Did you tell people about your separation?

[1confused1]

I told my close friends because I wanted their support.

[glynn]

With my first X we told the parents together about 5 months before either of us left.

This time I kept it to myself for about 2 weeks other than a therapist. H got mad when he found out that I told somebody. He wanted it and said it was going to happen so I can't figure out why he was mad. People knowing helps.... I work in a 7 person office and 2 still do not know.

[bl]

I told my close friends because we chat about our daily life quite frequently and I wanted to be truthful and have their support. I also told my director at work because I knew it would be a tough time and we have a good relationship, she was incredibly understanding while still ensuring my work performance didn't suffer.

[cuddlyevil]

I told my boss, my sister, and my parents. My Mom handled telling the rest of the family.

[bg]

My bff (not local) knew from the start. My sister was the second person I told, months later. I've slowly started to tell other people, mostly because it's gone on for so long and it's part of my life now. I found myself withdrawing from people too, and that wasn't ok for me and my mental well-being, so I did what was best for me. DH still hasn't told any of his family (not local) or friends (he doesn't have many local friends).

[fluffernutter]

I told quite a few people. I needed the support and I got it.

[quietmind]

I told my 2 sisters, my best friend, and my boss. He told his family. I work in a small office so most of them just figured it out after awhile. They all knew something was wrong. I told them we separated but didn't give any details.

[jigsy]

I told my close family, though I left out details because I was hoping for reconciliation at first. Everyone else I left to just figure it out. No big, grand FB statements or anything.

But OP - Is there a reason you can't still attend those dinners you want to go to without your H? Can't you just say "Oh, Dave isn't available, but the kids and I would love to join!" If they ask why he can't come, just shrug it off with a non-committal "He's just unavailable"

[pinkdutchtulips]

Bc of xh's relapse, a lot of people wondered when I was going to leave him. Most knew that if I left him, I'd be leaving him for good ...

[katieido]

My family was told, plus my intimate internet friends group, and a select group of friends. My divorce is still in progress but we were physically separated for a long time before I filed. As time goes on, I let more in on it. I haven't done anything overtly public yet like changing my last name on FB.

[Deleted]

I told very few people because we were working on things. Our parents knew and a few close friends that I needed support from. I'm glad now that I didn't tell a lot of people because we worked things out and are still married (this was 5 years ago). If you think there might be a chance of reconciling I would probably keep it on a need to know basis because people will form opinions/judgement that might not go away if you get back together. My SIL said some pretty nasty things about me when we separated (out of anger/defense of her hurting brother) and our relationship/her relationship with H suffered horribly since we got back together.

[frontbutt]

I told my parents, but only because we had decided to file as soon as possible. I wanted to make sure my parents knew why we were doing it, and I needed their support.

I told my close friends after we signed papers...and we have a few weeks to go until finalization, but I am not planning on telling my extended family until after everything is final.

My parents called today to tell me how awkward it made them feel not to be able to tell my aunts and uncles. It kind of ticked me off because I don't want to tell anyone until after it's all said and done. That way, no one can have any "advice" or "opinions" on how to fix things. I don't expect my parents to lie, but I don't think it's their job to inform everyone on my marital status.

[londoncalling]

We only told immediate family and I told a handful of friends that I needed support from.

My older daughter has outed us a bit because she talks about "Daddy's apartment" which I then feel like I have to explain. We are still working on things, so I try to keep those conversations pretty light and very much "we're hoping that this is just temporary and step to fix things."

[brooke77]

My best friends and mom knew we had issues. When we separated I told my mom and those best friends. I also ended up telling my sister and the rest of my family because it was much harder on me than I thought it would be. They have been 100% supportive, which I really appreciate.

I have stayed in the house and he moved out so a couple of the neighbors have made comments (nice ones) but I still feel a bit embarrassed. No one at work knows and mention inviting my H to things. I just nod, but will say he's busy or etc. No one needs to know until you're ready.

[redredwine]

I told my immediate family and asked they tell extended family. I emailed my close friends that didn't already know so that way they A. heard it from me and not ambiguous posts on FB and B. it was part of my healing process-talk about ALL THE THINGS. It was so helpful to tell people as many people reached out and I got alot of needed support.

Divorce is nothing to be ashamed of.