would this irritate you?

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

Aug 29, 2015 17:21:45 GMT -5 ciescalove said:

So, I just started grad school. I go full time plus I'm a graduate teaching assistant. On top of that, I'm still working my part time job at least until my stipend kicks in. That means I work/go to school 6 days a week...

Yes.  Whatever the rest of this post is, the answer is yes.

(I did then read the rest, and my answer is triple yes.)

[speckledfrog]

Call her later tonight and tell her no. Do NOT go over. Nip this shit in the bud. Nicely of course, since she is watching your kids and things need to be civil.

[Jalapeñomel]

I'm gonna play devil's advocate and say that maybe she thought that you wouldn't want to cook and clean up from dinner, so she thought she was being nice by doing it all for you?

[dexteroni]

The lack of consideration for how I would like to spend my time would irritate me, yes. If she doesn't already do this kind of thing on a regular basis, I would probably go this time and ask her not to do it again, and *especially* not to promise something to your kids without checking with you first. And if she does it anyway, then feel free to say no.

[ECB]

Aug 29, 2015 18:08:20 GMT -5 ciescalove said:

Aug 29, 2015 17:46:16 GMT -5 dexteroni said:

The lack of consideration for how I would like to spend my time would irritate me, yes. If she doesn't already do this kind of thing on a regular basis, I would probably go this time and ask her not to do it again, and *especially* not to promise something to your kids without checking with you first. And if she does it anyway, then feel free to say no.

I'd get a month long guilt trip, so I'm sucking it up this week, but we are just going for dinner and leaving. I plan to mention how excited I am to have mother daughter Sundays. That way the next time This comes up I can be all "oh man. That would be awesome but we have mother daughter Sunday and are doing x, y, z" and my kids will already know about x, y, and a.

But she may still pull this.  At some point you may need to deal w the month long guilt trip.  I strongly feel that people who do this kind of stuff do it because they know it works.  They get what they want.  If you want to send a strong message, you have to say "no" and NOT GO and just let her "guilt" you (which, really, only works if YOU let it.). 

I'm not saying do this tomorrow.  But you can't let the "month long guilt trip" work.

[livinitup]

Your mother is doing this because it works. I don't know why she has to be so rude to you, but you (and your demanding schedule) really deserve to stop playing along.

[Deleted]

I feel like you're too busy to notice a month long guilt trip so I'd call/text and say "oops forget, some other time"

[auntie]

Maybe she wants to do mommy daughter day, too.

I'd decline. Thank her for the kind invitation but profess other plans for the day. Maybe she thinks she's being helpful.

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2015 3:05:40 GMT -5 ciescalove said:

Aug 29, 2015 23:21:36 GMT -5 @randomcdn said:

I feel like you're too busy to notice a month long guilt trip so I'd call/text and say "oops forget, some other time"

I've definitely considered it.

I meant "forgot we had plans when you surprised me at the door after a long day"

Long week over here, as you can see not all of the words made it out earlier

[joenali]

Is it really that hard to tell your mom no?

[ECB]

Aug 30, 2015 6:46:08 GMT -5 ciescalove said:

 

I did say no to her about extra time with my oldest yesterday, so I'm perfectly capable of saying no, but I also brought home a mopey 9 year old because she asked right in front of my kid.

I know you know this but this ^^^ is exactly what she'll do, though, if she feels she isn't getting what she wants.  SHe'll use your kids as leverage.  You'll tell her "Don't make plans w/ them w/o checking with me" but she'll still do it and put you in the place of being the bad guy. You have to create expectations/boundaries around this too. 

I would have no problems telling my child that "Hey - so, sometimes grandma likes to  make plans w/o checking with me.  I need for you to understand that when this happens, I sometimes have to say "no" to her plans.  I know she does it just because she's excited to see us.  But she doesn't always remember what my schedule is like.  So just realize that even if she says that we're going to do XYZ, we may not actually be able to do that."

At least your 9 year old should be capable of understanding this.  I know my 6 year old would.