Talk to me about buying a house in suburbia

[rbp]

I have lived in the city for 11 years, so it is with great reluctance that H and I are considering a move to the suburbs. We love it here, but we are both commuting so far outside the city that it doesn't make sense to live here long-term. Our jobs are about an hour apart, so we're not going to both get really close, but if we could both be 30-40 minutes away then our lives would be a lot easier. We talked about probably moving next spring or summer so we have some time to learn about the towns we're considering, but we've been casually looking at realtor.com. Most of the homes we've come across are horrendous McMansions, so our early searches have been disheartening. 

Last night H sent me a link to a home that looks really great. It has a front porch, it's not a McMansion, and it's centrally located between our jobs. It also has a lot of land and a pool, which aren't necessarily on our wish list but are appealing. At first I shut it down, saying "we don't even have a realtor or know anything about that neighborhood." But after I thought about it some more, I wondered if it might be worthwhile to just go and look at it. I feel like we've looked at so many dud listings that maybe a gem like this really comes up infrequently? But I'm probably overreacting. This can't be the only house with four bedrooms that's not a monstrosity in the entire town, right?

My other question is, how do you decide where to buy a house in an area (particularly a suburb) that you're not familiar with? Having lived in the city for years, I know which neighborhoods we like and which ones we'd want to avoid; which ones have fun restaurants; which ones have hippies vs. snobs, etc. Do people make these assessments in suburbia? Or do you just find a house that you like and hope for the best? 

ETA: I feel like the obvious answer is to rent in the area to get a feel for the town before buying, but the idea of having to go through the whole daycare thing two more times makes me want to vomit.

[ECB]

Yes, people make these same assessments about the suburbs. It's largely why we Moved where we did. It's where I grew up and I know the area, the good schools, etc.

I didn't know details about my specific neighborhood- like what the neighbors are like, are there kids Ds age, etc. some of it is luck

But the big stuff - you can research.

[rbp]

Aug 31, 2015 7:56:44 GMT -5 ECB said:

Yes, people make these same assessments about the suburbs. It's largely why we Moved where we did. It's where I grew up and I know the area, the good schools, etc.

I didn't know details about my specific neighborhood- like what the neighbors are like, are there kids Ds age, etc. some of it is luck

But the big stuff - you can research.

Schools are easy to research. But what about...if you're even going to fit in in the neighborhood? (I apologize if this sounds "off"...I promise I'm not talking about race...but like will I be able to find a group of people to go running with? Are there other working moms or does everyone SAH? Random things off the top of my head that would be nice to find, but I'm not sure if it's possible.)

ETA: I guess maybe more importantly, what is the investment in the community like? Etc.

[ECB]

That stuff is part of the luck, unfortunately. I don't know how to find that out.

[thatgirl2478]

There's a website called city data that has a semi helpful forum... semi helpful because it's all opinion obviously - much like this board but about cities...

Both times we bought houses we went on drive throughs of the various towns we were considering (narrowed down initially by price and general reputation). We went during the week, on the weekends, etc - so a lot of driving. We got a fairly decent idea of what kind of place it was from that. One thing that kind of helped recently was stopping in and talking to the gas station attendants & other people working in town. Not perfect, but interesting.

But yeah, it's kind of a crap shoot.

[boiler717]

We lived in the city and moved to the suburbs. I really enjoy it. Our city neighbors weren't friendly at all, and our neighborhood now is amazing. People hang out all the time while the kids and dogs play. I would definitely suggest walking or driving around the neighborhood after dinner and on weekends to get a feel for it. I'd also look for moms groups in the areas you are considering and try to see if there are people you can meet to help.
I'd figure out what's most important to you -- for us it was easy, close access to the major route downtown (we are 0.25 miles away from the road) and walkability. Even though we are in the suburbs, our neighborhood is off a large walking/biking trail that connects lots of suburbs and goes all the way downtown. Those two things really narrowed our search to just a few neighborhoods. In our case, houses were few and far between so we built.

