Getting used to sleeping with someone?

[Deleted]

So I've been dating this guy for about three weeks and I'm currently in the middle of our second sleepover. I really like him but I'm not kidding when I say I haven't slept a wink with him here. I've been up all night because I just can't get used to it. I have a lot of sleep issues plus I LOVE and I mean LOVE sleeping alone. Like to the point several times a week I take a deep breath and relish that I'm alone in my bed. I'm actually having a ton of anxiety about this because not sleeping is not sustainable nor is not sharing a bed with someone as a relationship progresses. Anyone experience this? Any tips on how you overcome it? I think it might be related to the fact that in the past I usually slept over at the dude's place so it super rare that I'm sharing my space with someone. Gah!

[Deleted]

Have more sex til you can't move?

I sleep better next to someone, so I have no advice. Wishing you many naps today to help compensate!

[Deleted]

Sept 2, 2015 9:07:58 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Have more sex til you can't move?

I sleep better next to someone, so I have no advice. Wishing you many naps today to help compensate!

Ha! And yes there will be naps in my future for sure.

[bl]

I sleep better when I am home and next to someone, so I don't have a ton of advice. I definitely sleep like crap when I stay at someone else's place, if I know for sure I am staying over I make sure to take my anxiety med which helps a ton to shut my mind off and get rest. Can you try a natural supplement that helps with sleep?

[Deleted]

bl yes I should probably just start taking my sleeping meds/anti anxiety meds. Things were a little ahem rushed to the bedroom so I didn't think about it ahead of time haha.

[sweetchix]

I have a rough time sleeping next to someone now too. It doesn't matter if it's my place or theirs. I toss and turn or sleep so lightly that the tiniest noise wakes me up. I used to leave DJ's house at 4/5 in the am because I couldn't sleep.

[GilliC]

Sept 2, 2015 9:07:58 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Have more sex til you can't move? 

I pretty much just pass out completely after an O.

[bl]

Sept 2, 2015 10:26:35 GMT -5 GilliC said:

Sept 2, 2015 9:07:58 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Have more sex til you can't move? 

I pretty much just pass out completely after an O.

Oh man I am the opposite they make me wired.  Even when its been a marathon session and my legs are jello and im a sweaty mess I am still absolutely wired. 

[Deleted]

Sept 2, 2015 10:34:09 GMT -5 bl said:

Sept 2, 2015 10:26:35 GMT -5 GilliC said:

I pretty much just pass out completely after an O.

Oh man I am the opposite they make me wired.  Even when its been a marathon session and my legs are jello and im a sweaty mess I am still absolutely wired. 

Yea this is me. Also I really prefer to shower after because I'm a bit obsessive about being clean. So then I'm laying there wide awake, wishing I was in the shower, then focusing on how I'm not in bed alone and it's just a mess hahah. 

[redredwine]

I'm awful at getting used to sleeping with someone. It takes weeks of regular sleepovers-even with N. I'm such a light sleeper, I have routine's I need like WEIRD things that I can't just whip out at first/second/third/fourth sleepover. I need white noise, I need a body pillow (you're well aware of this, lol), I need a pillow over my head so I'm in a cocoon. I need it to be like COLD in the room. I'm a very high maintenance sleeper.
My solution was taking a "light" sleeping pill like a benedryl or Tylenol PM. It helped but until I felt really comfortable, I had some sleepless nights for sure.

[gault]

I wear ear plugs, and it helps a lot. I also have a tough time sleeping, and am on trazodone. Good luck, I have the same issues.

[Wanderista]

I'm kind of half-and-half. I like sleeping with a guy sometimes but other times I do like my space. I will say that one of the things that makes me feel compatible with BF is that we sleep well together. I'm not a touchy-feely person when I sleep. I can do the cuddling thing but then when it's time to actually sleep, I want to be off on my own. I can do that in the same bed, but I do not sleep while hugging or touching. 

I had exes who got really offended because I didn't want to cuddle to sleep but I can't actually sleep that way. My BF is similar about not being touchy when falling asleep and not being offended by it. That said, he likes the room colder than I do. I've had to just get used to that and make sure I have enough blankets. Also, his room was too dusty for me and was really bothering my allergies so he had to get an air filter/dehumidifier to help me sleep better. The fact that he did so without complaint was a sign to me that I should keep him around. 

Short version: It's good to have some basic sleeping compatibility but I think there are always some adjustments. It's not abnormal to experience that and I wouldn't worry too much especially at this stage. You might relax more as you spend more time together.

