I have a good friend who is going through infertility. She is on her first IVF cycle and she is feeling out of control as her doctor wants to keep increasing her meds and she just found out her sister is pregnant. I wanted to do something special for her. Maybe a book, food, I don't know. What helped you as you were going through all of it?
I have a good friend who is going through infertility. She is on her first IVF cycle and she is feeling out of control as her doctor wants to keep increasing her meds and she just found out her sister is pregnant. I wanted to do something special for her. Maybe a book, food, I don't know. What helped you as you were going through all of it?
A girls night out where I did not have to think or talk about what was going on. The pregnancy announcement is likely the tipping point for her. You're an amazing friend to think of her <3 That alone I know will be appreciated.
Honestly, the thing that helped the most was just knowing that friends were thinking of me. Ironically we're not friends with them anymore, but we had friends at the time where the wife called me and the DH called my DH on the first day of my IVF cycle for 2 cycles. Just knowing that they knew when it was and called to say "we're thinking of you" meant SO much.
Also, if someone announced their pregnancy, the friends who reached out to me to say "how are you doing?" helped.
Post by antoniamarchette on Aug 27, 2015 13:24:56 GMT -5
Honestly any little thing to show that you care would be great! I have very fertile friends and relatives and felt like no one ever got what I was (am) going through. A text to see how things are going, a dinner/lunch out, anything was so, so appreciated.
I don't think I would have wanted a physical item. Just text her a lot. When you know she has appts ask her how they went. I loves when my bff would text me so I didn't feel like I was bugging her. And if she has a bad day let her vent or leave her alone. Some days I just wanted to be alone but that's how I handle stress.
Post by catsarecute on Aug 27, 2015 13:45:21 GMT -5
Take her out to lunch or a fun girls night so she can have fun! Infertility is all encompassing. Distraction is good. But really, just being there for her, checking in her, telling her you are thinking about her is super helpful. Encouraging texts from friends during our IUI's helped a ton. You are a good friend!
Post by rachelgreen on Aug 27, 2015 20:30:16 GMT -5
Laughter and a great venting session. Maybe if you wanted it to be a physical item, dinner and a comedy. Or spa day. But just laughter and being able to take her mind off things or to let her blow off some steam is enough.
Ditto the others. Just care. Nothing physical/tangible is necessary. Ask her how she is doing, be a sounding board to vent to or shoulder to cry on. Take her out for pedis and just laugh.
My first thought was booze but I see she's in the middle of treatment. Honestly, I didn't love people checking in on me and asking about treatment because I felt like that was yet another person who I disappointed when treatment failed. What I wanted was to hang out, talk about mindless shit, shop, eat, dance, anything to get my mind off my body.
I didn't really like talking about treatment, either. I had one friend who always wanted to check in, get details of every appointment, etc. I know that she meant well, and was trying to show her support, but to me it just felt like more pressure. I went through IF treatments for a year, and did my very best to leave those conversations at the doctor's office, and keep my head in the sand for the rest of the day.
What I did like, was knowing that someone was thinking of me, without being too gushy about it or having to offer anything on my end. Like "Hey - thinking of you today. Want to get a pedicure?" And then talking about anything BUT treatment and/or babies. If you want to do a tangible gift, maybe a little IVF survival kit? You could do a funny book, nail polish, chocolate, gossip magazines, a heat/rice bag, some funny socks. Actually, a bunch of funny socks might be fun. I was known for my socks at the RE's clinic, because I made a point to wear crazy socks to every appointment and keep them on in the stirrups. It was a way to keep conversation light, and have something to talk about, other than all my lady parts.
I just remembered - this was a funny gift we got. I have no idea where they ordered it, but some friends sent over a funny card and a stuffed animal egg and sperm. It was so ridiculous, but it made me laugh.
Short story long....basically it depends on how your friend copes. I like comedy and avoidance. Someone else might like mushy, love stuff. Doing SOMETHING is always better than doing nothing, though.
There wasn't a specific thing I needed. Just knowing people supported me, no matter what wretched mood I was in and how much of a bummer I was to hang out with, meant so much. Food, a card, a girls night, book, etc...all great because they really mean that you care.
Ditto all the PP - let her guide what she tells you about and how often. The one thing to not do....if she tells you that she'll be able to test on X date....is to ask the results. "Hey, think of you, xyz" via email or text, but no calls, and definitely no pressure on the results.
Honestly, being "normal." Talk about normal stuff, ask questions if she tells you about the procedures (e.g., so what exactly is that? how did you psych yourself up for giving yourself those shots?), etc.
And you know what - be on the look out / keep a watchful eye for others in a group setting that say stupid shit like, "so....when are you having kids." I have a friend who was 'in' on the news that we were dealing with fertility struggles, and she shut that shit down quick - in a polite manner, change the subject, deflected to herself, etc. Don't put her in the position of what I did, losing my everlovingshit on my niece who would.not.drop.it. :-)
Ditto all the PP - let her guide what she tells you about and how often. The one thing to not do....if she tells you that she'll be able to test on X date....is to ask the results. "Hey, think of you, xyz" via email or text, but no calls, and definitely no pressure on the results.
Honestly, being "normal." Talk about normal stuff, ask questions if she tells you about the procedures (e.g., so what exactly is that? how did you psych yourself up for giving yourself those shots?), etc.
And you know what - be on the look out / keep a watchful eye for others in a group setting that say stupid shit like, "so....when are you having kids." I have a friend who was 'in' on the news that we were dealing with fertility struggles, and she shut that shit down quick - in a polite manner, change the subject, deflected to herself, etc. Don't put her in the position of what I did, losing my everlovingshit on my niece who would.not.drop.it. :-)
Speaking of losing your shit...
I had some high school students at work observing us (part of a local healthcare education program) one day when I and a fellow nurse who also has IF were working. They would not shut up about "so do you have kids? Do you want kids? When are you having them?" Etc etc etc. Omg. I had to shut it down as politely as possible while also telling them that those questions are actually very rude, without actually telling them that they were hurting our feels.