[mrshandy]

I would just talk to people that live there. Are you part of many Mom groups in your area? Could you post to a listserve and see if anyone is familiar with the town?

We gambled on our neighborhood when we bought. We were not familiar with it. We loved the house and the location was perfect. We've grown to love it.

Definitely drive around, check out the local newspaper?, go to the grocery store.

[magdala]

We just went through this process.   First, we started assessing our needs.  For us that was great schools, access to a train into the city, quiet neighborhood, no main roads or cut throughs, no multifamily neighbors, no industrial neighbors.  Next, we figured out our budget.   To get into a town with a great public school, we would need to come up with some serious coin.  We are in metro Boston and real estate is just very expensive here.   We also talked to all our friends in all the various towns that they live in.  Our core group of friends has been migrating out of the city as they marry and have children.  Several have moved a few times looking for their perfect place.   We picked their brains about towns and schools and commutes.

We picked five towns that fit our needs and we liked.   We then hired a great realtor and went over these items with him.  He knows his market and told us that two towns would be out of our price range, unless we wanted a fixer-upper and to watch A, B, and C in the third town and D, E, F in the fourth town.  He said that he did not know much about the fifth town. We bought in the fourth town staying far away from E and F.  We will have to live with D.   We had worked with this realtor to find our former place just outside the City and he also worked to help two sets of friends find their current homes.   We loved everything about our former place and would have been perfectly happy there except that we had a baby.  We weren't planning on children when we moved to our former house.   Our former house was in a beautiful quiet neighborhood with a train into the city every half hour.  The school system is atrocious and that is why we moved.  

Once we focused on the five towns, we kept going to those towns and checking them out.  We would meet up with our friends there for brunch or lunch on the weekends and stroll around the downtown.  When we needed to take the baby for a drive to get her to sleep, we would drive around those towns.  All five towns were one or two towns away from our former house. 

We closed last week and moved this past weekend.  So far, I love it.  On Sunday, we walked up to the CSA/farm about a 20 minute walk from the new house and picked up farm raised vegetables which we grilled for dinner.  This morning, I had to drive 10 minutes to the train station but still had time to get a coffee before catching the train to North Station.   Walking to the train isn't feasible and there is only one bus option.  Previously we have the train station in walking distance and five bus options.  There will continue to be changes to our lifestyle but this is what is best for us and our daughter now.   

[rbp]

When I search "Town Name Moms" all I find is a club for SAHMs.  (wilted)

[raangoli]

City data is a great place to start to get prelim information. A good realtor can help you figure out the feel of a town as well. Finally, do you have friends or friends of friends that live out in the suburbs? They can give you a honest feel of what the towns are like and whether it would be a good fit for you.

Also - try to see if the town has FB groups - there are many that have mom groups, buy/sell/trade, or even just general info to ask questions about the town (like: where's the best dry cleaners, who has the best pizza, what's up with the construction on Main St., etc.).

[dr.girlfriend]

We asked around a LOT. Even though we were transplants, many people at work and stuff had grown up around here, so they had a good idea of the 'burbs. We wanted:

1. something on the train line
2. something diverse (DH and I both grew up as minorities in overwhelmingly white schools)
3. a good school district
4. close to a little downtown area

We love our choice. We got a two bedroom which wasn't our first choice, but we hit all the other criteria, and our town has a really nice "Main Street" with coffee shops, restaurants, etc. that is really easy to get to to give us the "pseudo-city" experience.

In an election year, you can drive around and look at the lawn signs to get a sense of the political fit, lol.  If you can't wait that long you can take a gander at bumper stickers.  :-D

Also, honestly, I don't know how much you need to be "like" the others in your neighborhood. My neighbor friends are mostly stay-at-home moms, but it doesn't bother me -- I know plenty of working moms at work to socialize with, and my neighborhood moms keep me updated on all the school stuff I don't have time to keep track of, lol.

