Post by greencrayon on Aug 31, 2015 19:02:34 GMT -5
Nope. I'd be done. It's so easy to say, and it's really difficult to do, but it's totally worth it. I cut off 99% contact with my dad, and I'm so much happier because of it.
Why did you stand out in the rain to talk to her? Let her sit there alone.
They were recently on a trip and bought the kids some small plastic stuff. FIL came to door. My DH told the kids to go out and say hi. My mil just sat in the car with her sunglasses on not looking at us. I went outside to follow DHs lead
Then mil pulled dd towards car and played the I never see you card. She said I baked a cake for you. They ignored her. Dh said multiple times come in. They said no. And then they left.
Post by game blouses on Aug 31, 2015 20:43:12 GMT -5
I am so sorry you're dealing with this. They sound exactly like my ILs, down to the refusal to make eye contact and snarkiness to kids in earshot of us. At DS's birthday party last year, my MIL said "I guess we'll see you at your third birthday next year, since your parents never let us see you." She had refused to see us for over a year due to some petty slight and earned herself zero more invitations after that comment.
With people like this, a nice long break is the best way to go. Take your MIL's comments at face value - if she doesn't want to come in, stop offering. Your kids don't need grandparents who won't come in for cake.
Why did you stand out in the rain to talk to her? Let her sit there alone.
They were recently on a trip and bought the kids some small plastic stuff. FIL came to door. My DH told the kids to go out and say hi. My mil just sat in the car with her sunglasses on not looking at us. I went outside to follow DHs lead
Then mil pulled dd towards car and played the I never see you card. She said I baked a cake for you. They ignored her. Dh said multiple times come in. They said no. And then they left.
I didn't have kids with my exH, but once I realized that his family was odd, I honestly didn't give it a second thought on their bizarre behavior. I knew it was a reflection on them and not me and nothing I could do would change their behavior. I know sometimes it can be hard to come to the reality of people in these type of situations because you just want to shake them and be like wtf is wrong with you, act like a normal human being, but unfortunately it doesn't work like that. I would absolutely stop catering to them and ignore any passive aggressive comments they make.
Post by yellowbrkrd on Aug 31, 2015 20:57:38 GMT -5
Wow, I'm really sorry you've been dealing with that kind of bullshit. I agree with others, I would not want my children around people like that, it will only confuse and hurt them.
No they didn't even know that. He's on antibiotics and not contagious.
SHe told my BIL that we have hurt her too bad as we stopped seeing her as much after the whole naming thing. She said she wants to see the kids on her terms which means at her house without us
We tried the over night thing once when my older was 3.5. We left them our car, were 20 mins away and called 5 times. We showed them how to use everything.
When we got back mil said casually ". Oh by the way we couldn't figure out the car seat so we just drove her around unsecured. No biggie. ". That was the last time she was allowed to babysit
OMG. WTF?? What does your DH say about her actions? Does he realize this is not normal behavior?
As a kid I had some relatives that were pretty obnoxious. It was a lot easier on me not to see them than the chaos that came when we did.
Kids get used to what they know. If your parents are sweet and see them when they can (whether close and every day or far and once a year) they'll appreciate that. They might ask why they don't see other grandparents, but it won't hurt the way the craziness would.
Why did you stand out in the rain to talk to her? Let her sit there alone.
They were recently on a trip and bought the kids some small plastic stuff. FIL came to door. My DH told the kids to go out and say hi. My mil just sat in the car with her sunglasses on not looking at us. I went outside to follow DHs lead
Then mil pulled dd towards car and played the I never see you card. She said I baked a cake for you. They ignored her. Dh said multiple times come in. They said no. And then they left.
If she chooses to stay in the car, that's fine. It's also fine if you choose to stay in the house. She pulls shit like this because she gets away with it. It's hard, I know.
Post by oceanstbride on Aug 31, 2015 21:19:54 GMT -5
I am so sorry.
Cutting my MIL out of our lives has seriously been one of the best things H and I have done. Would your H be on board to not talking with them for a while and reassess in a few weeks/months?
I'm not sure of the backstory with your ILs. We have taken the approach that we want DS to be surrounded by people who love him and support him (and H and I as well). My MIL is incapable of that because she despises me so much. I grew up seeing how my dad's parents treated my mom and didn't "approve" of her and I made it clear that if MIL couldn't be respectful and have common courtesy, then she would have very little contact with us/DS. A couple of things happened that made us cut her out completely.
Again, I'm so sorry. It is so hard to put effort and then be treated like that for both you and your kids. Hugs.
I'd cut them off. Think of all of the heartache you just saved yourself and your kids! Not to mention, stress about going to which house for the holidays. Shut that shit down.
No they didn't even know that. He's on antibiotics and not contagious.
SHe told my BIL that we have hurt her too bad as we stopped seeing her as much after the whole naming thing. She said she wants to see the kids on her terms which means at her house without us
We tried the over night thing once when my older was 3.5. We left them our car, were 20 mins away and called 5 times. We showed them how to use everything.
When we got back mil said casually ". Oh by the way we couldn't figure out the car seat so we just drove her around unsecured. No biggie. ". That was the last time she was allowed to babysit
Oh my MIL did that one with the car seat once. She usually has a seat in her car for my 3 year old but she had to take it out when she needed my BIL to drive her home after Thanksgiving dinner and too much wine.
One week later she went to pick him up at preschool and just then realised the seat wasn't installed, so instead of asking for help from one of the women at the preschool or calling me at work (I work 1 mile away,) she just put him in the back seat and put the lap belt over him. He was 2.5 at the time. She felt that if she drove the speed limit down the highway then he was safe. I flipped out on that one when she casually asked if someone could help her get his seat back in. I asked how she was able to get him home and she expained the situation and flipped out.
This is the same woman who leaves him unattended in the shallow end of a swimming pool alone with no floatation device....water up to his chin and he's had no swimming lessons yet. WTH is her problem? I don't know how my husband and his brother survived childhood.