[LoveBug]

I slept well next to my current BF but I had a really hard time in the beginning. Plus I have a full size bed so it's tiny and my BF is a big guy. He much prefers when I sleep at his house but it's hard since I have full custody of my DD.

[Deleted]

RamblingRose. It could be? But I feel super comfortable around him in general. I'm just physically uncomfortable. And then that triggers major anxiety. I think I'm just really, really attached to my bed.

[Deleted]

I hate sharing my bed also. My go to options: alcohol, Tylenol pm, or my sleeping meds.

Good luck. I hate not being able to sleep in my own bed.

[1confused1]

I haven't figured it out (thankfully it's not an issue for me at the moment).

I have noticed if I am away, I need white noise to be able to sleep.

[fluffernutter]

I have so much anxiety about this. I am a sleep-farter.

[calle28]

You mentioned you usually like taking a shower after. Can you still do that? The shower might help to relax you.

I've recently started sleeping with a sleep mask and I love it.

Yay for sleepovers though!

[jigsy]

Maybe just talk about your issues? Plenty of people have sleep stuff, and if this is going to be a long term thing, he should be open to hearing you out and making a solution work.
I hate cuddling once it's sleep time...don't touch me if I'm trying to sleep! So I will just tell someone that. I will be playful about it, but I love sleep, so I'm going to do what I can to get it, which mean speaking up.

[Deleted]

Time is the only thing that has helped me. I slept fine with my XH and now sleep better with my BF present - but it wasn't like that at first. I had many sleepless nights when I started dating each of them, and don't get me started on the other random guys I dated before that that I couldn't sleep a wink next to.

If you continue dating, I'm sure it will get better. I think it was a good month or more of regular (i.e., several times a week) sleepovers with BF before I started sleeping like a normal person.

[Deleted]

Sept 2, 2015 10:40:32 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Sept 2, 2015 10:34:09 GMT -5 bl said:

Oh man I am the opposite they make me wired.  Even when its been a marathon session and my legs are jello and im a sweaty mess I am still absolutely wired. 

Yea this is me. Also I really prefer to shower after because I'm a bit obsessive about being clean. So then I'm laying there wide awake, wishing I was in the shower, then focusing on how I'm not in bed alone and it's just a mess hahah. 

Why can't you shower after sex?

I think time will make things better. In the meantime, shower, put on ear plugs, run a fan or white noise app on your phone...whatever you need to do to get more rest. 

[dreamcrisp1]

It took a while for me to get comfy sleeping with my Bf. I love space and I love my bed. I relish the one night a week where I don't have to share my bed and I can sleep in the middle.

Definitely go shower after sex if that helps! Do what makes you comfy and I'm sure he will be understanding.

[Deleted]

Thanks ladies! It helps knowing I'm not the only one. I really like this guy a lot. I feel like there is real potential here so I don't want this to get in the way!

[Deleted]

For me it was time that made me comfortable sleeping next to someone new.  I love sleeping with someone next to me once we are established and I'm comfortable. However, the beginning has been torture for me-barely sleeping, afraid to move around, thinking about farting, or having morning breath, or snoring.  I do t think I fully relaxed with J until several months of having a sleep over routine.  
I never slept well with Xh because he was always fucking touching me when I was trying to sleep.  He was sweaty and snored and I used to call him an octopus because he literally wrapped himself around me and it was fucking torture.  

[Deleted]

Sept 2, 2015 15:13:00 GMT -5 fluffernutter said:

I have so much anxiety about this. I am a sleep-farter.

Everyone is a sleep farter.  

[kaal337]

I completely understand. My current BF has a twin bed!!! That took alot of getting use to, since I have a king. We have a long distance relationship (2 1/2 hrs away) so many times it's me sleeping at his house since he lives at the beach. (it's like a mini vacation when I go down to him) Thank god he is a deeper deeper sleeper. I snore and toss around alot until i fall asleep. I always joke when we are at my house in my king we end up sleeping as if we are on the twin still.

I say take some sleep meds and take a hot shower with him after sex. So he feels included.

[Deleted]

I can totally relate to this. Ugh. I love having someone to snuggle with and share the bed...but the actual sleep part for me is impossible; even if I take a melatonin or antihistamine--which both usually work magically for me. We don't even have to be touching and I still can't sleep because I know he's there. Meanwhile he's sleeping like a baby. What's wrong with us?!

[Deleted]

Good update! He spent the night last night and it was much better! Bonus he's now making me an omeltte