedule. She was able to take most of her basics at the branch college in our hometown during her senior year, so she's already in more advanced classes for Math/Science/English. She hasn't chosen a major yet, so I'm hoping that will take most of her focus
Parents, take note that this is why you should send your kids away for camp or whatever if you can swing it. Get them used to being on their own early and often. LOL.
Parents, take note that this is why you should send your kids away for camp or whatever if you can swing it. Get them used to being on their own early and often. LOL.
I never went away to camps and I was fine! Some kids are just more sensitive, I guess.
I get it, it's a big change, and being homesick is pretty common. She really just needs time to get out of her own head, and get used to the new schedule. Send her emails, texts, and care packages, and I bet in a month she'll be fine.
miso, sorry for the overzealous liking of your posts here.
I was like you and beyond ready to do my own thing at school. It was not a difficult transition for me, even going to a huge city from a town of 2000. Maybe I'm a weirdo. I had a great relationship with my parents, I just don't get homesick. I might be a sociopath.
I'm trying to understand being that sensitive, but I'm having a hard time. I'm the meantime, I will second care packages.
Post by formerlyak on Aug 25, 2015 14:01:21 GMT -5
I had a similar start to your cousin. So much that I actually applied to transfer during my first quarter. My mom sent me fun care packages with laundry soap, mac and cheese cups for the microwave, pop tarts, I can't remember what else ... but I got one about once a month and LOVED it. It was enough of home, that I stopped thinking about going home and really embraced being at school. I didn't end up transferring
Parents, take note that this is why you should send your kids away for camp or whatever if you can swing it. Get them used to being on their own early and often. LOL.
Sleep away camp for a week or two filled with fun is a little different than college that is not only socially daunting, but also has a shit load of academic responsibility to navigate too.
Come on.
Of course it is.
But if a kid really hasn't been away from home EVER, going to camp or away somewhere on her own at least once prior probably would've helped.
And LMAO at "academic responsibility" in week one.
Post by BeagleMama on Aug 25, 2015 14:29:51 GMT -5
Your support will help and a little box of goodies will cheer her up. I'd also suggest she not plan to come home for a while. The idea that she is already home for the weekend after one week isn't great - she needs to stay on campus and get involved, meet people and enjoy herself. I work at a university and the best advice we give parents is to not visit and do not let them come home (horrible circumstances aside, obviously) for 6 weeks.
Post by game blouses on Aug 25, 2015 14:31:55 GMT -5
My school warned us about going home in the first few weeks. They had all kinds of fun things planned to keep people there because the homesickness can get way worse if they keep going home. I was all set to stay, then my mom called me crying every day begging me to come home, and stupidly I did. I do feel that it impacted my dorm experience and bonding with dorm mates.
Parents, take note that this is why you should send your kids away for camp or whatever if you can swing it. Get them used to being on their own early and often. LOL.
I never went away to camps and I was fine! Some kids are just more sensitive, I guess.
The bolded is so true. My older sister struggled so much with homesickness - she and my mom were so close, and she really loved high school and our town (she moved back after getting her masters, in fact). She called almost every day and cried on the phone, poor thing.
I, on the other hand, was ready to leave town my freshman year of HS, and was SO JEALOUS when my sister left for college. So I'd be on the phone with her during one of her cry sessions, trying to comfort her, but also being like, "yeah, but don't you get to do whatever you want? and aren't there cooler people there?"
People are actually arguing that it's weird to be homesick during the first week of college? Ok.
FTR, I wasn't homesick, but my parents took advantage of even the slightest hint of an opportunity to send me away when I was little. I wonder why? Lol.
Reassure her that it's normal to be homesick but remind her that staying busy is one of the best ways to combat homesickness. She needs to make an honest effort to not let herself wallow. Do you know how she's been spending her evenings? Encourage her to participate in res hall programs, welcome-back activities, etc. And encourage her to stay at school for all the weekends in September.