[rbp]

Aug 31, 2015 8:21:42 GMT -5 raangoli said:

City data is a great place to start to get prelim information. A good realtor can help you figure out the feel of a town as well. Finally, do you have friends or friends of friends that live out in the suburbs? They can give you a honest feel of what the towns are like and whether it would be a good fit for you.

Also - try to see if the town has FB groups - there are many that have mom groups, buy/sell/trade, or even just general info to ask questions about the town (like: where's the best dry cleaners, who has the best pizza, what's up with the construction on Main St., etc.).

All our friends live in the city.  (wilted)

[raangoli]

Aug 31, 2015 8:40:52 GMT -5 rbp said:

Aug 31, 2015 8:21:42 GMT -5 raangoli said:

City data is a great place to start to get prelim information. A good realtor can help you figure out the feel of a town as well. Finally, do you have friends or friends of friends that live out in the suburbs? They can give you a honest feel of what the towns are like and whether it would be a good fit for you.

Also - try to see if the town has FB groups - there are many that have mom groups, buy/sell/trade, or even just general info to ask questions about the town (like: where's the best dry cleaners, who has the best pizza, what's up with the construction on Main St., etc.).

All our friends live in the city.  (wilted)

Coworkers? Try the FB angle and see what you can find.

[rbp]

I don't think we have a chance of fitting in politically. We're talking about Atlanta suburbs, not northern New Jersey. Womp womp.

[aurora]

I agree that a lot of the interpersonal stuff is luck, and don't forget that it changes with time. Our street is different now than when we bought 10 years ago - more 30-something couples with kids by far, which has definitely made it feel more outgoing (kids running around to play with each other). So, even if you research it perfectly you don't know what it will always be like.

You can also chat with any neighbors you see while visiting the house. We have talked with quite a few prospective buyers over the years and they've asked what the neighborhood is like.

[just]

A good buyers agent is worth their weight in gold. They should know the areas you're thinking about very well, preferably have worked with people moving from out of the area before, and take time to get to know what your lifestyle is beyond what you want in a house.

[sfy]

City data is a good site, but also, there are quite a few Atlanta area people on GBCN. Maybe you tag everyone and ask about the area you're considering (understood if you're not comfortable putting that out there). I relied heavily on our agent because we didn't know enough about the area either before buying. I also think what could help is to go somewhere in the area--the park, coffee shop, even the local Target and run up on other moms and ask them. Maybe you spend a couple hours on a Saturday gathering some intel, that's totally worth it. Honestly, though, once you narrow by schools, I think you'll find there's only a few suburbs worth considering anyway.

[rbp]

Aug 31, 2015 8:59:50 GMT -5 sfy said:

City data is a good site, but also, there are quite a few Atlanta area people on GBCN. Maybe you tag everyone and ask about the area you're considering (understood if you're not comfortable putting that out there). I relied heavily on our agent because we didn't know enough about the area either before buying. I also think what could help is to go somewhere in the area--the park, coffee shop, even the local Target and run up on other moms and ask them. Maybe you spend a couple hours on a Saturday gathering some intel, that's totally worth it. Honestly, though, once you narrow by schools, I think you'll find there's only a few suburbs worth considering anyway.

We're not looking at suburbia in general. There is one specific area that will improve both of our commutes. I'm not sure if that area is "worth considering" (central Gwinnett), but if not we're kind of stuck.

[msmerymac]

We found our town by going to bars, restaurants, and events. See if there are festivals, or a movie theater, or a restuarant you're interested in and then go hang out there. Try it on a weekend, then meet up there on a weeknight. Drive around. Check out how far away grocery stores and other things that are important to you are.

We also live in an older suburb full of 70-110 year old houses, that's walkable and has good transit options, which was important to us, but YMMV.

