MOOKS: Party invite vs. pre-scheduled activities

[lurknomore]

Question for MOOKS or anyone else who wants to chime in.  DD got a birthday party invite for a few weeks from now.  Half the party overlaps with her tennis lesson, which I've already paid for.  She obviously wants to skip tennis and stay at the party (we will go to the first half of the party, regardless).  I think she needs to go to tennis, since it is a commitment that is already scheduled and paid for.  Who wins?  For the record, she's 4 and likely not on her way to being the next Serena Williams.  FWIW, this happened to my 7 yo a few weeks ago too, and I made her leave the party early and go to tennis, too.  Does it matter that one is 4 and one is older?

[drloretta]

How long (weeks) are the lessons for? If she's missing one class out of 6 or 8, I'd be inclined to make her go. If it's a longer-term thing, I don't think missing one lesson will impact her (or your wallet) that much.

But if the tennis was that important to me, I would have RSVP'd no to the party in the first place

[cjeanette]

Lessons or practices I might be inclined to miss or cut short. Games...no.

[meltoine]

I would ask the tennis instructor if we could reschedule the lesson that week. If s/he said no I would be inclined to let the kid pick.

[ECB]

I'd probably ask the instructor, first, if there is a chance of pushing the lesson back or rescheduling it. When DS was taking swim lessons, we were allowed, with notice, to reschedule a lesson or two.

If this isn't an option - I guess part of it depends on who the party is for. Random classmate who she isn't really close to? I'd probably have opted to just skip the party all together. Really good close friend where I know both of them would be upset for my son to not go? I'd probably skip the lesson.

I'd never offer up "lets go to 1/2 the party", though, if it involves having to leave the party early. At least with my DS, it's totally a tease. "here's the fun thing you REALLY want to do, but nope- you can't stay!". It's easier on all of us for him to just not go at all.

[muppetinma]

I'd go and leave early, just because you did that for the seven year old. Being fair and consistent at this point would be more important to me than making the whole tennis lesson.

[cinco]

Aug 28, 2015 10:50:56 GMT -5 cjeanette said:

Lessons or practices I might be inclined to miss or cut short. Games...no.

This is what we do. My kids have both missed parties b/c of meets.

[madringal]

My advice for next time is to not even tell your kid there are options, I would just decide, but that's just how I roll. Especially for a 4 year old! But I would let her miss the tennis lesson and ask the instructor if there was any way to make it up.

[anna7602]

It depends on who the birthday kid is. Random kid in her class? No skipping lessons. Best friend/neighborhood friend since preschool whom she only gets to see on weekends because they are no longer in school together? Then she goes to the party. DD is 7 and I typically let her decide now. She usually uses the same thought process I do (re: what I said 2 sentences ago.) 

While most of DD's lessons offer make-ups, the truth is that they're a PITA to schedule because of her other extra-curriculars and my own schedule, so we rarely end up doing them. So it usually does come down to birthday party OR lesson, not both. 

[Deleted]

If is a good friend, I would probably skip the lessons. Just a random kid in her class? Depends. I'd gauge it on how much she wants to go to the party.

[quickstepstar]

Aug 28, 2015 11:44:41 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

It depends on who the birthday kid is. Random kid in her class? No skipping lessons. Best friend/neighborhood friend since preschool whom she only gets to see on weekends because they are no longer in school together? Then she goes to the party. DD is 7 and I typically let her decide now. She usually uses the same thought process I do (re: what I said 2 sentences ago.) 

While most of DD's lessons offer make-ups, the truth is that they're a PITA to schedule because of her other extra-curriculars and my own schedule, so we rarely end up doing them. So it usually does come down to birthday party OR lesson, not both. 

This pretty much word for word. We have missed parties because of music lessons though. Music is $$$!

[Marmee]

Aug 28, 2015 11:47:29 GMT -5 CheeringCharm said:

If is a good friend, I would probably skip the lessons. Just a random kid in her class? Depends. I'd gauge it on how much she wants to go to the party.

Ditto!