First year is rough for a lot of people. I had friends right away but I was still miserable. I recommend sending a care package, including a gift card for pizza and redbox, or doughnuts, or something else she can grab a few folks in the dorm together and hang out.
Post by ninjabridemom on Aug 25, 2015 15:04:33 GMT -5
I had three years of one-week sleepaway camp in high school and loved it. And loved college.
I get her homesickness but I don't get her reaction. I think you should encourage her to go out and encourage her to talk to the RA. The RA will help with it in a not-douchey way (probably....hopefully).
And get her off campus. Send her a list of cheap eats or local events and cash or something. OFF CAMPUS. This is important. Elsa is right about being involved on campus and success and all that but if you're homesick just get out of your head. The campus will remind her of where she is -- off campus is a bigger adventure. This worked for my friend who was very homesick when she started school. We went to different schools but I went up and we went out around her school and I think that helped.
Post by ninjabridemom on Aug 25, 2015 15:09:42 GMT -5
But realistically not everyone can afford camp, so I don't know if that's the best actual suggestion for parents. I do agree you need to continously put your kids in situations where they are a little uncomfortable so they can stretch and grow though. I think for some college will still be a challenge.
I'm with pps on the care package idea. Can you discourage her from going home to visit on weekends? I went to school clear across the country, so I didn't have that option and it definitely helped with the homesickness, but the kids in my dorm who went home all the time weren't nearly as involved and had trouble making friends.
Post by amberlyrose on Aug 25, 2015 15:39:11 GMT -5
Did I mention my parents and siblings live in her college town? lol. The other reason I worry is that her BF lives off campus and she already left to stay with him last week because her roommate puked all over the floor at 1am last wednesday.
Post by RoxMonster on Aug 25, 2015 20:13:01 GMT -5
And sometimes, you just don't jive with your college. Not saying that is what's going on here. It does sound like it's worse for her because friends/BF are there and she is trying to hang with them instead of also branch out and find other friends and maybe this is not completely reciprocated.
But. I went away to camp. I was not homesick and was excited to be independent and go away to school. But I never found "my crowd." I pretty much hated college. I thought I had some good friends from my floor freshman year, except towards the end of freshman year, they got very holier-than-thou, went to Bible studies, got super involved in a church there, and that just wasn't my thing. I am not knocking it (well, I AM knocking people that are sanctimonious like they were, but not being involved in church); it was not my thing, and they were judgmental of me. So they turned out to not be great friends. By sophomore year, a lot of friendships were already formed. I tried different activities, but the schedule of classes I had to take, which involved a lot of night classes, meant I couldn't be involved in the orchestra or a lot of the clubs that met at night (many of my classes only had one section and they were at night, since we did education clinicals during the day). I was friendly with a lot of other people in my major, but never became best friends. It was also a small school with not a TON of extracurricular opportunities--much less than a large college would have.
I pretty much just did homework my junior and senior year and said "fuck it." Just get my degree and get out. I had an academic scholarship at this school which helped a lot and did not feel like transferring schools halfway through to see if I'd like it better elsewhere. It would have been a PITA in the middle of my education stuff. Looking back, my college situation made me depressed, though I didn't recognize it then.
Obviously, this is my story and a very specific situation that is not always indicative of students not liking college. But it's also not always because they didn't go to camp or get away from home or because they cling to HS friends or go home too often. Sometimes, they just don't jive with their school. And that's OK. I am NOT saying she can know this after one week, but I do think, if after a semester, a year, whatever, she is still hating it, she should look into a different school environment. I kind of wish I would have after my freshman year.
ETA: As far as your cousin, I agree with maybe a gift card to get a mani or pedi or something. Maybe something she could do with a new friend. Or gift cards to local restaurants near campus where she could eat out with some people. I would do gifts that might encourage her to get out of her dorm and do stuff. Of course, snacks are always appreciated too