[sfy]

Aug 31, 2015 9:07:02 GMT -5 rbp said:

Aug 31, 2015 8:59:50 GMT -5 sfy said:

City data is a good site, but also, there are quite a few Atlanta area people on GBCN. Maybe you tag everyone and ask about the area you're considering (understood if you're not comfortable putting that out there). I relied heavily on our agent because we didn't know enough about the area either before buying. I also think what could help is to go somewhere in the area--the park, coffee shop, even the local Target and run up on other moms and ask them. Maybe you spend a couple hours on a Saturday gathering some intel, that's totally worth it. Honestly, though, once you narrow by schools, I think you'll find there's only a few suburbs worth considering anyway.

We're not looking at suburbia in general. There is one specific area that will improve both of our commutes. I'm not sure if that area is "worth considering" (central Gwinnett), but if not we're kind of stuck.

Let me know if you want me to edit, but in what I'd call central Gwinnett, I think of worth considering as being the districts for Brookwood/Parkview HS.  I am assuming you would be going with public schools, since that is also part of why most people move to the burbs.  If not, disregard all of this lol.

[rbp]

Aug 31, 2015 9:18:05 GMT -5 sfy said:

Aug 31, 2015 9:07:02 GMT -5 rbp said:

We're not looking at suburbia in general. There is one specific area that will improve both of our commutes. I'm not sure if that area is "worth considering" (central Gwinnett), but if not we're kind of stuck.

Let me know if you want me to edit, but in what I'd call central Gwinnett, I think of worth considering as being the districts for Brookwood/Parkview HS.  I am assuming you would be going with public schools, since that is also part of why most people move to the burbs.  If not, disregard all of this lol.

Parkview is a little west for us, but Brookwood is definitely in the area we're looking at. Also other schools in the Lawrenceville area. They're newer, so I don't know much about them.

Schools are honestly the least of my worries here because I feel like Gwinnett schools are fine in general. I'm mostly worried that we'll hate where we live. We love where we live now, but we (especially H) hate our commutes. 

[sfy]

Aug 31, 2015 9:24:31 GMT -5 rbp said:

Aug 31, 2015 9:18:05 GMT -5 sfy said:

Let me know if you want me to edit, but in what I'd call central Gwinnett, I think of worth considering as being the districts for Brookwood/Parkview HS.  I am assuming you would be going with public schools, since that is also part of why most people move to the burbs.  If not, disregard all of this lol.

Parkview is a little west for us, but Brookwood is definitely in the area we're looking at. Also other schools in the Lawrenceville area. They're newer, so I don't know much about them.

Schools are honestly the least of my worries here because I feel like Gwinnett schools are fine in general. I'm mostly worried that we'll hate where we live. We love where we live now, but we (especially H) hate our commutes. 

Brookwood area is a good plan, better than Lawrenceville, I think. All Gwinnett schools are not created equal, though.  You can research on Great Schools and City Data for more info on that, but jmho, it would be a huge mistake to assume that because you're in Gwinnett, you will be in a good school district.  Also, some schools change, but Brookwood has been really consistent for quite some time.  I think visiting the neighborhood will help tremendously.

[soso]

Check out meet up in that area?  Drive over and take a stroller walk a few different times of day (on the weekend)?  Remind yourself nothing will be like where you are now?  Look at the chamber site or attend a small fall festival?  Stop by a coffee shop and see what fliers are posted?  All your friends may live in the city but maybe THEIR friends live somewhere else so post on Facebook?

Good luck!  (And def check out the house -- then you can see what else is close by.)

Also -- nothing is forever -- say you moved and the neighborhood wasn't for you -- move in 5 years --- it could just as easily change too as someone else pointed out.  You may also have different jobs in 5 to 10 years.

[anna7602]

Aug 31, 2015 8:38:08 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

Also, honestly, I don't know how much you need to be "like" the others in your neighborhood. My neighbor friends are mostly stay-at-home moms, but it doesn't bother me -- I know plenty of working moms at work to socialize with, and my neighborhood moms keep me updated on all the school stuff I don't have time to keep track of, lol.

Like everything, this will really depend on you. I wasn't specifically looking for this, but it is amazing that I know a lot of freelancers and working parents with non-traditional schedules in my neighborhood, in terms of timing our get-togethers/kid activities and in terms of relating re: child care challenges specific to us. This week, in fact, I'm switching off school pick-up with another freelancing friend in the hood and we've helped each other out a lot in the past. 

[sfy]

Aug 31, 2015 12:16:12 GMT -5 @choco said:

Just don't take Maria away, ok? I want to beg her to come once a week but she's been avoiding that question. Ha.

@choco, you know I adore you, but my eye is definitely moving way to the side about this.

It reminds of posts I see when people call their housekeeper a "girl."  Just ask yourself if her name was "Jane" whether you would have included it (and with the clear assumption that everyone would have understood who she was).

[sfy]

Aug 31, 2015 12:51:50 GMT -5 @choco said:

Aug 31, 2015 12:45:48 GMT -5 sfy said:

@choco, you know I adore you, but my eye is definitely moving way to the side about this.

It reminds of posts I see when people call their housekeeper a "girl."  Just ask yourself if her name was "Jane" whether you would have included it (and with the clear assumption that everyone would have understood who she was).

I apologize, this was pretty awful now that I am reading it. She was referred to me by RBP and the only reason she took me on as a client was b/c I used to live close to RBP. I don't know where she lives but I ASSumed that she would ditch me for her longer standing clients, depending on where they lived vs my location. 

Oh!  Well, now I feel awful lol.  I didn't realize that RBP actually knew the person to whom you were referring, that's my fault for assuming.  I am glad I was wrong (which I should have just known you wouldn't say anything like that, so I'm really sorry)!

[v]

sfy -- okay, glad to know I'm not the only one who ed that (and yes, "the girl who cleans my house" or "the girl who does my hair" or WORSE "my girl" as an abreviation for those also sound awful to me).  Now back to ing the poster on ML who called photos of Katrina destruction "heartbreakingly beautiful."

[sfy]

Aug 31, 2015 12:58:39 GMT -5 @choco said:

Aug 31, 2015 12:54:43 GMT -5 sfy said:

Oh!  Well, now I feel awful lol.  I didn't realize that RBP actually knew the person to whom you were referring, that's my fault for assuming.  I am glad I was wrong (which I should have just known you wouldn't say anything like that, so I'm really sorry)!

I am forever indebted to RBP for referring me to her! But since you saw that statement and thought it was very eye roll worthy, I am very embarrassed that I didn't consider it could be taken any other way. 

No, it's definitely my misinterpretation.  My face was so warm and likely red when I read your post .  I just should have known better.

[sfy]

Aug 31, 2015 12:59:40 GMT -5 v said:

sfy -- okay, glad to know I'm not the only one who ed that (and yes, "the girl who cleans my house" or "the girl who does my hair" or WORSE "my girl" as an abreviation for those also sound awful to me).  Now back to ing the poster on ML who called photos of Katrina destruction "heartbreakingly beautiful."

  Wtf?  She definitely deserves all the ^o)s we can muster.

[v]

Aug 31, 2015 13:02:12 GMT -5 sfy said:

Aug 31, 2015 12:59:40 GMT -5 v said:

sfy -- okay, glad to know I'm not the only one who ed that (and yes, "the girl who cleans my house" or "the girl who does my hair" or WORSE "my girl" as an abreviation for those also sound awful to me).  Now back to ing the poster on ML who called photos of Katrina destruction "heartbreakingly beautiful."

<img src="http://storage.proboards.com/3435524/i/mkz2RLB7TeCAKT0BBO5I.gif" alt="" text=""   Wtf?  She definitely deserves all the s we can muster.

Sorry, "hauntingly beautiful."  And no flames!